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(Washington Times)   Bringing more than 20 items may cause a vicious old man fight to break out in the Walmart express lane   (washingtontimes.com) divider line 79
    More: Florida, express lanes, Terry McAuliffe  
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5319 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jan 2014 at 4:11 AM (49 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-14 12:19:50 AM  
 
2014-01-14 04:12:31 AM  
Thanks Obama.
 
2014-01-14 04:13:31 AM  
Did anyone yell at clouds?
 
2014-01-14 04:19:20 AM  
Excessive, but still. Fark those people. The other day I tried to buy a single tube of toothpase and the lady at the 20 items or less isle had a cart full, a check book, AND broke up the items into three groups with three separate checks for some damn reason.

Sometimes I wish I could get into the heads of these people and try to understand their thought process.
 
2014-01-14 04:20:59 AM  
I can understand the rage. You ever get in the 20 items or less line to buy a pack of cigarettes only to have people with 2 carts full of crap in front of you,you calmly wait until you can take no more after a woman argues with the cashier about marbolo lights being $20 off at speedway then you just set your shiat down and walk out.
 
2014-01-14 04:28:55 AM  

A Terrible Human: I can understand the rage. You ever get in the 20 items or less line to buy a pack of cigarettes only to have people with 2 carts full of crap in front of you,you calmly wait until you can take no more after a woman argues with the cashier about marbolo lights being $20 off at speedway then you just set your shiat down and walk out.


If you need a pack of cigarettes that bad, I would think that putting said pack down and walking out of the store. Going back to your car, starting it up, and going somewhere else to get the same pack of cigarettes elsewhere would take signifigantly longer than simply waiting for that person to finish with their purchase, no matter how retarded or unreasonable they're being.

If time is a major factor, it's probably better to just wait it out than taking a journey to another merchant to buy the same thing (and risk being in line all over again).
 
2014-01-14 04:30:12 AM  
It could have been a lot worse if they'd been in uniform. It can take hours for the red marks from an old-man caning to go away.
 
2014-01-14 04:36:41 AM  
[old men voices]
OM#1: Hey. That's 21 items! the sign says 20 or less!
OM#2: There's 2 cans of creamed corn in there. That counts as 1 item because they are 2 for 1 today.
OM#1: No it doesn't! It says 20 ITEMS! 2 cans are 2 ITEMS!
OM#2: STFU and go fark your wifes dusty vagoo before it withers away!
[/old men voices]
 
2014-01-14 05:03:56 AM  
Welcome to America.

/we're doomed
 
2014-01-14 05:05:11 AM  

Esroc: Excessive, but still. Fark those people. The other day I tried to buy a single tube of toothpase and the lady at the 20 items or less isle had a cart full, a check book, AND broke up the items into three groups with three separate checks for some damn reason.

Sometimes I wish I could get into the heads of these people and try to understand their thought process.


Or... get inside their heads and plant EXPLOSIVES ;)
 
2014-01-14 05:08:25 AM  
So is 5 @ .99, 5 items or one item?

If a six pack of beer is one item, how can four singles rung 4@ be considered to be four items?

Are they not the same by tally?

iI
 
2014-01-14 05:10:15 AM  
Rsdioactive ass said it better
 
2014-01-14 05:12:13 AM  
When did 20 items become "express"? I thought it was always ten.
 
2014-01-14 05:18:38 AM  

Weatherkiss: A Terrible Human: I can understand the rage. You ever get in the 20 items or less line to buy a pack of cigarettes only to have people with 2 carts full of crap in front of you,you calmly wait until you can take no more after a woman argues with the cashier about marbolo lights being $20 off at speedway then you just set your shiat down and walk out.

If you need a pack of cigarettes that bad, I would think that putting said pack down and walking out of the store. Going back to your car, starting it up, and going somewhere else to get the same pack of cigarettes elsewhere would take signifigantly longer than simply waiting for that person to finish with their purchase, no matter how retarded or unreasonable they're being.

If time is a major factor, it's probably better to just wait it out than taking a journey to another merchant to buy the same thing (and risk being in line all over again).


Not if you were taken to there by someone else for other things,I think money orders are what I went there for originally. There's a tobacco store really close to walmart here too. But seriously to hell with that women trying to get that much off a carton Marlboros. I think had she not been so greedy the cashier wouldn't have cared.
 
2014-01-14 05:22:12 AM  

A Terrible Human: Weatherkiss: A Terrible Human: I can understand the rage. You ever get in the 20 items or less line to buy a pack of cigarettes only to have people with 2 carts full of crap in front of you,you calmly wait until you can take no more after a woman argues with the cashier about marbolo lights being $20 off at speedway then you just set your shiat down and walk out.

If you need a pack of cigarettes that bad, I would think that putting said pack down and walking out of the store. Going back to your car, starting it up, and going somewhere else to get the same pack of cigarettes elsewhere would take signifigantly longer than simply waiting for that person to finish with their purchase, no matter how retarded or unreasonable they're being.

If time is a major factor, it's probably better to just wait it out than taking a journey to another merchant to buy the same thing (and risk being in line all over again).

Not if you were taken to there by someone else for other things,I think money orders are what I went there for originally. There's a tobacco store really close to walmart here too. But seriously to hell with that women trying to get that much off a carton Marlboros. I think had she not been so greedy the cashier wouldn't have cared.


There is a reason I call Wal-Mart "The White Trash Mall".

Yes, even attractive and successful folk can be White Trash.
 
2014-01-14 05:22:20 AM  

Qwuix: When did 20 items become "express"? I thought it was always ten.


My local store has it at four. Cash only. Plus it's where they do most of their lottery ticket sales and cash payouts. It's either packed with a bunch of old people doing lottery or sparsely populated with 1 or 2 people at most if not empty. But it's almost always open.

I've used it when it was empty for more than 4 items a few times. They didn't care as long as there wasn't a line and it all fit into 1 bag.
 
2014-01-14 05:37:37 AM  

Qwuix: When did 20 items become "express"? I thought it was always ten.


It varies. Where I am I've seen 10, 15, or 20 depending on the particular store. Sometimes a store had one express lane at 15 and another at 20.
 
2014-01-14 05:54:29 AM  
My life is such that I am roped into taking my mother-in-law to the Muncie, Indiana Wal-Mart on alternating Saturdays. For reasons that I'm sure are based on the area's demographics, there are NO self-checkouts in that place. So you need to pick which of the three open lanes (in a packed store), you'd like to waste a chunk of your life in.

Said choice is followed, inevitably, by at least a twenty-minute wait, "express lane" or no, behind some white trash couple with a baby, two loud, hyperactive toddlers, and one in the oven as they locate their food stamps (literal, printed on paper, certificates) and hand them to the cashier. The cashier must then sort the certificates and the contents of two heaping grocer carts, take out a calculator and a three-ring binder, do calculations, fill out some goddamn form or six, and argue with the freeloading idiots who always seem to think that the store is trying to screw them out of something. At some point in this process, one or both of the couple will look at the next person in line (me), and crack some joke about taking so long.

Yes, I can understand where the equivalent to road rage might crop up in such an environment.
 
2014-01-14 06:15:40 AM  

Radioactive Ass: Qwuix: When did 20 items become "express"? I thought it was always ten.

My local store has it at four. Cash only. Plus it's where they do most of their lottery ticket sales and cash payouts. It's either packed with a bunch of old people doing lottery or sparsely populated with 1 or 2 people at most if not empty. But it's almost always open.

I've used it when it was empty for more than 4 items a few times. They didn't care as long as there wasn't a line and it all fit into 1 bag.


Tried to stop in one local store with a similar "4 or less/cash only line to buy a pack of underwear because I knew I couldn't fit doing laundry into the next couple days in the schedule. Then the Prune walks up and thinks she gets to go to the head of the line at the register because she's returning 15 items.  People doing returns come first!  She's also buying 18 items but that's really only 3, because she's returning the 15! The price of each item is scrutinized rung up as marked, and as she's read it on the tags, and every item brings the same protest, it was supposed to have been on sale for much less! Advertisement out, scrutinized by her and cashier who points out the item isn't actually the one on sale.  But it's just like the one on sale, she protests, looking hurt and pathetic and helpless. Repeat identical "error" and logic 18 times, her as surprised and on the last item as the first... Yeah, sure. Pruny old biatch.
 
2014-01-14 06:19:58 AM  
I always wonder why the person working the checkout doesn't send these ass-hats away. This always seems to happen to me when I need to run in and pick up one or two things. It's either them or the jags with full carts at the self checkout who need help because they don't know what the fark their doing. How do people that stupid function?
 
2014-01-14 06:23:04 AM  
Imokaywiththis.jpg

I for one, understand the rage. I just wouldn't have come back at him with my dukes raised.

Tell him he's a dumbass and move on.
 
2014-01-14 06:25:47 AM  

abhorrent1: How do people that stupid function?


They've long since learned that being helpless is an effective life strategy, and that others will do things for them if they simply stand in one spot long enough.

Their lives are harder than anyone else's, you see.
 
2014-01-14 06:25:52 AM  
I ran in to the grocery for a pack of beer. There was a long line at the ten item express. and customer service counter. So I moved over to the next lane and two people with carts sent me to the front of the line. I'm fortunate. People seem to be polite here.
 
2014-01-14 06:51:23 AM  
my peev is when a family owned little store has the cashier also answering the phone. the phone rings and the cashier pays more attention to the caller asking about a item then they do to the customer that is in the store with money in hand and their items ready to be checked out. put the damn caller on hold immediately and wait on us who are already in the store. come to think of it the chain stores for auto parts can be the worse for having the phone always ringing and the part's guys walking away to look for something for the caller instead of finishing waiting on us.
 
2014-01-14 06:58:58 AM  

fasahd: I ran in to the grocery for a pack of beer. There was a long line at the ten item express. and customer service counter. So I moved over to the next lane and two people with carts sent me to the front of the line. I'm fortunate. People seem to be polite here.


I'll often do that, especially if I see that they have cash in hand. I can wait the extra 30 seconds or so.
 
2014-01-14 07:04:58 AM  
Signs are only put up for other people, they don't apply to you
 
2014-01-14 07:08:24 AM  

Onkel Buck: Signs are only put up for other people, they don't apply to you


I'm in a hurry, and my feet hurt. Plus, my father had a heart attack last month. So it's OK.
 
2014-01-14 07:24:08 AM  
I wonder how many speed limit breakers we have in this thread championing the 20 item rule ...
 
2014-01-14 07:41:24 AM  
This may anger some of the ever so busy and important Farkers but due to some of my "impairments" I tend to use the grocery store as a bank machine too (that way I don't have to schedule and pay for a second trip). I am fully aware this can be a PITA for some people behind me so if there is anyone in the express lane or the store is busy I'll avoid that lane. However last time I went there were long lines at the regular checkouts filled sketchballs, the express was empty and there weren't that many people in the store. So saddled up to the express and did my thing. Sure enough a bunch of people took that EXACT moment to form a huge line behind me. Okay... well doesn't take long to just get my few items checked and snag my dough. WRONG!! Chick didn't have enough money because I guess EVERYONE had been getting cashback that morning. Now I DID tell her before starting checkout what my intentions were so she could have told me then (but she was super nice so not blaming her). Well as I'm waiting for her to round up some cash from the other tills the lineup builds up to about a dozen or so people with their little this and that's. I felt like a jagoff but what could I do? So all gets settled up and I get down to bag up my stuff and the young chick behind me who was buying two Monster drinks and some gum or some such sh*t goes to snag her stuff off the belt. I was about to apologize about the wait but I could tell from the look on her face she was SEETHING! I mean it was like an extra minute or two FFS. You'd think I punched her in the clit or something.

Yeah, enjoy your douchebag drinks, c*ntwhore.
 
2014-01-14 07:50:24 AM  

zepillin: So is 5 @ .99, 5 items or one item?


It's five items. It doesn't matter what the price is, it's the number of items that need to be handled and scanned.

If a six pack of beer is one item, how can four singles rung 4@ be considered to be four items?

A six-pack has a single code, four bottles require four separate scans. Yes, there are some cashiers that are clueful enough to see four of the same thing, scan one and press "4," but they seem to get better jobs pretty quickly and leave so you have to assume the typical mouth breather cashier.

My big issue with the guy in the article is that he waited until the other fellow already was putting stuff on the belt. At that point it's too late and you might as well hold your damned tongue. You yell at people when they're still in line and their stuff is still in the cart.
 
2014-01-14 07:54:15 AM  
At my local Walmart, the express lane is almost always worked by the most ancient person in the store. Express lane my ass. The woman is so slow you can go through the regular checkout behind an elderly cat lady with 100 cans of cat food and a checkbook she doesn't bother to drag out until every can is wrung up, and still get out before the guy buying a pack of Camels in the express lane.

/hooray run on sentences
 
2014-01-14 07:58:25 AM  
"later he came back into the store and walked towards Malherbe with his fists raised"

I can't help but to think of Fred Sanford.
 
2014-01-14 08:00:48 AM  

LittleSmitty: At my local Walmart, the express lane is almost always worked by the most ancient person in the store. Express lane my ass. The woman is so slow you can go through the regular checkout behind an elderly cat lady with 100 cans of cat food and a checkbook she doesn't bother to drag out until every can is wrung up, and still get out before the guy buying a pack of Camels in the express lane.

/hooray run on sentences


Your Walmart has people working the registers? You're lucky, the Walmart near me has like 500 checkouts and all but one of them is closed
 
2014-01-14 08:12:32 AM  

MadMonk: "later he came back into the store and walked towards Malherbe with his fists raised"

I can't help but to think of Fred Sanford.


LOL, I bet he was screaming "Hold me back!"
 
2014-01-14 08:21:15 AM  

Onkel Buck: LittleSmitty: At my local Walmart, the express lane is almost always worked by the most ancient person in the store. Express lane my ass. The woman is so slow you can go through the regular checkout behind an elderly cat lady with 100 cans of cat food and a checkbook she doesn't bother to drag out until every can is wrung up, and still get out before the guy buying a pack of Camels in the express lane.

/hooray run on sentences

Your Walmart has people working the registers? You're lucky, the Walmart near me has like 500 checkouts and all but one of them is closed


Oddly, yes. Was there yesterday and they had at least 8 registers open, and the store wasn't that busy. K-Mart and Winn Dixie is another story entirely
 
2014-01-14 08:22:23 AM  
MythDragon's rules for the express lane.

You are allowed to go 20% over the limit without incruing any face punches.

For example if the limit is 10 items you may have 12.
If it's 20, you may have 14.
If the limit is 12, you can only have 14, because you always have to round down. If your excess limit number is 2.9, it becomes 2.

Definition of 'Item':

An item is something in a container of any sort. A box of cerial is one item. A bag of loose fruit is one item. Individual un-bagged fruit (or similar edible items) is one item each, as it comes in it's own natural container (ie, the skin or rind)

2 for 1 priced items still count as two items. You are getting two items for the price of one item, but refer to the first 5 words in this sentance.

Items secured together (by the store or manufacturer only.) count as one item. For example like how Costco will have two gallons of milk secured together by that plastic thing and are sold as a set....that is one item.

Similar items are still seperate items. If you have 5 boxes of Swanson turkey neck and chitlins frozen dinners, even though they are the same brand and type, they are 5 items. This prevents people from trying to abuse the system and bring 8 shopping carts of the same thing and claim it as one item.

Compainion items that are not priced do not count towards your item limit. For instance if you get a box of salad from the salad bar, and it comes with dressing packets, those packets do not count toward the limit. If they are priced, this does become a grey area. Generaly it will be tolerated as long as it is not abused and understood to be necissary to go along with your inital item. You can't enjoy your salad for lunch without dressing, so it is allowed a pass. If you are buying supplies for a cookout, however, the rules remains in strict effect. Yes you need ketchup and mustard and buns for your hotdogs and hamburgers, but if you are over the limit, carry your ass to the slow lane.

Additional rules:
No coupons unless you are the only one in line. If you have already begun the checkout process and someone comes into line. You've got 5 coupons to wrap that shiat up.

No checks. Seriously, why are you writing a check for 10 items? Get with the damn 21st centuary and use your debit card. Hell, get some cash back for the next time you hit the express lane and save everyone some time.

Have your cash or card ready or at least easily accessable. After your purchases have been totaled and bagged, and the cashier is now looking at you like she expects some sort of action on your part is not the time to be digging through that overnight bag you call a purse to find your debit card which you leave rolling around loose somewhere on the bottom with your chapstick, tampons, perfume, panties that got dirtied the night before whilst banging your boss, lipstick, 4 bottles of water, flax seed bars, old corroded pennies and all the other crap you keep in there.

We understand that sometimes you can't math, and might exceed your allowable overage by another item or two. This will be judged on a case by case basis. This is judged strictly on a whim and can be affected by how bad a mood the person behind you is in, how quickly everyone needs to be at work, how hot you are, and other various factors. You may get off with a warning, you may get a face punch. It's one of the risks you will have to be ready to accept.

These are the rules that have now been set forth. I expect everyone to abide by them.
 
2014-01-14 08:27:19 AM  
Wait, so no one got shot? This is actually good news
 
2014-01-14 08:27:54 AM  
Some idiot in front of me in the express lane actually took the time (a lot of it) to go through his change and count out 97 cents when his total came to $3.97. If that doesn't deserve a cock-punch, I don't know what does.
 
2014-01-14 09:17:25 AM  

markfara: My life is such that I am roped into taking my mother-in-law to the Muncie, Indiana Wal-Mart on alternating Saturdays. For reasons that I'm sure are based on the area's demographics, there are NO self-checkouts in that place. So you need to pick which of the three open lanes (in a packed store), you'd like to waste a chunk of your life in.

Said choice is followed, inevitably, by at least a twenty-minute wait, "express lane" or no, behind some white trash couple with a baby, two loud, hyperactive toddlers, and one in the oven as they locate their food stamps (literal, printed on paper, certificates) and hand them to the cashier. The cashier must then sort the certificates and the contents of two heaping grocer carts, take out a calculator and a three-ring binder, do calculations, fill out some goddamn form or six, and argue with the freeloading idiots who always seem to think that the store is trying to screw them out of something. At some point in this process, one or both of the couple will look at the next person in line (me), and crack some joke about taking so long.

Yes, I can understand where the equivalent to road rage might crop up in such an environment.


Oh crap. I haven't been in the Muncie store in forever (though my brother lives there) but I know that the Richmond, IN Walmart store doesn't have any self checkouts either. And here I thought it was Richmond people being total jerks (they are anyway but still).

Ugh sounds like people trying to do WIC. They always seem to think the store was trying to screw you over. I worked at Meijer in Richmond and I hated having to deal with that.
 
2014-01-14 09:18:58 AM  

starlost: my peev is when a family owned little store has the cashier also answering the phone. the phone rings and the cashier pays more attention to the caller asking about a item then they do to the customer that is in the store with money in hand and their items ready to be checked out. put the damn caller on hold immediately and wait on us who are already in the store. come to think of it the chain stores for auto parts can be the worse for having the phone always ringing and the part's guys walking away to look for something for the caller instead of finishing waiting on us.


They all do that. I go to Home Depot quite a bit, and the associates carry around some type of retail-oriented smart phone (inventory checker, phone, ect). I can be in the middle of a sentence talking to the guy, but if the phone rings, he answers it.

I lost my temper one time, and the guy stammered out an explanation. They all know it's rude, but it is store policy that they HAVE to answer the phone. They can get written up for not answering it.

One guy guessed that the thinking is that you're already in the store buying something, and their job when they answer the phone is to get that guy on the phone down into the store.

What a country.
 
2014-01-14 09:23:28 AM  
Every once in a blue moon the cashier in the empty express lane will waive me and my full cart over because the regular line is stacked up.  I try to remember this on the occasions where someone ahead of me is clearly violating the express lane item count.

I'm more annoyed by the people who wait until their order is rung up and bagged to start writing their checks or using the debit card reader.
 
2014-01-14 09:24:10 AM  

SeikaArashi: markfara: My life is such that I am roped into taking my mother-in-law to the Muncie, Indiana Wal-Mart on alternating Saturdays. For reasons that I'm sure are based on the area's demographics, there are NO self-checkouts in that place. So you need to pick which of the three open lanes (in a packed store), you'd like to waste a chunk of your life in.

Said choice is followed, inevitably, by at least a twenty-minute wait, "express lane" or no, behind some white trash couple with a baby, two loud, hyperactive toddlers, and one in the oven as they locate their food stamps (literal, printed on paper, certificates) and hand them to the cashier. The cashier must then sort the certificates and the contents of two heaping grocer carts, take out a calculator and a three-ring binder, do calculations, fill out some goddamn form or six, and argue with the freeloading idiots who always seem to think that the store is trying to screw them out of something. At some point in this process, one or both of the couple will look at the next person in line (me), and crack some joke about taking so long.

Yes, I can understand where the equivalent to road rage might crop up in such an environment.

Oh crap. I haven't been in the Muncie store in forever (though my brother lives there) but I know that the Richmond, IN Walmart store doesn't have any self checkouts either. And here I thought it was Richmond people being total jerks (they are anyway but still).

Ugh sounds like people trying to do WIC. They always seem to think the store was trying to screw you over. I worked at Meijer in Richmond and I hated having to deal with that.


Apart from the Hasting's, which is awesome, there are no decent stores of any sort in Richmond.
 
2014-01-14 09:26:38 AM  

abhorrent1: I always wonder why the person working the checkout doesn't send these ass-hats away. This always seems to happen to me when I need to run in and pick up one or two things. It's either them or the jags with full carts at the self checkout who need help because they don't know what the fark their doing. How do people that stupid function?


My brother worked checkout for a grocery store for a while.  He would always refuse to checkout anyone with excessive items, but mostly because he was a petty, vindicitive man.
 
2014-01-14 09:27:49 AM  

zepillin: Are they not the same by tally?


You count the number of scans that have to be made.

The beer is one scan. The cans are individual scans. What is important is the time it takes to ring someone up.
 
2014-01-14 09:30:07 AM  

SeikaArashi: Ugh sounds like people trying to do WIC. They always seem to think the store was trying to screw you over. I worked at Meijer in Richmond and I hated having to deal with that.


I cannot stand when someone in front of me has WIC or food stamps. Not only am i paying for their food, they have to pay with the slowest transaction possible.

Their should be seperate lines for WIC/stamps
 
2014-01-14 09:34:30 AM  
I would be OK with surcharges for excess items. Specifically, surcharges that grow exponentially.

Say it's a 15-item lane -- the 16th item might ring up for an extra dime. The 17th for an extra 20 cents. The 18th for 40. And so on and so on.

Then a slight miscalculation about how many items you have or an impulsive Kit Kat that puts you over 15 gets punished, but not severely. However, showing up in the express lane with a full cart will let them remodel the store.
 
2014-01-14 09:37:04 AM  

minoridiot: abhorrent1: I always wonder why the person working the checkout doesn't send these ass-hats away. This always seems to happen to me when I need to run in and pick up one or two things. It's either them or the jags with full carts at the self checkout who need help because they don't know what the fark their doing. How do people that stupid function?

My brother worked checkout for a grocery store for a while.  He would always refuse to checkout anyone with excessive items, but mostly because he was a petty, vindicitive man.


Well they should all do that. Not because it's petty, but because you're inconveniencing a bunch of people for one asshole. Needs of the many and all that.
 
2014-01-14 09:46:32 AM  
I keep hoping for a serial killer that murders rude people but so far....nothing.
 
2014-01-14 09:46:50 AM  
More like 20 items or ELSE!
 
x23
2014-01-14 10:03:22 AM  

MythDragon: MythDragon's rules for the express lane.

You are allowed to go 20% over the limit without incruing any face punches.

For example if the limit is 10 items you may have 12.
If it's 20, you may have 14.



that seems like a pretty stupid rule. i'll stick with the full 20. thanks.
 
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