If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Slate)   So now same sex marriage "endorses masturbation", maybe I signed up for the wrong team?   (slate.com) divider line 162
    More: Asinine, opponents of same-sex marriage, Utah, racial segregations, Articles of Confederation, President Dwight Eisenhower, homophobia, uprising, George Wallace  
•       •       •

3439 clicks; posted to Politics » on 09 Jan 2014 at 8:34 PM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



162 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-01-09 05:54:16 PM  
same sex marriage "endorses masturbation"

...and?
 
2014-01-09 06:01:01 PM  
www.slate.com

No, really, I'm curious about the chain of logic here.

[1] Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation.
a) how?
b) so what?

Now, assuming that [1] is true

[2] Protect the children.
a) o_O

"Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation, which endangers children."


That's some serious potato logic there.
 
2014-01-09 06:01:37 PM  
Being able to reach your junk endorses masturbation
 
2014-01-09 06:14:11 PM  
Wow, let's all comment about some shiat from 2006!
 
2014-01-09 06:16:34 PM  

ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Being able to reach your junk endorses masturbation


global3.memecdn.com
 
2014-01-09 06:20:14 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Being able to reach your junk endorses masturbation

[global3.memecdn.com image 480x332]


The T-Rex is terrifying enough that it could have coerced smaller dinosaurs into giving it handies at will. Which is pretty funny to imagine, so I guess your graphic is correct after all.
 
2014-01-09 06:29:44 PM  
i1214.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-09 06:31:33 PM  
Aye... there's the rub
 
2014-01-09 06:41:21 PM  
I thought marriage (in general) led to masturbation.
 
2014-01-09 07:03:47 PM  
fap fap fap
 
2014-01-09 07:06:20 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope:


Hopefully it won't take 40 years.
 
2014-01-09 07:08:55 PM  

Cagey B: ArcadianRefugee: ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Being able to reach your junk endorses masturbation

[global3.memecdn.com image 480x332]

The T-Rex is terrifying enough that it could have coerced smaller dinosaurs into giving it handies at will. Which is pretty funny to imagine, so I guess your graphic is correct after all.


Something something, deep-throat an apatosaurus (brontosaurus).
 
2014-01-09 07:14:20 PM  
Minister:  "Do you, Fred, take Bill to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Fred:  "I do."

Minister:  "Do you, Bill, take Fred to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Bill:  "I do...but let me add this..." [turns to the assembled congregation]  "Friends, do you suffer from tension?  irritability?  ennui?  Try masturbation, now in giant economy size!  It's SWELL!  I do it every day!"  *wink*

Minister:  "I now pronounce you husband and husband.  This gay marriage has been brought to you by masturbation--endorsed by Bill!  Try it today!" *sotto voce* "Results may vary.  Not responsible for blindness or hairy palms."
 
2014-01-09 07:19:06 PM  
Man I dated a woman in college who was fascinated with giving handjobs.  Loved giving them more than having sex, I think.  She took it as a point of personal pride every time I came, like it was a gold star for her doing well on an assignment.  And she would dole them out anywhere - in the back of a van on a road trip, our elevator, single-use restrooms, at a game under a coat - anywhere. We broke up after a few months, and when I went back to, uh, self-service, I really disappointed myself.

Unfortunately, she's the only woman I've ever met who had a thing about it.

/I've completely forgotten what my point was.
 
2014-01-09 07:19:17 PM  
What is wrong with masturbation?
 
2014-01-09 07:21:54 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: [1] Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation.
a) how?
b) so what?


Mormons absolutely freak about masturbation. It's not allowed. They counsel their youth about it constantly, even giving them stupid advice  like "don't look at yourself." Your local stake Bishop will quiz you twice  a year about whether you been masturbating. I don't   know what happens once they get married.

But that's where the sign comes from.
 
2014-01-09 07:28:33 PM  

edmo: ArcadianRefugee: [1] Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation.
a) how?
b) so what?

Mormons absolutely freak about masturbation. It's not allowed. They counsel their youth about it constantly, even giving them stupid advice  like "don't look at yourself." Your local stake Bishop will quiz you twice  a year about whether you been masturbating. I don't   know what happens once they get married.

But that's where the sign comes from.


OK... I still don't get the chain of logic, though. Two guys marrying one another encourages other people to jack off? Huh?

/"Come again?"
 
2014-01-09 07:37:44 PM  
It's history.

Hundreds of years ago in order to curb the behaviour of homosexuality led to flogging.  Lots and lots of flogging.  Flogging all day.  Flogging all night.
 
2014-01-09 07:42:55 PM  

edmo: ArcadianRefugee: [1] Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation.
a) how?
b) so what?

Mormons absolutely freak about masturbation. It's not allowed. They counsel their youth about it constantly, even giving them stupid advice  like "don't look at yourself." Your local stake Bishop will quiz you twice  a year about whether you been masturbating. I don't   know what happens once they get married.

But that's where the sign comes from.


Remember that whole kerfuffle back in the Clinton administration when Madeleine Albright suggested that teaching about masturbation during sex ed classes might help cut down on STD transmission and unwanted pregnancies?

I can't imagine there being much of any public backlash to a similar statement today.  So, at least we've come pretty far on that front.
 
2014-01-09 07:47:50 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: Remember that whole kerfuffle back in the Clinton administration when Madeleine Albright suggested that teaching about masturbation during sex ed


i.imgur.com

That's wasn't Secretary of State Albright. In fact, if she had discussed masturbation that would have caused most teen boners to wilt. I think you mean Dr. Joycelyn Elders, his nominee for Surgeon General.
 
2014-01-09 07:49:42 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: at least we've come pretty far on that front.


Sheeit. I could hit my own headboard when I was a teenager in the 80's. Now that's far.
 
2014-01-09 08:01:58 PM  

I_Am_Weasel: It's history.

Hundreds of years ago in order to curb the behaviour of homosexuality led to flogging.  Lots and lots of flogging.  Flogging all day.  Flogging all night.


It's hard not to make sexual innuendo jokes like this.

Very hard.

Very hard.
 
2014-01-09 08:14:03 PM  
FTFA: And just as the bigots of the '50s and '60s were trounced by the president, so, too, will Utah's doltish homophobes surely be rebuffed by President Barack Obama if need be. Still, the Utah insurrection raises an uncomfortable point about the limits of judicial power in the United States. Our federal courts are given very few means to enforce their rulings. Judge Robert Shelby has no army and no police force to insist that Utah follow his order and defend against those who would sabotage it; he has only his own capital-and the executive.

Apart from the confusing term "capital," (social capital?)  this is a bit alarmist. I disagree with the views the event promoted but this is not an "insurrection." I see no one wielding arms of force. This is a fierce protest to be sure, but the event he's referring to seems well within First Amendment cultural norms. I'm no lawyer, but this hardly reaches the level of "fighting words" or "imminent danger." They are calling on sheriffs to take action, certainly. There was also some sort of legal lecture on nullification that was the center of the presentation (according to the embedded video), and that is certainly political speech which had long enjoyed Constitutional protection.
 
2014-01-09 08:15:07 PM  

dj_bigbird: I thought marriage (in general) led to masturbation.


I thought having genitals did.
 
2014-01-09 08:16:34 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Being able to reach your junk endorses masturbation

[global3.memecdn.com image 480x332]


dj_bigbird: I thought marriage (in general) led to masturbation.


LMAO.  This is why I love fark.
 
2014-01-09 08:41:29 PM  

Lsherm: Man I dated a woman in college who was fascinated with giving handjobs.  Loved giving them more than having sex, I think.  She took it as a point of personal pride every time I came, like it was a gold star for her doing well on an assignment.  And she would dole them out anywhere - in the back of a van on a road trip, our elevator, single-use restrooms, at a game under a coat - anywhere. We broke up after a few months, and when I went back to, uh, self-service, I really disappointed myself.

Unfortunately, she's the only woman I've ever met who had a thing about it.

/I've completely forgotten what my point was.


You had an awesome girlfriend. What I think you are omitting is that one time you bumped into Larry Craig in an airport bathroom.
 
2014-01-09 08:42:55 PM  
Considering that Utah was recently revealed to be the most prolific users of internet porn in the country, I'm gonna say its not the gays that encourage masturbation so much as prudish Mormonism.
 
2014-01-09 08:43:19 PM  
Thanks for giving credence to some senile dingdong standing on a corner with a sign.  I almost took a picture of the 300 lb. dude in the Lady Liberty costume promoting Liberty Tax Preparation and may well have if the guy didn't look like he could beat me into a fine paste for doing so.

Pick your battles and your promotions.
 
Ant
2014-01-09 08:43:53 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: Remember that whole kerfuffle back in the Clinton administration when Madeleine Albright suggested that teaching about masturbation during sex ed classes might help cut down on STD transmission and unwanted pregnancies?


That was Joycelyn Elders. How dare she say something that made sense?!?
 
2014-01-09 08:44:38 PM  
That sign is so funny it could almost pass for a Fark photoshop contest entry.  Poe's law in action, I suppose.
 
2014-01-09 08:46:28 PM  

Somacandra: FTFA: And just as the bigots of the '50s and '60s were trounced by the president, so, too, will Utah's doltish homophobes surely be rebuffed by President Barack Obama if need be. Still, the Utah insurrection raises an uncomfortable point about the limits of judicial power in the United States. Our federal courts are given very few means to enforce their rulings. Judge Robert Shelby has no army and no police force to insist that Utah follow his order and defend against those who would sabotage it; he has only his own capital-and the executive.

Apart from the confusing term "capital," (social capital?)  this is a bit alarmist. I disagree with the views the event promoted but this is not an "insurrection." I see no one wielding arms of force. This is a fierce protest to be sure, but the event he's referring to seems well within First Amendment cultural norms. I'm no lawyer, but this hardly reaches the level of "fighting words" or "imminent danger." They are calling on sheriffs to take action, certainly. There was also some sort of legal lecture on nullification that was the center of the presentation (according to the embedded video), and that is certainly political speech which had long enjoyed Constitutional protection.


It's a slippery slope, but I get his point. Is it at that stage now? No. Can I see it happening as the homophobes start to realize they've lost? Yes.
 
Ant
2014-01-09 08:47:20 PM  

Somacandra: I think you mean Dr. Joycelyn Elders, his nominee for Surgeon General.


She wasn't just his nominee. He threw her under the bus over that masturbation remark.
 
2014-01-09 08:48:37 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: [www.slate.com image 590x421]

No, really, I'm curious about the chain of logic here.

[1] Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation.
a) how?
b) so what?

Now, assuming that [1] is true

[2] Protect the children.
a) o_O

"Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation, which endangers children."


That's some serious potato logic there.


Possible line of reasoning:
twistedphysics.typepad.com
 
2014-01-09 08:49:46 PM  
A) he is unsure sure what masturbation is B) non sequitur C) his own reaction to gay marriage
 
2014-01-09 08:50:45 PM  
Well, I think we may have actually reached the bottom of the barrel on stupid arguments.
 
Ant
2014-01-09 08:51:56 PM  
If your form of masturbation actually does endanger children, please stop right now. You might be doing it wrong.
 
2014-01-09 08:52:04 PM  

netizencain: Wow, let's all comment about some shiat from 2006!


The date of the article is Jan 6, 2014. Learn how to read a byline before embarrassing yourself.
 
Ant
2014-01-09 08:53:19 PM  

rynthetyn: Well, I think we may have actually reached the bottom of the barrel on stupid arguments.


You know what happens when you say things like that, don't you?
 
2014-01-09 08:54:13 PM  

Lsherm: Man I dated a woman in college who was fascinated with giving handjobs.  Loved giving them more than having sex, I think.  She took it as a point of personal pride every time I came, like it was a gold star for her doing well on an assignment.  And she would dole them out anywhere - in the back of a van on a road trip, our elevator, single-use restrooms, at a game under a coat - anywhere. We broke up after a few months, and when I went back to, uh, self-service, I really disappointed myself.

Unfortunately, she's the only woman I've ever met who had a thing about it.

/I've completely forgotten what my point was.


First time I've come across that term.  At first, I thought "How wasteful."
 
2014-01-09 08:54:26 PM  
Came for this image, and turns out I had to do it myself...

i.huffpost.com
 
2014-01-09 08:55:23 PM  

edmo: ArcadianRefugee: [1] Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation.
a) how?
b) so what?

Mormons absolutely freak about masturbation. It's not allowed. They counsel their youth about it constantly, even giving them stupid advice  like "don't look at yourself." Your local stake Bishop will quiz you twice  a year about whether you been masturbating. I don't   know what happens once they get married.

But that's where the sign comes from.


It's a ward Bishop, multiple wards make up a stake, which has a Stake President, but otherwise you've got the gist of it. It's kinda funny when you come across some of the 'don't touch your junk' literature.
 
2014-01-09 08:57:12 PM  

netizencain: Wow, let's all comment about some shiat from 2006!


I'm sorry you only discovered masturbation 7 years ago.
 
2014-01-09 08:57:22 PM  
Growing up southern baptist (and unattractive to most girls) I thought I could find something my speed by dating the plainest Mormon girl in town.

She was a sexual Eddie Haskell. She would hold prayer groups one day boasting about abstinence only to send me videos (old school 1986 beta max video- just lifting the camera was an effort) of her girl fapping and inviting me to a threesome with her other homely friend.

Fundies- awkward geeky kids only hope at wild sex- I love them
 
2014-01-09 08:59:03 PM  

Ant: rynthetyn: Well, I think we may have actually reached the bottom of the barrel on stupid arguments.

You know what happens when you say things like that, don't you?


I'll shut up now and go sit in a corner to contemplate my sins.r
 
2014-01-09 08:59:07 PM  

edmo: ArcadianRefugee: [1] Same-sex marriage endorses masturbation.
a) how?
b) so what?

Mormons absolutely freak about masturbation. It's not allowed. They counsel their youth about it constantly, even giving them stupid advice  like "don't look at yourself." Your local stake Bishop will quiz you twice  a year about whether you been masturbating. I don't   know what happens once they get married.

But that's where the sign comes from.


That's...  That's farked.

So it's a common and accepted practice for adult Mormon priests to ask children if they've been masturbating?  That's even more messed up then the shiat Catholic priests have been doing.
 
2014-01-09 08:59:33 PM  

vernonFL: What is wrong with masturbation?


Blindness, hairy palms, acne, insanity.
What more do you need?
 
2014-01-09 09:00:38 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: OK... I still don't get the chain of logic, though


I think it's the same logic that says same sex marriage threatens other marriages or leads to bestiality. I mean,there ins't any.
 
2014-01-09 09:02:23 PM  

Ant: If your form of masturbation actually does endanger children, please stop right now. You might be doing it wrong.


Ow, my eye!
 
2014-01-09 09:03:34 PM  

Somacandra: FTFA: And just as the bigots of the '50s and '60s were trounced by the president, so, too, will Utah's doltish homophobes surely be rebuffed by President Barack Obama if need be. Still, the Utah insurrection raises an uncomfortable point about the limits of judicial power in the United States. Our federal courts are given very few means to enforce their rulings. Judge Robert Shelby has no army and no police force to insist that Utah follow his order and defend against those who would sabotage it; he has only his own capital-and the executive.

Apart from the confusing term "capital," (social capital?)  this is a bit alarmist. I disagree with the views the event promoted but this is not an "insurrection." I see no one wielding arms of force. This is a fierce protest to be sure, but the event he's referring to seems well within First Amendment cultural norms. I'm no lawyer, but this hardly reaches the level of "fighting words" or "imminent danger." They are calling on sheriffs to take action, certainly. There was also some sort of legal lecture on nullification that was the center of the presentation (according to the embedded video), and that is certainly political speech which had long enjoyed Constitutional protection.


So you skipped this part, I see:


"You may remember the most infamous incident of judicial retaliation, at Little Rock Central High School on Sept. 2, 1957. On that shameful day, Arkansas Gov. Orville Faubus-one of the more hideously bigoted figures in the whole of American politics-called on the state National Guard to prevent nine black students from entering the school."

Then there is the part about George Wallace assembling his little army of Sheriffs to block it. Maybe it's not "alarmist" when you have precedent in noted anti-fed states...
 
2014-01-09 09:04:24 PM  
Ruh? (possible nsfw)
 
Displayed 50 of 162 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report