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(International Business Times)   I'm Jesus son of God. No, I'm Jesus son of God. No, I'm Jesus son of God. No, I'm Jesus son of God. OK well I'm God   (ibtimes.co.uk) divider line 57
    More: Dumbass, god, Holy Father, Jesus of Nazareth, religious studies, Aramaic, Mary Magdalene, David Shayler, messiah complex  
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6924 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jan 2014 at 11:58 AM (29 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



57 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-08 11:28:30 AM
Call me Doubting Thomas, but um....

Show me the holes.

//The ones in his wrists, not those holes.
 
2014-01-08 11:47:43 AM
Seriously, if you want to give me money and worship me, I'll be whatever you hope I am...
 
2014-01-08 12:01:03 PM
"Two men say they're Jesus/
One of them must be wrong"

- Dire Straits, Industrial Disease
 
2014-01-08 12:01:50 PM

SecretAgentWoman: Seriously, if you want to give me money and worship me, I'll be whatever you hope I am...


Have we found Mitt Romney's fark handle?
 
2014-01-08 12:01:56 PM
Makes sense. The global population has increased quite a bit in the past couple millennia.
 
2014-01-08 12:01:58 PM
And Im his friend Santa Clause!!!


wait a minute......
 
2014-01-08 12:02:50 PM
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-01-08 12:03:06 PM
Uh huh. Sure.
Tell you what, let's hang you on a cross til dead, then toss you in a cave for three days.
If you manage to reanimate, CONGRATULATIONS! You must be him. We will now listen to what you have to say.

Don't make it out of the old dank hole in the mountainside? So sorry old boy, you were apparently a pretender and have fallen short.
Please do remember to let us know where to send the carcass.
 
2014-01-08 12:03:25 PM
C'mon, Jesus is just the Pete Rose Jr. of the Deity world.  Only got a shot at the big time because of who his dad is.
 
2014-01-08 12:03:58 PM
 
2014-01-08 12:04:55 PM
SURE, FARTBONGO.


"President" Ballrog, HUSSEIN, Sombrero, Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, al-Chicago, Chocolate Jesus, B-Rock the Islamic Shock, Barky McTeleprompter, Wizard of Uhhs, BoBo the Clown, Oblahbla, Jug Ears,  Saunas breach akimbo, Waffles The Clown, Borborygmos Hammerhiem, The Rainbow King, Bukkake O'Bunga, OBIGOT, El Jefe Chocholate,  "Jace the Mindsculpter", Hopey McChangeypants, Oyobi, Bonzo the Time Traveler, La Bamba yo' Mamma, Samurai Kebab Nachos, Barackabeedoobeedoobeedo, Hussein-In-The-Membrane, Black Thunder, Dr. Utopia,  Obamarambo, Fartbongo, II"
 
das
2014-01-08 12:05:08 PM

The correct answer is...: "Two men say they're Jesus/
One of them must be wrong"

- Dire Straits, Industrial Disease


Came to say this!!!
 
2014-01-08 12:06:00 PM
Now you know how the Jews felt 2000 years ago.
 
2014-01-08 12:06:34 PM
Monty Python Life of Brian Debate

I stumbled on this yesterday after looking for Life of Brian clips in one of our other threads.  I found it really fascinating to see the outrage of a movie from 35 years ago.  I wonder how offended the two religions representatives would be at some of today's movies.
 
2014-01-08 12:07:43 PM

das: The correct answer is...: "Two men say they're Jesus/
One of them must be wrong"

- Dire Straits, Industrial Disease

Came to say this!!!


First Jesus says:  "I'd cure it soon.  Abolish Monday mornings and Friday afternoons"  The other one's out on hunger strike.  He's dying by degrees.  How come Jesus gets Industrial Disease?
 
2014-01-08 12:09:20 PM
"In 1999 he was forced to flee South Korea after being accused of rape, fraud and embezzlement. Jung was arrested in China in 2007 and two years later was sentenced to 10 years in prison in South Korea"Jung Myung Seok, aka Jesus

I think we have a winner!!
 
2014-01-08 12:09:40 PM
Back in the 60's (the Golden Age of Weird Psychology), a doctor took three paranoids with delusions of being the Christ and put them together.  Just to see what would happen.

Here's a link to the wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Three_Christs_of_Ypsilanti
 
2014-01-08 12:10:48 PM
They're NOT the Messiahs! They're very naughty boys!

now-here-this.timeout.com
 
2014-01-08 12:11:56 PM
4.images.comedycentral.com

But was it Spaghetti Jesus, or a later incarnation?
 
2014-01-08 12:11:59 PM
www.lytnyc.com
 
2014-01-08 12:12:52 PM
Want to prove you're Jesus?
Build me a hot-rod
 
2014-01-08 12:14:07 PM

tillerman35: Back in the 60's (the Golden Age of Weird Psychology), a doctor took three paranoids with delusions of being the Christ and put them together.  Just to see what would happen.

Here's a link to the wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Three_Christs_of_Ypsilanti


Was just about to be disappointed by no mention of Ypsilanti. Thanks!
 
2014-01-08 12:17:19 PM

Unoriginal_Username: Want to prove you're Jesus?
Build me a hot-rod


Your post makes me realize there is only one thing I want to do: Ding-a-ding-dang my dang-a-long ling-long.
 
2014-01-08 12:18:36 PM
Isn't Jesus supposed to be the same "person" as God? Since at least 325, anyway:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arianism#First_Council_of_Nicaea_and_its _ aftermath
 
2014-01-08 12:19:45 PM
FTFA:

"In an interview with the Evening Standard last year, Shayler [former MI5 agent] said he still believes he is the Messiah and revealed he is now living as a woman in a squat in Surrey."

I'd vote for that one.
 
2014-01-08 12:22:46 PM
Then there's this Korean guy:

"Jung also teaches that the original sin - succumbing to temptation - can be defeated by having sex with him. He encourages his followers to encourage young attractive people to join his church."

NTTAWWT.
 
2014-01-08 12:23:09 PM
You wanna be Jesus?  Fine.

I'm Spartacus!
 
2014-01-08 12:26:28 PM
Old news is 2000 years old:

At that time if anyone says to you, 'Look, here is the Messiah!' or, 'There he is!' do not believe it.For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect.See, I have told you ahead of time.

"So if anyone tells you, 'There he is, out in the wilderness,' do not go out; or, 'Here he is, in the inner rooms,' do not believe it.For as lightning that comes from the east is visible even in the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man.
 
2014-01-08 12:28:59 PM

The One True TheDavid: FTFA:

"In an interview with the Evening Standard last year, Shayler [former MI5 agent] said he still believes he is the Messiah and revealed he is now living as a woman in a squat in Surrey."

I'd vote for that one.


Seconded.

Beautiful, isn't it?

/I'm still laughing.
 
2014-01-08 12:30:38 PM

GilRuiz1: Old news is 2000 years old:

At that time if anyone says to you, 'Look, here is the Messiah!' or, 'There he is!' do not believe it.For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect.See, I have told you ahead of time.

"So if anyone tells you, 'There he is, out in the wilderness,' do not go out; or, 'Here he is, in the inner rooms,' do not believe it.For as lightning that comes from the east is visible even in the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man.


Older than you think, friend

"If you should meet the Buddha in your road, kill him"
 
2014-01-08 12:37:07 PM

SecretAgentWoman: Seriously, if you want to give me money and worship me, I'll be whatever you hope I am...


That's called early marriage.

Late marriage is when you realise worshipping the woman is wrong because she is really the devil.
 
2014-01-08 12:37:53 PM

The correct answer is...: "Two men say they're Jesus/
One of them must be wrong"

- Dire Straits, Industrial Disease


Came here to say that
 
2014-01-08 12:38:06 PM
One of the Alou brothers might have something to say about this.
 
2014-01-08 12:45:29 PM
Theres a lot of dudes these days calling themselves the messiah. A lot more of them were doing it when Jesus lived. He was one of many.
 
2014-01-08 12:47:34 PM
d.ibtimes.co.uk

Yep, that's God alright.
 
2014-01-08 12:47:37 PM
David Icke notably missing.
 
2014-01-08 01:01:31 PM
My father came back from the Korean War with his brains so scrambled, he thought he was Jesus! They put him in a nuthouse for five years, when he came out, he didn't think he was Jesus no more, he thought he was God. Which made me Jesus. This shiat got pretty heavy.
 
2014-01-08 01:03:58 PM
farm6.staticflickr.com
 
2014-01-08 01:12:24 PM

gja: Uh huh. Sure.
Tell you what, let's hang you on a cross til dead, then toss you in a cave for three days.
If you manage to reanimate, CONGRATULATIONS! You must be him. We will now listen to what you have to say.

Don't make it out of the old dank hole in the mountainside? So sorry old boy, you were apparently a pretender and have fallen short.
Please do remember to let us know where to send the carcass.


If someone told you he did would you believe it?  Some people have read as much in a book and apparently that's good enough.
 
2014-01-08 01:20:29 PM
Jesus wouldn't have to come back if he'd done it right the first time.
 
2014-01-08 01:25:05 PM
And all the Adventists thank God they don't have any relatives on the list....
 
2014-01-08 02:01:33 PM

Hawnkee: Unoriginal_Username: Want to prove you're Jesus?
Build me a hot-rod

Your post makes me realize there is only one thing I want to do: Ding-a-ding-dang my dang-a-long ling-long.


Jesus mows my lawn.
 
2014-01-08 02:07:51 PM
And God reached down to point at the dead homeless man and said "I hearby adopt this man to be my son, and extend salvation to anyone who showed him kindness". And hence you and I missed the chance at salvation. Lets hire whores.
 
2014-01-08 02:08:54 PM
Nice to see MI5 is stepping up their hiring practices.

f*ck me
 
2014-01-08 02:12:41 PM
Well this is a fun article to read considering my library just today received its annual donation of Warren Jeff's latest magnum opus.  Of course, he doesn't claim to be Jesus, just the "Mouthpiece of God."  Seriously, his writings all say:

Copyright 2013 by
President Warren S Jeffs, Mouthpiece of God
Jesus Christ, Author
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-01-08 02:14:04 PM

bingo the psych-o: gja: Uh huh. Sure.
Tell you what, let's hang you on a cross til dead, then toss you in a cave for three days.
If you manage to reanimate, CONGRATULATIONS! You must be him. We will now listen to what you have to say.

Don't make it out of the old dank hole in the mountainside? So sorry old boy, you were apparently a pretender and have fallen short.
Please do remember to let us know where to send the carcass.

If someone told you he did would you believe it?  Some people have read as much in a book and apparently that's good enough.


Nuh-uh. At a minimum I demand time-lapse video. First hand witnesses on a 'round-the-clock watch is preferable.

And log books. I am, after all, an engineer.
 
2014-01-08 02:25:52 PM
I remember reading of a story where some shrinks decided to put three guys who believed they were Jesus in the same house and see what happens. The results were surprisingly anti-climatic; two of the Sons of God didn't address the issue with each other, and the third realized his mistake and took on a different delusion.
 
2014-01-08 02:51:58 PM
Whichever one buys me a Mercedes Benz, a color TV, and a night on the town gets my vote.

/well, that's it!
//ha ha ha
///thanks, janis
 
2014-01-08 04:00:25 PM
Well, seeing as how since I've never been married, all of my children qualify for Jesushood.

/Never married = virgin, right?
 
2014-01-08 05:29:00 PM
 
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