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(Denver Channel)   If you're going to shoplift at Wal-Mart, try not to cary your crystal meth and loaded Glock with you. And don't try to bribe the arresting officer   (thedenverchannel.com) divider line 65
    More: Dumbass, Glock, police officers, glass, bribes  
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3926 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jan 2014 at 9:05 PM (28 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-07 10:56:45 PM
I stole a Flyers hat from Walmart two weeks ago. I tried it on and was looking for a mirror, picked up a bunch of other crap I needed, went to the regular check out aisle, paid for everything else and realized when I got to my car I still had the hat on. Now, I don't want to ever pay for a hat again.
 
2014-01-07 10:58:47 PM

RottNDude: CruJones: People inside a McDonald's inside a Walmart are an even greater sub-species.  And they even have glass walls so you can watch them graze.

/sometimes I only want to go to one store, and I need a humidifier, a cheap subwoofer, and milk

Kinky.


Not like stampeding cattle in the vatican.
 
2014-01-07 11:12:13 PM

teenage mutant ninja rapist: By and large securoty people are not smarter than you.


Security people, generally speaking, are the dumbest motherfarkers I've ever worked with. I've gotten onto an Air Force base like this:

Me: "I'm here to interview with Jerry Foo."
Guard: "Okay, give him a call on your cell and let me talk to him."
Me: *dials, gets Mr. Foo, talks for a minute, hands phone to guard*
Guard: "He is? You are? Very well, thank you" *waves me through*

And my all-time favorite example:

Email: "Personnel no longer need to sign in and out on the yellow legal pads. We figured out how to do that with the badging system and perimeter fences."
Me: *blinks in disbelief, re-reads email, saves a copy for posterity, headdesks*

/Don't get me started. Oh shiat, too late. Never mind.
 
2014-01-07 11:44:48 PM
bribery, attempt to influence a public official

Sounds like he should get those charges dropped.  Thanks to Citizens United this is not bribery, handing money to a government official and attempting to influence them has been ruled to be free speech and protected by the 1st amendment.
 
2014-01-07 11:59:06 PM
When carrying meth you have to make sure to stand your ground.  But try to get something better than a Glock.
 
2014-01-08 01:30:26 AM

Fuggin Bizzy: Meth is schedule II? Huh. I'd have thought one.


Yeah, schedule one if for the really dangerous stuff that has no medicinal value, like pot.
 
2014-01-08 01:31:02 AM

ThatBillmanGuy: Errr. Boobiesed it. How the heck did that just happen?


You must be new here...
 
2014-01-08 01:36:23 AM

Dadoody: HE SHOULDN'T HAVE A GUN!

IT WAS ILLEGAL FOR HIM TO HAVE ONE!!!!

Paper laws should have farted a magic unicorn and made him follow the rules.


Clearly this is an instance of a bad guy with a gun, however was he stopped without becoming shot by the good guy with a gun? The cop didn't even have to draw his gun. Story needs more guns and the bad guy with a gun clearly should have died earning good guy with gun medals and hero tag. WTF?
 
2014-01-08 01:36:31 AM

orangehat: iheartscotch: But, but, BUT; I was told if we instituted tougher gun control laws; this kind of thing wouldn't happen anymore!

/ Colorado's tougher new gun laws are just silly; if they really wanted to go after someone, they'd go after straw buyers. Which is how Methy McGee got a gun.

How do you know he didn't already own the gun at the time of his first offense?


Should have been turned in.
 
2014-01-08 01:37:14 AM

ThatBillmanGuy: jake_lex: Mugato: If you're going to shoplift at Wal-Mart

...then you're a moron. They have ceiling cameras like every 10 feet. But I guess simply trying to shoplift wasn't the dumbest thing he did.

WalMart employees pack handcuffs?

I worked at a major retailer (not Walmart, but in the same ballpark in terms of size.)  I saw the bank of security monitors and how much of the sales floor -- as well as the back room and the parking lot -- the cameras could capture, and how good the video is.

Yeah, I won't be attempting to shoplift anything from a store after that.

I worked at a Fry's once. One of the shoplifting videos they showed us was of a guy who thought he was so clever. You can seem him on the video digging through some hard drive box, unboxing it, and sticking it in between other items on the shelf. Then he just walks out of the store without taking anything. The camera follows him to his car. He drives off and the camera follows him as he drives damn near two blocks away. The car sits for a bit, then comes back to the store. The guy gets out dressed in different clothes, walks to the shelf where he stuck the hard drive he opened, grabs it, and tries to walk out the store. That's when he's grabbed.

Security guys are smarter than you.


That's why you have 2 people.
 
2014-01-08 01:52:31 AM

Danger Avoid Death: lordjupiter: Dadoody: HE SHOULDN'T HAVE A GUN!

IT WAS ILLEGAL FOR HIM TO HAVE ONE!!!!

Paper laws should have farted a magic unicorn and made him follow the rules.

As opposed to...NON-paper laws?

It's Walmart. You get a choice of paper or plastic laws. But be environmentally friendly and bring your own reusable canvas laws.


I prefer my laws made from recycled locally sourced daffodil husks, you know, natural laws.
 
2014-01-08 08:31:28 AM
"loaded" gun.

otherwise its a plastic hammer.
 
2014-01-08 10:44:44 AM

jake_lex: Mugato: If you're going to shoplift at Wal-Mart

...then you're a moron. They have ceiling cameras like every 10 feet. But I guess simply trying to shoplift wasn't the dumbest thing he did.

WalMart employees pack handcuffs?

I worked at a major retailer (not Walmart, but in the same ballpark in terms of size.)  I saw the bank of security monitors and how much of the sales floor -- as well as the back room and the parking lot -- the cameras could capture, and how good the video is.

Yeah, I won't be attempting to shoplift anything from a store after that.


yet when i suggest that there should be more than one camera coverage of the 9/11 attack on the pentagon, people can't fathom the idea.

ot: even with all those cameras, you'd be amazed what people can get away with, considering the rules LP are supposed to follow when making a stop.  (of course, those rules are not always followed to varying degrees of success and hilarity)

lots of LP threads lately - is LP hip now?  how is there not a reality show? there certainly could be one considering the whacky adventures in the shoplifting world.
 
2014-01-08 10:52:37 AM

ThatBillmanGuy: Mugato: teenage mutant ninja rapist: I have worked a few security jobs. By and large securoty people are not smarter than you. Hell I quit doing that kind of work due to the retard factor.

I think by "you" he means anyone stupid enough to try to shoplift in this day and age. I believe that.

Basically this is what I meant. If you're dumb enough to attempt to shoplift, just keep in mind the retards at the front are still better equipped, smarter, and luckier than you.

The only shoplifters that are successful are the employees


that's not really accurate at all.  don't get me wrong, employees are a huge source of theft loss, but there are professional thieves in the world.  this is what they do & with the intertoobs, selling their loot is easier & profitable.
the real pros are the ones that if caught, just give up, cause they know what they are in for: some paperwork in the LP office and most likely released.  even if the cops come, rarely are they taken to jail as they likely have a recent record and are in the system.  they get a ticket and are on their way.

only dipshiat kids and actual felons make a big deal.  the kids don't know any better & the felons know dam well what happens if they get caught.  which is why i have more respect for LP than most cops.  LP deals with the same dangerous bad people, but only have handcuffs and a smile to do their work instead of just tazering everyone while six of your fellow heavily armed and armored officers stand by and laugh.

/lp
 
2014-01-08 03:14:42 PM
Never underestimate the idiocy of a meth head.

A crackhead will steal your shiat and bail. A tweaker will steal your shiat then help you look for it.
 
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