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(Toronto Sun)   Shia LeBoeuf announces his retirement from public life, using a nice speech originally written by J.D. Salinger   (torontosun.com) divider line 348
    More: Sad, Shia Labeouf, J.D. Salinger, Blast!  
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7136 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 10 Jan 2014 at 2:59 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



348 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-10 06:06:42 PM  
"No wire hangers!"

-Shia LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 06:08:57 PM  
"These are the new leads. These are the Glengarry leads. And to you they're gold, and you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you would be throwing them away. They're for closers."

 - Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 06:09:37 PM  
"After all, AIDS is a deadly, incurable disease. But no matter how you come to judge Charles Wheeler and his partners, in ethical, moral, and in human terms, the fact of the matter is, when they fired Andrew Beckett because he had AIDS, they broke the law."

Shia LeBeouf, when asked about his retirement.
 
2014-01-10 06:13:04 PM  
"I pooped myself"

-Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 06:15:10 PM  
So, no Wall Street III - The Paint Never Dries, then?

Nooooo!!!
 
2014-01-10 06:18:18 PM  
As comedian Martin Parker once correctly stated, did you all know that the literal French translation of Shia LeBoeuf is "Beef Flavored S#$t Spray"?
 
2014-01-10 06:19:25 PM  

Foxxinnia: If only I could be so rich as to retire from public life at 27.


Maybe he's planning to join the 27 Club.

/I know, he's not a 'popular musician'.
 
2014-01-10 06:22:17 PM  
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

-Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 06:23:40 PM  
The crew of the space shuttle Challenger honored us by the manner in which they lived their lives. We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for the journey and waved goodbye and "slipped the surly bonds of earth" to "touch the face of God."

- Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 06:25:10 PM  
"Klaatu Barada Nickto"

--Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 06:26:22 PM  

ristst: "Klaatu Barada Nickto Necktie"

--Shia LeBeouf

 
2014-01-10 06:27:14 PM  
"Beep beep beep"

Shia LeSputnik
 
2014-01-10 06:28:36 PM  
Assume the controls, Holk Hogan!

--The Ultimate LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 06:33:15 PM  

Fireproof: "Also, don't you dare tell me what I can use in a photoshop contest movie, I'll use anything I like!"

-Shia LeBeouf


That was a one hell of a photoshop thread!!

-Shia Lebouf
 
2014-01-10 06:33:23 PM  
"At midnight of the appointed date, Mr. Scratch arrives and is greeted by Webster, who presents himself as Stone's Shia's attorney. Mr. Scratch tells Webster, "I shall call upon you, as a law-abiding citizen, to assist me in taking possession of my property," and so begins the argument. It goes poorly for Webster, since the signature and the contract are clear, and Mr. Scratch will not agree to a compromise."

-Shia Leboulf
 
2014-01-10 06:39:15 PM  
Son, your mother and me would like for you to cozy up to the Finkelstein boy.

--Shia Lebeouf
 
2014-01-10 06:39:23 PM  
Oh, oh, you know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Shia LaBeouf. The fact is the man's out there every bloody night, putting a fresh spin on other people's material, and he's charming.

In light of the recent attacks against Shia's artistic integrity, I am retiring from this thread. My love goes out to those who have supported me.
 
2014-01-10 06:44:52 PM  
"ManItellyouwhatHankboutdatdangol'mean ingoflifemanitslikethis, man. It'slikebutterflyflappin'itswingsdeepd ownintheforestman, gonnacauseatreefalls like 5,000 miles away, manain'tnobodyseeitnobodydunevenknowit evenhappen. Youknowlikebabybornintothisworldyoukno wain'tgotnogoddangfriendsain'tgo tnothinbuttheycomeinfindoutallaboutdat ol evil, man. Man, seelike, youdon'tevenknow, man whenyougoneit'slike you're born into this world, man. Andyouknowit'slikethis, likedustinthewind, man. Orlikeadangolcandleinthewindmanyougone getdon'tevenmattermanit'slikeall oldiesallthetimeman. YouknowwhatIthinkman?It'slike'Ithinkth erefore you are' man."

-Shia LeBeouf

/sorry if that's too hard to read
//just as hard to write
///slashies still come in three, right?
 
2014-01-10 06:45:42 PM  
"-- RAND PAUL"

-- Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 06:49:24 PM  
Since he's plagiarizing bukowski, Was his apology along the lines of "F**k stardom, F**k this tree - a rotting, gray husk, and F*k this! " and eventually drilling down into a stream of consciousness only a man whose had half a bottle of bourbon can truly appreciate?
 
2014-01-10 06:49:42 PM  
"...would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!"

-Shia LeBeouf


Also I was thinking of a new meme. Take your favorite meme and replace the main character in it with Shia.
 
2014-01-10 06:50:16 PM  
"All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up".

-Shia LePoof
 
2014-01-10 06:54:59 PM  
I used to talk about killing myself all the time, man. But I don't wanna die now. It ain't long enough. Sixteen years ain't gonna be long enough. Hell, I wouldn't care so much if there hadn't been so many things I haven't done yet. So many damn things I ain't seen or done. That time when we were in Windrixville was the only time I've ever been away from my neighborhood.

- S.E. LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 07:02:16 PM  
You know, there is a "27 club" he might want to join, not that they'd have him as a member if he passed the entry test, but, he could knock on that door...
 
2014-01-10 07:05:14 PM  
When Quentin Tarantino does it it's called a "homage". Shia needs to get a better publicist or something.
 
2014-01-10 07:05:49 PM  
"Today, we are cancelling the apocalypse!"
Field Marshal LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 07:07:40 PM  
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow! - Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 07:08:26 PM  

EdgeRunner: Oh, oh, you know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Shia LaBeouf. The fact is the man's out there every bloody night, putting a fresh spin on other people's material, and he's charming.
In light of the recent attacks against Shia's artistic integrity, I am retiring from this thread. My love goes out to those who have supported me.


You guys saw this, right? Where I said I'm retiring from this thread? And my love goes out to those who have supported me?

I'm not joking around here. All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go. I'm standin' here outside your door. I hate to wake you up to say goodbye, but the dawn is breakin', it's early morn, the taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn. Already I'm so lonesome I could die.
 
2014-01-10 07:12:42 PM  
You haven't seen the last of Barbados LeBoeuf! Now goodbye, forever!
- Shia LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 07:12:42 PM  
"What's he that wishes so?
My cousin Bumblebee? No, my fair cousin;
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
Bay's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.
By Prime, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from Burbank.
Bay's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Bumblebee, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say "To-morrow is Saint Crispian."
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say "These wounds I had on Crispian's day."
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Shia the Beef, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in Burbank now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day. "

-Shia LeBouef
 
2014-01-10 07:18:14 PM  
"Where's the beef?"

- Shia The Beef
 
2014-01-10 07:21:14 PM  

EdgeRunner: EdgeRunner: Oh, oh, you know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Shia LaBeouf. The fact is the man's out there every bloody night, putting a fresh spin on other people's material, and he's charming.
In light of the recent attacks against Shia's artistic integrity, I am retiring from this thread. My love goes out to those who have supported me.

You guys saw this, right? Where I said I'm retiring from this thread? And my love goes out to those who have supported me?

I'm not joking around here. All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go. I'm standin' here outside your door. I hate to wake you up to say goodbye, but the dawn is breakin', it's early morn, the taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn. Already I'm so lonesome I could die.


Please. Don't go.
 
2014-01-10 07:22:53 PM  
"This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it."

- Shia LeBouef
 
2014-01-10 07:24:47 PM  
"Welcome to Erf!"

-Shia LeBouef
 
2014-01-10 07:27:58 PM  
"Sloth love Chunk!"

-Shia LaBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 07:28:07 PM  

The Pope of Manwich Village: EdgeRunner: EdgeRunner: Oh, oh, you know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Shia LaBeouf. The fact is the man's out there every bloody night, putting a fresh spin on other people's material, and he's charming.
In light of the recent attacks against Shia's artistic integrity, I am retiring from this thread. My love goes out to those who have supported me.

You guys saw this, right? Where I said I'm retiring from this thread? And my love goes out to those who have supported me?

I'm not joking around here. All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go. I'm standin' here outside your door. I hate to wake you up to say goodbye, but the dawn is breakin', it's early morn, the taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn. Already I'm so lonesome I could die.

Please. Don't go.


Oh no, I said I was leaving and I meant it! I had a beautiful life here in this thread, and you all killed it! This is murder! Murder! You're all guilty, and you did it all for nothing! Killing my posts won't bring back your goddamn honey!
 
2014-01-10 07:29:52 PM  

"You all know the mission, and what is at stake.

I have come to trust each of you with my life -- but I have also heard murmurs of discontent. I share your concerns.
We are trained for espionage; we would be legends, but the records are sealed. Glory in battle is not our way.
Think of our heroes; the Silent Step, who defeated a nation with a single shot. Or the Ever Alert, who kept armies at bay with hidden facts.
These giants do not seem to give us solace here, but they are not all that we are.
Before the network, there was the fleet. Before diplomacy, there were soldiers!

Our influence stopped the Rachni, but before that we held the line!


Our influence stopped the Krogan, but before that we held the line!


Our influence will stop Saren; in the battle today, we will hold the line!"

-Shia LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 07:30:48 PM  
"America's long national nightmare has finally come to an end."

-Shia LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 07:34:29 PM  
"I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, '... I drank what?'"

 - Shia LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 07:36:11 PM  
"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" - Shia LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 07:40:06 PM  

EdgeRunner: The Pope of Manwich Village: EdgeRunner: EdgeRunner: Oh, oh, you know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Shia LaBeouf. The fact is the man's out there every bloody night, putting a fresh spin on other people's material, and he's charming.
In light of the recent attacks against Shia's artistic integrity, I am retiring from this thread. My love goes out to those who have supported me.

You guys saw this, right? Where I said I'm retiring from this thread? And my love goes out to those who have supported me?

I'm not joking around here. All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go. I'm standin' here outside your door. I hate to wake you up to say goodbye, but the dawn is breakin', it's early morn, the taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn. Already I'm so lonesome I could die.

Please. Don't go.

Oh no, I said I was leaving and I meant it! I had a beautiful life here in this thread, and you all killed it! This is murder! Murder! You're all guilty, and you did it all for nothing! Killing my posts won't bring back your goddamn honey!


Edgerunner! Don't, I'll say anything! Please, Edgerunner, I'll say anything you want, tell me what you want me to say and I'll say it...please don't go!
 
2014-01-10 07:40:44 PM  
Game over man! Game over! -Shia LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 07:41:46 PM  
The Boeufaloos, the Boeufaloos
We're in the air and everywhere
Flying high, flying loose
Flying free as a summer breeze
Happy as a summer breeze

   -- Shia LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 07:45:28 PM  

The Pope of Manwich Village: EdgeRunner: The Pope of Manwich Village: EdgeRunner: EdgeRunner: Oh, oh, you know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Shia LaBeouf. The fact is the man's out there every bloody night, putting a fresh spin on other people's material, and he's charming.
In light of the recent attacks against Shia's artistic integrity, I am retiring from this thread. My love goes out to those who have supported me.

You guys saw this, right? Where I said I'm retiring from this thread? And my love goes out to those who have supported me?

I'm not joking around here. All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go. I'm standin' here outside your door. I hate to wake you up to say goodbye, but the dawn is breakin', it's early morn, the taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn. Already I'm so lonesome I could die.

Please. Don't go.

Oh no, I said I was leaving and I meant it! I had a beautiful life here in this thread, and you all killed it! This is murder! Murder! You're all guilty, and you did it all for nothing! Killing my posts won't bring back your goddamn honey!

Edgerunner! Don't, I'll say anything! Please, Edgerunner, I'll say anything you want, tell me what you want me to say and I'll say it...please don't go!


Everybody betrayed me! I'm fed up with this thread! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, FARK THREAD! You are all just little chickens! Cheep cheep cheep cheep!

Oh hi, Pope of Manwich Village.
 
2014-01-10 07:45:36 PM  
"There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge. And I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon."
-- Louis Stevens
 
2014-01-10 07:49:41 PM  
Be patient till the last.
Autobots, countrymen, and lovers! hear me for my
cause, and be silent, that you may hear: believe me
for mine honour, and have respect to mine honour, that
you may believe: censure me in your wisdom, and
awake your senses, that you may the better judge.
If there be any in this assembly, any dear friend of
Optimus', to him I say, that Bumblebee's love to Optimus
was no less than his. If then that friend demand
why Bumblebee rose against Optimus, this is my answer:
--Not that I loved Optimus less, but that I loved
Cybertron more. Had you rather Optimus were living and
die all slaves, than that Optimus were dead, to live
all free men? As Optimus loved me, I weep for him;
as he was fortunate, I rejoice at it; as he was
valiant, I honour him: but, as he was ambitious, I
slew him. There is tears for his love; joy for his
fortune; honour for his valour; and death for his
ambition. Who is here so base that would be a
bondman? If any, speak; for him have I offended.
Who is here so rude that would not be an Autobot? If
any, speak; for him have I offended. Who is here so
vile that will not love his country? If any, speak;
for him have I offended. I pause for a reply.

-Shia "The Beef" LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 07:50:03 PM  

Shrugging Atlas: "Au revoir, gopher."
 -Shia LeBeouf


Winner right here. If I had 5$ you would be a reviled TFer
 
2014-01-10 07:53:09 PM  
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
shiathead Labafoon.
 
2014-01-10 07:54:19 PM  
Holy crap.

Shia LeBeouf must be the most quotable motherfarker in human history. It's so sad that he's retiring.
 
2014-01-10 07:54:24 PM  

EdgeRunner: EdgeRunner: Oh, oh, you know, it is so fashionable to take a shot at Shia LaBeouf. The fact is the man's out there every bloody night, putting a fresh spin on other people's material, and he's charming.
In light of the recent attacks against Shia's artistic integrity, I am retiring from this thread. My love goes out to those who have supported me.

You guys saw this, right? Where I said I'm retiring from this thread? And my love goes out to those who have supported me?

I'm not joking around here. All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go. I'm standin' here outside your door. I hate to wake you up to say goodbye, but the dawn is breakin', it's early morn, the taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn. Already I'm so lonesome I could die.


Are you by chance leaving on a jet plane? Any idea when you will be back again?
 
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