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(Toronto Sun)   Shia LeBoeuf announces his retirement from public life, using a nice speech originally written by J.D. Salinger   (torontosun.com ) divider line
    More: Sad, Shia Labeouf, J.D. Salinger, Blast!  
•       •       •

7198 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 10 Jan 2014 at 2:59 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2014-01-10 02:39:35 PM  
4 votes:
"You won't have Nixon to kick around anymore because, gentlemen, this is my last press conference".

 - Shia LeBoeuf
2014-01-10 03:34:46 PM  
3 votes:
You know how sometimes, in a comments thread, some new knucklehead troll will get his ass handed to him and then he tries to play it off with sillier and sillier posts, just to make it seem like we all played into his hands?

This is like that, except with actionable plagiarism .
2014-01-10 05:07:56 PM  
2 votes:
oops, wrong thread.


not that anyone will complain
2014-01-10 04:56:06 PM  
2 votes:

BafflerMeal: [www.farbish.com image 737x552]


fix'd

i.imgur.com
2014-01-10 03:58:37 PM  
2 votes:
"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth."

- Shia LeBeouf
2014-01-10 03:25:49 PM  
2 votes:
Artistic integrity.  Un-f*cking-believable.  Some people are so completely delusional and narcissistic it hurts my head.  At 27, hopefully he'll plagiarize Cobain's wall art.
2014-01-10 03:07:03 PM  
2 votes:
"Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth."
-Shia LeBoeuf
2014-01-10 01:27:56 PM  
2 votes:
ROFL.

So, he's plagiarizing Rand Paul, who threatened to quit because he plagiarized.
2014-01-10 01:21:22 PM  
2 votes:
media.tumblr.com
2014-01-10 01:03:18 PM  
2 votes:
I used to think that he was just someone who was cast in too many films, being pretty much the same character in each.

Now I know he's just a stupid dick.
2014-01-10 12:59:37 PM  
2 votes:
wellbye.jpg
2014-01-12 03:18:42 AM  
1 vote:
"Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra."

-Shia LeBeouf
2014-01-10 11:04:31 PM  
1 vote:
I read books and draw life from the eye.  All my life is drawings from the eye.
   -- Shia LeBoeuf
2014-01-10 08:54:59 PM  
1 vote:
i1078.photobucket.com
2014-01-10 08:27:50 PM  
1 vote:
1/10/14 - never forget.
2014-01-10 08:23:14 PM  
1 vote:
i.imgur.com
2014-01-10 08:08:32 PM  
1 vote:

WhyKnot: EdgeRunner: EdgeRunner: Oh, oh, you know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Shia LaBeouf. The fact is the man's out there every bloody night, putting a fresh spin on other people's material, and he's charming.
In light of the recent attacks against Shia's artistic integrity, I am retiring from this thread. My love goes out to those who have supported me.

You guys saw this, right? Where I said I'm retiring from this thread? And my love goes out to those who have supported me?

I'm not joking around here. All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go. I'm standin' here outside your door. I hate to wake you up to say goodbye, but the dawn is breakin', it's early morn, the taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn. Already I'm so lonesome I could die.

Are you by chance leaving on a jet plane? Any idea when you will be back again?


My dear and loyal FARKers,

I must apologize to you all. Today, I have learned an immensely valuable lesson. Never, ever let Shia LaBeouf "artistically repurpose" your password.

My original submission, by those champions of truth, the writers of Family Guy, was meant to be the entirety of EdgeRunner wisdom for this thread. However, my unemployed and attention-starved roommate Shia, since learning of my password last night, has seen fit to take me down a few pegs. I fear that he may have succeeded, as quite a few of you will no doubt call this post a lie. Nevertheless, I can assure you all that the EdgeRunner you all know and love is back and in relative control of things (Shia's out of the room, transcribing the entirety of Barlett's "Familiar Quotations" onto his military application. He plans to join the Marine Core and help them finish up in Afghanistan.).

Once again, my sincerest apologies go out to all who have come to expect more from me. I'd apologize further, but I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes and I have a lot of mustard to clean off my shirt first.
2014-01-10 07:56:53 PM  
1 vote:
"As god as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly"

- Shia LeBoeuf
2014-01-10 07:54:19 PM  
1 vote:
Holy crap.

Shia LeBeouf must be the most quotable motherfarker in human history. It's so sad that he's retiring.
2014-01-10 07:49:41 PM  
1 vote:
Be patient till the last.
Autobots, countrymen, and lovers! hear me for my
cause, and be silent, that you may hear: believe me
for mine honour, and have respect to mine honour, that
you may believe: censure me in your wisdom, and
awake your senses, that you may the better judge.
If there be any in this assembly, any dear friend of
Optimus', to him I say, that Bumblebee's love to Optimus
was no less than his. If then that friend demand
why Bumblebee rose against Optimus, this is my answer:
--Not that I loved Optimus less, but that I loved
Cybertron more. Had you rather Optimus were living and
die all slaves, than that Optimus were dead, to live
all free men? As Optimus loved me, I weep for him;
as he was fortunate, I rejoice at it; as he was
valiant, I honour him: but, as he was ambitious, I
slew him. There is tears for his love; joy for his
fortune; honour for his valour; and death for his
ambition. Who is here so base that would be a
bondman? If any, speak; for him have I offended.
Who is here so rude that would not be an Autobot? If
any, speak; for him have I offended. Who is here so
vile that will not love his country? If any, speak;
for him have I offended. I pause for a reply.

-Shia "The Beef" LeBoeuf
2014-01-10 06:44:52 PM  
1 vote:
"ManItellyouwhatHankboutdatdangol'mean ingoflifemanitslikethis, man. It'slikebutterflyflappin'itswingsdeepd ownintheforestman, gonnacauseatreefalls like 5,000 miles away, manain'tnobodyseeitnobodydunevenknowit evenhappen. Youknowlikebabybornintothisworldyoukno wain'tgotnogoddangfriendsain'tgo tnothinbuttheycomeinfindoutallaboutdat ol evil, man. Man, seelike, youdon'tevenknow, man whenyougoneit'slike you're born into this world, man. Andyouknowit'slikethis, likedustinthewind, man. Orlikeadangolcandleinthewindmanyougone getdon'tevenmattermanit'slikeall oldiesallthetimeman. YouknowwhatIthinkman?It'slike'Ithinkth erefore you are' man."

-Shia LeBeouf

/sorry if that's too hard to read
//just as hard to write
///slashies still come in three, right?
2014-01-10 06:39:23 PM  
1 vote:
Oh, oh, you know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Shia LaBeouf. The fact is the man's out there every bloody night, putting a fresh spin on other people's material, and he's charming.

In light of the recent attacks against Shia's artistic integrity, I am retiring from this thread. My love goes out to those who have supported me.
2014-01-10 06:26:22 PM  
1 vote:

ristst: "Klaatu Barada Nickto Necktie"

--Shia LeBeouf

2014-01-10 05:23:48 PM  
1 vote:

Don't let reality's door hit you in the ass on the way out, cockspittle!

What a colossal douche. "You caught me repeatedly stealing IP from people - I'm gonna run away now." Perhaps, Shia, you should develop not just a personality, but some original material, during your self-imposed hiatus in your Fortress of Solipsism.
2014-01-10 05:21:58 PM  
1 vote:
"You'll Get Over It" - Shiat LeBoeuf
2014-01-10 05:11:40 PM  
1 vote:
"college co-eds..

img.fark.net


If you are opposed to this, well, you can't be my friend."

-Shia LeBeouf
2014-01-10 04:47:40 PM  
1 vote:
I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose free will."

-Shia LeBeouf
2014-01-10 04:40:56 PM  
1 vote:
"There's a Devil in my dick, a demon in my semen."

~Shia LeBoeuf
2014-01-10 04:36:44 PM  
1 vote:
"They have seen my strength for themselves, have watched me rise from the darkness of war, dripping with my enemies' blood. I drove five great giants into chains, chased all of that race from the earth. I swam in the blackness of night, hunting monsters out of the ocean, and killing them one by one; death was my errand and the fate they had earned. Now Grendel and I are called together, and I've come."

-Shia LaBeowulf
2014-01-10 04:26:35 PM  
1 vote:
"It is a mistake to expect too much of justice in the world.  The notion that evil is seldom rewarded is greatly overspoken for if there were no advantage to it then men would shun it and how could virtue then be attached to its repudiation?  It is true that time heals bereavement, but it does so only at the cost of the slow extinction of those loved ones from the heart's memory which is the sole place of their abode then or now.  Faces fade, voices dim.  Seize them back.  Speak with them.  Call their names.  Do this and do not let sorrow die for it is the sweetening of every gift."

Chia McBeef
2014-01-10 04:18:06 PM  
1 vote:
"Your kind cannot bear that the world be ordinary.  That it contain nothing save what stands before one.  But the Mexican world is a world of adornment only and underneath it is very plain indeed.  While your world ... your world totters upon an unspoken labyrinth of questions.  And we will devour you, my friend.  You and all your pale empire."

The Beef
2014-01-10 04:14:40 PM  
1 vote:
"You remember when we used to go down to Bloy's to try to pick up girls?  That's where he met her at.  Camp meetin.  That'll make you ponder the ways of God.  He asked her out and she told him she wouldn't go out with a man that drank.  He looked her straight in the eye and told her he didn't drink.  She like to fell over backwards.  I guess it come as something of a shock to her to meet a even bigger liar than what she was.  But he told the naked truth.  Of course she called his hand on it.  Said she knew for a fact he drank.  Said everybody in Jeff Davis County knew he drank and drank plenty and was wild as a buck.  He never batted an eye.  Said he used to but he quit.  She asked him when did he quit and he said I just now did.  And she went out with him.  And as far as I know he never took another drink.  Till she quit him of course.  By then he had a lot of catchin up to do.  Tell me about the evils of liquor.  Liquor aint nothing. "

Shia LeBeef
2014-01-10 04:11:29 PM  
1 vote:
img2.timeinc.net

Someone break the news to Vanity Fair...The New Tom Hanks he is not.
2014-01-10 04:10:50 PM  
1 vote:
Can we possibly retroactively remove him from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?
2014-01-10 04:07:42 PM  
1 vote:
"When I was all set to go, when I had my bags and all, I stood for a while next to the stairs and took a last look down the goddam corridor. I was sort of crying. I don't know why. I put my red hunting hat on, and turned the peak around to the back, the way I liked it, and then I yelled at the top of my goddam voice, "Sleep tight, ya morons!" I'll bet I woke up every bastard on the whole floor. Then I got the hell out. Some stupid guy had thrown peanut shells all over the stairs, and I damn near broke my crazy neck."

- Shia LeBeouf
2014-01-10 04:01:33 PM  
1 vote:

FraggleStickCar: HotWingConspiracy: FraggleStickCar: I don't know whether the whole plagiarism thing started as a stunt, or just ended up that way, but the idiotic version of haughty arrogance this dude has been putting on display for a long time now is pretty fascinating considering its coming from the star of Even Stevens and the Transformers movies.

It's like he's didn't just plagiarize someone's work, he's also plagiarizing a shiatty attitude of someone who has actually done something of artistic merit. (showing your dick in a sigur ros video doesn't count, unfortunately)

He's trying to play it like he's some Warholian figure and the world just isn't ready.

Basically he knows he's pretty well farked and had nothing left to do but keep quiet or troll. He chose troll but is trying to sell it as some take down of the intellectual property culture.

Yeah that seems most likely.  It is unfortunate for him that lofty ideas like that are maybe more than a little bit beyond his actual grasp.

Or maybe it's all part of even larger and more carefully orchestrated scheme, and you and I will merely be another set of dominos to fall when Shia Labeouf executes his final master stroke.


"If we can hit that bullseye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards, checkmate!"

-Shia LaBeouf
2014-01-10 04:00:44 PM  
1 vote:
"Do you want fries with that?"

-Shia LeBeouf
2014-01-10 03:58:56 PM  
1 vote:

HotWingConspiracy: FraggleStickCar: I don't know whether the whole plagiarism thing started as a stunt, or just ended up that way, but the idiotic version of haughty arrogance this dude has been putting on display for a long time now is pretty fascinating considering its coming from the star of Even Stevens and the Transformers movies.

It's like he's didn't just plagiarize someone's work, he's also plagiarizing a shiatty attitude of someone who has actually done something of artistic merit. (showing your dick in a sigur ros video doesn't count, unfortunately)

He's trying to play it like he's some Warholian figure and the world just isn't ready.

Basically he knows he's pretty well farked and had nothing left to do but keep quiet or troll. He chose troll but is trying to sell it as some take down of the intellectual property culture.


Yeah that seems most likely.  It is unfortunate for him that lofty ideas like that are maybe more than a little bit beyond his actual grasp.

Or maybe it's all part of even larger and more carefully orchestrated scheme, and you and I will merely be another set of dominos to fall when Shia Labeouf executes his final master stroke.
2014-01-10 03:57:36 PM  
1 vote:
"I was trying to feel some kind of good-bye. I mean I've left schools and places I didn't even know I was leaving them. I hate that. I don't care if it's a sad good-bye or a bad good-bye, but when I leave a place I like to know I'm leaving it. If you don't you feel even worse."

-Shia Labeouf
2014-01-10 03:45:08 PM  
1 vote:
"Fark you, fark you, fark you, you're cool, and fark you, I'm out! "

-Shia LeBoeuf
2014-01-10 03:40:25 PM  
1 vote:
"Either the wallpaper goes, or I do."

- Shia LeBouf
2014-01-10 03:36:33 PM  
1 vote:
"If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident."

- Shia LeBouf
2014-01-10 03:32:07 PM  
1 vote:
"I said, to the people of the Philippines whence I came, I shall return. Tonight, I repeat those words: I shall return!"

-Shia LeBeouf
2014-01-10 03:24:22 PM  
1 vote:
"One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine. "

*Shia LeBeouf
2014-01-10 03:20:24 PM  
1 vote:
World needs plenty of ditch diggers

content9.flixster.com
2014-01-10 03:14:42 PM  
1 vote:
*waves my fark-o-meter around*

Hm. Number of farks given about his statement is barely detectable.
2014-01-10 03:12:22 PM  
1 vote:
If only I could be so rich as to retire from public life at 27.
2014-01-10 02:35:04 PM  
1 vote:
Good.  I won't miss you.
 
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