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(Courier Mail)   Ladies and Gentlemen, from the land that brought you Clock Spider, please welcome Toilet Snake   (couriermail.com.au) divider line 105
    More: Scary, Plumber's snake, Brisbane, snakes, bathrooms  
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9198 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jan 2014 at 11:08 PM (25 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



105 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-01-12 08:32:12 PM
The stories I could tell about my time as road manager for Toilet Snake...
 
2014-01-12 09:37:36 PM
www.aplussewerandwater.com
Not so scary...
 
2014-01-12 10:54:25 PM
Does no work for you? How about fark no and fark you for suggesting it, how does that work for you?
 
2014-01-12 11:10:32 PM
You know, I bet I could run pretty fast whilst shiatting myself.
 
2014-01-12 11:12:05 PM
Toilet Snake is watching you defecate.
 
2014-01-12 11:13:56 PM
FTA: "The snakes go into the sewer after them and if they see a hole, they'll go up it, unfortunately some of those holes lead to people's toilets."

That sounds an awful lot like most of my dates.
 
2014-01-12 11:14:25 PM
If I saw that in my toilet I'd never shiat in one again. Ever.
 
2014-01-12 11:14:52 PM
"I'm sick and tired of these motherfarkering snakes in these motherfarking loos! "
 
2014-01-12 11:15:24 PM
Smith and Wesson has this moronic looking revolver called "The Judge."  It can take .410 shotgun rounds.  I would be carrying around one of these 24-7 if I lived in Australia.

And I imagine there would be a lot of bullet holes in my house...
 
2014-01-12 11:15:47 PM
so basically in Australia dropping a duece will get a rattle up ya ass!
 
2014-01-12 11:16:04 PM
what about the trouser snake?

some could probably scare most people too.
 
2014-01-12 11:16:04 PM
Even shiatting down under can kill you?

No Thanks
 
2014-01-12 11:16:25 PM
It's illegal to catch or kill a snake Down Under? Catch I can understand as just about everything down there can kill you and you might not want to get Steve Irwinned. But kill? Fark that noise, it's kill or be killed as far as I'm concerned.
 
2014-01-12 11:17:51 PM

Satanic_Hamster: Smith and Wesson has this moronic looking revolver called "The Judge."  It can take .410 shotgun rounds.  I would be carrying around one of these 24-7 if I lived in Australia.

And I imagine there would be a lot of bullet holes in my house...


It's probably illegal down there.
 
2014-01-12 11:18:13 PM
"No cookies."
No shiat, you people have snakes flying out of your toilets, you think I'd run scripts and cookies on your webservers?
 
2014-01-12 11:18:46 PM
And I'm reading this on the toilet. If there's a snake in mine he will have company soon.
 
2014-01-12 11:18:59 PM

Radioactive Ass: It's probably illegal down there.


I'd rather take my chances with Australian jails and all the snakes and spiders...!
 
2014-01-12 11:19:24 PM
Oh fark no. I'm pretty placid around animals, even the creepy-crawly kind, but ever since my mother told me a horror story about a snake coming up a toilet when I was a kid, it is one of my fears to open the lid and see a snake staring at me. I know that the odds are fairly remote, but dear god I would be screaming and grabbing a gun. No way in hell.

/or worse, what if that tongue hit you when you sit down?
//shivvers
 
2014-01-12 11:20:00 PM
Time to put a disposal in line to flush, a la Kramer.
 
2014-01-12 11:21:39 PM
farkin' bring it, that's why I say. If I ever lift the lid to the commode and see anything looking back up at me, I'm closing the lid, going straight to Taco Bell, ordering 10 volcano tacos, then stopping by Starbucks for a double shot Frappuccino, then going right back home and unloading a good 3lbs of liquid rage on whatever unfortunate creature decided to crawl up the shiat pipe.
 
2014-01-12 11:22:08 PM
Carpet Python sounds like slang for a lesbian's strap-on.
 
2014-01-12 11:22:22 PM
They're watching you poop.
 
2014-01-12 11:23:25 PM
middleearthhome.com
Incinolet: The Electric Incinerating Toilet
 
2014-01-12 11:24:00 PM
Nope
 
2014-01-12 11:24:38 PM

Raging Thespian: Carpet Python sounds like slang for a lesbian's strap-on.


Now that there is some grade-A funny!
 
2014-01-12 11:27:18 PM
How to deal with a toilet snake:
i.imgur.com

Full clip here
 
2014-01-12 11:28:38 PM

nytmare: Toilet Snake is watching you defecate.


I smell a new meme.
 
2014-01-12 11:29:46 PM

Tanukis_Parachute: what about the trouser snake?


Ooooh, what's a trouser snake?
 
2014-01-12 11:29:50 PM
They'll get you in the end.
 
2014-01-12 11:32:15 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: farkin' bring it, that's why I say. If I ever lift the lid to the commode and see anything looking back up at me,


Well... that might not work on the other creature that tends to hang out in Brisbane toilets- the green tree frog. They like to squish themselves into the gap between the bowl and the rim where the water comes out. You get finished with your business, flush the toilet and BAM... tree frog staring up at you, looking a bit annoyed.
 
2014-01-12 11:34:09 PM
Ironically, I'd be far more concerned about a small Common Brown in the crapper than some poor constrictor.
 
2014-01-12 11:34:19 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2014-01-12 11:34:54 PM

TinyFist: Tanukis_Parachute: what about the trouser snake?

Ooooh, what's a trouser snake?


You would know if you had one
 
2014-01-12 11:35:32 PM
Have toilet will clean.  Hissssss my pleasure
 
2014-01-12 11:36:36 PM

ArcadianRefugee: [i.imgur.com image 360x266]


And that ladies is why you should never complain when we leave the seat up. Imagine what just might be lurking just under the seat at any moment...
 
2014-01-12 11:36:51 PM

Toriko: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: farkin' bring it, that's why I say. If I ever lift the lid to the commode and see anything looking back up at me,
Well... that might not work on the other creature that tends to hang out in Brisbane toilets- the green tree frog. They like to squish themselves into the gap between the bowl and the rim where the water comes out. You get finished with your business, flush the toilet and BAM... tree frog staring up at you, looking a bit annoyed.


I had a damn tree frog jump in my mouth. In. My. Mouth.

When it rains, the little buggers like to hang out on the doors and windows. Anyway, we get back from Christmas shopping
and I'm unlocking the front door. I see a little green tree frog just a-hangin' out. No problem. Just as I turn the door handle
and start to swing the door inward, my son asks me a question. I open my mouth to answer and wouldn't you know it, the
damn frog pics that same moment to take a flying leap off the door and INTO MY MOUTH.

I screamed, spat him out and ran inside. There was a lot of "Ohmigod ohmigod it jumped in my mouth ohmigod!" and much
brushing of teeth and tongue. You know that scene in Mulan? Yeah, it was like that.

The kids thought it was hysterical.
 
2014-01-12 11:37:23 PM

TinyFist: Tanukis_Parachute: what about the trouser snake?

Ooooh, what's a trouser snake?


Are you kidding?
 
2014-01-12 11:38:21 PM

Literally Addicted: Are you kidding?


I think that he's trolling for wedding tackle.
 
2014-01-12 11:38:35 PM

macross87: TinyFist: Tanukis_Parachute: what about the trouser snake?

Ooooh, what's a trouser snake?

You would know if you had one


Well clue me in! EIP
 
2014-01-12 11:39:19 PM
Toilet snake appearances are on the up according to a Brisbane snake catcher


Of course they are, it's F*CKING AUSTRALIA!!!

Why, WHY does anyone still live there?!??!?
 
2014-01-12 11:40:41 PM
Toilet post.

i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
2.bp.blogspot.com
d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net
i.imgur.com
 
2014-01-12 11:42:07 PM
I think I'll just shiat off the 3rd floor balcony.
 
2014-01-12 11:42:18 PM
i wonder if there is some sort of fetish site that has clips of poop coming out. maybe some people put webcams in the toilet for a better view.

/Los Torpedoes!
 
2014-01-12 11:42:48 PM
www.funcage.com
www.thedailysheeple.com
 
2014-01-12 11:43:26 PM
Do most of you always keep the lid down when not using?

/serious ?
 
2014-01-12 11:43:36 PM
img.fark.net

OK That's gotta be a 'shop.

Please God, for the love of all that's holy, tell me that's a 'shop.
 
2014-01-12 11:44:50 PM

digitalrain: The kids thought it was hysterical.


That story got a genuine, actual chuckle from me, instead of the usual soft snort that most internet stories get.

Gyrfalcon: Why, WHY does anyone still live there?!??!?


Its all a conspiracy, mate. The Australian government issues these fake news stories about deadly animals killing people left and right to keep the pussies out.
 
2014-01-12 11:46:09 PM

Toriko: digitalrain: The kids thought it was hysterical.

That story got a genuine, actual chuckle from me, instead of the usual soft snort that most internet stories get.

Gyrfalcon: Why, WHY does anyone still live there?!??!?

Its all a conspiracy, mate. The Australian government issues these fake news stories about deadly animals killing people left and right to keep the pussies out.


Glad to amuse :)
 
2014-01-12 11:46:16 PM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: farkin' bring it, that's why I say. If I ever lift the lid to the commode and see anything looking back up at me, I'm closing the lid, going straight to Taco Bell, ordering 10 volcano tacos, then stopping by Starbucks for a double shot Frappuccino, then going right back home and unloading a good 3lbs of liquid rage on whatever unfortunate creature decided to crawl up the shiat pipe.


That was my first thought too but I *really* don't want a snake biting my taint, even if it is non-venomous.
 
2014-01-12 11:46:39 PM

digitalrain: screamed, spat him out and ran inside.


farkied as "doesn't swallow"
 
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