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(Fark)   What is the worst thing a guest has done in your home?   (fark.com) divider line 573
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5661 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Jan 2014 at 3:44 PM (49 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-09 01:13:33 PM  
Got super drunk and peed in his suitcase.
 
2014-01-09 01:14:02 PM  
I don't have a home.

/You can never go home again.
 
2014-01-09 01:14:28 PM  
Fondled my daki.
 
2014-01-09 01:14:55 PM  
Taking photo of my John Lennon poster I had up. My apartment is not a museum!
 
2014-01-09 01:15:02 PM  
Kept fighting the restraints and screaming through the ball gag.
 
2014-01-09 01:15:12 PM  
Totally stunk up the crawlspace I buried him in.
 
2014-01-09 01:16:37 PM  
My mother is an excitable lady, and lives with me to make her SS stretch. One of my (then) teenage son's friends laughed and made fun of her when she got mad at him for behaving like an ass and NO ONE farkING YELLS AT MY MOM BUT ME ASSHOLE. Now banned from said house.

Odd how protective you can get even when a family member usually drives you nuts, too.
 
2014-01-09 01:16:42 PM  
Disrespected America's Team.
 
2014-01-09 01:16:44 PM  
Keeps farting up the joint.
 
2014-01-09 01:17:19 PM  
I was watching a cousin for my aunt and uncle. He had severe learning disabilities, but he knew he could get away with most anything at his mom's house. I'd watched him set my daughters up and his sister up so they'd get in trouble for his mischief. So when I had him over to spend the night with his sister and woke up the next morning to learn he'd taken his own feces out of his pants and smeared them everywhere, I lost it. His sister had cleaned it up but I was having none of that. Carpet, floor, furniture- simply because .. I don't know.

I punished him with a 'time out' by sitting him in a chair and face the wall- no talking (for an hour). He went insane with rage and balled his brains out.

After that, he never ever ever did anything like that around me or my daughters. Oh I was furious.
 
2014-01-09 01:17:46 PM  

ami5000: Keeps farting up the joint.


My bad, sorry. :(
 
2014-01-09 01:17:51 PM  
When I was a very young boy I fell in some dog poop and cleaned it off with one of my aunt's towels.

I did not realize at the time that the towels with lace and embroidery that she sets out for company should *not* be used to clean up dog poop.
 
2014-01-09 01:17:59 PM  
Tried on some of my mom's dresses while drunk.

ami5000: Keeps farting up the joint.


Your dog can't help it.
 
2014-01-09 01:18:04 PM  
Not a big deal, but they wouldn't leave.  Could not take a hint, and when finally leaving they dragged it out 20 minutes.  If you say you are leaving and start to put on your jacket, it should not take 20 more minutes to get out the door unless there is a maze and/or gauntlet of Maori warriors in your way
 
2014-01-09 01:18:09 PM  
Let's just say Skywolf is no longer welcome.
 
2014-01-09 01:18:18 PM  
Suggested we watch a Jeff Dunham special.
 
2014-01-09 01:18:35 PM  
Drank all my liquor and slept on my couch for a week.
 
2014-01-09 01:18:48 PM  
I don't even know where to begin.

/but thankfully, no shiat smeared walls
 
2014-01-09 01:19:06 PM  
Set fire to the toilet paper roll in the bathroom.

/she did it at another house the same day
//8 years old, iirc
 
2014-01-09 01:19:31 PM  
Holy f*ck, I got this:

I had a guest come to my house for a party.He was my roommates best friend so I didn't really know him well. Apparently he was also in the process of running from the cops. The cops found his car in the parking lot and the entire apartment complex was on lock-down. He was ALSO drunk or something and puked this vile curdled red substance on the ONE good piece of furniture I owned. I think he also stole an entire bottle (first week of the prescription so like 30 pills) of Xanax.

I saw him walking into a court house about two years ago. Pretty sure he wasn't going there for an internship.
 
2014-01-09 01:19:31 PM  

fat aristotle: Suggested we watch a Jeff Dunham special.


you win
 
2014-01-09 01:19:48 PM  
Lesse: dropped and broke 4 dishes, called me a 'b*tch on all fours' while I was cleaning them up, vomited in the sink, got a 16 year old to take all her clothes off only to be be hurled into a prickly evergreen tree in the front yard, broke my glass bong, gave my dog whiskey, smoked green outside, stole 4 CD's (while leaving the cases), fell and broke my favorite chair, I'm sure there's more I either didn't know about or forgot.

All during one party.
 
2014-01-09 01:20:06 PM  
Shut it. Proofreading is for chump's.
 
2014-01-09 01:20:14 PM  
A friend of mine visited me during one of his super alcoholic periods.

We got drunk and he crashed on the couch. I didn't drink much so I stayed up for a little bit to read the news. At around 3AM, my friend got up to go to the bathroom, but he was so drunk, he peed everywhere on the bathroom floor  - the only thing he didn't managed to piss on is the toilet. He then went back to sleep. When I went to the bathroom, I found this big mess all over the place. At 3:30 AM, I cleaned up the bathroom so it wouldn't stink up the place.
 
2014-01-09 01:20:41 PM  

megarian: I saw him walking into a court house about two years ago. Pretty sure he wasn't going there for an internship.


Wedding. He was going to his own wedding. With his parole officer.

A friend told me.
 
2014-01-09 01:21:03 PM  

Incorrigible Astronaut: Tried on some of my mom's dresses while drunk.


*Check's Incorrigible Astronaut's profile for an indication of gender....*

*Comes up empty...*
 
2014-01-09 01:21:07 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: Lesse: dropped and broke 4 dishes, called me a 'b*tch on all fours' while I was cleaning them up, vomited in the sink, got a 16 year old to take all her clothes off only to be be hurled into a prickly evergreen tree in the front yard, broke my glass bong, gave my dog whiskey, smoked green outside, stole 4 CD's (while leaving the cases), fell and broke my favorite chair, I'm sure there's more I either didn't know about or forgot.

All during one party.


And now he's the mayor of Toronto
 
2014-01-09 01:22:03 PM  

Klippoklondike: Not a big deal, but they wouldn't leave.  Could not take a hint, and when finally leaving they dragged it out 20 minutes.  If you say you are leaving and start to put on your jacket, it should not take 20 more minutes to get out the door unless there is a maze and/or gauntlet of Maori warriors in your way


Were they Minnesotan? This is the only possible explanation for a 20 minute goodbye.
 
2014-01-09 01:22:41 PM  

SecretAgentWoman: Incorrigible Astronaut: Tried on some of my mom's dresses while drunk.

*Check's Incorrigible Astronaut's profile for an indication of gender....*

*Comes up empty...*


Hey, I haven't done that since sixth grade, so joke's on you.

/TFer
 
2014-01-09 01:23:16 PM  
I had a girl crash at my place because she was drunk and she pee'd on my couch in her sleep. That sucked. At first she tried to deny it and I'm like, "Uh your jeans are soaked and are laying on my carpet and my couch is wet." She was really embarrassed.
 
2014-01-09 01:23:39 PM  
Set my kitchen on fire.
 
2014-01-09 01:23:53 PM  

Bugerz: Klippoklondike: Not a big deal, but they wouldn't leave.  Could not take a hint, and when finally leaving they dragged it out 20 minutes.  If you say you are leaving and start to put on your jacket, it should not take 20 more minutes to get out the door unless there is a maze and/or gauntlet of Maori warriors in your way

Were they Minnesotan? This is the only possible explanation for a 20 minute goodbye.


Michigan's Upper Peninsula, so close enough
 
2014-01-09 01:24:03 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: got a 16 year old to take all her clothes off only to be be hurled into a prickly evergreen tree in the front yard


I want to party at your house!
 
2014-01-09 01:24:56 PM  

atlfarkette: I had a girl crash at my place because she was drunk and she pee'd on my couch in her sleep. That sucked. At first she tried to deny it and I'm like, "Uh your jeans are soaked and are laying on my carpet and my couch is wet." She was really embarrassed.



Someone did that at our house once when I was in college... peed on the futon, and left without saying anything.

Roommate who owned the futon was pissed, literally.
 
2014-01-09 01:25:51 PM  
Ok so my friend Tim brings this guy over that he met barhopping, named Jay. I'm at work dealing with shiat, Jay is drunk off his ass and LOCKS himself in my room with a girl. My maid texts me, I tell her I'll deal with it once I am home. She's scared because he's really durnk.

hey obviously do the deed. As if this wasnt worse enough, drunk Jay is married and decided he needs to burn the evidence.....in my coral cigarette ashtray (with ridges) this guy burns the condom. Room farking REEKED of drunk sex and burned latex.

Jay was kicked the fark out immediately at 2am.
 
2014-01-09 01:26:34 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: Lesse: dropped and broke 4 dishes, called me a 'b*tch on all fours' while I was cleaning them up, vomited in the sink, got a 16 year old to take all her clothes off only to be be hurled into a prickly evergreen tree in the front yard, broke my glass bong, gave my dog whiskey, smoked green outside, stole 4 CD's (while leaving the cases), fell and broke my favorite chair, I'm sure there's more I either didn't know about or forgot.

All during one party.


That dude knows how to PARTY!
 
2014-01-09 01:26:36 PM  

Klippoklondike: CapeFearCadaver: Lesse: dropped and broke 4 dishes, called me a 'b*tch on all fours' while I was cleaning them up, vomited in the sink, got a 16 year old to take all her clothes off only to be be hurled into a prickly evergreen tree in the front yard, broke my glass bong, gave my dog whiskey, smoked green outside, stole 4 CD's (while leaving the cases), fell and broke my favorite chair, I'm sure there's more I either didn't know about or forgot.

All during one party.

And now he's the mayor of Toronto


Snert! No, this was multiples, going by comma separates: 2, 1, 1, 4 guys, 1, 2, 12+, 1, 1.

House party after a friend's show. I always had them because I had a house; normally only 20 or so would show up but this time it was ~100. To make things worse, two of my larger-take-no-sh*t friends weren't there to keep things under control so sh*t just went to hell. Man, that was 11 years ago.
 
2014-01-09 01:26:40 PM  

CommieTaoist: Fondled my daki.


We did more than that after you fell asleep.
 
2014-01-09 01:27:24 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: Lesse: dropped and broke 4 dishes, called me a 'b*tch on all fours' while I was cleaning them up, vomited in the sink, got a 16 year old to take all her clothes off only to be be hurled into a prickly evergreen tree in the front yard, broke my glass bong, gave my dog whiskey, smoked green outside, stole 4 CD's (while leaving the cases), fell and broke my favorite chair, I'm sure there's more I either didn't know about or forgot.

All during one party.


You win...well, I guess "win" isn't the right word. That just sucks.
 
2014-01-09 01:27:37 PM  
Slept with my fiance while I was out of town.
 
2014-01-09 01:27:39 PM  

Honest Bender: CapeFearCadaver: got a 16 year old to take all her clothes off only to be be hurled into a prickly evergreen tree in the front yard

I want to party at your house!


She wound up marrying one of my best friends. We still call her "Bush" sometimes :)
 
2014-01-09 01:30:00 PM  
The girl who got super hammered at a new years eve party, clogged the toilet with her puke, ruined my good towels in a failed attempt to mop up the mess, slipped in it and hit her head.  Came out of the bathroom like 30 minutes later wet, covered in puke and bleeding slightly.  Evidently she'd woken up and thought she was fine because the first thing she did was walk into the kitchen, take her boobs out and shake them at some of the guys gathered in there.  Unfortunately, she also shook blood and puke water all over the kitchen cupboards and fridge and counter and everthing at the same time.

Almost the worst part was that she'd brought her hyperactive 6yr old to this party so several of us spent most of the night trying to watch him and yelling, hey don't touch that, hey, those aren't yours, hey want to watch a movie, pleasepleaseplease sit the fark down and watch some disney shiat and stop trying to wreck the place while mom pretended he didn't exist.
 
2014-01-09 01:30:07 PM  
not had sex with me. i mean wtf, have some common guest courtesy.
 
2014-01-09 01:31:00 PM  
A buddy of mine staying the weekend stole all the paintings and pictures off of the walls in my living room while I was asleep.  He drove 200 miles away with them, and I didn't get them back for months.

I have to admit that was an awesome prank.  A dick move certainly, but an awesome prank.
 
2014-01-09 01:31:27 PM  

SundaesChild: Slept with my fiance while I was out of town.


oh shiat.  At least you knew before you married him  :(
 
2014-01-09 01:31:33 PM  
My ex peed on me in his sleep while I was lying next to him after a particularly wild night. Imagine it's you waking up in the middle of the night, covered in someone's pee. Not in a sexy way.
 
2014-01-09 01:32:20 PM  

CatherineM: My ex peed on me in his sleep while I was lying next to him after a particularly wild night. Imagine it's you waking up in the middle of the night, covered in someone's pee. Not in a sexy way.


Americans don't appreciate Germans
 
2014-01-09 01:32:42 PM  
I'm having trouble imagining myself covered in pee in a sexy way.
 
2014-01-09 01:33:24 PM  

Kyro: I'm having trouble imagining myself covered in pee in a sexy way.


Yea, it kinda loses it's magic once it starts to cool.
 
2014-01-09 01:33:55 PM  
This should go green.
 
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