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(Fairbanks Daily Newsminer)   Take your best shot at answering why this town has been without internet for all of 2014... or take several shots with a .410 shotgun   (newsminer.com) divider line 117
    More: Fail, New Years, college town, Tanana, Ralph Eller, optical fiber cable, Alaska State Troopers, Yukon River, shotguns  
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11787 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Jan 2014 at 6:25 PM (45 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



117 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-10 04:57:41 PM  
"You can't fix stupid," is how Ralph Eller, owner of Yukon Telephone and Supervisions Cable TV, summed up the incident.

I hope that is on the next cable bill.
 
2014-01-10 04:58:52 PM  
That's okay, it's just some more responsible gun owners exercising their right to do whatever they want to do with guns.
 
2014-01-10 05:27:52 PM  
Looking at their prices I wonder if it was on purpose.

I guess it's pretty expensive to get infrastructure into the middle of nowhere.
 
2014-01-10 05:33:19 PM  
$10k for a splice.

Noh, still too Farkin' cold.
 
2014-01-10 06:09:58 PM  

Radak: Looking at their prices I wonder if it was on purpose.

I guess it's pretty expensive to get infrastructure into the middle of nowhere.


Tanana makes the middle of nowhere look pretty close actually.  I flew in there quite a few times.  Their power is all from a couple of big generators that get their diesel floated up the river in the summer, and in the winter, it is insanely isolated.  No roads to any other towns or villages, the only real way in or out is by plane.  The guy who owns the cable company is probably waiting on a part from Anchorage, which means it has to go into Fairbanks first, then get out to the town.  And if the weather has been shiatty, well, none of the little bush planes are going to be bringing it in.  Internet and cable are insanely expensive out there because of that.
 
2014-01-10 06:30:36 PM  

""You can't fix stupid," is how Ralph Eller, owner of Yukon Telephone and Supervisions Cable TV, summed up the incident."


No but you can end its life in a number of convenient ways.

 
2014-01-10 06:31:45 PM  

change1211: That's okay, it's just some more responsible gun owners exercising their right to do whatever they want to do with guns.


People in the US don't have a right to do 'whatever they want' with guns. Why do people keep repeating this ignorant crap?
 
2014-01-10 06:32:51 PM  
First time I had the chance to use a .410 was my brothers "Judge". I love shooting that thing, looks like a gun used in the old looney toons.
 
2014-01-10 06:33:00 PM  
Someone moved there from Florida?
 
2014-01-10 06:33:20 PM  
Tanana is pretty remote, even by Alaska standards. Infrastructure does get pretty expensive up here. The state is actually sponsoring a design contest for sewer and water systems for remote villages on the west coast.
 
2014-01-10 06:34:26 PM  

ElLoco: change1211: That's okay, it's just some more responsible gun owners exercising their right to do whatever they want to do with guns.

People in the US don't have a right to do 'whatever they want' with guns. Why do people keep repeating this ignorant crap?


Because they're ignorant, fear-filled, bigots.
 
2014-01-10 06:35:16 PM  

Radak: Looking at their prices I wonder if it was on purpose.

I guess it's pretty expensive to get infrastructure into the middle of nowhere.


Damn that's expensive, and they don't even get Skinamax.
 
2014-01-10 06:37:38 PM  
Since they can't get the Weather Channel. The forecast is cold.
 
2014-01-10 06:37:40 PM  
"You can't fix stupid,"

You CAN give it a beer and a weapon, apparently.

[homer-turning-off-tv-with-gun.jpg]
 
2014-01-10 06:39:46 PM  

Radak: Looking at their prices I wonder if it was on purpose.

I guess it's pretty expensive to get infrastructure into the middle of nowhere.


Looking at their website, I'd say they spent exactly 5 minutes building it back in 1992.  Back then, it was pretty fancy to be able to "Submitt an Applciation".
 
2014-01-10 06:40:14 PM  
It's not necessarily a shotgun.
 
2014-01-10 06:42:47 PM  

MrHappyRotter: Radak: Looking at their prices I wonder if it was on purpose.

I guess it's pretty expensive to get infrastructure into the middle of nowhere.

Looking at their website, I'd say they spent exactly 5 minutes building it back in 1992.  Back then, it was pretty fancy to be able to "Submitt an Applciation".


They're using self-signed certs, too.  That are expired.
 
2014-01-10 06:43:39 PM  
This is why knuckle-dragging drooling idiots should not be allowed to use guns.  fark with my internet and I'm going to go all ITG on your ass.
 
2014-01-10 06:45:06 PM  

ElLoco: change1211: That's okay, it's just some more responsible gun owners exercising their right to do whatever they want to do with guns.

People in the US don't have a right to do 'whatever they want' with guns. Why do people keep repeating this ignorant crap?


Because the NRA and ALEC spend millions every year to promote it.
 
2014-01-10 06:46:16 PM  
$99.00/Month
1.2mbps/756kbps
30GB/8GB Bandwidth Usage Limit
$5.00/GB Overage Charge

/yikes
 
2014-01-10 06:46:33 PM  
Wow, 10 days without internet? I'd be getting the sweats and shakes.
 
2014-01-10 06:47:33 PM  

SirEattonHogg: Wow, 10 days without internet? I'd be getting the sweats and shakes.


What are they using to beat off to?
 
2014-01-10 06:48:06 PM  
Yea, guns causing no internet would be the tipping point.
 
2014-01-10 06:48:50 PM  

ElLoco: change1211: That's okay, it's just some more responsible gun owners exercising their right to do whatever they want to do with guns.

People in the US don't have a right to do 'whatever they want' with guns. Why do people keep repeating this ignorant crap?


Blasphemy! There is no limitation to Second Amendment rights! Anyone who sez otherwise is a commie tryin' to take are gunz!

/You ain't no commie tryin' to take are gunz, are ya?
 
2014-01-10 06:49:31 PM  

dletter: "You can't fix stupid," is how Ralph Eller, owner of Yukon Telephone and Supervisions Cable TV, summed up the incident.

I hope that is on the next cable bill.

s3.amazonaws.com
s3.amazonaws.coms3.amazonaws.comimages.starpulse.com
 
2014-01-10 06:50:11 PM  
oops that didn't turn out right somehow.
 
2014-01-10 06:52:54 PM  
Well, since it's unlikely anyone from Tanana will read this post, I think we should take this opportunity to discuss how much their village SUCKS. :P
 
2014-01-10 06:56:17 PM  
"You can't fix stupid," is how Ralph Eller, owner of Yukon Telephone and Supervisions Cable TV, summed up the incident.

/Actually, if they had all been drunk, and without meaning to, shot each other to death at the same moment, why yes, that would have fixed stupid nicely.
 
2014-01-10 06:57:50 PM  
I'm figuring it went something like this.

Zeke: "Hey Billy Bob, what me shoot this here contraption up there"

Billy Bob "Whoooo weeeee!!! You shot er good!!!!!!"

Zeke "Yepp, I shot er good!! Lets go back to my place, watch some tv and drink some beers."

Billy Bob: "10-4 good buddy, sounds like a plan."

Fifteen minutes later they arrive at Zeke's house. Zeke tries to turn on the TV.

Zeke: "Got darnit Billy Bob!! This goddarn cable isn't working!!!! Give me that goddarn phone!! I pay good money for this darn cable, I gonna them them cable fellas a piece of my mind!!"
 
2014-01-10 06:58:00 PM  
Ongbok:   Wow, 10 days without internet? I'd be getting the sweats and shakes.

What are they using to beat off to?


I'd have to resort to the powers of imagination.  I dumped my pron collection more than a decade ago.

It would be tough, but I have the power in the palm of my hands.
 
2014-01-10 06:58:05 PM  

Molavian: MrHappyRotter: Radak: Looking at their prices I wonder if it was on purpose.

I guess it's pretty expensive to get infrastructure into the middle of nowhere.

Looking at their website, I'd say they spent exactly 5 minutes building it back in 1992.  Back then, it was pretty fancy to be able to "Submitt an Applciation".

They're using self-signed certs, too.  That are expired.


Microsoft FrontPage aint cheap, ya know.
 
2014-01-10 06:59:34 PM  
Wouldn't 3/4G be cheaper/easier? Or can you not get cell signals there either?
 
2014-01-10 07:00:13 PM  
It's a New Year's tradition to shoot off guns at midnight in the village

Yeah, this apparently is the case in a lot of the U.S.A.

/Wasn't aware of this my first year in the south...
//Really a very distinct sound firework vs gunshot
///What goes up must come down..
 
2014-01-10 07:04:54 PM  

Radak: Looking at their prices I wonder if it was on purpose.

I guess it's pretty expensive to get infrastructure into the middle of nowhere.


Yikes.  Looking at that site makes me feel like I'm back in 1994.
 
2014-01-10 07:05:27 PM  

SecretAgentWoman: Wouldn't 3/4G be cheaper/easier? Or can you not get cell signals there either?


You used to could. But ol' Bobbie from down at the diner kept complainin' about them radio waves stealing his ideas, so he shot up them dish thingies on the tower.

Boy, he was RIPPED drunk, funniest thing I ever saw.
 
2014-01-10 07:09:35 PM  
Its .410 bore. It isn't the diameter of a lead sphere that 410 of which would weigh one pound.

Dumbass reporter is a dumbass.
 
2014-01-10 07:10:32 PM  

dletter: "You can't fix stupid," is how Ralph Eller, owner of Yukon Telephone and Supervisions Cable TV, summed up the incident.

I hope that is on the next cable bill.


You can't fix stupid pretty much sums up the Internet.
 
2014-01-10 07:10:43 PM  
Musta been shootin' at some food.
 
2014-01-10 07:10:52 PM  
2nd Amendment Solution to bad TV programing.
 
2014-01-10 07:17:38 PM  

ongbok: SirEattonHogg: Wow, 10 days without internet? I'd be getting the sweats and shakes.

What are they using to beat off to?


Its Alaska...they use the wildlife.
 
2014-01-10 07:20:29 PM  

Captain Steroid: Well, since it's unlikely anyone from Tanana will read this post, I think we should take this opportunity to discuss how much their village SUCKS. :P


It's like they are stuck in the early 80's.
 
2014-01-10 07:21:21 PM  
10 grand to splice some fiber?

Sh*t, I'll do it. 10 grand won't get you a great fusion splicer but it'll definitely get you one to do the job with some cash left over. I could knock that out in an hour.

People of Tananama, EIP.

/I mean, once you have internet access and such.
 
2014-01-10 07:23:12 PM  
Not sure why but I was under the impression that fiber optic cables were buried or otherwise safe from tampering. Guess not.
 
2014-01-10 07:27:57 PM  
Their mayor pissed off Chris Christie?
 
2014-01-10 07:33:41 PM  
Wow. He actually said that.

"You can't fix stupid," is how Ralph Eller, owner of Yukon Telephone and Supervisions Cable TV, summed up the incident.

Had he said that in the CONUS, someone would be demanding his head on a pike.

berylman: Not sure why but I was under the impression that fiber optic cables were buried or otherwise safe from tampering. Guess not.


I'm guessing where this is at, since it's in Alaska, it's too cold to bury the cables.
 
2014-01-10 07:34:44 PM  
When I was 12 we had a rat in the house.  My dad upon leaving for work handed me the .410 and told me to shoot it if I saw it, cautioning me that the gun only had birdshot in it so if I didn't hit a window it would be cool.  I did not see the rat that day.  A trap got it the next day.

I wonder what happened to that gun.  It was pump action and gun metal with an oak colored stock.  I've never seen anything like it.
 
2014-01-10 07:36:30 PM  
"They could have walked 70 feet in either direction and they would not be anywhere near it," he said.

Must have been a short cable.
 
2014-01-10 07:38:23 PM  

ausfahrk: "They could have walked 70 feet in either direction and they would not be anywhere near it," he said.

Must have been a short cable.


It's all liberal conspiracy lies.  LIES I TELL YOU.  Had they walked 70 feet in either direction, they would have been within 70 feet or so from it.  That's near.  Ask anybody.  70 Feet is NEAR IT.
 
2014-01-10 07:39:15 PM  

change1211: That's okay, it's just some more responsible gun owners exercising their right to do whatever they want to do with guns.


This is why Harvard Law Review isn't calling to ask you to write a piece on the 2nd amendment.
 
2014-01-10 07:41:18 PM  

Crovan: Tanana is pretty remote, even by Alaska standards. Infrastructure does get pretty expensive up here. The state is actually sponsoring a design contest for sewer and water systems for remote villages on the west coast.


A "design contest" is a cheap shiatty way to keep from having to pay a creative professional to make your cheap shiatty music festival's marketing materials.

A "design contest" to plan vital community infrastructure? Instead of hiring, you know, Engineers? What have we come to?
 
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