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(KHOU Houston)   You might have too much time on your hands if you spend weeks tracking a grackle living inside a Walmart. "It's been gaining some weight. Definitely not a vegan"   (khou.com) divider line 38
    More: Amusing  
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5131 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jan 2014 at 7:35 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



38 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-15 06:52:45 AM  
Owl give you one hint how I would solve that problem.
 
2014-01-15 07:44:00 AM  
But then you have to bring in the owl-eating gorillas.
 
2014-01-15 07:44:29 AM  
The next week, he decided to shoot video as the bird was pecking away at some packaged steak.

I bet that steak is still sitting there, waiting to be sold.
 
2014-01-15 07:45:08 AM  
Oh snap: a grackle, pop!
 
2014-01-15 07:47:58 AM  
i HATE grackles! loud and aggressive pests, they are! i hope this person gets the problem taken care of
 
2014-01-15 07:51:31 AM  

bungle_jr: i HATE grackles! loud and aggressive pests, they are! i hope this person gets the problem taken care of


I agree...

images.buddytv.com

\has no idea what a "Grackle" is but this is what first came to mind
 
2014-01-15 07:52:01 AM  
We had a bird get onto our sales floor from the warehouse. It flew around until it was cut in half by a ceiling fan

/CSB
 
2014-01-15 07:58:43 AM  
In a few weeks, the grackle will be seen driving one of those courtesy electric carts, blocking the snack food aisle, yelling in to a cell phone "I don't know why I come down here. The peoples are so rude! I should take my LINK Card over to Save 'n Shop! All I wants to know is why they don't stock the 60 ounce bags of Chocolate Monsters. Theys got the 48 ounce bag and the 72 ounce bag but not the 60 ounce bag! No one can tell me why they don' carry the 60 ounce bag. It's much better! My Shawnasea-Martinizer-Snowflake likes the taste of the 60 ounce bag! I've been looking here for over an hour and can't find the 60 ounce bag! No one wants to help me anymore!"
 
2014-01-15 08:00:54 AM  
Used to have a hawk that lived / visited the 500,000 sq ft DC I managed.  He used to fly out of the racks and would glide along the dock occasionally.  Also perched at the top of the 35 ft racks surveying his realm.  No rats / mice in that warehouse
 
Rat [TotalFark]
2014-01-15 08:01:03 AM  
Don't they sell .22's at Wally World?  Problem solved.  Oh yeah, .22 ammo shortage.  I get it now.  Its a conspiracy to save the grackle.

 
2014-01-15 08:05:34 AM  
There are always sparrows in my local Wal-Mart. They seem to be better behaved than most customers/employees.
 
2014-01-15 08:06:21 AM  
Tired of grackles hogging your bird feeder? Mix in some safflower seeds.
 
2014-01-15 08:07:01 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: In a few weeks, the grackle will be seen driving one of those courtesy electric carts, blocking the snack food aisle, yelling in to a cell phone "I don't know why I come down here. The peoples are so rude! I should take my LINK Card over to Save 'n Shop! All I wants to know is why they don't stock the 60 ounce bags of Chocolate Monsters. Theys got the 48 ounce bag and the 72 ounce bag but not the 60 ounce bag! No one can tell me why they don' carry the 60 ounce bag. It's much better! My Shawnasea-Martinizer-Snowflake likes the taste of the 60 ounce bag! I've been looking here for over an hour and can't find the 60 ounce bag! No one wants to help me anymore!"


nice to hear from the racists so early in the morning. usually they're tuned into Fox and Friends right now.
 
2014-01-15 08:09:48 AM  

GDubDub: But then you have to bring in the owl-eating gorillas.


And what would get rid of the owl-eating gorillas? We have to think this through, man.
 
2014-01-15 08:11:13 AM  

macross87: GDubDub: But then you have to bring in the owl-eating gorillas.

And what would get rid of the owl-eating gorillas? We have to think this through, man.


Roombas. Gorillas hate Roombas.
 
2014-01-15 08:16:35 AM  
Chuck Mangione!!!!
 
2014-01-15 08:16:37 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: In a few weeks, the grackle will be seen driving one of those courtesy electric carts, blocking the snack food aisle, yelling in to a cell phone "I don't know why I come down here. The peoples are so rude! I should take my LINK Card over to Save 'n Shop! All I wants to know is why they don't stock the 60 ounce bags of Chocolate Monsters. Theys got the 48 ounce bag and the 72 ounce bag but not the 60 ounce bag! No one can tell me why they don' carry the 60 ounce bag. It's much better! My Shawnasea-Martinizer-Snowflake likes the taste of the 60 ounce bag! I've been looking here for over an hour and can't find the 60 ounce bag! No one wants to help me anymore!"


It's Wal-Mart. It would be her Tater Jr she's buying 60 ounce bags for.
 
2014-01-15 08:16:43 AM  
Tougher to take down than Chuck Mangione?

images.tvrage.com
 
2014-01-15 08:17:42 AM  

Combustion: Chuck Mangione!!!!


Dammit! :D
*shakes tiny fist*
 
2014-01-15 08:18:42 AM  
Hobodeluxe
2014-01-15 08:07:01 AM


Harry Freakstorm: In a few weeks, the grackle will be seen driving one of those courtesy electric carts, blocking the snack food aisle, yelling in to a cell phone "I don't know why I come down here. The peoples are so rude! I should take my LINK Card over to Save 'n Shop! All I wants to know is why they don't stock the 60 ounce bags of Chocolate Monsters. Theys got the 48 ounce bag and the 72 ounce bag but not the 60 ounce bag! No one can tell me why they don' carry the 60 ounce bag. It's much better! My Shawnasea-Martinizer-Snowflake likes the taste of the 60 ounce bag! I've been looking here for over an hour and can't find the 60 ounce bag! No one wants to help me anymore!"

nice to hear from the racists so early in the morning. usually they're tuned into Fox and Friends right now.


LOL Poster didn't mention color and there's no "ebonics" or faked accent in his quote to hint at any race. The fact that YOU automatically assume that some lazy, rude fictional character is black shows you are the only racist here.
 
2014-01-15 08:21:12 AM  

OnlyM3: Hobodeluxe
2014-01-15 08:07:01 AM


Harry Freakstorm: In a few weeks, the grackle will be seen driving one of those courtesy electric carts, blocking the snack food aisle, yelling in to a cell phone "I don't know why I come down here. The peoples are so rude! I should take my LINK Card over to Save 'n Shop! All I wants to know is why they don't stock the 60 ounce bags of Chocolate Monsters. Theys got the 48 ounce bag and the 72 ounce bag but not the 60 ounce bag! No one can tell me why they don' carry the 60 ounce bag. It's much better! My Shawnasea-Martinizer-Snowflake likes the taste of the 60 ounce bag! I've been looking here for over an hour and can't find the 60 ounce bag! No one wants to help me anymore!"

nice to hear from the racists so early in the morning. usually they're tuned into Fox and Friends right now.

LOL Poster didn't mention color and there's no "ebonics" or faked accent in his quote to hint at any race. The fact that YOU automatically assume that some lazy, rude fictional character is black shows you are the only racist here.


all I WANTS to know
Shawnasea


yeah right
 
2014-01-15 08:23:20 AM  
Hobodeluxe
nice to hear from the racists so early in the morning. usually they're tuned into Fox and Friends right now.


...p.s.

And before you try implying the name is "racist" the first google hit on that name is some white chick http://www.pinterest.com/sholsty/

and the first hit on that name on startpage.com is some white chick on twitter.
https://twitter.com/ShawnaseaMarie

But I guess when you hear "lazy" and "on welfare" you assume black. Nope you're clearly not racist at all.
 
2014-01-15 08:24:06 AM  

Hobodeluxe: OnlyM3: Hobodeluxe
2014-01-15 08:07:01 AM


Harry Freakstorm: In a few weeks, the grackle will be seen driving one of those courtesy electric carts, blocking the snack food aisle, yelling in to a cell phone "I don't know why I come down here. The peoples are so rude! I should take my LINK Card over to Save 'n Shop! All I wants to know is why they don't stock the 60 ounce bags of Chocolate Monsters. Theys got the 48 ounce bag and the 72 ounce bag but not the 60 ounce bag! No one can tell me why they don' carry the 60 ounce bag. It's much better! My Shawnasea-Martinizer-Snowflake likes the taste of the 60 ounce bag! I've been looking here for over an hour and can't find the 60 ounce bag! No one wants to help me anymore!"

nice to hear from the racists so early in the morning. usually they're tuned into Fox and Friends right now.

LOL Poster didn't mention color and there's no "ebonics" or faked accent in his quote to hint at any race. The fact that YOU automatically assume that some lazy, rude fictional character is black shows you are the only racist here.

all I WANTS to know
Shawnasea


yeah right


Oppressed people everywhere can now breathe a sigh of relief knowing you're on their side.
 
2014-01-15 08:29:22 AM  
One of many things I don't miss about Texas: Grackles. fark those obnoxious birds.
 
2014-01-15 08:31:30 AM  
oh boy
 
2014-01-15 08:43:28 AM  

Hobodeluxe: OnlyM3: Hobodeluxe
2014-01-15 08:07:01 AM


Harry Freakstorm: In a few weeks, the grackle will be seen driving one of those courtesy electric carts, blocking the snack food aisle, yelling in to a cell phone "I don't know why I come down here. The peoples are so rude! I should take my LINK Card over to Save 'n Shop! All I wants to know is why they don't stock the 60 ounce bags of Chocolate Monsters. Theys got the 48 ounce bag and the 72 ounce bag but not the 60 ounce bag! No one can tell me why they don' carry the 60 ounce bag. It's much better! My Shawnasea-Martinizer-Snowflake likes the taste of the 60 ounce bag! I've been looking here for over an hour and can't find the 60 ounce bag! No one wants to help me anymore!"

nice to hear from the racists so early in the morning. usually they're tuned into Fox and Friends right now.

LOL Poster didn't mention color and there's no "ebonics" or faked accent in his quote to hint at any race. The fact that YOU automatically assume that some lazy, rude fictional character is black shows you are the only racist here.

all I WANTS to know
Shawnasea


yeah right


Fark is already full people ready to be offended and play the victim. Find another role.
 
2014-01-15 08:49:42 AM  
Don't know anything about grackles, but I'm pretty sure birds can get fat on a "vegan" diet too.
 
2014-01-15 08:57:14 AM  
I just saw a bird inside Walmart last week, he was in the hardware section sitting on a ladder. It didn't seem to mind people very much, I was within a couple feet of it and it just sat there looking at me.
 
2014-01-15 09:37:30 AM  
Hey!  That's my old WalMart! I used to go to that one because it was better run than the one off Fry Rd.
Then WalMart in general started to suck even harder, and I pretty much gave up on WalMart in general.
Of all the WalMarts in Houston, this was the least likely to have the People Of WalMart show up, though.

Grackles: medium sized black bird, swarm in starling like numbers during certain times of the year to the point of making you think you're in a remake of Hitchcock's The Birds.
 
2014-01-15 09:39:34 AM  
Ever tried to track one of these birds? They stay near you because they want to taunt you. Because they can see your every move. But they're quick little buggers. They know what you're up to. Often before you do. No, this white whale of a blackbird knows EXACTLY what it's up to. It isn't "Trapped" in that walmart... It made its way inside. And it did so intentionally. It knew there was food there. And don't think for a second that it doesn't know what a Net looks like. Once it sees it, it's in the rafters. And then it's marked you. It knows you're the enemy. And that's when it starts. First, it's the stalking. It watches. It caws. It follows you. Forever taunting you, knowing you can't do a damn thing about it. And then it shiats on your car. How it got OUT of the walmart and back inside is anyone's guess. And then your shopping cart. And then it steals food items FROM your cart when you're not looking... And then it happens. You feel the pat-pat on your head, right at the center of your scalp. And you know what's happened. And you can hear the almost silent chuckle from the bird directly above you as people around you gasp in horror as you come to the realize that you have to do the bird-shiat covered walk of shame to customer service for a rinse rag to try to get all the bird turd out of your hair.

Let the birds be. Because you can be damn sure if you don't, it's war.
 
2014-01-15 10:09:09 AM  

vharshyde: Ever tried to track one of these birds? They stay near you because they want to taunt you. Because they can see your every move. But they're quick little buggers. They know what you're up to. Often before you do. No, this white whale of a blackbird knows EXACTLY what it's up to. It isn't "Trapped" in that walmart... It made its way inside. And it did so intentionally. It knew there was food there. And don't think for a second that it doesn't know what a Net looks like. Once it sees it, it's in the rafters. And then it's marked you. It knows you're the enemy. And that's when it starts. First, it's the stalking. It watches. It caws. It follows you. Forever taunting you, knowing you can't do a damn thing about it. And then it shiats on your car. How it got OUT of the walmart and back inside is anyone's guess. And then your shopping cart. And then it steals food items FROM your cart when you're not looking... And then it happens. You feel the pat-pat on your head, right at the center of your scalp. And you know what's happened. And you can hear the almost silent chuckle from the bird directly above you as people around you gasp in horror as you come to the realize that you have to do the bird-shiat covered walk of shame to customer service for a rinse rag to try to get all the bird turd out of your hair.

Let the birds be. Because you can be damn sure if you don't, it's war.


Still a better love story than Twilight.
 
2014-01-15 10:10:00 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: In a few weeks, the grackle will be seen driving one of those courtesy electric carts, blocking the snack food aisle, yelling in to a cell phone "I don't know why I come down here. The peoples are so rude! I should take my LINK Card over to Save 'n Shop! All I wants to know is why they don't stock the 60 ounce bags of Chocolate Monsters. Theys got the 48 ounce bag and the 72 ounce bag but not the 60 ounce bag! No one can tell me why they don' carry the 60 ounce bag. It's much better! My Shawnasea-Martinizer-Snowflake likes the taste of the 60 ounce bag! I've been looking here for over an hour and can't find the 60 ounce bag! No one wants to help me anymore!"


This is not actually hyperbole.

/once got chewed out because we only sold grape soda in cans, not bottles
//I even double-checked since it wasn't my department
///works a nice temp desk job now
 
2014-01-15 12:05:58 PM  

mooseyfate: One of many things I don't miss about Texas: Grackles. fark those obnoxious birds.


Full disclosure: I would do this--follow a bird around Wal-Mart for weeks. And I like grackles. They make the craziest noises. Plus they're pretty.
 
2014-01-15 12:10:05 PM  
Is a grackle anything like a grue? Better not wander around in the dark.
 
2014-01-15 12:46:50 PM  

Hobodeluxe: OnlyM3: Hobodeluxe
2014-01-15 08:07:01 AM


Harry Freakstorm: In a few weeks, the grackle will be seen driving one of those courtesy electric carts, blocking the snack food aisle, yelling in to a cell phone "I don't know why I come down here. The peoples are so rude! I should take my LINK Card over to Save 'n Shop! All I wants to know is why they don't stock the 60 ounce bags of Chocolate Monsters. Theys got the 48 ounce bag and the 72 ounce bag but not the 60 ounce bag! No one can tell me why they don' carry the 60 ounce bag. It's much better! My Shawnasea-Martinizer-Snowflake likes the taste of the 60 ounce bag! I've been looking here for over an hour and can't find the 60 ounce bag! No one wants to help me anymore!"

nice to hear from the racists so early in the morning. usually they're tuned into Fox and Friends right now.

LOL Poster didn't mention color and there's no "ebonics" or faked accent in his quote to hint at any race. The fact that YOU automatically assume that some lazy, rude fictional character is black shows you are the only racist here.

all I WANTS to know
Shawnasea


yeah right


I was picturing the white lady in my neighborhood who drives her Rascal down to Dollar General, bangs on the doors until someone opens them for her and then proceeds to yell "Where is the soap? Not bathing soap.  Laundry soap!  Back here?  I don' see it!  Why is dis seven dollars now?  It was five dollars yesterday and I dint buy it then.  Ifn I buy it today, kin I get it for five dollars? "  She's a huge blob of humanity and has at least three LINK cards.  And she gets very upset if they can't use two or more cards to pay for her food item purchases.  And her LINK person said that she could buy (insert any non food item here) with HER LINK (her emphasis) card.

Shawnasea is a perfectly cromulent name for a white child birthed by an unmarried white couple who spent their youth watching MTV Raps!  Just saying.  Sometimes Shawnasea drives the Rascal down to DG.  She drives right down the middle of the street and yells at the cars queuing up behind her.  It is truly a fun, mixed neighborhood.
 
2014-01-15 02:05:29 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: In a few weeks, the grackle will be seen driving one of those courtesy electric carts, blocking the snack food aisle, yelling in to a cell phone "I don't know why I come down here. The peoples are so rude! I should take my LINK Card over to Save 'n Shop! All I wants to know is why they don't stock the 60 ounce bags of Chocolate Monsters. Theys got the 48 ounce bag and the 72 ounce bag but not the 60 ounce bag! No one can tell me why they don' carry the 60 ounce bag. It's much better! My Shawnasea-Martinizer-Snowflake likes the taste of the 60 ounce bag! I've been looking here for over an hour and can't find the 60 ounce bag! No one wants to help me anymore!"


I'm glad to see you dug really deep to come up with "Shawnasea-Martinizer" instead of the typical racist "Shanequa" or "Skookeesha." Good for you.
 
2014-01-15 02:32:59 PM  
Who doesn't like a jolly good game of "track the grackle" now and then with the missus, eh wot?
 
2014-01-15 05:45:40 PM  

cryinoutloud: mooseyfate: One of many things I don't miss about Texas: Grackles. fark those obnoxious birds.

Full disclosure: I would do this--follow a bird around Wal-Mart for weeks. And I like grackles. They make the craziest noises. Plus they're pretty.


They do have pretty eyes. And I only hate them because the Grackles and Squirrels used to declare war in my backyard every day at sunrise. So right around 5:30am I would hear what could best be described as a velociraptor orgy. Noisey goddamn things.
 
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