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(ABC)   Since you're home all day this is a good time to fix the sink. You've been promising to fix the sink. Marge doesn't have to live with a sink like that. Fine, just sit there on your butt all day. Marge's husband doesn't sit on his butt all day   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 22
    More: Obvious, School of Journalism, domestic violence  
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8480 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jan 2014 at 12:17 PM (28 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-08 01:42:44 PM
5 votes:
There's an old story about how to cook a frog.
If you put the frog in boiling water, it will leap out.
If you put the frog in cool water, and slowly increase the heat, it will not notice anything wrong until it is dead.

This is how abusive relationships work.

Why do people stay in a relationship like this?

Well, often-times, the abuser has convinced the victim that they don't deserve any better, or it's their fault.

Then there are the ones that rein in their prey with fear. Fear of being reported to the police for a shady past (drug use, theft, etc, often initiated by the abuser in the first place), or fear for safety - whether the victim's own or their loved ones. Once you reach a point where the 'status quo' has been established, then many abusers will threaten the loved ones of their victims in order to get them to stay.

So, with that in mind, let me explain the advice in this article. The author wants the victims to realize they ARE victims. By putting together an escape bag, you are ADMITTING you are a victim, and that you are being abused.

It's a huge first step, and an important one, to keep from going back to your abuser.

Please don't ridicule this advice. Every little bit helps.
2014-01-08 12:27:55 PM
5 votes:
Ok, I stopped reading where they recommend people with abusive partners keep an overnight bag ready to leave at all times.

If you feel the need for an "escape bag" you should be in counciling while living seperately or leaving altogether.
2014-01-08 01:07:16 PM
4 votes:

Weatherkiss: This isn't the 1900's. We're not all confined to choosing from a select number of possible mates from a 20 or 30 mile area. We have the twitters, the facebooks, the myspaces, e-mail, smartphones, the interwebs, dating websites, subby's mom, instant messengers, craigs list, and any other numerous ways to get a date.

Staying in an abusive relationship is your fault and your fault alone. It isn't your fault your partner is abusive. It is your fault for putting up with it and enabling more abuse and letting your partner know that it's ok to be abusive.

Regardless of whether or not you're insecure, have children that "need" your abusive spouse, or whatever... you're doing yourself and your partner a great disservice by 'staying the course' through a socially unhealthy relationship.

And there are way more people out there that are datable due to the fact we're far more connected than we were decades ago. I mean there's a reason why there are way more divorces, affairs, etc., and it's because of new communication technology that has increased the dating pool substantially, and people realize that maybe their current choice in mate is not the most ideal.

And this goes double or triple for those in abusive relationships. Do yourself a favor. Grow a pair, whether you're male or female -- and get the fark out of your abusive relationship. Go use any number of communications technologies and look elsewhere. Get back into the dating game.


It doesn't usually start with a punch. The abuser tends to wear down their victim til they honestly think they don't deserve any better.
2014-01-08 12:53:45 PM
3 votes:
 She should have left as soon as she knew he was an abuser.  She didn't.. she got what she wanted.  Let this be a note to 18 year old women that think they know it all.. parents are often right.
2014-01-08 01:51:07 PM
2 votes:
Plus, the most dangerous time for an abused person is when they are trying to leave. Abusers tend not to like that.
2014-01-08 01:44:20 PM
2 votes:

Weatherkiss: This isn't the 1900's. We're not all confined to choosing from a select number of possible mates from a 20 or 30 mile area. We have the twitters, the facebooks, the myspaces, e-mail, smartphones, the interwebs, dating websites, subby's mom, instant messengers, craigs list, and any other numerous ways to get a date.

Staying in an abusive relationship is your fault and your fault alone. It isn't your fault your partner is abusive. It is your fault for putting up with it and enabling more abuse and letting your partner know that it's ok to be abusive.

Regardless of whether or not you're insecure, have children that "need" your abusive spouse, or whatever... you're doing yourself and your partner a great disservice by 'staying the course' through a socially unhealthy relationship.

And there are way more people out there that are datable due to the fact we're far more connected than we were decades ago. I mean there's a reason why there are way more divorces, affairs, etc., and it's because of new communication technology that has increased the dating pool substantially, and people realize that maybe their current choice in mate is not the most ideal.

And this goes double or triple for those in abusive relationships. Do yourself a favor. Grow a pair, whether you're male or female -- and get the fark out of your abusive relationship. Go use any number of communications technologies and look elsewhere. Get back into the dating game.


Smh. Man, do you read the articles that are posted on Fark? Do you watch "Snapped", or the Discovery ID channel? I'm not basing my comment on television shows, but I'm hoping that you have seen one or more of them to get some perspective. Champ, shiat really happens. People REALLY DO kill their girlfriends and spouses. Its not a farking game. No one is in a better position to predict how far an abusive partner might go than the person who is being abused. If a man can slam their head against a wall or put a gun in their mouth, how can you blame them for fearing for their lives? You're very ignorantly talking about how the abused should "get back out there and date again", as if an abused person is just staying because they can't get another partner. Most of them are scared. I'm not saying that they shouldn't leave at the first opportunity. But, I understand that there can be a number of things preventing someone from putting a safe distance between themselves and their abuser.


/The worst thing about the internet is it allows fake tough guys to fake like they're tough.
2014-01-08 12:58:26 PM
2 votes:
This isn't the 1900's. We're not all confined to choosing from a select number of possible mates from a 20 or 30 mile area. We have the twitters, the facebooks, the myspaces, e-mail, smartphones, the interwebs, dating websites, subby's mom, instant messengers, craigs list, and any other numerous ways to get a date.

Staying in an abusive relationship is your fault and your fault alone. It isn't your fault your partner is abusive. It is your fault for putting up with it and enabling more abuse and letting your partner know that it's ok to be abusive.

Regardless of whether or not you're insecure, have children that "need" your abusive spouse, or whatever... you're doing yourself and your partner a great disservice by 'staying the course' through a socially unhealthy relationship.

And there are way more people out there that are datable due to the fact we're far more connected than we were decades ago. I mean there's a reason why there are way more divorces, affairs, etc., and it's because of new communication technology that has increased the dating pool substantially, and people realize that maybe their current choice in mate is not the most ideal.

And this goes double or triple for those in abusive relationships. Do yourself a favor. Grow a pair, whether you're male or female -- and get the fark out of your abusive relationship. Go use any number of communications technologies and look elsewhere. Get back into the dating game.
2014-01-08 08:34:09 PM
1 votes:

AngryDragon: mike_d85: Ok, I stopped reading where they recommend people with abusive partners keep an overnight bag ready to leave at all times.

If you feel the need for an "escape bag" you should be in counciling while living seperately or leaving altogether.

Any other action and you deserve what you get.

In this day and age, there is no excuse for staying in an abusive relationship


What if you're a kid? What if you have kids? And no money or relatives or friends to take you in? What if you live in a state without adequate shelters for women in abusive situations? But, no, it's as easy as just walking out the door, right?
2014-01-08 07:39:08 PM
1 votes:

Lamberts Ho Man: jgilb: Super_pope: Weatherkiss: And if I sound tough it's because it takes courage to stand up to someone you're scared of in order to break the cycle of abuse.

Almost universally in my experience with the women in my life, they are just CONSUMED with fear of everything.  Fear of  people they hate not liking them, fear of being talked badly about by people they do NOTHING but talk badly about, fear of this, fear of that, fear of essentially everything that you could be afraid of.

"Oh I can't stop helping so-and-so do their work, then they'd hate me and they've been at the office longer."  "Doesn't she have bitter yelling matches with your boss?  I'm pretty sure you don't need to be doing extra work that's putting a strain on you to stay in the good graces of someone who's going to get fired eventually."  "But then she'll yell at ME!"  "... so?"  "So I have to work with her, you just don't understand!"

And the common denominator is...

This ... maybe Super_pope should consider why he attracts fearful women.  Or perhaps why non-fearful women don't hang around.


Conversely, if you honestly don't notice any gender difference, your reference group for "men" might wanna get their testosterone levels checked.

/just sayin
2014-01-08 05:00:22 PM
1 votes:

jgilb: Super_pope: Weatherkiss: And if I sound tough it's because it takes courage to stand up to someone you're scared of in order to break the cycle of abuse.

Almost universally in my experience with the women in my life, they are just CONSUMED with fear of everything.  Fear of  people they hate not liking them, fear of being talked badly about by people they do NOTHING but talk badly about, fear of this, fear of that, fear of essentially everything that you could be afraid of.

"Oh I can't stop helping so-and-so do their work, then they'd hate me and they've been at the office longer."  "Doesn't she have bitter yelling matches with your boss?  I'm pretty sure you don't need to be doing extra work that's putting a strain on you to stay in the good graces of someone who's going to get fired eventually."  "But then she'll yell at ME!"  "... so?"  "So I have to work with her, you just don't understand!"

And the common denominator is...


This ... maybe Super_pope should consider why he attracts fearful women.  Or perhaps why non-fearful women don't hang around.
2014-01-08 04:50:39 PM
1 votes:

Super_pope: Weatherkiss: And if I sound tough it's because it takes courage to stand up to someone you're scared of in order to break the cycle of abuse.

Almost universally in my experience with the women in my life, they are just CONSUMED with fear of everything.  Fear of  people they hate not liking them, fear of being talked badly about by people they do NOTHING but talk badly about, fear of this, fear of that, fear of essentially everything that you could be afraid of.

"Oh I can't stop helping so-and-so do their work, then they'd hate me and they've been at the office longer."  "Doesn't she have bitter yelling matches with your boss?  I'm pretty sure you don't need to be doing extra work that's putting a strain on you to stay in the good graces of someone who's going to get fired eventually."  "But then she'll yell at ME!"  "... so?"  "So I have to work with her, you just don't understand!"


And the common denominator is...
2014-01-08 02:37:09 PM
1 votes:

Weatherkiss: DROxINxTHExWIND: Weatherkiss: This isn't the 1900's. We're not all confined to choosing from a select number of possible mates from a 20 or 30 mile area. We have the twitters, the facebooks, the myspaces, e-mail, smartphones, the interwebs, dating websites, subby's mom, instant messengers, craigs list, and any other numerous ways to get a date.

Staying in an abusive relationship is your fault and your fault alone. It isn't your fault your partner is abusive. It is your fault for putting up with it and enabling more abuse and letting your partner know that it's ok to be abusive.

Regardless of whether or not you're insecure, have children that "need" your abusive spouse, or whatever... you're doing yourself and your partner a great disservice by 'staying the course' through a socially unhealthy relationship.

And there are way more people out there that are datable due to the fact we're far more connected than we were decades ago. I mean there's a reason why there are way more divorces, affairs, etc., and it's because of new communication technology that has increased the dating pool substantially, and people realize that maybe their current choice in mate is not the most ideal.

And this goes double or triple for those in abusive relationships. Do yourself a favor. Grow a pair, whether you're male or female -- and get the fark out of your abusive relationship. Go use any number of communications technologies and look elsewhere. Get back into the dating game.

Smh. Man, do you read the articles that are posted on Fark? Do you watch "Snapped", or the Discovery ID channel? I'm not basing my comment on television shows, but I'm hoping that you have seen one or more of them to get some perspective. Champ, shiat really happens. People REALLY DO kill their girlfriends and spouses. Its not a farking game. No one is in a better position to predict how far an abusive partner might go than the person who is being abused. If a man can slam their head against a wall or put a gu ...



I admittedly read your post in a man's voice and it irritated me that someone who i assumed had never dealt with abuse would be so callous in their apparent disregard for the potential consequences of their proposal. You being a woman makes a big difference in how I intepret your message, whether that's right or wrong. I am in no way white-knighting any victims by suggesting that they should stay. I said that YOU should have more empathy for those who don't immediately leave because there can be other factors, the biggest being fear. Congratulations for finding the courage to do what we both hope every woman in this situation would do. But understand that, "get some balls" isn't applicable in every situation.
2014-01-08 02:20:55 PM
1 votes:

Weatherkiss: DROxINxTHExWIND: Weatherkiss: This isn't the 1900's. We're not all confined to choosing from a select number of possible mates from a 20 or 30 mile area. We have the twitters, the facebooks, the myspaces, e-mail, smartphones, the interwebs, dating websites, subby's mom, instant messengers, craigs list, and any other numerous ways to get a date.

Staying in an abusive relationship is your fault and your fault alone. It isn't your fault your partner is abusive. It is your fault for putting up with it and enabling more abuse and letting your partner know that it's ok to be abusive.

Regardless of whether or not you're insecure, have children that "need" your abusive spouse, or whatever... you're doing yourself and your partner a great disservice by 'staying the course' through a socially unhealthy relationship.

And there are way more people out there that are datable due to the fact we're far more connected than we were decades ago. I mean there's a reason why there are way more divorces, affairs, etc., and it's because of new communication technology that has increased the dating pool substantially, and people realize that maybe their current choice in mate is not the most ideal.

And this goes double or triple for those in abusive relationships. Do yourself a favor. Grow a pair, whether you're male or female -- and get the fark out of your abusive relationship. Go use any number of communications technologies and look elsewhere. Get back into the dating game.

Smh. Man, do you read the articles that are posted on Fark? Do you watch "Snapped", or the Discovery ID channel? I'm not basing my comment on television shows, but I'm hoping that you have seen one or more of them to get some perspective. Champ, shiat really happens. People REALLY DO kill their girlfriends and spouses. Its not a farking game. No one is in a better position to predict how far an abusive partner might go than the person who is being abused. If a man can slam their head against a wall or put a gu ...


So we all agree now that being in an abusive relationship is hard, and you should get out as soon as possible because no one deserves that kind of treatment? Good ' nuff said
2014-01-08 02:09:59 PM
1 votes:

DROxINxTHExWIND: Weatherkiss: This isn't the 1900's. We're not all confined to choosing from a select number of possible mates from a 20 or 30 mile area. We have the twitters, the facebooks, the myspaces, e-mail, smartphones, the interwebs, dating websites, subby's mom, instant messengers, craigs list, and any other numerous ways to get a date.

Staying in an abusive relationship is your fault and your fault alone. It isn't your fault your partner is abusive. It is your fault for putting up with it and enabling more abuse and letting your partner know that it's ok to be abusive.

Regardless of whether or not you're insecure, have children that "need" your abusive spouse, or whatever... you're doing yourself and your partner a great disservice by 'staying the course' through a socially unhealthy relationship.

And there are way more people out there that are datable due to the fact we're far more connected than we were decades ago. I mean there's a reason why there are way more divorces, affairs, etc., and it's because of new communication technology that has increased the dating pool substantially, and people realize that maybe their current choice in mate is not the most ideal.

And this goes double or triple for those in abusive relationships. Do yourself a favor. Grow a pair, whether you're male or female -- and get the fark out of your abusive relationship. Go use any number of communications technologies and look elsewhere. Get back into the dating game.

Smh. Man, do you read the articles that are posted on Fark? Do you watch "Snapped", or the Discovery ID channel? I'm not basing my comment on television shows, but I'm hoping that you have seen one or more of them to get some perspective. Champ, shiat really happens. People REALLY DO kill their girlfriends and spouses. Its not a farking game. No one is in a better position to predict how far an abusive partner might go than the person who is being abused. If a man can slam their head against a wall or put a gun in their mouth, ...


I don't watch TV. My experience with abusers and their victims comes from watching them every day at work at the hospital, and having lived through it myself. I don't need to watch TV to remember that I had a boyfriend who got off on scaring me shiatless and making me feel like garbage, and it wasn't the sage advice that "shiat happens." that got me out of that situation.

It was recognizing that I didn't need to be scared of him, that I owed it to myself and him to bite the bullet and take the initiative to get out of there regardless of the consequences.

Before you go trying to white knight abuse victims by saying that it's okay to stay in a relationship where you're treated like shiat as long as you're scared, how about you take a big step back and go fark yourself because I'm neither a guy, nor am I basing my opinions on fictional accounts.

And if I sound tough it's because it takes courage to stand up to someone you're scared of in order to break the cycle of abuse. And regardless of what fear the victim has, they have to find that courage within themselves. Noone will do it for them. If being blunt and telling any potential readers that they need to grow a pair will give them a boost to stand up for themselves, then I'm perfectly fine with doing so.
2014-01-08 01:32:02 PM
1 votes:
FTFA: "I married at 18 because my parents didn't like my boyfriend, "

This is a bad time to be a rebellious teen because maybe there was a damn good reason why your parents didn't like the creep.

It reminds me of a co-worker who got married young mostly to get out of the house and away from her dad. Yeah, the guy she married ended up being domineering and abusive and after the inevitable divorce she was saddled with HIS debt and bad credit history. She never changed her name back -- just to spite her dad. Yeah, no kidding she has daddy-issues.
2014-01-08 01:17:28 PM
1 votes:

Lamberts Ho Man: mike_d85: Ok, I stopped reading where they recommend people with abusive partners keep an overnight bag ready to leave at all times.

If you feel the need for an "escape bag" you should be in counciling while living seperately or leaving altogether.

This
Why the hell people put up with this stuff is beyond me.

Leave Now.  And make the choices in your life such that that is always an option.


You aren't taking "stockholm syndrome' into consideration. My sister hid the fact that her ex was an asshole for several years, until the hospital visits opened the closet. The wish to be normal is very strong, and without a push, most will stay in that situation. They hope that it'll go away and those few moments of harmony and peace will grow to fill the time...but. of course, it doesn't. 'Tis sad.

There's one in your neighborhood right now. Go look & ask. You may be called a jerk, but you also may give someone the push they need.
2014-01-08 01:16:31 PM
1 votes:

QueenMamaBee: Weatherkiss: This isn't the 1900's. We're not all confined to choosing from a select number of possible mates from a 20 or 30 mile area. We have the twitters, the facebooks, the myspaces, e-mail, smartphones, the interwebs, dating websites, subby's mom, instant messengers, craigs list, and any other numerous ways to get a date.

Staying in an abusive relationship is your fault and your fault alone. It isn't your fault your partner is abusive. It is your fault for putting up with it and enabling more abuse and letting your partner know that it's ok to be abusive.

Regardless of whether or not you're insecure, have children that "need" your abusive spouse, or whatever... you're doing yourself and your partner a great disservice by 'staying the course' through a socially unhealthy relationship.

And there are way more people out there that are datable due to the fact we're far more connected than we were decades ago. I mean there's a reason why there are way more divorces, affairs, etc., and it's because of new communication technology that has increased the dating pool substantially, and people realize that maybe their current choice in mate is not the most ideal.

And this goes double or triple for those in abusive relationships. Do yourself a favor. Grow a pair, whether you're male or female -- and get the fark out of your abusive relationship. Go use any number of communications technologies and look elsewhere. Get back into the dating game.

It doesn't usually start with a punch. The abuser tends to wear down their victim til they honestly think they don't deserve any better.


Abuse is abuse whether it's physical, verbal, or emotional. In any situation the advice is the same: Get the fark out.
2014-01-08 01:15:49 PM
1 votes:

QueenMamaBee: Weatherkiss: This isn't the 1900's. We're not all confined to choosing from a select number of possible mates from a 20 or 30 mile area. We have the twitters, the facebooks, the myspaces, e-mail, smartphones, the interwebs, dating websites, subby's mom, instant messengers, craigs list, and any other numerous ways to get a date.

Staying in an abusive relationship is your fault and your fault alone. It isn't your fault your partner is abusive. It is your fault for putting up with it and enabling more abuse and letting your partner know that it's ok to be abusive.

Regardless of whether or not you're insecure, have children that "need" your abusive spouse, or whatever... you're doing yourself and your partner a great disservice by 'staying the course' through a socially unhealthy relationship.

And there are way more people out there that are datable due to the fact we're far more connected than we were decades ago. I mean there's a reason why there are way more divorces, affairs, etc., and it's because of new communication technology that has increased the dating pool substantially, and people realize that maybe their current choice in mate is not the most ideal.

And this goes double or triple for those in abusive relationships. Do yourself a favor. Grow a pair, whether you're male or female -- and get the fark out of your abusive relationship. Go use any number of communications technologies and look elsewhere. Get back into the dating game.

It doesn't usually start with a punch. The abuser tends to wear down their victim til they honestly think they don't deserve any better.


This is just another thing that scares me to death about having daughters. I really don't think it will be a problem for them since their mom doesn't put up with any crap, but young love is very stupid sometimes. I just hope if anyone ever tries being abusive to them they will tell us. If I ever see any evidence of it myself I will intervene.
2014-01-08 12:46:58 PM
1 votes:

mike_d85: Ok, I stopped reading where they recommend people with abusive partners keep an overnight bag ready to leave at all times.

If you feel the need for an "escape bag" you should be in counciling while living seperately or leaving altogether.


Any other action and you deserve what you get.

In this day and age, there is no excuse for staying in an abusive relationship
2014-01-08 12:32:28 PM
1 votes:
"I married at 18 because my parents didn't like my boyfriend"

Well I feel terrible about the situation you farking put yourself in. Let me break out my tiny violin.

"It's really bad," she said. "People with resources can bail and go to a hotel, but people who don't have much are really pressed, and they aren't always women -- same sex couples have the same issues.

IOW, men can be victims of domestic violence, but only to other men, and only in the rare cases that they can't afford to leave. Fark this coont.
2014-01-08 12:28:36 PM
1 votes:

SecretAgentWoman: I don't think subby quite got the point of the article.



This.

/Sad situation and something i never really thought about. Imagine being a kid a dreading a snowstorm.

/The things we take for granted...
2014-01-08 12:25:57 PM
1 votes:
All I have to say is

img69.imageshack.us


I understand
 
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