Lamberts Ho Man: jgilb: Super_pope: Weatherkiss: And if I sound tough it's because it takes courage to stand up to someone you're scared of in order to break the cycle of abuse.Almost universally in my experience with the women in my life, they are just CONSUMED with fear of everything. Fear of people they hate not liking them, fear of being talked badly about by people they do NOTHING but talk badly about, fear of this, fear of that, fear of essentially everything that you could be afraid of."Oh I can't stop helping so-and-so do their work, then they'd hate me and they've been at the office longer." "Doesn't she have bitter yelling matches with your boss? I'm pretty sure you don't need to be doing extra work that's putting a strain on you to stay in the good graces of someone who's going to get fired eventually." "But then she'll yell at ME!" "... so?" "So I have to work with her, you just don't understand!"And the common denominator is...This ... maybe Super_pope should consider why he attracts fearful women. Or perhaps why non-fearful women don't hang around.
AngryDragon: mike_d85: Ok, I stopped reading where they recommend people with abusive partners keep an overnight bag ready to leave at all times.If you feel the need for an "escape bag" you should be in counciling while living seperately or leaving altogether.Any other action and you deserve what you get.In this day and age, there is no excuse for staying in an abusive relationship
lack of warmth: If cabin fever is causing dv, something is already wrong as she pointed out. If you marry the right person, all your kids' birthdays will be in August and September.
SordidEuphemism: There's an old story about how to cook a frog.If you put the frog in boiling water, it will leap out.If you put the frog in cool water, and slowly increase the heat, it will not notice anything wrong until it is dead.This is how abusive relationships work.Why do people stay in a relationship like this?Well, often-times, the abuser has convinced the victim that they don't deserve any better, or it's their fault.Then there are the ones that rein in their prey with fear. Fear of being reported to the police for a shady past (drug use, theft, etc, often initiated by the abuser in the first place), or fear for safety - whether the victim's own or their loved ones. Once you reach a point where the 'status quo' has been established, then many abusers will threaten the loved ones of their victims in order to get them to stay.So, with that in mind, let me explain the advice in this article. The author wants the victims to realize they ARE victims. By putting together an escape bag, you are ADMITTING you are a victim, and that you are being abused.It's a huge first step, and an important one, to keep from going back to your abuser.Please don't ridicule this advice. Every little bit helps.
Weatherkiss: Before you go trying to white knight abuse victims
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