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(Standard Digital (Kenya))   Let him who has not celebrated the new year by having "carnal knowledge of a donkey" cast the first stone   (standardmedia.co.ke) divider line 88
    More: Sick, orderly  
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4212 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Jan 2014 at 10:21 AM (26 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



88 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-10 08:17:06 AM
Everyone likes to ring in the new year with a piece of ass.
 
2014-01-10 08:29:19 AM
So I guess he was... burroed in
 
2014-01-10 08:45:33 AM
Can't.  I already got my rocks off.
 
2014-01-10 08:51:15 AM
♫ Jenny, jenny, who can I turn to?... ♫
 
2014-01-10 08:53:56 AM
the accused was caught red handed committing the act in Karate village in Naivasha. Irate members of the public set on him with all manner of weapons

Nunchucks, sai, tonfas, you name it.
 
2014-01-10 09:06:10 AM
"But do they call me 'Seamus the Bridge Builder'? No."
 
2014-01-10 09:20:57 AM
*casts stone*
 
2014-01-10 09:45:47 AM
jeff-fischer.net
 
2014-01-10 10:26:13 AM
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-10 10:27:26 AM
static.fjcdn.com
 
2014-01-10 10:27:54 AM
you better run for cover
 
2014-01-10 10:28:27 AM
On New Year's? No.
 
2014-01-10 10:29:32 AM
The donkey stood by quietly in the courtroom as the charges were read.
 
2014-01-10 10:31:09 AM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: "But do they call me 'Seamus the Bridge Builder'? No."


"You f*ck one donkey..."
 
2014-01-10 10:31:21 AM

grokca: Everyone likes to ring in the new year with a piece of ass.


www.skycultureclothing.com
 
2014-01-10 10:31:50 AM
but did he talk to the donkey in Shrek's voice?
 
2014-01-10 10:34:59 AM
www.iconsoffright.com
 
2014-01-10 10:35:44 AM
Oh no, I hope Dominick is OK...
 
2014-01-10 10:40:18 AM
Somebody gonna kiss f*ck the donkey!

s.mcstatic.com
 
2014-01-10 10:40:46 AM
In some countries, when bestiality is proven, they make you marry the animal.

In others, they just fine you for damages to your neighbor's property.

I suspect that if bestiality weren't a sex crime in the English-speaking world, they would charge you with animal cruelty and the punishment would sometimes be worse than rape or murder of a human. Apparently it is not a crime at all in some places. Fark's favorite state is one of them. I suspect this is because it is impractical to have sex with an alligator or a Burmese python.

http://news.yahoo.com/bestiality-crimes-america-233736760.html

Patrick Louis Linn was arrested after trespassing in his neighbor's barn while attempting to have sex with a horse. According to the Examiner Linn plead not guilty stating that the horse reminded him of the actress Sarah Jessica Parker. Initial concerns that Linn was not competent to stand trial surfaced, but the Gadsden County Court ruled the criminal trail could proceed. Due to Florida's lack of bestiality laws, Linn could only be charged with trespassing and burglary.
 
2014-01-10 10:41:56 AM
That sucks donkey balls.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-01-10 10:41:58 AM

brantgoose: In some countries, when bestiality is proven, they make you marry the animal.


See! The FRC said this would happen...
 
2014-01-10 10:42:27 AM
"He's gonna cornhole that ass......With his wiener..."

 - Jay (Clerks 2)


 One of my favorite lines...
 
2014-01-10 10:43:26 AM
I hope there aren't any offspring. We don't need another honkey running around.
 
2014-01-10 10:43:42 AM
*picks up stone*

*remembers that New Year's eve in '94*

*slowly puts stone back down*

Good times...
 
2014-01-10 10:45:02 AM

Snarfangel: I hope there aren't any offspring. We don't need another honkey running around.


ha
 
2014-01-10 10:45:30 AM

brantgoose: In some countries, when bestiality is proven, they make you marry the animal.


In some countries they force you to gay marry?!?

/ not serious
 
2014-01-10 10:45:47 AM
I think I found our donkey:

i43.tinypic.com
 
2014-01-10 10:49:41 AM
"The magistrate released him on bond of Sh30,000 and a surety of the same or a cash bail of Sh15,000."

is that excessive?
 
2014-01-10 10:49:43 AM
Wouldn't the proper subjunctive be "Let he who has not celebrated the new year by having 'carnal knowledge of a donkey' cast the first stone"?
 
2014-01-10 10:51:47 AM
I always thought it was "let HE..."

On either count, this headline is sexist.  Everyone knows New Year's donkey shows involve a male donkey and a woman with problems.
 
2014-01-10 10:53:30 AM
That's gross, but I'm not sure what prosecuting him is supposed to accomplish.

/let's just try not to think about it
 
2014-01-10 10:53:44 AM

brantgoose: In some countries, when bestiality is proven, they make you marry the animal.

In others, they just fine you for damages to your neighbor's property.

I suspect that if bestiality weren't a sex crime in the English-speaking world, they would charge you with animal cruelty and the punishment would sometimes be worse than rape or murder of a human. Apparently it is not a crime at all in some places. Fark's favorite state is one of them. I suspect this is because it is impractical to have sex with an alligator or a Burmese python.

http://news.yahoo.com/bestiality-crimes-america-233736760.html

Patrick Louis Linn was arrested after trespassing in his neighbor's barn while attempting to have sex with a horse. According to the Examiner  Linn plead not guilty stating that the horse reminded him of the actress Sarah Jessica Parker. Initial concerns that Linn was not competent to stand trial surfaced, but the Gadsden County Court ruled the criminal trail could proceed. Due to Florida's lack of bestiality laws, Linn could only be charged with trespassing and burglary.


[snerk] I thought you added this as a joke, but I see he actually said that.


i0.kym-cdn.com

If you're going down anyway, might as well do it with a sense of humor.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-01-10 10:53:49 AM

Hal5423: Wouldn't the proper subjunctive be "Let he who has not celebrated the new year by having 'carnal knowledge of a donkey' cast the first stone"?


um.. there was one illegal film I saw in college, and it it was *definitely* a female human with a male donkey.
 
2014-01-10 10:55:15 AM
Maybe the guy just wanted some homemade Guy Fieri fare
 
2014-01-10 10:56:06 AM
No donkey punch jokes?

I am disappoint.
 
2014-01-10 10:56:59 AM
global3.memecdn.com

C'mon, he is a Democrat after all...
 
2014-01-10 10:58:36 AM

the_foo: That's gross, but I'm not sure what prosecuting him is supposed to accomplish.

/let's just try not to think about it


Particularly if it was consensual or the donkey was dressed in a way that was asking for it.
 
2014-01-10 10:58:46 AM

Brick-House: C'mon, he is a Democrat after all...


And from Kenya, no less
 
2014-01-10 10:59:59 AM
I'm sure Pat Robertson will point this out as a result of same sex marriage.
 
2014-01-10 11:03:24 AM
Nice ass.
 
2014-01-10 11:04:57 AM

brantgoose: Due to Florida's lack of bestiality laws, Linn could only be charged with trespassing and burglary.


Surely the Florida Tourism office needs to decide whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. Oh, Kenya? Somehow it sounded just like Florida.
 
2014-01-10 11:06:11 AM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Brick-House: C'mon, he is a Democrat after all...

And from Kenya, no less


As long as the donkey came into the country legally, I really don't care where it's from.
 
2014-01-10 11:10:02 AM

bearded clamorer: ♫ Jenny, jenny, who can I turn to?... ♫



You give me somethin' I can hold on to
I know you think I'm like others before
Who saw your grain and bridle in the stall...
 
2014-01-10 11:11:26 AM
What a sweet ass donkey.
 
2014-01-10 11:11:49 AM
When I clicked on the link this was the ad that showed up in the middle of the article .

pagead2.googlesyndication.com

My first thought was, "Is this the donkey in question?"

If it is, this guy is really sick...
 
2014-01-10 11:12:41 AM
I haven't watched in a while. Were there any recent contestants of "Hell's Kitchen" who were hittable?
 
2014-01-10 11:12:50 AM

Huntceet: I'm sure Pat Robertson will point this out as a result of same sex marriage.


Here you go.
Cat
Dog
Dolphin
Horse

And don't you dare judge them.
 
2014-01-10 11:13:08 AM
On the premises?
 
2014-01-10 11:15:34 AM

brantgoose: In some countries, when bestiality is proven, they make you marry the animal.

In others, they just fine you for damages to your neighbor's property.



In Columbia, it's not a big deal. It's as natural as breathing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VKWLC87Uzw

I'm absolutely warning you - the documentary includes footage (somewhat obscured by bushes, but still...) of this dude farking a donkey like it's the most fun past-time ever and wonders why you've never farked a donkey, you rich western bastard donkey farking virgin.
 
2014-01-10 11:15:51 AM
He What?!
He What?!
He Haw?!
 
2014-01-10 11:17:44 AM

brantgoose: Due to Florida's lack of bestiality laws, Linn could only be charged with trespassing and burglary.



Many, many years ago I had the misfortune to get stuck with Drill Instructor duty (really hated that assignment). Anyway there was an SOP for recruit training for which we were tested on every year and had to pass. In it was an extensive list of things you could not to do to recruits and the list kept getting longer.
The reason was Drill Instructors would find new ways of dealing with recruits that did no meet with higher up/mommy&daddy/congressman's approval. Like putting them in a trach can and rolling them down some stairs.

Basically almost everything was on that list because somebody tried to do it, not before they did it.


So maybe the Florida legislature did not think it was necessary to tell people not to have sex with animals because they did not think it would be that big a problem.. Do you really have to tell people that is wrong?
 
2014-01-10 11:18:55 AM

Resident Muslim: He What?!
He What?!
He Haw?!


That's right, He haw in the hooha.
 
2014-01-10 11:20:48 AM

GungFu: brantgoose: In some countries, when bestiality is proven, they make you marry the animal.

In others, they just fine you for damages to your neighbor's property.


In Columbia, it's not a big deal. It's as natural as breathing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VKWLC87Uzw

I'm absolutely warning you - the documentary includes footage (somewhat obscured by bushes, but still...) of this dude farking a donkey like it's the most fun past-time ever and wonders why you've never farked a donkey, you rich western bastard donkey farking virgin.


Not clicking for the fear of getting Rickrolled.
 
2014-01-10 11:20:58 AM
Him who?
 
2014-01-10 11:22:12 AM

Mr.Bobo: When I clicked on the link this was the ad that showed up in the middle of the article .

[pagead2.googlesyndication.com image 300x250]

My first thought was, "Is this the donkey in question?"

If it is, this guy is really sick...


Wish I could click "Funny" more than once!
 
2014-01-10 11:22:18 AM
GungFu: brantgoose: In some countries, when bestiality is proven, they make you marry the animal.

In others, they just fine you for damages to your neighbor's property.


In Columbia, Colombia it's not a big deal. It's as natural as breathing.

FTFY

OCD about that for no good reason
 
2014-01-10 11:28:53 AM
From the joke about the "sympathetic juror" -

"Ya know, a <u>good</u> donkey will do that ..."
 
2014-01-10 11:29:41 AM
I guess I haven't posted HTML in a while - we don't use that anymore?
 
2014-01-10 11:32:11 AM
Ah. Well. You see, em...

OH, *donkey*! Starting with a D. I'm fine then and free to cast away.
 
2014-01-10 11:34:48 AM
www.tribuneindia.com
 
2014-01-10 11:35:15 AM
~~in Karate village in Naivasha

This place, where is it?
 
2014-01-10 11:37:26 AM

GungFu: brantgoose: In some countries, when bestiality is proven, they make you marry the animal.

In others, they just fine you for damages to your neighbor's property.


In Columbia, it's not a big deal. It's as natural as breathing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VKWLC87Uzw

I'm absolutely warning you - the documentary includes footage (somewhat obscured by bushes, but still...) of this dude farking a donkey like it's the most fun past-time ever and wonders why you've never farked a donkey, you rich western bastard donkey farking virgin.


It is Colombia.   But the donkey farking is only on a small part of the coast, and local folklore is that the Costenos(who are mainly of african descent)  brought this animal banging culture from the motherland.

The mothers of the girls on the coast of Colombia have known to tell their daughters to give up the balloon knot and the mouth over the pussy, to save that for the husband...
 
2014-01-10 11:37:54 AM
media.funlol.com
 
2014-01-10 11:39:18 AM

blatz514: GungFu: brantgoose: In some countries, when bestiality is proven, they make you marry the animal.

In others, they just fine you for damages to your neighbor's property.


In Columbia, it's not a big deal. It's as natural as breathing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VKWLC87Uzw

I'm absolutely warning you - the documentary includes footage (somewhat obscured by bushes, but still...) of this dude farking a donkey like it's the most fun past-time ever and wonders why you've never farked a donkey, you rich western bastard donkey farking virgin.

Not clicking for the fear of getting Rickrolled.


The video is real, there is a part where one of the guys says in spanish that you need a donkey and wife, the wife because the donkey cant suck your dick.
 
2014-01-10 11:47:16 AM
If you want me, ill be in my ass.
 
909
2014-01-10 11:52:13 AM
Yes, but what was the horse male or female?
 
2014-01-10 12:00:04 PM
Thanks, 909. I was waiting for somebody to finally ask that question.
 
2014-01-10 12:02:22 PM
My little pony thread?
 
2014-01-10 12:05:18 PM

GungFu: brantgoose: In some countries, when bestiality is proven, they make you marry the animal.

In others, they just fine you for damages to your neighbor's property.


In Columbia, it's not a big deal. It's as natural as breathing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VKWLC87Uzw

I'm absolutely warning you - the documentary includes footage (somewhat obscured by bushes, but still...) of this dude farking a donkey like it's the most fun past-time ever and wonders why you've never farked a donkey, you rich western bastard donkey farking virgin.


Just. Ew. Well, that's enough internet for today.
 
2014-01-10 12:09:09 PM
So raping women = small fine.
Banging donkey = lynch mob.

Morality compass calibrated.  :/
 
2014-01-10 12:12:07 PM
But how's the donkey?

Is it traumatized? Is it receiving appropriate psychotherapy? Or is it outside the jail, braying pitifully for its lover?

No, it can't give consent, being a donkey. It just inspired a twisted passion in a weak and selfish man, and he lost all control... a sort of equid Lolita, if you will. In possessing the ass, he destroyed both the ass and himself.
 
2014-01-10 12:34:26 PM
Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and then a donkey. Now that's a New Year's Party!

It seems like, to me, a female donkey - as a man - would be more desirable than a woman. That's just me. I'm just thinking: There's more there! She's got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying?
 
2014-01-10 12:47:16 PM
Maybe there's a reason Donkey's are not supposed to talk.
 
2014-01-10 12:55:09 PM

Rex Kramer - Danger Seeker: The donkey stood by quietly in the courtroom as the charges were read.


That donkey was very braaaave.
 
2014-01-10 01:07:43 PM
 
2014-01-10 01:14:21 PM

Speef: So raping women = small fine.
Banging donkey = lynch mob.

Morality compass calibrated.  :/


In Hinduism morality is depends on caste and karma. It might be commendable or even required for X to do something that's totally evil for Y -- because it's an infringement on X's sacred prerogatives. And for some low-ranking people it'd be technically wrong but you really can't blame them because it's "natural" for them: they're just made of such shiat that they don't know any better or maybe couldn't keep from doing it if they did know better.

So in India there are guys who are entitled to fark donkeys, guys who'd commit a grave sin by doing it, and guys you really can't expect any better from.

It's not really the act that's judged, it's who does it. We do the same thing here, it's just not officially and explicitly accepted

I got this from reading such things as Arthur Danto's Mysticism and Morality and the Hare Krishna translation of the Bhagavad Gita, along with lots of other books on Hinduism over the years that I can't recall offhand.
 
2014-01-10 01:15:47 PM
So let me get this right.....

Donkey + Donkey = Normal

Man + Donkey = ( 

Speef: lynch mob.)_

lynch mob.

Woman + Donkey= Various 3rd world nations, multiple fistfulls of dollars and a standing ovation?

Triple Standard.
 
2014-01-10 01:45:11 PM

Mirthman: "The magistrate released him on bond of Sh30,000 and a surety of the same or a cash bail of Sh15,000."
is that excessive?


At current exchange rates, 30,000 KES is around $350.

Speef: So raping women = small fine.
Banging donkey = lynch mob.

Morality compass calibrated.  :/


Eh, in Kenya, the donkey is almost a member of the family.  A camel, on the other hand?  Them's good eatin'.
In China, a camel is something you sit on for tourist pictures at the Gobi desert, and donkeys are the best meat evar.
 
2014-01-10 01:56:55 PM

909: Yes, but what was the horse male or female?


It was a donkey, not a horse.
 
2014-01-10 02:03:59 PM

GungFu: brantgoose: In some countries, when bestiality is proven, they make you marry the animal.

In others, they just fine you for damages to your neighbor's property.


In Columbia, it's not a big deal. It's as natural as breathing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VKWLC87Uzw

I'm absolutely warning you - the documentary includes footage (somewhat obscured by bushes, but still...) of this dude farking a donkey like it's the most fun past-time ever and wonders why you've never farked a donkey, you rich western bastard donkey farking virgin.


O.o

Well. That was...illuminating. Annnd there went my desire to have lunch today. I read your warning and thought, "no way", and clicked on the link.

Way. Holy shiat.
 
2014-01-10 02:06:48 PM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-01-10 02:23:13 PM
My partner: Jesus, stop that. Your laughing at your computer like a donkey!
Me: (laughs like a donkey)
 
2014-01-10 02:28:07 PM
FTFA: According to the prosecution, the accused was caught red handed committing the act in Karate village in Naivasha.
Irate members of the public set on him with all manner of weapons before handing him to police who took him for treatment.


Well yeah, of course you're going to get your butt kicked if you screw around in a karate village... Musta not noticed the black belts?
 
2014-01-10 02:39:24 PM
Saying the guy had carnal knowledge of a donkey makes him sound like a veterinary OBGYN.

Let's not mince words here and go with this dude is a flat-out straight-up donkeyfarker.

I liked the father of two kids detail too.  I've never met the guys wife but it suggests a whole cornucopia of farking options, including human females.
 
2014-01-10 04:30:38 PM
Too lazy to look it up, but I was amused to read about an anti-homo giving the "it'll lead to legalizing beastiality" line -- when, in fact, that was already legal in that state.

More amusing was realizing the gender of the animal didn't matter. Gay sex with a dog: no prob. Gay sex with a human: you sick bastard!

I hope I live to see the day when my half-equine kids can join hands with  dead deer farkers and live deer farkers, dog-lover "tops" and "bottoms,"  bicycle bangers and lamppost lovers, and sing:"tap that ass [donkey], fap to that ass, thank God almighty, we can fark a bass."
 
2014-01-10 04:39:15 PM
Yes... but who was farking who???

i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-01-10 11:14:30 PM

theflatline: GungFu: brantgoose: In some countries, when bestiality is proven, they make you marry the animal.

In others, they just fine you for damages to your neighbor's property.


In Columbia, it's not a big deal. It's as natural as breathing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VKWLC87Uzw

I'm absolutely warning you - the documentary includes footage (somewhat obscured by bushes, but still...) of this dude farking a donkey like it's the most fun past-time ever and wonders why you've never farked a donkey, you rich western bastard donkey farking virgin.

It is Colombia.   But the donkey farking is only on a small part of the coast, and local folklore is that the Costenos(who are mainly of african descent)  brought this animal banging culture from the motherland.

The mothers of the girls on the coast of Colombia have known to tell their daughters to give up the balloon knot and the mouth over the pussy, to save that for the husband...


I'm afraid to ask but, is that a euphemism?
 
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