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(Daily Mail)   "I was kidnapped by lap dancers wearing miniskirts, stilettos and Daisy Duke shorts"   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 60
    More: Strange, Bristol Crown Court, lap dancers  
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10246 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Jan 2014 at 3:04 PM (50 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



60 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-01-10 02:47:37 PM  
"That's my story and I'm sticking to it!"
 
2014-01-10 02:49:38 PM  
He described his Brietling watch, later found in the anus of Alexander Morris, as his 'pride and joy'.

That entire story is comedy gold
 
2014-01-10 03:07:01 PM  
Dear Penthouse ...
 
2014-01-10 03:07:05 PM  

SmackLT: "That's my story and I'm sticking to it!"


Damn those kidnappers got you too.
 
2014-01-10 03:07:11 PM  
And I did not enjoy any minute of it, honey.
 
2014-01-10 03:07:49 PM  
Was he subjected to zombie face dances?
 
2014-01-10 03:08:15 PM  
This has happened to me more than once.  Oddly they take me to this place and feed me alcoholic drinks, dance on stage and in my lap, and force me to put money in their garters.

It's absolutely horrible!


/I hope it happens again soon
 
2014-01-10 03:08:20 PM  

SmackLT: He described his Brietling watch, later found in the anus of Alexander Morris, as his 'pride and joy'.

That entire story is comedy gold


This story has a watch in anus and no one had a pulp fiction headline? For shame.
 
2014-01-10 03:08:37 PM  
I was in no way on a sniper mission.
 
2014-01-10 03:09:33 PM  
Mr. Woodman would, man, if he could, man.
 
2014-01-10 03:10:15 PM  

SmackLT: He described his Brietling watch, later found in the anus of Alexander Morris, as his 'pride and joy'.

That entire story is comedy gold


Um...keep the watch.

starsmedia.ign.com
 
2014-01-10 03:11:39 PM  
www.shipmentoffail.com
 
2014-01-10 03:12:22 PM  
He could have thwarted the abduction if his cries of "Help! I'm being kidnapped by strippers!" had been louder than a whisper.
 
2014-01-10 03:12:31 PM  

jtown: SmackLT: He described his Brietling watch, later found in the anus of Alexander Morris, as his 'pride and joy'.

That entire story is comedy gold

Um...keep the watch.


UWIA
 
2014-01-10 03:12:38 PM  
So how much did he pay for this service, and was it worth it?
 
2014-01-10 03:14:19 PM  
"Help! Help! Get me off of her!"
 
2014-01-10 03:14:25 PM  
Hey everybody, leave this guy alone. This happened to me four times last month. Pretty sure it's gonna happen again after I get paid next week.
 
2014-01-10 03:17:02 PM  
Mandy Cool is hot.
 
2014-01-10 03:17:13 PM  
Those Breitling watches are definitely quite nice. About the same cost as a Rolex. Personally I prefer a simpler, easy-to-read face, classic, something that doesn't look like the cockpit of a 747. Also, I prefer to wear my watch on my wrist because stuck up another guy's rectum, it is as hard to consult as my iPod touch.

That's the advantage of a watch over a smart phone: a flick of the wrist and you can see the time. You don't want to deal with the class of people who keep smart phones up their rectum.
 
2014-01-10 03:17:45 PM  

Langston: Hey everybody, leave this guy alone. This happened to me four times last month. Pretty sure it's gonna happen again after I get paid next week.


Are you also going to shove a watch in your anus?
 
2014-01-10 03:18:01 PM  

brantgoose: You don't want to deal with the class of people who keep smart phones up their rectum.


Preach it, brother
 
2014-01-10 03:19:05 PM  
WARNING

A scam is being pulled, mainly on older men.

What happens is that when you stop for a red light, a young nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield. While she is doing this, another person opens your back door and steals anything in the car.

They are very good at this: They got me 7 times Friday and 5 times Saturday.

I wasn't able to find them on Sunday.

***

/old joke, not mine.
 
2014-01-10 03:19:25 PM  

brantgoose: Those Breitling watches are definitely quite nice. About the same cost as a Rolex. Personally I prefer a simpler, easy-to-read face, classic, something that doesn't look like the cockpit of a 747. Also, I prefer to wear my watch on my wrist because stuck up another guy's rectum, it is as hard to consult as my iPod touch.

That's the advantage of a watch over a smart phone: a flick of the wrist and you can see the time. You don't want to deal with the class of people who keep smart phones up their rectum.


True, they keep asking me to text them the number 1 over and over.
 
2014-01-10 03:19:29 PM  

Theaetetus: Langston: Hey everybody, leave this guy alone. This happened to me four times last month. Pretty sure it's gonna happen again after I get paid next week.

Are you also going to shove a watch in your anus?


You're mistaking the victim with the alleged watch-in-rectum perpetrator.
 
2014-01-10 03:20:31 PM  
this headline has a lot of potential.  let's tune in to see how farkers react

DoctorOfLove: [www.shipmentoffail.com image 463x437]


sweet jesus

eyebleach stat!!
chivethebrigade.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-01-10 03:20:46 PM  
And it happened on Tuesday! You know your into some heavy duty stuff when your kidnapped and robbed on a Tuesday..
 
2014-01-10 03:21:57 PM  
...and twice again on Thursday, and I expect to be kidnapped again on Saturday night.
 
2014-01-10 03:22:33 PM  
or the classics, for historical perspective

i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2014-01-10 03:22:54 PM  
At which point he prosecutor asked the witness "So why are you telling us this"?
and the victim replied: "Are you kidding? I'm telling everyone!"
 
2014-01-10 03:23:18 PM  

Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Name was Russell.

 
2014-01-10 03:23:35 PM  
He described his Brietling watch, later found in the anus of Alexander Morris, as his 'pride and joy'.

Should've told her it was a wrist-watch.
 
2014-01-10 03:24:14 PM  
in case we are still unclear as to the proper direction of this thread
www.cybergorillas.com
 
2014-01-10 03:27:16 PM  
the DJ and the Manager are about 200x more attractive than the dancers.

intriguing...
 
2014-01-10 03:27:17 PM  
Morgan Freeman Voice:

Nipple Tassels
 
2014-01-10 03:27:33 PM  
Or, as I like to call it, "Tuesday". :P
 
2014-01-10 03:28:56 PM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
When I told the cops they just laughed. Said it was wishful thinking.
 
2014-01-10 03:33:17 PM  
They were wearing Daisy Dukes and miniskirts? Were they never nudes?
 
2014-01-10 03:34:53 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org

Was the watch found in the anus of  this Alexander Morris?    It looks like he might have a pocket watch on a long chain up there for this photo.
 
2014-01-10 03:36:14 PM  
Heh, that style of writing made me laugh.  Dry British humor.

The alleged victim says: They threatened me with a knife, made me get in a car, beat me, and took my watch and money.

The alleged perps say: He got in the car of his own free will, and we didn't threaten or beat him ... though we DID beat him, but it was because he mocked one of our girlfriends so that's okay, not to threaten him ..I mean we did have a knife and we did pull it out infront of him while beating him so that he could describe it's type ... but he just gave us the watch and his money for no reason - that's why we stuck the watch in our ass, because that's what you do with nice watches people give you for no reason - and also look, he likes money, don't he! There! He's guilty then, clearly, and we're innocent, and we want thousands of dollars for breaking a contract that got his business shut down.  A movie says so, doesn't it, cause he likes money so he's obviously the criminal.

I'm really surprised their lawyer isn't being sent to jail for wasting the court's time.
 
2014-01-10 03:37:35 PM  

tinyarena: "Help! Help! Get me off of

 onher!"

/
FTFM
 
2014-01-10 03:42:11 PM  

inner ted: this headline has a lot of potential.  let's tune in to see how farkers react

DoctorOfLove: [www.shipmentoffail.com image 463x437]

sweet jesus

eyebleach stat!!
[chivethebrigade.files.wordpress.com image 500x690]


You obviously meant to say "airbrush, stat!!"
 
2014-01-10 03:54:49 PM  

SmackLT: He described his Brietling watch, later found in the anus of Alexander Morris, as his 'pride and joy'.

That entire story is comedy gold


It WAS his pride and joy, now it's just somebody else's Ass Watch
 
2014-01-10 03:54:56 PM  
cdn-media.hollywood.com
From the greatest movie ever filmed, DOA.
 
2014-01-10 03:55:15 PM  

SansNeural: inner ted: this headline has a lot of potential.  let's tune in to see how farkers react

DoctorOfLove: [www.shipmentoffail.com image 463x437]

sweet jesus

eyebleach stat!!
[chivethebrigade.files.wordpress.com image 500x690]

You obviously meant to say "airbrush, stat!!"


and a bot o' photoshop, to boot.  Anywho ...
2.bp.blogspot.com
www.seducingwithstyle.com
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-01-10 03:57:03 PM  

SansNeural: inner ted: this headline has a lot of potential.  let's tune in to see how farkers react

DoctorOfLove: [www.shipmentoffail.com image 463x437]

sweet jesus

eyebleach stat!!
[chivethebrigade.files.wordpress.com image 500x690]

You obviously meant to say "airbrush, stat!!"


www.falconstormbooks.com
nttawwt
 
2014-01-10 04:02:35 PM  
What's the time?

us.123rf.com
 
2014-01-10 04:21:15 PM  
Never ask Alexander Morris for the time...EVER!
 
2014-01-10 04:25:39 PM  
Khalid Missouri is the lawyer?  Really??
 
2014-01-10 04:27:54 PM  
Tasty.
 
2014-01-10 04:41:47 PM  
You've told us that sir.

NOW, what were the kidnappers wearing?
 
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