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(Chicago Trib)   Army Corps of Engineers proposal to keep Asian Carp out of the Great Lakes: SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 94
    More: Stupid, Army Corps of Engineers, Great Lakes, Asian, Chicago River, Lake Michigan  
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6891 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Jan 2014 at 2:09 AM (28 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-13 02:15:54 AM
My first reaction was:
That would mean severing Chicago's trade traditional ties to New Orleans and also isolating central Illinois from it's main means to move grain to market.

But then I was like: What ever man just let it burn.
 
2014-01-13 02:26:39 AM
Stupid tag subby? Really? My guess is you live nowhere near the great lakes or you you would have heard of this problem years ago and know that we are running short on time for solutions. TFA referred to lake Michigan, but the real worry is getting through to lake Erie and killing off the best walleye and perch fishing IN THE WORLD.
 
2014-01-13 02:27:15 AM
www.flyfishingmonk.com
 
2014-01-13 02:34:41 AM

aNihilV10L8tr: Stupid tag subby? Really? My guess is you live nowhere near the great lakes or you you would have heard of this problem years ago and know that we are running short on time for solutions. TFA referred to lake Michigan, but the real worry is getting through to lake Erie and killing off the best walleye and perch fishing IN THE WORLD.


Let it burn let it burn
let it burn let it burn
world full of retards
let it burn
 
2014-01-13 02:36:32 AM
Well that seems a bit extreme considering all they really need to do is introduce a little Black Carp.
 
2014-01-13 02:43:43 AM
It's a serious problem, and whatever it takes to fix it, I'm in favor of.

/Truly
 
2014-01-13 02:48:59 AM
You just know the Law of Unintended Consequences will have something to say about this approach.
Also Darwin.
 
2014-01-13 02:49:51 AM

Marmilman: Well that seems a bit extreme considering all they really need to do is introduce a little Black Carp.


Once you go black...
 
2014-01-13 02:55:41 AM
"I would hypercharge the electric barrier to make sure that it is 100 percent effective," Kirk said, noting that he was told by a Coast Guard official that voltages were kept low because boat passengers could be shocked if they touch the wall near a barrier.
That problem could be solved with proper signage, Kirk said."


Yup, if we've learned only one thing as a country it's that putting up a sign is an absolute guarantee that people will heed it. Always.
 
2014-01-13 02:57:54 AM
I'm not sure that we really need to capitalize the fish.
 
2014-01-13 03:03:24 AM

gameshowhost: I'm not sure that we really need to capitalize the fish.


Asian Carp are very much capital letter fish. They'll smack a beach.

www.riverbills.com
 
2014-01-13 03:04:59 AM
I went on a boat tour this fall and we never went on to Lake Michigan, so I assume they already cut off the river from Lake Michigan. I, however, thought it was due to sewage from the river making its way into Lake Michigan.

So basically, to summarize, I think the tour boat lobby needs to stfu. They'll be fine.

/architecture tour ftw!
 
2014-01-13 03:08:24 AM
Well, carping about the problem isn't going to help. They've just cod to do better and stop trouting themselves. Nobody made this happen on porpoise. The whole thing could be a fluke, so we don't want to flounder or be shellfish for the halibut. That would be crappie and I wouldn't want to be koi with you.
 
2014-01-13 03:21:14 AM
Those things are dangerous the way they jump out of the water, and eat every single farking thing. If they make it to the Great Lakes, the whole basin is in danger. There is no way we Canucks can protect the northern shore and all those tributaries.
 
2014-01-13 03:28:58 AM
I'm a big proponent of bow fishing. If you don't know what bow fishing is; you get a boat, a motor, a bow with a specialized arrow and reel and a river, or lake, full of Asian Carp. The motors freak them out, then they jump in the air, then you shoot them with your bow and then you fry them and eat 'em.

/ actually, I just had a crazy idea; imagine a floating combine-like device that makes the motor noise; and the Asian Carp freak out and jump into the business end of this floating combine; then you fry them and eat 'em.
 
2014-01-13 03:31:26 AM

Marmilman: Well that seems a bit extreme considering all they really need to do is introduce a little Black Carp.


But, if a bunch of black carp move in; won't the property value go down for everyone?

/ I keed, I keed
 
2014-01-13 03:35:13 AM

aNihilV10L8tr: Stupid tag subby? Really? My guess is you live nowhere near the great lakes or you you would have heard of this problem years ago and know that we are running short on time for solutions. TFA referred to lake Michigan, but the real worry is getting through to lake Erie and killing off the best walleye and perch fishing IN THE WORLD.


Honestly I think it's probably too late. We've been seeing articles about them here on Fark for at least a couple of years and nature is hella-sneaky. Does anyone really think they haven't already gotten a foothold in the other lakes?
 
2014-01-13 03:45:04 AM
Last week's Corps report was commissioned by Congress after scientists discovered genetic material of Asian carp near Lake Michigan.

Umm, yeah.
 
2014-01-13 03:46:52 AM

iheartscotch: I'm a big proponent of bow fishing. If you don't know what bow fishing is; you get a boat, a motor, a bow with a specialized arrow and reel and a river, or lake, full of Asian Carp. The motors freak them out, then they jump in the air, then you shoot them with your bow and then you fry them and eat 'em.

/ actually, I just had a crazy idea; imagine a floating combine-like device that makes the motor noise; and the Asian Carp freak out and jump into the business end of this floating combine; then you fry them and eat 'em.


And harvesting them removes Nitrogen compounds reducing pollution.  Even if you just harvest them for fertilizer.
 
2014-01-13 03:48:09 AM

ladyfortuna: aNihilV10L8tr: Stupid tag subby? Really? My guess is you live nowhere near the great lakes or you you would have heard of this problem years ago and know that we are running short on time for solutions. TFA referred to lake Michigan, but the real worry is getting through to lake Erie and killing off the best walleye and perch fishing IN THE WORLD.

Honestly I think it's probably too late. We've been seeing articles about them here on Fark for at least a couple of years and nature is hella-sneaky. Does anyone really think they haven't already gotten a foothold in the other lakes?


The solution is a very simple one; we convince the Chinese that there is a special gland in the Asian Carp swimming in American rivers that can make their wieners bigger or cure male pattern baldness or something. The Asian Carp would be extinct in 5 years.

/ the real solution is moar bow fishing, bread 'em and fry 'em in oil
 
2014-01-13 03:49:15 AM
I have a better proposal.

Make asian carp a food fad.

Start with the U.S. Government hiring Emeril Lagasse to go on TV and make really delicious dishes using Asian Carp, caviar made from carp eggs, and whatnot. Have the Food Network gradually phase in more and more shows about cooking with carp. Make it a fad.

Throw in some magazine articles about how asian carp is good for you (for whatever reason), and how delicious and cheap it is.

Once Emeril Lagasse and other celebrity chefs start cooking with asian carp, other restaurants will follow suit with their own dishes for much cheaper. Red Lobster, Olive Garden, and what have you. You can eat overpriced asian carp and pretend you're king shiat of fark island like those 1%ers on TV who eat asian carp.

Since asian carp is an invasive species and pest, they'll be in high demand at this point. With government regulations consisting entirely of "Catch and kill as many of those farkers as you can", and with asian carp prices inflated due to the perceived fad of asian carp dishes being in vogue, there is much money to be made and no government oversight when it comes to overfishing asian carp.

At some point we'll see McDonald's offer a McCarp sandwich to the menu for a limited time, or replace the Filet-o-Fish with asian carp patties (who could tell the difference? Who would care?), Burger King will have the King Carp sandwich, Wendy's will have the double bacon carpanator with 7 breaded asian carp patty filets.

Then we'll have "Fark Food Thread: Asian Carp. Do you prefer your asian carp breaded or fried? Tartar sauce or lemon juice?" followed by Farkers with digital cameras taking pictures of their asian carp dishes and others saying how delicious it looks.

At this point without any government oversight for the asian carp stocks, the food industry of America will let their capitalist hearts run free and will cause a species to go extinct intentionally. Eventually the asian carp food fad will die out and we can start it all over again with some other invasive species like Nutria.
 
2014-01-13 03:50:09 AM

bangmaid: I went on a boat tour this fall and we never went on to Lake Michigan, so I assume they already cut off the river from Lake Michigan. I, however, thought it was due to sewage from the river making its way into Lake Michigan.

So basically, to summarize, I think the tour boat lobby needs to stfu. They'll be fine.

/architecture tour ftw!


They reversed the flow a century ago to protect the intakes. You know, instead of developing treatment plants. Twas a simpler time, before civil rights or worrying about other water users.
 
2014-01-13 04:01:43 AM
Oh carp!
 
2014-01-13 04:15:57 AM
Isnt there some predetor we can introduce that would eat them?
 
2014-01-13 04:22:32 AM
Holy carp! Proper apostrophe use on TFA!
 
2014-01-13 04:23:25 AM

Vtimlin: Isnt there some predetor we can introduce that would eat them?


Exactly! The gorillas will freeze in the winter!

/ that's actually EXACTLY how we got stuck with them in the first place; and it's also why Australia has a plague of cane toads
 
2014-01-13 04:25:22 AM

Weatherkiss: I have a better proposal.

Make asian carp a food fad.

Start with the U.S. Government hiring Emeril Lagasse to go on TV and make really delicious dishes using Asian Carp, caviar made from carp eggs, and whatnot. Have the Food Network gradually phase in more and more shows about cooking with carp. Make it a fad.

Throw in some magazine articles about how asian carp is good for you (for whatever reason), and how delicious and cheap it is.

Once Emeril Lagasse and other celebrity chefs start cooking with asian carp, other restaurants will follow suit with their own dishes for much cheaper. Red Lobster, Olive Garden, and what have you. You can eat overpriced asian carp and pretend you're king shiat of fark island like those 1%ers on TV who eat asian carp.

Since asian carp is an invasive species and pest, they'll be in high demand at this point. With government regulations consisting entirely of "Catch and kill as many of those farkers as you can", and with asian carp prices inflated due to the perceived fad of asian carp dishes being in vogue, there is much money to be made and no government oversight when it comes to overfishing asian carp.

At some point we'll see McDonald's offer a McCarp sandwich to the menu for a limited time, or replace the Filet-o-Fish with asian carp patties (who could tell the difference? Who would care?), Burger King will have the King Carp sandwich, Wendy's will have the double bacon carpanator with 7 breaded asian carp patty filets.

Then we'll have "Fark Food Thread: Asian Carp. Do you prefer your asian carp breaded or fried? Tartar sauce or lemon juice?" followed by Farkers with digital cameras taking pictures of their asian carp dishes and others saying how delicious it looks.

At this point without any government oversight for the asian carp stocks, the food industry of America will let their capitalist hearts run free and will cause a species to go extinct intentionally. Eventually the asian carp food fad will die out and we can start ...


They have been trying this for at least the last 5-10 years but it's not catching on. The problem is that they taste disgusting, and even the most talented of chefs can only mask the flavor so much.
 
2014-01-13 04:41:30 AM

Vtimlin: Isnt there some predetor we can introduce that would eat them?


gracepointejeremy.files.wordpress.com

Yep.
 
2014-01-13 04:55:07 AM

ongbok: Weatherkiss: I have a better proposal.

Make asian carp a food fad.

Start with the U.S. Government hiring Emeril Lagasse to go on TV and make really delicious dishes using Asian Carp, caviar made from carp eggs, and whatnot. Have the Food Network gradually phase in more and more shows about cooking with carp. Make it a fad.

Throw in some magazine articles about how asian carp is good for you (for whatever reason), and how delicious and cheap it is.

Once Emeril Lagasse and other celebrity chefs start cooking with asian carp, other restaurants will follow suit with their own dishes for much cheaper. Red Lobster, Olive Garden, and what have you. You can eat overpriced asian carp and pretend you're king shiat of fark island like those 1%ers on TV who eat asian carp.

Since asian carp is an invasive species and pest, they'll be in high demand at this point. With government regulations consisting entirely of "Catch and kill as many of those farkers as you can", and with asian carp prices inflated due to the perceived fad of asian carp dishes being in vogue, there is much money to be made and no government oversight when it comes to overfishing asian carp.

At some point we'll see McDonald's offer a McCarp sandwich to the menu for a limited time, or replace the Filet-o-Fish with asian carp patties (who could tell the difference? Who would care?), Burger King will have the King Carp sandwich, Wendy's will have the double bacon carpanator with 7 breaded asian carp patty filets.

Then we'll have "Fark Food Thread: Asian Carp. Do you prefer your asian carp breaded or fried? Tartar sauce or lemon juice?" followed by Farkers with digital cameras taking pictures of their asian carp dishes and others saying how delicious it looks.

At this point without any government oversight for the asian carp stocks, the food industry of America will let their capitalist hearts run free and will cause a species to go extinct intentionally. Eventually the asian carp food fad will die out and we can start ...

They have been trying this for at least the last 5-10 years but it's not catching on. The problem is that they taste disgusting, and even the most talented of chefs can only mask the flavor so much.


All carp taste like garbage, though I have had it smoked which was pretty good. I was told by a Japanese lady at work that they will basically starve them in clean water for a couple days and it cleans up the flavor.
 
xcv
2014-01-13 05:02:51 AM

Vtimlin: Isnt there some predetor we can introduce that would eat them?


Many lakes in areas with high populations of Asian immigrants have been depleted of wildlife, small, barely edible small fish, ducks, shellfish etc. Open borders and the problem will resolve itself.
 
2014-01-13 05:09:15 AM
No Dwarf Fortress reference? I am dissapoint.


http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/DF2012:Carp
 
2014-01-13 05:51:32 AM
Make it illegal to possess, consume, buy or sell Asian Carp. Problem solved.
 
2014-01-13 05:59:25 AM
Shooting them when they jump out of the water could be a new sport.
 
2014-01-13 06:21:46 AM

Pick: Make it illegal to possess, consume, buy or sell Asian Carp. Problem solved.


LOL
yes, make them a protected species
 
2014-01-13 06:30:36 AM

Weatherkiss: Then we'll have "Fark Food Thread: Asian Carp. Do you prefer your asian carp breaded or fried? Tartar sauce or lemon juice?" followed by Farkers with digital cameras taking pictures of their asian carp dishes and others saying how delicious it looks.


You forgot to add the part about trolling over casseroles vs. card board.
 
2014-01-13 06:58:58 AM
Yes, we've screwed the pooch this time. Oh wait--we've been doing that ever since we got off the Mayflower.
 
2014-01-13 07:06:43 AM

cryinoutloud: Yes, we've screwed the pooch this time. Oh wait--we've been doing that ever since we got off the Mayflower.


And be "We" you mean "whatever asshole that let them out in the first place". Other folks, I think, realized this was a problem damn fast, they just haven't been able to *stop* it.

/And we've been screwing up nature WAAAAAYYYY before the mayflower.
 
2014-01-13 07:07:17 AM

iheartscotch: I'm a big proponent of bow fishing. If you don't know what bow fishing is; you get a boat, a motor, a bow with a specialized arrow and reel and a river, or lake, full of Asian Carp. The motors freak them out, then they jump in the air, then you shoot them with your bow and then you fry them and eat 'em.


A .12 gauge would be more fun.
 
2014-01-13 07:16:34 AM
They're going to close all the Wal-Marts near the Great Lakes?
 
2014-01-13 07:17:58 AM
FTA:  "It will sever the artery that supplies the lifeblood to my family's business and about 200 other families of the employees that work at Wendella," Borgstrom said.

Fine, Mr. Borgstrom but are you and the other people at Wendella willing to pay 100% of the costs of removing the Asian carp when they infest the Great Lakes?  It may cost you $100 billion dollars to eradicate them if they get loose in Lake Michigan.  Do you have $100 billion Mr. Wendella?  No!?!?  Then STFU.
 
2014-01-13 07:18:01 AM
aNihilV10L8tr:

Stupid tag subby? Really? My guess is you live nowhere near the great lakes

THIS.


/ Asian ex-pats do NOT understand (or acre about) the invasive part of invasive species
 
2014-01-13 07:46:58 AM

Vtimlin: Isnt there some predetor we can introduce that would eat them?


3-4 billion Chinese and Indians, market the fish over there - catch them and put them on ice, ship, profit...
 
2014-01-13 07:56:17 AM

aNihilV10L8tr: Stupid tag subby? Really? My guess is you live nowhere near the great lakes or you you would have heard of this problem years ago and know that we are running short on time for solutions. TFA referred to lake Michigan, but the real worry is getting through to lake Erie and killing off the best walleye and perch fishing IN THE WORLD.


perch? really? sure walleye, bass, pike, etc. all are fine catching and eating, but i always thought getting a perch was like a booby prize. although, i haven't been fishing for a long while so things may have changed since then. also, since it has been a while, how did that whole zebra mussel thing work out for the great lakes?

/i love booby prizes
 
2014-01-13 07:56:23 AM

OregonVet: Weatherkiss: Then we'll have "Fark Food Thread: Asian Carp. Do you prefer your asian carp breaded or fried? Tartar sauce or lemon juice?" followed by Farkers with digital cameras taking pictures of their asian carp dishes and others saying how delicious it looks.

You forgot to add the part about trolling over casseroles vs. card board.


Casseroles, cardboard, out of Chicago...

Look, we're talking about an invasive species here, pal. Stop trying to bring that abomination you try to call pizza into the discussion for once, eh?
 
2014-01-13 08:19:54 AM

bangmaid: I went on a boat tour this fall and we never went on to Lake Michigan, so I assume they already cut off the river from Lake Michigan. I, however, thought it was due to sewage from the river making its way into Lake Michigan.

So basically, to summarize, I think the tour boat lobby needs to stfu. They'll be fine.

/architecture tour ftw!


There is way more boats than the tour boats.  The Great Lakes around MI is a shipping lane, which is likely how the Asian Carp got into the area.  Asian Carp riding in ballast tanks of ocean shipping vessels dumping their ballast water in the Lake Michigan is the theory.  Touring boats wouldn't be enough excuse to not shut down the lake, nor could they have brought the carp.  You would be pissed too if the bigger ships you have to avoid is the reason why your business could fail.
 
2014-01-13 08:32:43 AM

aNihilV10L8tr: Stupid tag subby? Really? My guess is you live nowhere near the great lakes or you you would have heard of this problem years ago and know that we are running short on time for solutions. TFA referred to lake Michigan, but the real worry is getting through to lake Erie and killing off the best walleye and perch fishing IN THE WORLD.


Yeah, because salmon and lake trout aren't real worries.

Besides, didn't people just recently start caring about the cleanliness of Lake Erie?  Sorry, but that puts you guys at the bottom of the important Great Lakes list.
 
2014-01-13 08:36:16 AM
Add a lock to the river: put hard x-ray or gamma source in the water. It will kill or scramble the DNA of any fish that gets into the contained area. The barges won't be affected; they're carrying grain. people using boats would get out and walk around the lock while the boat was towed thru, like in some car washes.
 
2014-01-13 08:46:42 AM

lack of warmth: bangmaid: I went on a boat tour this fall and we never went on to Lake Michigan, so I assume they already cut off the river from Lake Michigan. I, however, thought it was due to sewage from the river making its way into Lake Michigan.

So basically, to summarize, I think the tour boat lobby needs to stfu. They'll be fine.

/architecture tour ftw!

There is way more boats than the tour boats.  The Great Lakes around MI is a shipping lane, which is likely how the Asian Carp got into the area.  Asian Carp riding in ballast tanks of ocean shipping vessels dumping their ballast water in the Lake Michigan is the theory.  Touring boats wouldn't be enough excuse to not shut down the lake, nor could they have brought the carp.  You would be pissed too if the bigger ships you have to avoid is the reason why your business could fail.


Sounds like your typical boat that would be able to reach China wouldn't be able to get through the locks:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_freighter

What probably really happened is that in China, buying these guys and letting them go brings good luck or something.  It started down South and the fish started working their way North.
 
2014-01-13 08:52:30 AM

divgradcurl: perch? really? sure walleye, bass, pike, etc. all are fine catching and eating, but i always thought getting a perch was like a booby prize.


For me walleye are #1 for eating and perch are #2.  Perch are definitely not a booby prize.  Carp are the booby prize.
 
2014-01-13 08:58:18 AM

Vtimlin: Isnt there some predetor we can introduce that would eat them?


Gorrilas.
 
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