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(BBC)   Central African Republic officials want to emphasize that that there is no cannibalism in militia groups. Absolutely none, and when they say none, they mean there is a certain amount, more than they are prepared to admit   (bbc.co.uk) divider line 142
    More: Sick, Central African Republic, foreign exchange reserves, cannibals  
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6492 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Jan 2014 at 11:29 AM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



142 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-13 09:44:53 AM
That is not upping my desire to visit the Central African Republic from absolutely no chance.
 
2014-01-13 09:47:25 AM
Any statistician worth their salt can't say, with 100 percent certainty that there is no cannibalism whatsoever.

It's math!
 
2014-01-13 09:50:08 AM
wtf africa?!
 
2014-01-13 10:02:39 AM
I'd probably be generally pissed off at everything if I lived there, too.  Face-eating pissed, I dunno, but I'm not ruling it out.
 
2014-01-13 10:03:47 AM
So much for ignorance being bliss.
 
2014-01-13 10:24:39 AM
Dear FARK,

I am glad to see that your commenters disapprove of this article as strongly as I. As a militia officer I abhor the implication that the Central African Republic militias are havens for cannibalism. It is well known that we have the problem relatively under control, and that it is the Somali pirates who now suffer the largest casualties in this area. And what do you think the Argylls ate in Aden? Arabs? Yours etc.

/Captain B.J. Smethwick in a white wine sauce with shallots, mushrooms and garlic
 
2014-01-13 10:37:48 AM

Nabb1: Dear FARK,

I am glad to see that your commenters disapprove of this article as strongly as I. As a militia officer I abhor the implication that the Central African Republic militias are havens for cannibalism. It is well known that we have the problem relatively under control, and that it is the Somali pirates who now suffer the largest casualties in this area. And what do you think the Argylls ate in Aden? Arabs? Yours etc.

/Captain B.J. Smethwick in a white wine sauce with shallots, mushrooms and garlic


GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
 
2014-01-13 10:47:11 AM
Ouandja Magloire, who calls himself "Mad Dog", was in a Christian mob who attacked a Muslim in the capital.

Ah, the Religion of Love...
 
2014-01-13 11:07:15 AM
Speaking from personal experience, there's nothing wrong with taking the Cannibal perk.
 
2014-01-13 11:09:49 AM
Well, what do you expect? There are more militia members then there are cows.

Or chickens

Or pigs


combined.
 
2014-01-13 11:10:43 AM
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-13 11:19:38 AM
I'm mostly against cannibalism of almost any kind.
 
2014-01-13 11:31:33 AM
I can dig it, man
 
2014-01-13 11:31:39 AM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Ouandja Magloire, who calls himself "Mad Dog", was in a Christian mob who attacked a Muslim in the capital.

Ah, the Religion of Love...

Mad dog?


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-01-13 11:31:53 AM

Nabb1: Dear FARK,

I am glad to see that your commenters disapprove of this article as strongly as I. As a militia officer I abhor the implication that the Central African Republic militias are havens for cannibalism. It is well known that we have the problem relatively under control, and that it is the Somali pirates who now suffer the largest casualties in this area. And what do you think the Argylls ate in Aden? Arabs? Yours etc.

/Captain B.J. Smethwick in a white wine sauce with shallots, mushrooms and garlic


This.

/33 days, sir
 
2014-01-13 11:33:25 AM
"When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do...*"


*reduce it in red wine with finely chopped shallots and truffles then serve it on bed of tea-infused basmati rice with nasturtium blossoms
 
2014-01-13 11:34:02 AM
Meanwhile, their Random House published recipe book is on its fourth printing..
 
2014-01-13 11:35:27 AM

Cake Hunter: I'm mostly against cannibalism of almost any kind.


This is how you take a firm stand on an issue.
 
2014-01-13 11:35:28 AM
Bunch of savages in this town.
 
2014-01-13 11:36:22 AM

www.standlikearock.net

Wait, wait, I will gladly serve as spokesperson for the Republic

 
2014-01-13 11:37:18 AM

maudibjr: That is not upping my desire to visit the Central African Republic from absolutely no chance.


At a certain point, you have to stop blaming the former colonial regime and take responsibility for your corrupt shiattiness.
 
2014-01-13 11:38:24 AM
Would you rather walk 12 miles in the snow or taste human flesh?
 
2014-01-13 11:38:52 AM

pxlboy: Nabb1: Dear FARK,

I am glad to see that your commenters disapprove of this article as strongly as I. As a militia officer I abhor the implication that the Central African Republic militias are havens for cannibalism. It is well known that we have the problem relatively under control, and that it is the Somali pirates who now suffer the largest casualties in this area. And what do you think the Argylls ate in Aden? Arabs? Yours etc.

/Captain B.J. Smethwick in a white wine sauce with shallots, mushrooms and garlic

This.

/33 days, sir


I'd rather eat Nabb1, sir. At least he hasn't got a gamey leg. And he's kosher.
 
2014-01-13 11:39:25 AM
Then he used the bone for soup.
 
2014-01-13 11:39:57 AM
We're gonna need a nuclear plant, mustard gas, and some big-ass crossbows.
 
2014-01-13 11:40:08 AM
Well, at least Maynard James Keenan has some wine pairing suggestions.

So that's nice.
 
2014-01-13 11:40:25 AM
Well, there's certainly less cannibalism now than there used to be. That's how they should market this...
 
2014-01-13 11:40:48 AM
Perhaps if I were in a lifeboat and had no food, I might eat the captain -- but what if he had a gammy leg?
 
2014-01-13 11:41:01 AM
These are the kinds of people who run around cutting off people's limbs, just because. I'd be shocked if they didn't also indulge in cannibalism.
 
2014-01-13 11:41:32 AM
upload.wikimedia.org


FrancoFile: We're gonna need a nuclear plant, mustard gas, and some big-ass crossbows.

 
2014-01-13 11:42:25 AM
snakkle.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com

THAT'S what we ate?
 
2014-01-13 11:43:28 AM
img.fark.net

Approves

/obscure? On my FarkTM
//Surely not!
 
2014-01-13 11:45:06 AM
www.eugeneweekly.com

Never F with the Mad Dog.
 
2014-01-13 11:45:07 AM
I'm suddenly starving.
 
2014-01-13 11:45:36 AM
Hannibal Lecter: [on telephone] I do wish we could chat longer, but... I'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye.
 
2014-01-13 11:45:59 AM
I once asked a cannibal if everyone in his tribe enjoys human flesh.  He said it varies from person to person.

/I'll be here all week.
//Try the veal.
 
2014-01-13 11:46:32 AM
That's a rather tender subject.
 
2014-01-13 11:47:29 AM

axeeugene: pxlboy: Nabb1: Dear FARK,

I am glad to see that your commenters disapprove of this article as strongly as I. As a militia officer I abhor the implication that the Central African Republic militias are havens for cannibalism. It is well known that we have the problem relatively under control, and that it is the Somali pirates who now suffer the largest casualties in this area. And what do you think the Argylls ate in Aden? Arabs? Yours etc.

/Captain B.J. Smethwick in a white wine sauce with shallots, mushrooms and garlic

This.

/33 days, sir

I'd rather eat Nabb1, sir. At least he hasn't got a gamey leg. And he's kosher.



Darn you!

/shakes tiny fist -- all that remains of Johnson. Kind of saving that for a midnight snack, actually.
 
2014-01-13 11:47:52 AM
Let's have a thread about clean, decent human beings.
 
2014-01-13 11:49:43 AM
CAR cannibals are one of the main reasons why no one should pick up hitchhikers
 
2014-01-13 11:50:21 AM

FrancoFile: We're gonna need a nuclear plant, mustard gas, and some big ass-crossbows.


FTFY
 
2014-01-13 11:50:22 AM
Is the CAR on Andrew Zimmern's list of "must do's"?
 
2014-01-13 11:50:34 AM
th02.deviantart.net
 
2014-01-13 11:52:57 AM
I guess revenge isn't a dish best served cold.
 
2014-01-13 11:54:01 AM

FrancoFile: [upload.wikimedia.org image 200x300]


FrancoFile: We're gonna need a nuclear plant, mustard gas, and some big-ass crossbows.


Fine, but you can go into the septic tank and get the books...
 
2014-01-13 11:55:38 AM

Call me lazy, but I prefer store bought.


1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-01-13 11:56:02 AM
images2.wikia.nocookie.net
"When I served in the King's African Rifles, the local Zambezi tribesman called human flesh "long pig."

Never much cared for it."
 
2014-01-13 11:56:40 AM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: Well, what do you expect? There are more militia members then there are cows.

Or chickens

Or pigs


combined.


Gorillas and chimps, along with smaller primates, have long been hunted for food there.  I gotta think that militia members don't taste that different.
 
2014-01-13 11:57:10 AM
Condiments?
 
2014-01-13 11:59:03 AM
Buzzard's gotta eat too.
 
2014-01-13 11:59:13 AM

99.998er: Call me lazy, but I prefer store bought.
[1.bp.blogspot.com image 700x528]


Yeah but you still have to cook it.
 
2014-01-13 12:02:43 PM
As long as the cannibals are Christian I have no problem with this.
 
2014-01-13 12:02:50 PM
It's better than dumping them in the Thames.

/WE GOT AN EATER
 
2014-01-13 12:03:02 PM

miss diminutive: I guess revenge isn't a dish best served cold.


Nicely done?
 
2014-01-13 12:04:37 PM
OK, I can imagine if my pregnant wife was murdered, along her sister, and her's sister infant; I would be enraged.   I would likely even be so furious I could see going out to look for payback, and even short-circuiting so I took it out on the nearest person that even LOOKED like they were involved.  What I'm not getting is step two.  The aprt where you vent your fury on the hapless victim and then say."you know, he DOES look mighty tasty...."
 
2014-01-13 12:05:36 PM

Point02GPA: miss diminutive: I guess revenge isn't a dish best served cold.

Nicely done?


Well done. Medium rare if you're in a rush.
 
2014-01-13 12:06:17 PM
WWJE?
 
2014-01-13 12:09:41 PM
Every culture is equally valid.
 
2014-01-13 12:12:19 PM

99.998er: Call me lazy, but I prefer store bought.
[1.bp.blogspot.com image 700x528]


Wow, check out that price, not even E1/kg.
 
2014-01-13 12:12:34 PM

kendelrio: [img.fark.net image 320x240]

Approves

/obscure? On my FarkTM
//Surely not!


That was on on the new years day TZ marathon.
 
2014-01-13 12:12:50 PM
Muslim, the other, other white meat?
 
2014-01-13 12:13:10 PM

Magorn: OK, I can imagine if my pregnant wife was murdered, along her sister, and her's sister infant; I would be enraged.   I would likely even be so furious I could see going out to look for payback, and even short-circuiting so I took it out on the nearest person that even LOOKED like they were involved.  What I'm not getting is step two.  The aprt where you vent your fury on the hapless victim and then say."you know, he DOES look mighty tasty...."


Apparently, in Japan years ago, one of the greatest phobias people had was being eaten. It was some big deal that if someone ate you after you died, a huge fear, something to be avoided. I'm not sure why. In any case, in WWII, American troops wondered why Japanese soldiers often fought to the bitter end when it was obvious that the battle had been lost. Some surviving Japanese soldiers told their American captors that they had been told by their officers that the Americans would eat them and they were actually surprised when their captors did not start prepping them for supper. So, I guess, you know, if the people you have a grudge against have this deep-seeded cultural thing against being eaten, you could make it a point to dine on one of them as a warning to the others.
 
2014-01-13 12:13:21 PM

pxlboy: /33 days, sir


That's a rather personal question, sir.
 
2014-01-13 12:13:55 PM
Cannibalism?!
Man, that bites.
 
2014-01-13 12:15:26 PM
The weak are meat, and the strong shall eat.
 
2014-01-13 12:15:57 PM

Nabb1: Magorn: OK, I can imagine if my pregnant wife was murdered, along her sister, and her's sister infant; I would be enraged.   I would likely even be so furious I could see going out to look for payback, and even short-circuiting so I took it out on the nearest person that even LOOKED like they were involved.  What I'm not getting is step two.  The aprt where you vent your fury on the hapless victim and then say."you know, he DOES look mighty tasty...."

Apparently, in Japan years ago, one of the greatest phobias people had was being eaten. It was some big deal that if someone ate you after you died, a huge fear, something to be avoided. I'm not sure why. In any case, in WWII, American troops wondered why Japanese soldiers often fought to the bitter end when it was obvious that the battle had been lost. Some surviving Japanese soldiers told their American captors that they had been told by their officers that the Americans would eat them and they were actually surprised when their captors did not start prepping them for supper. So, I guess, you know, if the people you have a grudge against have this deep-seeded cultural thing against being eaten, you could make it a point to dine on one of them as a warning to the others.


On the other side of the coin, many WWII Japanese soldiers ate the flesh of slain opponents. Apparently, supplies were a real problem. Allied control of the air enabled the destruction of Japanese shipping.
 
2014-01-13 12:16:29 PM

cryinoutloud: These are the kinds of people who run around cutting off people's limbs, just because. I'd be shocked if they didn't also indulge in cannibalism.



Waste no want not, I always say
 
2014-01-13 12:17:26 PM

miss diminutive: Point02GPA: miss diminutive: I guess revenge isn't a dish best served cold.
Nicely done?
Well done. Medium rare if you're in a rush.


That's a good way to get worms. Although the AIDs virus will probably kill them off.
 
2014-01-13 12:18:43 PM
First Cannibal: Are you enjoying the dinner?
Second Cannibal: I'm having a ball!
 
2014-01-13 12:18:54 PM

hobnail: The Stealth Hippopotamus: Well, what do you expect? There are more militia members then there are cows.

Or chickens

Or pigs


combined.

Gorillas and chimps, along with smaller primates, have long been hunted for food there.  I gotta think that militia members don't taste that different.


Bush meat.
 
2014-01-13 12:19:49 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-01-13 12:19:52 PM
Jesus, this sounds like the eleventh doctor.

"Anything you have to say you can say in front of Clara. And by anything I mean most. Well probably half. Maybe a smidge. Or we should just talk in private."
 
2014-01-13 12:20:07 PM
thriftyvinyl.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-01-13 12:20:53 PM
Never end an argument with a CAR militiaman by saying:

"Bite me"
 
2014-01-13 12:24:44 PM

cwheelie: [thriftyvinyl.files.wordpress.com image 850x859]


www.killsmusic.ru
 
2014-01-13 12:25:24 PM
Long Pig....mmmmmmm
 
2014-01-13 12:28:14 PM
Whenever I read about stuff like this, it reminds me of a chapter from the Forest Gump book.  Not the movie, mind you.  It didn't happen in the movie...

It goes something like this:

At some point, Forest crashes (from space, of all places) on a remote island inhabited by cannibals.  The leader of the tribe that captures him is a very well spoken Harvard graduate.  After completing his studies, he came back to live among his people.  Weird.  Though Forest is a captive, the leader takes a liking to him, as far as that he likes to play chess with him.  For the longest time, Forest beats him in every game.

One day, the leader actually wins the game.  This disturbs Forest who realizes at that moment that, the only reason he's been kept alive was because the leader couldn't beat him at chess.  So now, he's in trouble.  Then, the tribe is raided by a competing tribe.  Forest gets away.
The entire tribe is boiled alive for food.  Just before the leader is thrown in the couldron, he proclaims happily to Forest what move it was that he made where he FINALLY won!!  Then he happily accepts his fate.

I suppose the point of this story is that, even though it seems very strange and disgusting to us here in the civilized world, cannibilism may actually be viewed by some as a normal way of life.  Even to a cultured, Harvard graduate.
 
2014-01-13 12:28:44 PM

ZzeusS: cryinoutloud: These are the kinds of people who run around cutting off people's limbs, just because. I'd be shocked if they didn't also indulge in cannibalism.

Waste no want not, I always say


Really they're just being environmentally friendly. Instead of criticizing for cannibalism instead we should be highlighting the environmentally progressive nature of their actions.
 
2014-01-13 12:29:26 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-13 12:30:45 PM
shiat like this isn't new. Liberia was infamous for militia groups eating human organs. Just google General Butt Naked, who would eat a child's heart and go into battle in nothing but his birthday suit and AK.

He's now a preacher. Go figure.
 
2014-01-13 12:31:51 PM
i238.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-13 12:32:03 PM
Dear Sir,

I am glad to hear that your studio audience disapproves of the last skit as strongly as I.

As a naval officer I abhor the implication that the Royal Navy is a haven for cannibalism. It is well known that we now have the problem relatively under control, and that it is the RAF who now suffer the largest casualties in this area. And what do you think the Argylls ate in Aden. Arabs?

Yours etc.
Captain B.J. Smethwick in a white wine sauce with shallots, mushrooms and garlic.
 
2014-01-13 12:32:55 PM
i.onionstatic.com
 
2014-01-13 12:33:21 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: Ouandja Magloire, who calls himself "Mad Dog", was in a Christian mob who attacked a Muslim in the capital.

Ah, the Religion of Love...


If you're referring to the Christian, keep reading. There's more information at the end of that sentence.
 
2014-01-13 12:34:08 PM

Nabb1: Dear FARK,

I am glad to see that your commenters disapprove of this article as strongly as I. As a militia officer I abhor the implication that the Central African Republic militias are havens for cannibalism. It is well known that we have the problem relatively under control, and that it is the Somali pirates who now suffer the largest casualties in this area. And what do you think the Argylls ate in Aden? Arabs? Yours etc.

/Captain B.J. Smethwick in a white wine sauce with shallots, mushrooms and garlic


Oh Goddamn it...
 
2014-01-13 12:39:00 PM
I was expecting starving refugees resorting to cannibalism through sheer desperation, not a man driven mad with rage and grief biting a human limb during a lynching. That's pretty nuts. But honestly, probably not any worse than all the other atrocities being committed in CAR right now :(
 
2014-01-13 12:42:48 PM
Cannibalism is just another way of serving your fellow man.
 
2014-01-13 12:43:07 PM
So, was he a good man?
 
2014-01-13 12:43:49 PM

axeeugene: I'd rather eat Nabb1, sir. At least he hasn't got a gamey leg. And he's kosher.


Well it depends on how you kill him, sir.

Look, I tell you what:  we'll eat your mum, and if you feel bad about it afterwards, we'll dig a grave and you can throw up in it.
 
2014-01-13 12:44:14 PM
Cannibals don't eat clowns.

They taste funny.
 
2014-01-13 12:44:28 PM

Nabb1: So, I guess, you know, if the people you have a grudge against have this deep-seeded cultural thing against being eaten, you could make it a point to dine on one of them as a warning to the other


Three years into the war where many of the Emperor's troops got dropped off on some godforsaken desert island with 3 month's worth of food and a hundred rifle rounds and supply cut off by submarine, air, and lack of fuel, it isn't surprising that a number of Navy pilots and others ended up as the main course.
 
2014-01-13 12:45:14 PM

DubyaHater: Benevolent Misanthrope: Ouandja Magloire, who calls himself "Mad Dog", was in a Christian mob who attacked a Muslim in the capital.

Ah, the Religion of Love...

If you're referring to the Christian, keep reading. There's more information at the end of that sentence.


You mean the part about the Muslim killing his family members?  I never said the Religion of Peace wasn't in play here.  But I seem to remember something about not taking revenge as a part of the teachings of the Christian god.  Or was I misinterpreting the Holy Scriptures?
 
2014-01-13 12:46:44 PM

someonelse: That's a rather tender subject.


dl.dropboxusercontent.com
 
2014-01-13 12:48:01 PM
Some of the native chaps would collect scalps with handles, but they didn't eat them.

encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
 
2014-01-13 12:48:42 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: DubyaHater: Benevolent Misanthrope: Ouandja Magloire, who calls himself "Mad Dog", was in a Christian mob who attacked a Muslim in the capital.

Ah, the Religion of Love...

If you're referring to the Christian, keep reading. There's more information at the end of that sentence.

You mean the part about the Muslim killing his family members?  I never said the Religion of Peace wasn't in play here.  But I seem to remember something about not taking revenge as a part of the teachings of the Christian god.  Or was I misinterpreting the Holy Scriptures?


Your error was doing something most modern day Christians don't do--actually reading the Holy Scriptures.
 
2014-01-13 12:49:59 PM

Magorn: OK, I can imagine if my pregnant wife was murdered, along her sister, and her's sister infant; I would be enraged.   I would likely even be so furious I could see going out to look for payback, and even short-circuiting so I took it out on the nearest person that even LOOKED like they were involved.  What I'm not getting is step two.  The aprt where you vent your fury on the hapless victim and then say."you know, he DOES look mighty tasty...."


Way I see it, it's about humiliation.  Cannibalism has got to be right up there with buttrape for symbolically degrading a guy.
Buttrape: "You're not a man, you're a biatch."
Cannibalism: "You're not a man, you're a manwich."
 
2014-01-13 12:50:47 PM

Harry Freakstorm: First Cannibal: Are you enjoying the dinner?
Second Cannibal: I'm having a ball!


Q:   Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A:   They taste funny.

An explorer is captured by cannibals while traveling through the jungle.  Despite the language barrier, they make it quite clear that they are going to cook and eat him the following day, and then toss him into a hut guarded by a huge beefy cannibal guard with a spear that could slice a man in half.

The explorer is terrified, and searches through the hut---littered with the belongings of previous explorers---hoping to find some way to escape.  He stumbles upon an almanac, and in it he discovers an astonishing fact:  at exactly 12 noon the next day, there will be a total eclipse of the sun.  A plan begins to form in his mind, and he steps out of the hut to speak with the guard.

"Excuse me.  Excuse me," he says, "when exactly are you going to cook and eat me?"

"Tomorrow," says the guard.

"Yes, I know, but what time exactly?  What time of day are you going to cook and eat me?"

"Mid-day," says the guard.

"Excellent, great," says the explorer.

The guard adds, "right after total eclipse of sun."

/And then he asks for a fork
//So much for your farkin' canoe
 
2014-01-13 12:51:20 PM

TheShavingofOccam123: Benevolent Misanthrope: DubyaHater: Benevolent Misanthrope: Ouandja Magloire, who calls himself "Mad Dog", was in a Christian mob who attacked a Muslim in the capital.

Ah, the Religion of Love...

If you're referring to the Christian, keep reading. There's more information at the end of that sentence.

You mean the part about the Muslim killing his family members?  I never said the Religion of Peace wasn't in play here.  But I seem to remember something about not taking revenge as a part of the teachings of the Christian god.  Or was I misinterpreting the Holy Scriptures?

Your error was doing something most modern day Christians don't do--actually reading the Holy Scriptures.


Really?  You mental giants want to turn a perfectly fun cannibalism thread into another atheist circle-jerk?  Just get a room.
 
2014-01-13 12:54:58 PM

TheShavingofOccam123: Benevolent Misanthrope: DubyaHater: Benevolent Misanthrope: Ouandja Magloire, who calls himself "Mad Dog", was in a Christian mob who attacked a Muslim in the capital.

Ah, the Religion of Love...

If you're referring to the Christian, keep reading. There's more information at the end of that sentence.

You mean the part about the Muslim killing his family members?  I never said the Religion of Peace wasn't in play here.  But I seem to remember something about not taking revenge as a part of the teachings of the Christian god.  Or was I misinterpreting the Holy Scriptures?

Your error was doing something most modern day Christians don't do--actually reading the Holy Scriptures.


Have you ever read the Bible?  The thing is chock full of murder and sex from beginning to end.

http://www.evilbible.com
 
2014-01-13 12:55:14 PM

Molavian: hobnail: The Stealth Hippopotamus: Well, what do you expect? There are more militia members then there are cows.

Or chickens

Or pigs


combined.

Gorillas and chimps, along with smaller primates, have long been hunted for food there.  I gotta think that militia members don't taste that different.

Bush meat.


Well, yes, but "bushmeat" is a catch-all that covers everything from aardvark to zebra.  I'm talking specifically about primates.
 
2014-01-13 12:55:46 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: You mean the part about the Muslim killing his family members?  I never said the Religion of Peace wasn't in play here.  But I seem to remember something about not taking revenge as a part of the teachings of the Christian god.  Or was I misinterpreting the Holy Scriptures?



Whoa!

/ mind blown
 
2014-01-13 12:57:41 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: DubyaHater: Benevolent Misanthrope: Ouandja Magloire, who calls himself "Mad Dog", was in a Christian mob who attacked a Muslim in the capital.

Ah, the Religion of Love...

If you're referring to the Christian, keep reading. There's more information at the end of that sentence.

You mean the part about the Muslim killing his family members?  I never said the Religion of Peace wasn't in play here.  But I seem to remember something about not taking revenge as a part of the teachings of the Christian god.  Or was I misinterpreting the Holy Scriptures?


Yep, this guy is definitely representative of the average Christian in the world. Or, you know, he's gone of the deep end and committed something horrific in response to atrocities in a place where atrocities are all to common.
 
2014-01-13 01:01:09 PM

Son of Thunder: TheShavingofOccam123: Benevolent Misanthrope: DubyaHater: Benevolent Misanthrope: Ouandja Magloire, who calls himself "Mad Dog", was in a Christian mob who attacked a Muslim in the capital.

Ah, the Religion of Love...

If you're referring to the Christian, keep reading. There's more information at the end of that sentence.

You mean the part about the Muslim killing his family members?  I never said the Religion of Peace wasn't in play here.  But I seem to remember something about not taking revenge as a part of the teachings of the Christian god.  Or was I misinterpreting the Holy Scriptures?

Your error was doing something most modern day Christians don't do--actually reading the Holy Scriptures.

Really?  You mental giants want to turn a perfectly fun cannibalism thread into another atheist circle-jerk?  Just get a room.


A native guide returned to Stanley's camp in the African jungle.

The guide announces "We located Livingstone."
"Really?" asks Stanley. "How did you find him?"
"Delicious."
 
2014-01-13 01:02:35 PM

EbolaNYC: Oh Goddamn it...


Yeah, we've done that skit frontwards, backwards, up and downwards ...all that's left to do is cook it and eat it.

;)
 
2014-01-13 01:04:30 PM

Evil Mackerel: So, was he a good man?


What are they gonna say? That he was a kind man? That he was a wise man? That he had plans, man? That he had wisdom? Bullshiat, man!
 
2014-01-13 01:07:51 PM
Something, something, modest proposal

/sorry, in a hurry
 
2014-01-13 01:08:52 PM
That could have been Obama's son.
 
2014-01-13 01:08:57 PM
userserve-ak.last.fm
 
2014-01-13 01:14:30 PM

Thunderpipes: That could have been Obama's son.


This is why you're farkied as King Troll.
 
2014-01-13 01:15:18 PM
It's in Africa, the toilet of the world. If it's stupid, disgusting, criminal, insane and repugnant, then it is common practice there.

We really need an 'Africa' tag. They make the laundry list of the atrocities of the Middle East seem like a minor irritation and lead the world in 'traditional stupidity'.

Like slaughtering albinos to use in magic, raping virgin kids to cure AIDS and then there's that 'disappearing penis' plague that shows up now and then caused by witchcraft. (Of course, no one bothers to look down there at a victim to confirm his junk is actually gone. They just find the witch and slaughter them.)
 
2014-01-13 01:15:24 PM
I will be taking my holiday at Lake Parhoe this summer.
 
2014-01-13 01:16:16 PM
The BBC's Paul Wood sent this report from Bangui, which some may find distressing.

Why would it be distressing that he sent the report from Bangui?
 
2014-01-13 01:20:52 PM

To The Escape Zeppelin!: ZzeusS: cryinoutloud: These are the kinds of people who run around cutting off people's limbs, just because. I'd be shocked if they didn't also indulge in cannibalism.

Waste no want not, I always say

Really they're just being environmentally friendly. Instead of criticizing for cannibalism instead we should be highlighting the environmentally progressive nature of their actions.


I'm thinking of one word.  And that word is Nobel.
 
2014-01-13 01:23:04 PM
If I ever visit Africa, I'm dressing as clown. Everyone knows cannibals hate clowns; they taste funny.
 
2014-01-13 01:24:30 PM

Benevolent Misanthrope: DubyaHater: Benevolent Misanthrope: Ouandja Magloire, who calls himself "Mad Dog", was in a Christian mob who attacked a Muslim in the capital.

Ah, the Religion of Love...

If you're referring to the Christian, keep reading. There's more information at the end of that sentence.

You mean the part about the Muslim killing his family members?  I never said the Religion of Peace wasn't in play here.  But I seem to remember something about not taking revenge as a part of the teachings of the Christian god.  Or was I misinterpreting the Holy Scriptures?


Africans don't get a lot of things right, why should they be perfect at Christianity? Look at how badly they do Islam for Allah's Sake!
 
2014-01-13 01:25:29 PM

Valiente: maudibjr: That is not upping my desire to visit the Central African Republic from absolutely no chance.

At a certain point, you have to stop blaming the former colonial regime and take responsibility for your corrupt shiattiness.


It's less 'corrupt shiattiness' and 'take a bunch of warfaring tribes, introduce crazy new elements and fark 'em over for a long time, then leave and watch the fireworks'. It's not very straightforward, and neither is life.
 
2014-01-13 01:27:58 PM

deanis: Thunderpipes: That could have been Obama's son.

This is why you're farkied as King Troll.


Why? If Obama had a son, he would look like that. Works for you when he is spurring anti-white (Latino) hate, why not the other way around?

Anyway, was a joke, Cupcake.
 
2014-01-13 01:28:58 PM

Thunderpipes: That could have been Obama's son.


Well lookie who wandered into a perfectly good cannibalism thread and pooped his pants.
 
2014-01-13 01:30:15 PM

someonelse: Thunderpipes: That could have been Obama's son.

Well lookie who wandered into a perfectly good cannibalism thread and pooped his pants.


... and then rolled around in it.
 
2014-01-13 01:31:07 PM

Snarfangel: Perhaps if I were in a lifeboat and had no food, I might eat the captain -- but what if he had a gammy leg?


img.fark.net
 
2014-01-13 01:35:04 PM
Have we started again?
 
2014-01-13 01:36:42 PM

Thunderpipes: deanis: Thunderpipes: That could have been Obama's son.

This is why you're farkied as King Troll.

Why? If Obama had a son, he would look like that. Works for you when he is spurring anti-white (Latino) hate, why not the other way around?

Anyway, was a joke, Cupcake.


Just go back under your bridge in the politics tab.
 
2014-01-13 01:37:33 PM

Rapmaster2000: Would you rather walk 12 miles in the snow or taste human flesh?


why not both?
 
2014-01-13 01:44:24 PM
Cupcake?

i586.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-13 01:51:20 PM
 
2014-01-13 01:52:23 PM

Snarfangel: Perhaps if I were in a lifeboat and had no food, I might eat the captain -- but what if he had a gammy leg?


We'd probably eat Johnson, then.
 
2014-01-13 01:53:02 PM
i.imgur.com

Sounds like a hard life... but not as hard as Allie Brosh has it.
 
2014-01-13 02:01:49 PM

Rik01: It's in Africa, the toilet of the world. If it's stupid, disgusting, criminal, insane and repugnant, then it is common practice there.

We really need an 'Africa' tag. They make the laundry list of the atrocities of the Middle East seem like a minor irritation and lead the world in 'traditional stupidity'.

Like slaughtering albinos to use in magic, raping virgin kids to cure AIDS and then there's that 'disappearing penis' plague that shows up now and then caused by witchcraft. (Of course, no one bothers to look down there at a victim to confirm his junk is actually gone. They just find the witch and slaughter them.)


"disapearing penis" is called "Koro"
That's pretty bad!
 
2014-01-13 02:02:00 PM

edmo: Let's have a thread about clean, decent human beings.


Then correct the seasoning.
 
2014-01-13 02:25:13 PM

Magorn: OK, I can imagine if my pregnant wife was murdered, along her sister, and her's sister infant; I would be enraged.   I would likely even be so furious I could see going out to look for payback, and even short-circuiting so I took it out on the nearest person that even LOOKED like they were involved.  What I'm not getting is step two.  The aprt where you vent your fury on the hapless victim and then say."you know, he DOES look mighty tasty...."


So very much THIS.

I can get behind blistering rage. I've been there. What I missed was the "logical" jump from kill dude to om nom nom on his leg.

Maybe it's a taboo thing. Meaning, dude who was dinner is doomed fiery eternity in (African tribal equivalent) Hell. Or, dinner guy's "honor" is somehow tied with the disposition of his earthly remains.

Or, more likely, none of the above. There's a Fark expert for everything though!
 
2014-01-13 02:27:34 PM

TheShavingofOccam123: Nabb1: Magorn: OK, I can imagine if my pregnant wife was murdered, along her sister, and her's sister infant; I would be enraged.   I would likely even be so furious I could see going out to look for payback, and even short-circuiting so I took it out on the nearest person that even LOOKED like they were involved.  What I'm not getting is step two.  The aprt where you vent your fury on the hapless victim and then say."you know, he DOES look mighty tasty...."

Apparently, in Japan years ago, one of the greatest phobias people had was being eaten. It was some big deal that if someone ate you after you died, a huge fear, something to be avoided. I'm not sure why. In any case, in WWII, American troops wondered why Japanese soldiers often fought to the bitter end when it was obvious that the battle had been lost. Some surviving Japanese soldiers told their American captors that they had been told by their officers that the Americans would eat them and they were actually surprised when their captors did not start prepping them for supper. So, I guess, you know, if the people you have a grudge against have this deep-seeded cultural thing against being eaten, you could make it a point to dine on one of them as a warning to the others.

On the other side of the coin, many WWII Japanese soldiers ate the flesh of slain opponents. Apparently, supplies were a real problem. Allied control of the air enabled the destruction of Japanese shipping.


Japan truly deserved the atomic weapon surprise it received. They were worthy partners of Hitler.
 
2014-01-13 02:29:38 PM

Nabb1: Dear FARK,

I am glad to see that your commenters disapprove of this article as strongly as I. As a militia officer I abhor the implication that the Central African Republic militias are havens for cannibalism. It is well known that we have the problem relatively under control, and that it is the Somali pirates who now suffer the largest casualties in this area. And what do you think the Argylls ate in Aden? Arabs? Yours etc.

/Captain B.J. Smethwick in a white wine sauce with shallots, mushrooms and garlic


Awesome. Came for this, etc.

/We can bury her, burn her or dump her
 
2014-01-13 02:40:31 PM

maudibjr: That is not upping my desire to visit the Central African Republic from absolutely no chance.


Well, for me it kinda upped it from, no way in farking hell, to OK, but only very reluctantly to the areas the French Foreign Legion protects (airport, government facilities, French interests. Perhaps most of the capital, Abuja, this was apparently from a town called Bongo or something.).

Gonna get me some blood diamonds.

---

Also, just remember to wear your lucky charms, they'll work (no not trolling, I watched the imbedded video).

i.telegraph.co.uk


I found it very funny in a flying spaghetti monster kind of way, how the BBC reporter matter of factly stated "these people are Christians, but also sometimes believe in magic". Ooook BBC, do they pay more at Fox? ;)
 
2014-01-13 02:49:53 PM

Mr-Wunderful: As long as the cannibals are Christian I have no problem with this.


Also, he BBQed him first. It wasn't like savage, and no ketchup.

---

Just to not post whore.

But when this shiat really broke out, and the 10% muslim minority, well some of them, picked up AK47s and killing Christians for no particular reason.

I mean, they have to know the Christians are 90%, and also that France already had troops there (they always do, otherwise the airport doesn't work. (there's only one weekly flight to Paris)). So it takes the French a few days tops to airlift the Foreign Legion in, and now all the Christians are completely pissed.


Is that like drinking and snorting coke even though you need to get to work in 8 hours? Can't be that much of happy looting/killing Christians time they got in before it was real soldiers present, and apparently cannabalistic Christians.
 
2014-01-13 02:51:14 PM
The Central African Republic is launching a new currency called the "Punch-in-Face" (Pf). This is due to the fact that is all these people comprehend.
 
2014-01-13 03:11:10 PM
"But the most disturbing thing happened the next day, he said. "Mad Dog" returned, having saved some of the dead man's flesh. He put it between two halves of a baguette and ate it, with a side of okra. "

files.coloribus.com
 
2014-01-13 03:55:53 PM

Carn: WWJE


No.
WWEJ?
 
2014-01-13 07:08:09 PM

The Bruce Dickinson: "But the most disturbing thing happened the next day, he said. "Mad Dog" returned, having saved some of the dead man's flesh. He put it between two halves of a baguette and ate it, with a side of okra. "

[files.coloribus.com image 600x337]


Okra?  My god...things really have gotten terrible.
 
2014-01-13 07:58:59 PM
Someone kills someone; someone gets them back.  Then someone gets THEM back, etc. etc.

Eventually, though, they're going to kill someone nobody cares about so the cycle will stop and that revenge thinking will be so much closer to leaving the gene pool.

I say let 'em dine...
 
2014-01-13 09:12:21 PM

TheShavingofOccam123: Nabb1: Magorn: OK, I can imagine if my pregnant wife was murdered, along her sister, and her's sister infant; I would be enraged.   I would likely even be so furious I could see going out to look for payback, and even short-circuiting so I took it out on the nearest person that even LOOKED like they were involved.  What I'm not getting is step two.  The aprt where you vent your fury on the hapless victim and then say."you know, he DOES look mighty tasty...."

Apparently, in Japan years ago, one of the greatest phobias people had was being eaten. It was some big deal that if someone ate you after you died, a huge fear, something to be avoided. I'm not sure why. In any case, in WWII, American troops wondered why Japanese soldiers often fought to the bitter end when it was obvious that the battle had been lost. Some surviving Japanese soldiers told their American captors that they had been told by their officers that the Americans would eat them and they were actually surprised when their captors did not start prepping them for supper. So, I guess, you know, if the people you have a grudge against have this deep-seeded cultural thing against being eaten, you could make it a point to dine on one of them as a warning to the others.

On the other side of the coin, many WWII Japanese soldiers ate the flesh of slain opponents. Apparently, supplies were a real problem. Allied control of the air enabled the destruction of Japanese shipping.


Or each other:

s3.amazonaws.com
 
2014-01-14 03:15:43 AM

EbolaNYC: Dear Sir,

I am glad to hear that your studio audience disapproves of the last skit as strongly as I.

As a naval officer I abhor the implication that the Royal Navy is a haven for cannibalism. It is well known that we now have the problem relatively under control, and that it is the RAF who now suffer the largest casualties in this area. And what do you think the Argylls ate in Aden. Arabs?

Yours etc.
Captain B.J. Smethwick in a white wine sauce with shallots, mushrooms and garlic.


Have we started again?
 
2014-01-14 10:52:29 AM
TheShavingofOccam123 - don't leave out The Silent Service.  US subs sank ships by the gross tonage!
ko_kyi - for your reading pleasure may I suggest   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flyboys:_A_True_Story_of_Courage
On-Off - Koro, George Costanza, not available for comment
 
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