Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Gawker)   The infamous swiss cheese masturbator has been tracked down through his OKCupid account. Obviously   ( divider line
    More: Followup, masturbators, Philadelphia's Special Victims Unit, dating sites  
•       •       •

10280 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Jan 2014 at 1:36 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-13 02:29:57 AM  
10 votes:
2014-01-13 12:29:03 AM  
9 votes:
Rob Ford really has hit rock bottom.
2014-01-13 01:14:12 AM  
5 votes:
I'm glad they acted so quickly, I thought it'd take muenster find him. At least no one blue him and they got him before he could parm anyone else. He's probably going to raclette his decisions now that it's public. He deserves to spend the rest of his life provolone. I bet he thought he'd be real colby jacking off at these poor women. I know if he did this to me I'd probably sh*t a brick. Since the press havarti found out where he lives I'll bet he moves out into a cottage in the country somewhere outside of Philadelphia. And although there still seems to be some holes in this reporter's story, this guy seems to feta the profile. Limburger.
2014-01-13 01:41:35 AM  
3 votes:
I once fingered a girl with blue cheese crumbles. At least I hope that's what that was.
2014-01-13 01:55:25 AM  
2 votes:
I bet his alibi will be found full of holes.
2014-01-13 01:55:00 AM  
2 votes:
Whew! That's a relief.
 For a second there, I thought they had captured the Philadelphia Cream Cheese masturbator.
2014-01-12 10:20:45 PM  
2 votes:
The Fast and the Cheesy: Philly Phister
2014-01-13 08:20:39 AM  
1 vote:
2014-01-13 06:19:26 AM  
1 vote:
Is this what people mean when they talk about an authentic Philly cheese steak?
2014-01-13 02:37:49 AM  
1 vote:
This is my 1st cheese masturbator thread.

Has anyone quoted Andrew Dice Clay yet?

"Conversation with Zuzu Petals was like masturbating with a cheese grater: slightly amusing, but mostly painful."

Every time I see a SWISS CHEESE MASTURBATOR headline I think of that quote.
2014-01-13 01:57:55 AM  
1 vote:

wildcardjack: I bet his alibi will be found full of holes.

I doubt he gives edam about that.
2014-01-12 11:08:47 PM  
1 vote:
I have no knowledge of this but I'm oddly envious that somebody has claimed the title of "swiss cheese masturbator".. And now, in his jizzimy shadow, I somehow feel that my life has somehow not been excellent enough.

I think that maybe I too need to claim a title...I'm not sure what it should be but I'm pretty sure you should all stock up on hair nets. Just sayin', I tend to go with my strengths.
Displayed 12 of 12 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.