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(Toronto Sun)   Shia LeBoeuf announces his retirement from public life, using a nice speech originally written by J.D. Salinger   (torontosun.com ) divider line 348
    More: Sad, Shia Labeouf, J.D. Salinger, Blast!  
•       •       •

7171 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 10 Jan 2014 at 2:59 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



348 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-10 04:41:17 PM  

Car_Ramrod: Nana's Vibrator: At 27, hopefully he'll plagiarize Cobain's wall art.

HaywoodJablonski: I would have preferred he use Bud Dwyer's exit strategy

Starhawk: So he's still eligible for the 27 Club? Woohoo!

I'm always amazed at the eagerness of people to wish death upon someone for such banal reasons. I know it's the internet, but it's still pretty disturbing.


That. Even worse is when they tell other posters to kill themselves over trivial shiat like which movie they like more.
 
2014-01-10 04:42:55 PM  
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"

- Shia Leboof
 
2014-01-10 04:43:10 PM  
"I'm still better liked than that Apple commercial guy."

-shiat LeBeef
 
2014-01-10 04:43:33 PM  

Fireproof: Car_Ramrod: Nana's Vibrator: At 27, hopefully he'll plagiarize Cobain's wall art.

HaywoodJablonski: I would have preferred he use Bud Dwyer's exit strategy

Starhawk: So he's still eligible for the 27 Club? Woohoo!

I'm always amazed at the eagerness of people to wish death upon someone for such banal reasons. I know it's the internet, but it's still pretty disturbing.

That. Even worse is when they tell other posters to kill themselves over trivial shiat like which movie they like more.


it's obvious you just can't handle the rigors of Fark and you should probably cease.  Like, fundamentally.

"/am I doin' it rite?" -Shia .....  Just Shia.
 
2014-01-10 04:43:37 PM  
"I am God's vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live."

Shia "Imma let you finish" LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 04:44:35 PM  
"My name is Michael Westen. I used to be a spy.  When you're burned, you've got nothing: no cash, no credit, no job history. You're stuck in whatever city they decide to dump you in. You do whatever work comes your way. You rely on anyone who's still talking to you. A trigger-happy ex-girlfriend... An old friend who used to inform on you to the FBI...Family too... if you're desperate.  Bottom line? Until you figure out who burned you... you're not going anywhere."

-Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 04:45:24 PM  
"Talking about killing? Y'all experts? Y'all know about killing? I'd like to hear about it, potheads. " - shiat The Bed
 
2014-01-10 04:46:35 PM  
he just had this done over west la / burbank . it said #StopCreating    (sorry wasn't legible for long )

img.fark.net
 
2014-01-10 04:46:38 PM  
SHIA: Eat this, you giant tree trunk piece of ass. (Shia sticks his half-eaten banana cereal bar in his step-father's mouth and attempts to shove it down his throat.)

RICHARD: AHHHHH! (He pushes Shia away and takes out the cereal bar.)

SHIA: fark you, DAD!

RICHARD: (Out of sheer desecrated hurt and anger, Richard lifts his large arms and swings a deadly blow at the thirteen year old boy.)

- Richard McBeef
- Written by Shia McBeef
 
2014-01-10 04:47:40 PM  
I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose free will."

-Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 04:48:24 PM  
"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go down to the salon to get my pubic hair straightened and dyed so that my dick looks like Santa Claus." *Farts loudly*

-Shia LeBeouf

/Obscure?
 
2014-01-10 04:48:55 PM  
"I heard of a man
who says words so beautifully
that if he only speaks their name
women give themselves to him.

If I am dumb beside your body
while silence blossoms like tumors on our lips
it is because I hear a man climb stairs
and clear his throat outside our door."

- Shia LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 04:49:25 PM  
"I'll be back"

-Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 04:49:35 PM  
We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive..." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming: "Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?"

Shia lepoof
 
2014-01-10 04:49:50 PM  
"It's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

- Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 04:51:07 PM  

SquiggsIN: Fireproof: Car_Ramrod: Nana's Vibrator: At 27, hopefully he'll plagiarize Cobain's wall art.

HaywoodJablonski: I would have preferred he use Bud Dwyer's exit strategy

Starhawk: So he's still eligible for the 27 Club? Woohoo!

I'm always amazed at the eagerness of people to wish death upon someone for such banal reasons. I know it's the internet, but it's still pretty disturbing.

That. Even worse is when they tell other posters to kill themselves over trivial shiat like which movie they like more.

Not to pile on but, if you thought Transformers or Crystal Skull were good movies, the world would benefit from your immediate death.


Uh...I did not.
 
2014-01-10 04:51:29 PM  
"Shia LeBoeuf is my hero. His work is jaw-dropping."
-Cory Doctorow
 
2014-01-10 04:52:26 PM  

Fireproof: Car_Ramrod: Nana's Vibrator: At 27, hopefully he'll plagiarize Cobain's wall art.

HaywoodJablonski: I would have preferred he use Bud Dwyer's exit strategy

Starhawk: So he's still eligible for the 27 Club? Woohoo!

I'm always amazed at the eagerness of people to wish death upon someone for such banal reasons. I know it's the internet, but it's still pretty disturbing.

That. Even worse is when they tell other posters to kill themselves over trivial shiat like which movie they like more.


Wanting to cause someone's death is disturbing.  In this particular instance, Shia LaBoeuf killing himself is for my entertainment.  And that just happens to be his job.
 
2014-01-10 04:52:30 PM  
"Ze PLANE!!!  Ze PLANE!!!"

--Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 04:56:06 PM  

BafflerMeal: [www.farbish.com image 737x552]


fix'd

i.imgur.com
 
2014-01-10 04:57:02 PM  

SquiggsIN: I'm resisting the thread tendencies to attach this guy's name to a random, famous quote.



"One of us, one of us, one of us!"

-Sharia LeBond
 
2014-01-10 04:57:27 PM  
"I'm not in favor of any discrimination of any form."

Rand LaBeouf
 
2014-01-10 04:59:27 PM  
i.imgur.com
R.I.P. Beef Stroganoff
/too soon?
 
2014-01-10 05:04:20 PM  
"Go ahead.  Make my day."

--Shia LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 05:07:07 PM  
college co-eds..

img203.imageshack.us


If you are opposed to this, well, you can't be my friend.
 
2014-01-10 05:07:56 PM  
oops, wrong thread.


not that anyone will complain
 
2014-01-10 05:10:50 PM  
No "HERO" tag?
 
2014-01-10 05:11:27 PM  
What a little wiener.   i can't imagine a worse meltdown and handling of a pr gaffe.
he's probably so used to being surrounded by yes-men, he simply can't ever come off his perch.
 
2014-01-10 05:11:40 PM  
"college co-eds..

img.fark.net


If you are opposed to this, well, you can't be my friend."

-Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 05:12:20 PM  
"I hereby announce my retirement from public life effective noon tomorrow. Vice President Ford will be sworn in as President in this office at that hour."

- Shia LaBeouf
 
2014-01-10 05:12:21 PM  
"I'm ready for my close up, Mr DeMille."

-Shia LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 05:20:09 PM  
First Bieber and now Labeouf.  Since when did 12 become the new retirement age?
 
2014-01-10 05:21:33 PM  
"KHAAAAAAAN!"

~ Shia LaBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 05:21:58 PM  
"You'll Get Over It" - Shiat LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 05:22:49 PM  
"Plop, plop! Fizz, fizz! Oh, what a relief it is!"

- Shia LaBeouf
 
2014-01-10 05:23:48 PM  

Don't let reality's door hit you in the ass on the way out, cockspittle!

What a colossal douche. "You caught me repeatedly stealing IP from people - I'm gonna run away now." Perhaps, Shia, you should develop not just a personality, but some original material, during your self-imposed hiatus in your Fortress of Solipsism.
 
2014-01-10 05:24:24 PM  
"I was probably in a drunken stupor"

- Shia LeBoeuf
 
2014-01-10 05:26:00 PM  
assets0.ordienetworks.com
 
2014-01-10 05:27:42 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: college co-eds..


If you are opposed to this, well, you can't be my friend.


She has glasses. She's hideous.
 
2014-01-10 05:28:24 PM  
"The only hope now, I felt, was the possibility that we'd gone to such excess, with our gig, that nobody in a position to bring the hammer down on us could possibly  believe it." -- Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 05:29:48 PM  
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of the beef, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of beef, we had everything before us, we had beef before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of beef only.

Shia Oliver Beef
 
2014-01-10 05:35:11 PM  
"It depends on what the definition of the word 'is' is." - Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 05:36:17 PM  
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

- Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 05:38:08 PM  
What a great story. You'll hear bits of this post repeated by late night talk show hosts in the monologue for the next week.
 
2014-01-10 05:41:03 PM  
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain... Time... to die."

- Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 05:47:17 PM  
"A mulatto, an albino. A mosquito, my libido."  - Shia LeBeouf
 
2014-01-10 05:51:58 PM  

MISSION FARKING ACCOMPLISHED

 
2014-01-10 05:54:29 PM  
"Well, what do you wanna hear, man? Do you wanna hear that sometimes I think about eatin' a bullet? Huh? Well, I do! I even got a special bullet for the occasion with a hollow point, look! Make sure it blows the back of my goddamned head out and do the job right! Every single day I wake up and I think of a reason not to do it! Every single day! You know why I don't do it? This is gonna make you laugh! You know why I don't do it? The job! Doin' the job! Now that's the reason!"

-Shia Lebeouf
 
2014-01-10 05:54:55 PM  
"Qualis artifex pereo!"
-Shia LeBoef
 
2014-01-10 05:57:58 PM  
"A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go!"

- Shia LeBeouf
 
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