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(The Week)   Call centers use artificial empathy program to determine a caller's mood and personality, enabling cable companies to tell whether a customer is angry, furious or just irate   (theweek.com) divider line 74
    More: Spiffy, cable company, artificial intelligences, deep dive, data mining  
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2757 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jan 2014 at 10:13 AM (45 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



74 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-16 10:14:11 AM  
Here, lemmie help you with that.....

iconicphotos.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-01-16 10:17:40 AM  
That's why I use DirecTV. I don't want my dad to get punched over a can of soup
 
2014-01-16 10:19:13 AM  
Guess they just ignore what it tells them then.  Spent three days this past week trying to get my internet working and Comcast tech support is horrible.  Finally got a guy Tuesday night that knew his stuff and was up and running in 20 minutes.  The previous support agent had great gems like "try another plug for my modem that is lit up and getting power"... I wanted to hit that one.
 
2014-01-16 10:19:21 AM  
*...*..*****!!!??!!
 
2014-01-16 10:19:25 AM  
This is not news at all. It's been around for awhile, and actually benefits the consumer.

/call center manager
 
2014-01-16 10:20:28 AM  
"Then, when you are finally connected to a sales representative or customer service professional, Mattersight takes its analysis of your personality, compares it to the personality profiles of the call center employees that it has on file, and automatically connects you with the service agent that you are most compatible with."

And the best match for me is some guy in the Phillipines with the thickest accent EBER!
 
2014-01-16 10:23:16 AM  

bopis: "Then, when you are finally connected to a sales representative or customer service professional, Mattersight takes its analysis of your personality, compares it to the personality profiles of the call center employees that it has on file, and automatically connects you with the service agent that you are most compatible with."

And the best match for me is some guy in the Phillipines with the thickest accent EBER!


I'll see your Philippines and raise you a Bangladesh.
 
2014-01-16 10:23:18 AM  

bopis: "Then, when you are finally connected to a sales representative or customer service professional, Mattersight takes its analysis of your personality, compares it to the personality profiles of the call center employees that it has on file, and automatically connects you with the service agent that you are most compatible with."

And the best match for me is some guy in the Phillipines with the thickest accent EBER!


Think of the other alternatives! This ain't match.com, honey.
 
2014-01-16 10:23:30 AM  

bopis: "Then, when you are finally connected to a sales representative or customer service professional, Mattersight takes its analysis of your personality, compares it to the personality profiles of the call center employees that it has on file, and automatically connects you with the service agent that you are most compatible with."

And the best match for me is some guy in the Phillipines with the thickest accent EBER!


I bet there is one rep who is just really good and winds up being a good match for most people. So when you don't get her/him they shunt you off to the "two years of English in high school" guy who gets 6 cents an hour.
 
2014-01-16 10:24:17 AM  

Pangit: This is not news at all. It's been around for awhile, and actually benefits the consumer.

/call center manager


Jesus h Christ, I would sooner admit to being a pedophile. Jk.
/Sort of.
 
2014-01-16 10:24:31 AM  
If I wasn't furious when I called, it's likely I am by the time I wind my way through the automated system, then sit on hold forever only to have to repeat all the information over again,
 
2014-01-16 10:24:54 AM  
It probably doesn't do much good if they get your Weenerss and then put you on hold for 20 minutes or more.
I can go from calm happy through frustrated, annoyed, and irate by the time I actually get to talk to somebody after hearing that hold music forever.

Then when you do get somebody, if it is a recurring problem they seem to have zero notes on the last 5 times you called about the same issue, and give you the same solution to the problem that has been proven over and over to NOT WORK.

/Looking at you Century Link
//No, I have no idea how I get billed for last call return when it is activated by a phone 5 miles from here, that's why I'm calling you.
///FIX YO shiat!
 
2014-01-16 10:24:57 AM  
I like to just randomly hit buttons until the prompter just says, "Now transferring you to an agent..."
 
2014-01-16 10:27:38 AM  
Hrm. Filterpwned. Kinda funny really.
 
2014-01-16 10:28:02 AM  
If you want to hear more about our other products press 8.
If you would like to hear these options again press 9.
If you are calling about a high-pitched buzzing noise press 1.
If you are calling about a low-pitched buzzing noise press 2.
 
2014-01-16 10:28:39 AM  
I'm especially fond of the automated caller ID, you confirm "yep, that's me and this is where I have the problem" and EVERY SINGLE fakrING PERSON you get transferred to after that asks for the same info.
 
2014-01-16 10:29:05 AM  

pkellmey: I like to just randomly hit buttons until the prompter just says, "Now transferring you to an agent..."


Some of them will just hang up on you.
 
2014-01-16 10:31:39 AM  
I probably always sound irked when I'm dealing with the automated system because if I'm calling I need an agent, it's not something their automated system is going to be able to fix yet it makes you go through all the hoops first just to get to someone. And the ones that, when you hit the zero button, say "before you talk to an agent I need some information first" really REALLY irk me...and I can be pretty rude to the automated folks, but I try and be a lot nicer when I get an actual person on the phone.
 
2014-01-16 10:36:23 AM  
Phone sex lines have been using that for years.

When I founded Kiss-a-Nerd-Electronically, training fellow IT colleagues to recognize emotion required a color coded board that the AI software lit up so the phone worker would know which script to read from.

Both Homeland Security and the Daily Show borrowed this idea.

www.365discoveries.com
 
2014-01-16 10:36:59 AM  
Some better on hold music would go a long way.

Listening to synthesized covers of 1970s soft rock makes me stabby.
 
2014-01-16 10:37:19 AM  
I have heard that some voice-response systems detect swear words and will immediately route you to a representative if you use them.

Try it if you'd like. YMMV.
 
2014-01-16 10:44:26 AM  

miss diminutive: Some better on hold music would go a long way.

Listening to synthesized covers of 1970s soft rock makes me stabby.


The one I sat on hold with the other day was a loop of some shiatty elevator music, and every 20 seconds it would be interrupted by a recording message about how they couldn't wait to help me or some crap.  It made me pretty stabby too.  It would have been better to just let the music play and stop lying to me!
 
2014-01-16 10:45:03 AM  
I find using the web chat support features from providers infinitely more useful. Saves you from the dreaded on-hold for ages while waiting for "the next available agent"

Also, it helps that you have all the information ready to go: Account name, zipcode, address, erc. and your symptoms.

Bonus if you have done a bit of troubleshooting first in a text file ready to copy/paste right in the chat window, listing the obvious steps you have taken (power cycle/reboot, status of DSL modem's LED indicators, DSL router logs, pings, tracerts, etc). If the service provider is smart, they can transfer to a tier2 right away and save you a boatload of time. Makes their response measurements look good for their manager!

All the steps you have taken are already in the chat records so they won't keep asking you over and over about "have you tried powering off/on?"

It helps that I manage a tier2 tech support team!
 
2014-01-16 10:46:20 AM  

Fizpez: I'm especially fond of the automated caller ID, you confirm "yep, that's me and this is where I have the problem" and EVERY SINGLE fakrING PERSON you get transferred to after that asks for the same info.


That's only good when you're about to go through a surgical procedure.  Had one done a few years ago, and everybody from the receptionist to the anesthesiologist asked me repeatedly who I was, and what my diagnosis had been.
 
2014-01-16 10:50:21 AM  
Describe in single words only the good things that come to mind about ... your mother.
 
2014-01-16 10:51:42 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org

Fascinating.
 
2014-01-16 10:54:28 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-16 10:56:53 AM  

Pangit: This is not news at all. It's been around for awhile, and actually benefits the consumer.

/call center manager


That's fine, except it';s obviously not monitoring me during the farking men navigation, or it would completely skip the menu navigation and send me a free car or something... I get especially frustrated during the voice operated menus. God, THOSE things farking suck.

As for the call, it would be fine if they used this, but when I tell the service rep from the beginning what I have done, and they go through the stupid script anyway. It wastes half an hour when I do everything I know how, call, tell them this, and they walk me through step by step.
 
2014-01-16 10:57:29 AM  

bopis: "Then, when you are finally connected to a sales representative or customer service professional, Mattersight takes its analysis of your personality, compares it to the personality profiles of the call center employees that it has on file, and automatically connects you with the service agent that you are most compatible with."

And the best match for me is some guy in the Phillipines with the thickest accent EBER!


But he says his name is Jerry and he's located in Minnesota...
 
2014-01-16 10:57:55 AM  

SquiggsIN: It's not always the case for customer service but, anyone in a call center should use the tech support rule.  If they're calling you, they're probably already pissed off about something.


I used to do tech support in a call center years ago and I found that people really wanted to know they were being heard more than anything. Even if I couldn't fix their issue if they knew I heard them and understood they'd still get off the call happy enough and grateful someone actually listened.
 
2014-01-16 11:14:05 AM  
As a Tier IV tech support rep at a major ISP (one of the top 5 in the country), I can only say that if I were still customer facing, I would pray daily for this software. Instead, in my current role, I spend my days empathizing with our customers as I have to back check every single rep who calls in provisioning/structure loading etc, because I can't trust them to have done the work.  No wonder when ever I get stuck on a Q&A rotation all I hear are angry customers.
 
2014-01-16 11:15:03 AM  
I just need a thread where people who know shiat list all the secret: "Here's how you get to talk to the tier 2 guys straight away without telling "Bob" from NewDelhi that you know WAY more about computers than he ever will and you still have a problem that is going to require the input of someone who actually know something about computers/cable/ and the internet."

csb time

The best, straight to where I needed to go, customer service I have ever had was with our gas company (Dominion Gas - Ohio).  We added an addition to the house with another furnace and needed to upgrade something... the plumbers/HVAC guys were sure.

I call CS, the first person I talk to has no clue what I'm doing but says, "You probably need to talk to (I think it was) Sharon, Ill transfer you."  After I ramble on for 2 minutes trying to explain what we're doing Sharon says "OK soinds like we need to do an eval on your blueprints and get some distances, I'll send over Mike, please hold..." Mike pops on the line says he's crossing through my city in about 2 hours and will stop by.  2 hours later he's walking through my addition, makes a few measurements, consults a stack of documents and says they need to upgrade to 2 lbs pressure and I need two regulators "here and here" on the blueprints.  He gives the name of the place we can buy them and what to tell the plumbers.

....Meanwhile Time Warner makes me want to on a multi-state shooting spree....

/csb

It is possible to have good customer service, nobody wants to pay for it.
 
2014-01-16 11:18:51 AM  

bopis: pkellmey: I like to just randomly hit buttons until the prompter just says, "Now transferring you to an agent..."

Some of them will just hang up on you.


In my experience, it's a very rare case where repeatedly hitting 0 doesn't get you a real person relatively quickly. Screw the automated crap. I don't want to wade through 5 levels of menu with crappy options, none of which actually apply to what I'm calling about. I don't want to have to say things 20 times into the world's crappiest voice recognition software. I want to talk to somebody, explain my problem, and have them either fix it, or route me to somebody who can.
 
2014-01-16 11:21:52 AM  
I answer every question with "OPERATOR!"

/ Usually works
 
2014-01-16 11:26:43 AM  

abhorrent1: If I wasn't furious when I called, it's likely I am by the time I wind my way through the automated system, then sit on hold forever only to have to repeat all the information over again,


Exactly.  I'm not usually furious when I call in.  I'm usually furious when I hang up.
 
2014-01-16 11:34:12 AM  
I called some place 10 minutes before they were closing. Talked with a person who couldn't have been more disintersted in what ever problem I needed fixing. At exactly 5:30 she says "Hey sir...can you hold on for one second?" 'uh sur-*click* *disconnected*. I call back. "Sorry, but our offices are closed. Please call back 7:30 on Monday. Thanks for calling! Bye!"

I had keys in hand, getting ready to go to the garden center for as many bags of ammonium nitrate as they'd let me buy before I realised it *probably* wouldn't help matters.
 
2014-01-16 11:40:24 AM  
I worked as a temp in a call center for a number of months.  Soul-shriveling job if there ever was one.  Fortunately we were doing employment verification, not cold calls or tech support, so it could have been worse.  I have the feeling our inbound call team could have used this feature though.

/So glad I never had to take calls, only make them...
//Fifteen minutes of phone tree navigation trying to reach an actual human still haunts my nightmares
 
2014-01-16 11:42:02 AM  

Zeeba Neighba: SquiggsIN: It's not always the case for customer service but, anyone in a call center should use the tech support rule.  If they're calling you, they're probably already pissed off about something.

I used to do tech support in a call center years ago and I found that people really wanted to know they were being heard more than anything. Even if I couldn't fix their issue if they knew I heard them and understood they'd still get off the call happy enough and grateful someone actually listened.


Yeah, but did you actually do anything about it?

My fury usually stems from the fact that some f*ckwad manager made a poor decision and they use call center reps as their human shields.

Time Warner being the prime example. I can't find it in me to get angry at Leticia, the single mom who took this shiatty job to support her kids. I want to throat punch Jeffrey Bewkes. I get frustrated that Leticia can't make that happen for me.

/I'll get you one day, Jeffrey Bewkes
 
2014-01-16 11:52:56 AM  

Cybernetic: I have heard that some voice-response systems detect swear words and will immediately route you to a representative if you use them.

Try it if you'd like. YMMV.


Works for some of them, but not if you're cussin' in Hebrew, German, or Russian.
/When cussin' works, it works for both Spanish and English naughty words.
//TMYK
///Martherfarking idjits who buy N**nc* speech rec without getting an HCI/linguistics type to customize it? Strung up by the owie dangly bits.
 
2014-01-16 12:04:56 PM  

MythDragon: I called some place 10 minutes before they were closing. Talked with a person who couldn't have been more disintersted in what ever problem I needed fixing. At exactly 5:30 she says "Hey sir...can you hold on for one second?" 'uh sur-*click* *disconnected*. I call back. "Sorry, but our offices are closed. Please call back 7:30 on Monday. Thanks for calling! Bye!"

I had keys in hand, getting ready to go to the garden center for as many bags of ammonium nitrate as they'd let me buy before I realised it *probably* wouldn't help matters.


Do you walk into sit-down restaurants ten minutes before closing as well?

I've been there, I hated jack asses that called a few minutes before closing and yes if they had either a lengthly inquiry or did not appreciate that I was going to have to stay late to address them then I'd give them the 'transfer back to queue...good bye!' treatment.

This was unfortunately compounded during my time at HP because they chronically understaffed our department and we'd tend to have 10-15 people in-queue at midnight when we were supposed to close.  The jack ass management tried to insist we respond to everyone, we did that for a day or two of working until 2am and then started firing them back into the auto-closing queue.  We'd been told were all being laid off a few weeks before.

Fark call centers.  Fark them.
 
2014-01-16 12:06:24 PM  
I always telephone Call Centers because I'm in a good mood.

/AppleCare has been good to me, though
//the rest of you suck
///looking at you Charte
r
 
2014-01-16 12:09:31 PM  

Pangit: This is not news at all. It's been around for awhile, and actually benefits the consumer.

/call center manager


0/10
Stay in thread for further explination.
 
2014-01-16 12:24:13 PM  
I used to do tech support at Charter One before they were bought out by RBS. Now here is something that some people may not know: Charter One accounts had a rating on them of either 1-5 stars. How they came up with this rating I am not entirely sure, as there were some people with millions in their account and only 1 star and a lady with 800 in ssi that was 4. Anywho, this is how it worked (paraphrasing heavily):

1-2 stars, no refunds on fees, ever, unless bank error
3 stars, one refund per year, more if approved, unless bank error
4-5 stars, refund everything, no questions asked, more for 5s than 4s, but I'm sure you get the idea

Dealing with people who have lots of money and don't know how to operate online banking is a lot of fun... especially when they do something they don't understand with the bill pay and suddenly money disappears. Rich people are even more fun.
 
2014-01-16 12:25:01 PM  
You're not helping, Leon. Why are you not helping?
 
2014-01-16 01:02:11 PM  
I am just glad that I have a call center job that has me rarely interacting with customers, just other employees in different locations.

/works for the business side of a major telecom
//only emotion I have is apathy not empathy
 
2014-01-16 01:23:01 PM  
Why does anyone need software to tell a cable company that a customer calling in is all three!  Angry, furious AND irate.  Add in "nuclear" if someone's calling Comcast.
 
2014-01-16 01:25:00 PM  
The best experience I had was in UK with Tesco car insurance. You would dial in and leave your number and they would call you back. This means I didn't have to stand around with the phone up against my ear listening to hold music for 5-20 minutes. Also I hate HATE it when they inform me I could use their website. Because I assure you when I call you it is as a last resort and I almost certainly got the phone number from your website!.
 
2014-01-16 01:39:30 PM  

BumpInTheNight: Do you walk into sit-down restaurants ten minutes before closing as well?


I didn't know they closed at 5:30. It was a pretty big business (I forgot which one) like a bank or insurance company which one would think would at least have extended customer service hours if not 24 hour human support.

And if sit down places close at 10, but they don't want to take customers after 9:30, they should close at 9:30. Or at least put out a sign that says 'If it's after 9:30 and you're just getting here, carry your ass to 7-11 for a hotdog or somesuch.'
 
2014-01-16 01:44:57 PM  

NicktheSmoker: Guess they just ignore what it tells them then.  Spent three days this past week trying to get my internet working and Comcast tech support is horrible.  Finally got a guy Tuesday night that knew his stuff and was up and running in 20 minutes.  The previous support agent had great gems like "try another plug for my modem that is lit up and getting power"... I wanted to hit that one.


No, the system worked perfectly. The company being Comcast, however, they deliberately used the results to match you up with the rep you'd *least* like to work with.

Because... Comcast.
 
2014-01-16 01:54:34 PM  

pkellmey: I like to just randomly hit buttons until the prompter just says, "Now transferring you to an agent..."


gethuman.com

Awesome list of phone menu shortcuts to human operators for tons of companies.
 
2014-01-16 02:09:55 PM  

SquiggsIN: MusicMakeMyHeadPound: Zeeba Neighba: SquiggsIN: It's not always the case for customer service but, anyone in a call center should use the tech support rule.  If they're calling you, they're probably already pissed off about something.

I used to do tech support in a call center years ago and I found that people really wanted to know they were being heard more than anything. Even if I couldn't fix their issue if they knew I heard them and understood they'd still get off the call happy enough and grateful someone actually listened.

Yeah, but did you actually do anything about it?

My fury usually stems from the fact that some f*ckwad manager made a poor decision and they use call center reps as their human shields.

Time Warner being the prime example. I can't find it in me to get angry at Leticia, the single mom who took this shiatty job to support her kids. I want to throat punch Jeffrey Bewkes. I get frustrated that Leticia can't make that happen for me.

/I'll get you one day, Jeffrey Bewkes

There's the other side of it.  Call centers full of inept Tier 1 people who give you the run-around and usually fail to document attempts to fix the solution so the next inept Tier 1 person doesn't have you waste more time on the same things.  When I was in Tier2/3 type jobs the worst was seeing the same Tier1 people doing that shiat over and over and knowing how hard they were making life for the non-idiotic people.  You ended up with angry customers and farked SLAs, etc.  Not good for anyone.  (granted inept tier1 people are usually due to excessive management cost-cutting maneuvers)


I am less inclined to buy a product if it advertises "free unlimited support for the first year!", because I know that was dreamed up by the marketers, not the development or support staff.
 
2014-01-16 02:12:17 PM  
So, that makes me think this must be how DiscoverCard claims to "treat you like you treat you"
 
2014-01-16 02:22:58 PM  

Fizpez: I'm especially fond of the automated caller ID, you confirm "yep, that's me and this is where I have the problem" and EVERY SINGLE fakrING PERSON you get transferred to after that asks for the same info.


Don't blame the agent. Despite the fact you entered it, the data didn't pop up on their screen, which is not their fault. (Or worse, the wrong data came up, which also isn't their fault.)

Also, call centers are big on verifying the info and probing for more details as a first step.
 
2014-01-16 02:51:56 PM  

fredklein: Fizpez: I'm especially fond of the automated caller ID, you confirm "yep, that's me and this is where I have the problem" and EVERY SINGLE fakrING PERSON you get transferred to after that asks for the same info.

Don't blame the agent. Despite the fact you entered it, the data didn't pop up on their screen, which is not their fault. (Or worse, the wrong data came up, which also isn't their fault.)

Also, call centers are big on verifying the info and probing for more details as a first step.


Note that he didn't blame the agent.

A call center is more than just low wage phone monkeys. If the customer is being forced to enter data for the agent and the agent isn't receiving that data, then clearly someone who is being paid good money to think of these things dropped the ball in designing and supporting the call center. I think that person deserves the scorn, but unfortunately the agent gets to play whipping boy.
 
2014-01-16 02:58:56 PM  

Pangit: This is not news at all. It's been around for awhile, and actually benefits the consumer.

/call center manager


Yep. I thought all call centers use artificial people with artificial empathy.
 
2014-01-16 03:03:01 PM  

Fano: Describe in single words only the good things that come to mind about ... your mother.


horny
 
2014-01-16 03:19:22 PM  

RedVentrue: Pangit: This is not news at all. It's been around for awhile, and actually benefits the consumer.

/call center manager

Yep. I thought all call centers use artificial people with artificial empathy.


Like Chia Pets...correct.
 
2014-01-16 03:38:41 PM  
Well, as a former DirecTV Call Center operator, I had one client that was just a raving lunatic. Kept saying we were blocking Fox News, called me either a: Spic/Juan/No-good pothead/Piss-head (???)/Liberal Arts commie.

In a fit of anger I said I was an Architecture Major, and he said 'bullshiat! If you were, you wouldn't need to be working in that shiatty-ass job!".

So yeah, that was my first call when I worked there.
 
2014-01-16 03:45:03 PM  
My experience with Dell's tech support has sufficiently ended my purchasing of anything they sell.

It wasn't until I ranted on their facebook page that I got someone who spoke English and was able to get a tech to my house to fix the issue.  (needed a new keyboard on the laptop)
 
2014-01-16 04:18:59 PM  
If I have to call Time Warner Cable, I basically cancel my plans for the day. Their phone support is staffed by people who go by the script, only by the script, and any attempts to have them jump ahead are met with "Sir, we have to do this."

They won't even bump you up to the 2nd-tier support until they finish their little book.

God. I hate them so much. I don't care who buys them, there's no possible way that company can get any worse.

/ Wasted 90 minutes with them getting my cable modem working
// Turns out the first person I was talking to literally had no idea how to configure it on their side and screwed it all up
/// Shocked they didn't accidentally brick it
 
2014-01-16 04:53:11 PM  

MusicMakeMyHeadPound: Zeeba Neighba: SquiggsIN: It's not always the case for customer service but, anyone in a call center should use the tech support rule.  If they're calling you, they're probably already pissed off about something.

I used to do tech support in a call center years ago and I found that people really wanted to know they were being heard more than anything. Even if I couldn't fix their issue if they knew I heard them and understood they'd still get off the call happy enough and grateful someone actually listened.

Yeah, but did you actually do anything about it?

My fury usually stems from the fact that some f*ckwad manager made a poor decision and they use call center reps as their human shields.

Time Warner being the prime example. I can't find it in me to get angry at Leticia, the single mom who took this shiatty job to support her kids. I want to throat punch Jeffrey Bewkes. I get frustrated that Leticia can't make that happen for me.

/I'll get you one day, Jeffrey Bewkes


I always did something about it, starting with roaming around to colleagues that had specific knowledge in certain areas. So often what I was trying to help someone with had nothing to do with what our company did (back then, offered dial-up service). It may have been bad software or hardware but I always tried to help people, even if it meant supporting things not really our job to do. I had an older man on the phone once for 3 1/2 hours digging around in his registry to fix an issue he was having. This was way back when excellent support was considered the ultimate goal, not call times and number of calls taken. I quit when it became a quantity over quality game.
 
2014-01-16 05:19:10 PM  

Billy Bathsalt: If you want to hear more about our other products press 8.
If you would like to hear these options again press 9.
If you are calling about a high-pitched buzzing noise press 1.
If you are calling about a low-pitched buzzing noise press 2.


If you'd like this system that you use use every month to read your options so farking slow you want to kill yourself, do nothing, that's the default.  Did you enter two........six.....four......three........one.......five.......zero... ....two.....nine......three......four.....eight.....
 
2014-01-16 05:38:46 PM  

Big_Fat_Liar: Billy Bathsalt: If you want to hear more about our other products press 8.
If you would like to hear these options again press 9.
If you are calling about a high-pitched buzzing noise press 1.
If you are calling about a low-pitched buzzing noise press 2.

If you'd like this system that you use use every month to read your options so farking slow you want to kill yourself, do nothing, that's the default.  Did you enter two........six.....four......three........one.......five.......zero... ....two.....nine......three......four.....eight.....


Press 0, repeatedly.
"Please wait while we connect you to a customer service agents."
Profit.

Works 66% of the time every time.
 
2014-01-16 06:04:44 PM  

Billy Bathsalt: If you want to hear more about our other products press 8.
If you would like to hear these options again press 9.
If you are calling about a high-pitched buzzing noise press 1.
If you are calling about a low-pitched buzzing noise press 2.


You have selected "regicide".  If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press 1.
 
2014-01-16 06:14:55 PM  
At the call center here, my nickname is ZenJen. I don't get angry/upset/impatient/terse/etc w/any customer.  I can flip any angry customer around (tech and customer support for 2 major companies, one is a fruit, the other has an evil-fortress headquarter-type building here in MN - all reflective glass -).  I know I cannot teach this to anyone - it's just my nature from doing all kinds of acting/theater in middle and high school; roma gypsy blood too, I guess; oh, and I've been a Taoist since I was 17.

I actually really, really like helping people.  I love working in a call center.
 
2014-01-16 06:21:37 PM  

VOCSL5: At the call center here, my nickname is ZenJen. I don't get angry/upset/impatient/terse/etc w/any customer.  I can flip any angry customer around (tech and customer support for 2 major companies, one is a fruit, the other has an evil-fortress headquarter-type building here in MN - all reflective glass -).  I know I cannot teach this to anyone - it's just my nature from doing all kinds of acting/theater in middle and high school; roma gypsy blood too, I guess; oh, and I've been a Taoist since I was 17.

I actually really, really like helping people.  I love working in a call center.


Yah, and I made you laugh when I told you you needed to stop seeing that Canadian because he was corrupting your pronunciation of "ai" and "ou", eh.
 
2014-01-16 06:32:41 PM  

Prey4reign: bopis: "Then, when you are finally connected to a sales representative or customer service professional, Mattersight takes its analysis of your personality, compares it to the personality profiles of the call center employees that it has on file, and automatically connects you with the service agent that you are most compatible with."

And the best match for me is some guy in the Phillipines with the thickest accent EBER!

I'll see your Philippines and raise you a Bangladesh.


FWIW, there's a reason why they're opening up call centers in rural America.  You might not like Darlene from Lexington, but she's miles ahead of Sanjesh from Bangladesh.
 
2014-01-16 06:36:16 PM  
 
2014-01-16 06:49:32 PM  
I used to do tech support before I got a real set of skills and landed an also real job. Dear Jesus, that tech support taught me to be the most bitter misanthropist. I hated everyone. Every call was some annoying dickbag or twatnazi screaming about things that were, in the larger view, retardedly inconsequential. Literally screaming. I had one guy screaming so loud that he ruptured a vein while on the video conference. I'm not going to lie, I laughed at him. I was very, very burnt out by this point and should in no way have been in a customer facing position.

9 times out of 10 here's what would happen:
* All that info you provided? Nope, none of that came through.
* The CRM software decided to just shiat itself for the 423rd time today, so unfortunately I do not have access to the logs of the 9000 previous times today that you called in.
* Even if the CRM software IS working, there's a 60% chance that the assclown you spoke to previously blew you off with fluff bullshiat so he didn't have to deal with you...and didn't notate it so there was no way to track said blow-off back to him.
* Support folks are in cubical farms and, no, I don't know every "Joe" that works here by name let alone sight. No, I can't just get up and go talk to them about what they did with you. He's probably had 681 calls between the last time you called in and this call, doesn't remember talking to you at all and I probably don't even have the right "Joe".
* Did you follow the steps in the followup email sent to you? You didn't. So you don't have any new information to provide to me AND you've undone the previous troubleshooting steps because they were "a pain in the ass". How is this helpful?

There are definitely idiots in tier 1 and even tier 2 tech support. Unfortunately, support isn't like math. When you multiply one negative by another, you don't come up with a positive.

/Tries to be nice to phone people when I call in, because I know the job sucks externally and internally and acting like a cock doesn't help.
 
2014-01-16 08:34:45 PM  
demaL-demaL-yeH:

Yah, and I made you laugh when I told you you needed to stop seeing that Canadian because he was corrupting your pronunciation of "ai" and "ou", eh.

That was YOU??!!  ;)  I actually get that a lot.  I can't hear it in my own voice though *shrug*.
 
2014-01-16 09:27:20 PM  

CygnusDarius: Well, as a former DirecTV Call Center operator, I had one client that was just a raving lunatic. Kept saying we were blocking Fox News, called me either a: Spic/Juan/No-good pothead/Piss-head (???)/Liberal Arts commie.

In a fit of anger I said I was an Architecture Major, and he said 'bullshiat! If you were, you wouldn't need to be working in that shiatty-ass job!".

So yeah, that was my first call when I worked there.


You too? My worst was when the Viacom channels went out. I had some woman screaming incoherently, like I had some switch to just turn them back on for her. The call was fortunately short because she asked for a supervisor.

My all time favorite call was the guy who told me he had fleas living in his receiver, and already had 2 people hang up on him. He told me he wasn't no schizoid or nothing, which means he probably was. I told him that didn't make sense because fleas should only be on some animal, like a dog or cat. I had him look at the receiver in the bag on his porch and sure enough, the fleas were not there. He hooked it back up and got it working.

Then there was the nice lady who told me about the flying saucers she had seen. Two separate incidents. I told her that was...really interesting.
 
2014-01-17 04:49:22 AM  

VOCSL5: At the call center here, my nickname is ZenJen. I don't get angry/upset/impatient/terse/etc w/any customer.  I can flip any angry customer around (tech and customer support for 2 major companies, one is a fruit, the other has an evil-fortress headquarter-type building here in MN - all reflective glass -).  I know I cannot teach this to anyone - it's just my nature from doing all kinds of acting/theater in middle and high school; roma gypsy blood too, I guess; oh, and I've been a Taoist since I was 17.
I actually really, really like helping people.  I love working in a call center.


Have you ever considered making ASMR videos?
 
2014-01-17 07:47:02 AM  

CygnusDarius: Well, as a former DirecTV Call Center operator, I had one client that was just a raving lunatic. Kept saying we were blocking Fox News, called me either a: Spic/Juan/No-good pothead/Piss-head (???)/Liberal Arts commie.

In a fit of anger I said I was an Architecture Major, and he said 'bullshiat! If you were, you wouldn't need to be working in that shiatty-ass job!".

So yeah, that was my first call when I worked there.


How many times did Roger Ailes call?
 
2014-01-17 11:59:50 AM  
if they drop the Net Neutrality rules of the FCC and allow big business to control/own the internet, then this could come in real handy.
 
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