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(Slate)   So now same sex marriage "endorses masturbation", maybe I signed up for the wrong team?   (slate.com) divider line 34
    More: Asinine, opponents of same-sex marriage, Utah, racial segregations, Articles of Confederation, President Dwight Eisenhower, homophobia, uprising, George Wallace  
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3439 clicks; posted to Politics » on 09 Jan 2014 at 8:34 PM (40 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-09 06:29:44 PM  
8 votes:
i1214.photobucket.com
2014-01-09 06:01:37 PM  
8 votes:
Being able to reach your junk endorses masturbation
2014-01-09 06:41:21 PM  
4 votes:
I thought marriage (in general) led to masturbation.
2014-01-09 06:01:01 PM  
4 votes:
www.slate.com

No, really, I'm curious about the chain of logic here.

[1] Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation.
a) how?
b) so what?

Now, assuming that [1] is true

[2] Protect the children.
a) o_O

"Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation, which endangers children."


That's some serious potato logic there.
2014-01-09 10:44:48 PM  
3 votes:

Somacandra: Mikey1969: So you skipped this part, I see:

Yeah, I skipped it to make him sounds less alarmist. I was being charitable. People aren't getting hosed down by water cannons in the street during gay pride parades like they did trying to sit at lunch counters back in the day. Leaders like Harvey Milk aren't getting assassinated these decades. His comparison of Little Rock to Salt Lake City is a stretch, to say the least. All that happened in IA were two Supreme Court justices losing their jobs. If there have been riots and assassinations,  please correct me.


It's absolutely amazing that you can city the relevant parts and still not get it... Was reading comprehension optional where you went to school?

People are calling for Sheriffs to step in and "defend" people who make their own decision not to abide by federal Law. The only solution would be a military response, as the article ALSO points out, and that is only possible thanks to the first incident, where Eisenhower federalized the National Guard.

He's just printing out a shiatstorm that could very easily occur, due to Utah being Utah. Now, If you're from Utah, I can only assume that you don't pay attention, but If you're not from here, you have no idea how much people here wouldn't think twice about standing up against "federal agression". These people actually think that they can declare Eminent Domain on federal lanes, and are working to pass laws to facilitate this, for example. They don't look fondly upon intervention in their lives, and they are mistrustful of the government overall, thanks to the type of bullshiat that LED them here in the first place. They also view God above country and are a people willing to die to defend their beliefs.

Put it together, and the guy has a point. Of course for someone who only knows the Mormons thru jokes at work, I'm sure it can be a leap of faith to accept.
2014-01-09 07:47:50 PM  
3 votes:

TuteTibiImperes: Remember that whole kerfuffle back in the Clinton administration when Madeleine Albright suggested that teaching about masturbation during sex ed


i.imgur.com

That's wasn't Secretary of State Albright. In fact, if she had discussed masturbation that would have caused most teen boners to wilt. I think you mean Dr. Joycelyn Elders, his nominee for Surgeon General.
2014-01-09 10:47:38 PM  
2 votes:
I'm convinced that 99% of the people who get really worked up over other people's sex lives (or who they choose to have sex with) are really just having a hard time dealing with the fact that everyone is having more sex than them.

i2.photobucket.com

Does everybody else... get that feeling?
2014-01-09 09:17:48 PM  
2 votes:
img.fark.net
2014-01-09 09:03:34 PM  
2 votes:

Somacandra: FTFA: And just as the bigots of the '50s and '60s were trounced by the president, so, too, will Utah's doltish homophobes surely be rebuffed by President Barack Obama if need be. Still, the Utah insurrection raises an uncomfortable point about the limits of judicial power in the United States. Our federal courts are given very few means to enforce their rulings. Judge Robert Shelby has no army and no police force to insist that Utah follow his order and defend against those who would sabotage it; he has only his own capital-and the executive.

Apart from the confusing term "capital," (social capital?)  this is a bit alarmist. I disagree with the views the event promoted but this is not an "insurrection." I see no one wielding arms of force. This is a fierce protest to be sure, but the event he's referring to seems well within First Amendment cultural norms. I'm no lawyer, but this hardly reaches the level of "fighting words" or "imminent danger." They are calling on sheriffs to take action, certainly. There was also some sort of legal lecture on nullification that was the center of the presentation (according to the embedded video), and that is certainly political speech which had long enjoyed Constitutional protection.


So you skipped this part, I see:


"You may remember the most infamous incident of judicial retaliation, at Little Rock Central High School on Sept. 2, 1957. On that shameful day, Arkansas Gov. Orville Faubus-one of the more hideously bigoted figures in the whole of American politics-called on the state National Guard to prevent nine black students from entering the school."

Then there is the part about George Wallace assembling his little army of Sheriffs to block it. Maybe it's not "alarmist" when you have precedent in noted anti-fed states...
2014-01-09 08:59:07 PM  
2 votes:

edmo: ArcadianRefugee: [1] Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation.
a) how?
b) so what?

Mormons absolutely freak about masturbation. It's not allowed. They counsel their youth about it constantly, even giving them stupid advice  like "don't look at yourself." Your local stake Bishop will quiz you twice  a year about whether you been masturbating. I don't   know what happens once they get married.

But that's where the sign comes from.


That's...  That's farked.

So it's a common and accepted practice for adult Mormon priests to ask children if they've been masturbating?  That's even more messed up then the shiat Catholic priests have been doing.
2014-01-09 08:52:04 PM  
2 votes:

netizencain: Wow, let's all comment about some shiat from 2006!


The date of the article is Jan 6, 2014. Learn how to read a byline before embarrassing yourself.
2014-01-09 07:21:54 PM  
2 votes:

ArcadianRefugee: [1] Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation.
a) how?
b) so what?


Mormons absolutely freak about masturbation. It's not allowed. They counsel their youth about it constantly, even giving them stupid advice  like "don't look at yourself." Your local stake Bishop will quiz you twice  a year about whether you been masturbating. I don't   know what happens once they get married.

But that's where the sign comes from.
2014-01-09 07:19:17 PM  
2 votes:
What is wrong with masturbation?
2014-01-10 01:12:34 PM  
1 votes:

hobnail: Does anyone think the fact that the couple on the  poster is mixed-race is deliberate? (And ironic, too, since the same arguments they used to make about miscegenation are being made right now about same-sex marriage).


He got to reuse an old poster from his attic.
2014-01-10 09:55:21 AM  
1 votes:
I'm going to masturbate to the two guys making out in the photo on his sign.
2014-01-10 09:03:16 AM  
1 votes:

Huck And Molly Ziegler: I'm guessing constant worry about masturbation is what keeps the Mormon Lunatic Complex wound up so tight emotionally, yet so full of energy that its adherents can endure their bike rides, can constantly support their made-up "doctrine" and can obsess over genealogical research.



Seriously, you're going to get a bug up your ass about studying history? If ignorance is truly bliss, you're most likely the happiest person on the farking planet.
2014-01-09 10:27:11 PM  
1 votes:
I guess I have been supporting gay marriage since the age of 12.
2014-01-09 10:01:45 PM  
1 votes:
I used to date this guy that loved hand jobs.  It was kind of bizarre, it was like he'd rather get a hand job than anything else.  I mean, I know my way around a dick, so I was happy to oblige, but it was a little creepy.  I mostly just did it and then acted like it was the best thing since white chocolate fudge.

There were times he'd beg for it -- in a car, in a van, in the bathroom on the can, in a bar, in a tree, in an art gallery.  But that wasn't the weirdest thing.  Dude had some weird aversion to his homosexuality, so despite my beard, manly shape, deep voice, hard dick and my lack of tits, he insisted on referring to me as his girlfriend.  Anyway, I completely forgot where this was going, except to say, I'm a homosexual and I endorse masturbation, be it mutual or otherwise.
2014-01-09 09:24:13 PM  
1 votes:

Cagey B: ArcadianRefugee: ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Being able to reach your junk endorses masturbation

[global3.memecdn.com image 480x332]

The T-Rex is terrifying enough that it could have coerced smaller dinosaurs into giving it handies at will. Which is pretty funny to imagine, so I guess your graphic is correct after all.


i7.photobucket.com
2014-01-09 09:10:30 PM  
1 votes:

brap: Thanks for giving credence to some senile dingdong standing on a corner with a sign.  I almost took a picture of the 300 lb. dude in the Lady Liberty costume promoting Liberty Tax Preparation and may well have if the guy didn't look like he could beat me into a fine paste for doing so.

Pick your battles and your promotions.


You may need to modify your definition of "giving credence". Specifically mocking someone from the start because of their idiocy isn't "giving credence". Using your definition, ANY discussion about the people in Utah doing this would be "giving credence", so I guess the better solution is to pretend it isn't happening.

Seriously, this line of argument drives me nuts.
2014-01-09 09:06:51 PM  
1 votes:
www.slate.com

Dear Sir,

You have just become an internet meme.

Congratulations!

Yours truly,
Everyone
2014-01-09 08:55:23 PM  
1 votes:

edmo: ArcadianRefugee: [1] Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation.
a) how?
b) so what?

Mormons absolutely freak about masturbation. It's not allowed. They counsel their youth about it constantly, even giving them stupid advice  like "don't look at yourself." Your local stake Bishop will quiz you twice  a year about whether you been masturbating. I don't   know what happens once they get married.

But that's where the sign comes from.


It's a ward Bishop, multiple wards make up a stake, which has a Stake President, but otherwise you've got the gist of it. It's kinda funny when you come across some of the 'don't touch your junk' literature.
2014-01-09 08:54:26 PM  
1 votes:
Came for this image, and turns out I had to do it myself...

i.huffpost.com
Ant
2014-01-09 08:53:19 PM  
1 votes:

rynthetyn: Well, I think we may have actually reached the bottom of the barrel on stupid arguments.


You know what happens when you say things like that, don't you?
2014-01-09 08:44:38 PM  
1 votes:
That sign is so funny it could almost pass for a Fark photoshop contest entry.  Poe's law in action, I suppose.
Ant
2014-01-09 08:43:53 PM  
1 votes:

TuteTibiImperes: Remember that whole kerfuffle back in the Clinton administration when Madeleine Albright suggested that teaching about masturbation during sex ed classes might help cut down on STD transmission and unwanted pregnancies?


That was Joycelyn Elders. How dare she say something that made sense?!?
2014-01-09 08:42:55 PM  
1 votes:
Considering that Utah was recently revealed to be the most prolific users of internet porn in the country, I'm gonna say its not the gays that encourage masturbation so much as prudish Mormonism.
2014-01-09 08:15:07 PM  
1 votes:

dj_bigbird: I thought marriage (in general) led to masturbation.


I thought having genitals did.
2014-01-09 07:28:33 PM  
1 votes:

edmo: ArcadianRefugee: [1] Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation.
a) how?
b) so what?

Mormons absolutely freak about masturbation. It's not allowed. They counsel their youth about it constantly, even giving them stupid advice  like "don't look at yourself." Your local stake Bishop will quiz you twice  a year about whether you been masturbating. I don't   know what happens once they get married.

But that's where the sign comes from.


OK... I still don't get the chain of logic, though. Two guys marrying one another encourages other people to jack off? Huh?

/"Come again?"
2014-01-09 07:19:06 PM  
1 votes:
Man I dated a woman in college who was fascinated with giving handjobs.  Loved giving them more than having sex, I think.  She took it as a point of personal pride every time I came, like it was a gold star for her doing well on an assignment.  And she would dole them out anywhere - in the back of a van on a road trip, our elevator, single-use restrooms, at a game under a coat - anywhere. We broke up after a few months, and when I went back to, uh, self-service, I really disappointed myself.

Unfortunately, she's the only woman I've ever met who had a thing about it.

/I've completely forgotten what my point was.
2014-01-09 07:06:20 PM  
1 votes:

Benevolent Misanthrope:


Hopefully it won't take 40 years.
2014-01-09 06:31:33 PM  
1 votes:
Aye... there's the rub
2014-01-09 06:20:14 PM  
1 votes:

ArcadianRefugee: ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Being able to reach your junk endorses masturbation

[global3.memecdn.com image 480x332]


The T-Rex is terrifying enough that it could have coerced smaller dinosaurs into giving it handies at will. Which is pretty funny to imagine, so I guess your graphic is correct after all.
2014-01-09 06:16:34 PM  
1 votes:

ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Being able to reach your junk endorses masturbation


global3.memecdn.com
 
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