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(KTVU Bay Area News)   Life really sucks when you are too uneducated to properly write a bank robbery note   (ktvu.com) divider line 57
    More: Fail, bank robber  
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6475 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jan 2014 at 6:30 PM (14 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



57 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-07 05:56:27 PM
Stand back, everybody, he's got a gub
 
2014-01-07 06:16:02 PM
I know plenty of well educated folks who have terrible handwriting.
 
2014-01-07 06:32:20 PM
images3.wikia.nocookie.net
Nightman, sneaky and mean. Spider inside my dreams. You make me want to cry. You make me want to die. I love you.
 
2014-01-07 06:33:40 PM
It was only a few short years ago when Antioch actually really was a great place to live, grow up, and raise a family.  Then they allowed Section 8's to move in, and the entire city was a crime-ridden wasteland within a year.  It's no longer safe to even be within city limits now.
 
2014-01-07 06:34:17 PM
Dear bank,

Hands up and give me all your potato.

thx

Jeffrey
 
2014-01-07 06:34:38 PM
Texaswithadollarsign?
 
2014-01-07 06:34:45 PM
Is this headline grammatically correct?
 
2014-01-07 06:35:51 PM
So if you want to rob a bank, you better be a Harvard graduate.
 
2014-01-07 06:36:03 PM
Or when you are too uneducated to avoid splitting infinitives, subby.
 
2014-01-07 06:40:33 PM
See!  This is the result of Obamacare!  Doctors are now forced to rob banks to support themselves.
 
2014-01-07 06:43:35 PM
Did he have a gub?

Fonaibung: Or when you are too uneducated to avoid splitting infinitives, subby.



Should You Split Infinitives?

What's a modern working writer to do? If you split infinitives, you'll likely get nasty mail from cranky people who believe it's their job to enforce imaginary grammar rules; so it kind of depends on how much you hate getting that kind of mail. - See more at: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/split-infinitives? p age=1#sthash.UnvRNk69.dpuf


/ grammarnazicares.png
 
2014-01-07 06:44:28 PM
Stick your hands up?
 
2014-01-07 06:45:00 PM

skinink: So if you want to rob a bank, you better be a Harvard graduate.


Shorter jail term (if any at all) when you do it that way, too
 
2014-01-07 06:45:58 PM
Your money, please to give me, yes. Gun is dangerously carried.
 
2014-01-07 06:46:24 PM

thecpt: Texaswithadollarsign?


I'll take the penis mightier.

/ thatsh not what your mother said
 
2014-01-07 06:50:15 PM

Fonaibung: Or when you are too uneducated to avoid splitting infinitives, subby.


To be fair, if someone were to take a person's wallet, most people would say: "Give me my wallet back."  , not the correct "Give me back my wallet." so shouldn't we as a society let subby slide?

*shrug*
 
2014-01-07 06:51:07 PM

Why Would I Read the Article: It was only a few short years ago when Antioch actually really was a great place to live, grow up, and raise a family.  Then they allowed Section 8's to move in, and the entire city was a crime-ridden wasteland within a year.  It's no longer safe to even be within city limits now.


Between that and Vasco being a deathtrap, there's no reason to travel further East than Livermore
 
2014-01-07 06:52:27 PM
Jamal Garrett....
 
2014-01-07 06:54:55 PM
I would LOVE to see meows robber note. That would be FARK worthy, for sure.
 
2014-01-07 06:55:02 PM
i220.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-07 06:56:33 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-07 06:57:20 PM
Poor dude. No weapon, no plan, no courage to see through his actions. He'll always be one of those little criminals that police catch often, only to set him free a few weeks or months later to continue the cycle of his dumbassery.
 
2014-01-07 06:57:27 PM

Why Would I Read the Article: It was only a few short years ago when Antioch actually really was a great place to live, grow up, and raise a family.  Then they allowed Section 8's to move in, and the entire city was a crime-ridden wasteland within a year.  It's no longer safe to even be within city limits now.


My dad's old business partner used to live in Antioch. Got in his truck for work one day, in his own driveway, about twenty feet from his front door, in broad daylight. Realized he forgot his briefcase just inside his house's front door. Left the truck running, ran inside to grab his briefcase, turned around to the sound of screeching wheels. Watched strange man take off in his truck.

He moved a little while after that.
 
2014-01-07 06:57:35 PM

SmackLT: Stand back, everybody, he's got a gub


Abt natural, too.

What a perfect Weeners
 
2014-01-07 06:59:09 PM

olddeegee: [i220.photobucket.com image 316x195]


"I have a gub."
 
2014-01-07 07:01:57 PM

WTFDYW: I would LOVE to see meows robber note. That would be FARK worthy, for sure.


LAUGHTER OL +1
 
2014-01-07 07:12:35 PM
Oh yay, Antioch. Where I live.

I wonder if it is the same fellow who is a serial shoplifter, and who routinely tries to dodge paying bus fare, oh, and tried to steal my partner's bike?
 
2014-01-07 07:13:44 PM

meow said the dog: [img.fark.net image 750x600]


I love that image so much, and you're the perfect person to post it, Meow. :)

I'd love to know the story (and translation) behind that.
 
2014-01-07 07:17:11 PM
Heh. I just talked with my partner, and it may well be the same guy. Go, Antioch. :-/
 
2014-01-07 07:23:34 PM
Martha Stewart is belovèd for her delightfully gracious bank robbery notes.
 
2014-01-07 07:23:47 PM
Jaymel... Jimmel... Jammal... ?

images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-01-07 07:33:12 PM

meow said the dog: [img.fark.net image 750x600]


Aw come on. What would you really put in a robber note?
 
2014-01-07 07:33:56 PM

Guuberre: Jaymel... Jimmel... Jammal... ?

[images3.wikia.nocookie.net image 500x313]


cdn.fansided.com
 
2014-01-07 07:37:14 PM
Why what's wrong with Jamal?

www.moviepilot.de
 
2014-01-07 07:38:59 PM
Dear Bank Teller,  Ms. Farthingale

I am standing here righting this note because I believe in the importance of the personal touch in business transactions. I hope you will not take it amiss if I presume to a familiarity which is not sanctioned by long acquaintance and call you Jane.

This is, sweet Jane, as they say in the vulgar but concise terminology of the vernacular argot, a stick-up. No, do not look alarmed! I have a gun, a really sweet but deadly Lady's Special with a Mother of Pearl Intaglio Handle and enamel appointments on the barrel, and I am not afraid to use it although I hope I shall not have to use it on you today because you really strike me as a smart girl in both senses of the word.

If you cooperate discretely with me, I will make this easy for you and be on my merry way before you know it!

Please take all the money in your tray (I almost committed the social but not grammatical solecism of writing "drawers"!) and place it in this charming hand-quilted crewel pattern bag). Quietly, now, please! And don't shift your foot to tap that button I know is just to the left of your foot.

There was that difficult? Perhaps if your heart is racing and you are frightening, but remember, this is purely a financial transaction and I have no personal animosity towards you at all.

Now, I will walk away with my bag. Do not scream. Do not fret. Do not call out to the security guards. Let the next customer wait a moment while you pretend to write something down. Remember, you have no money to disburse to her!

And please, my apologies if I have inconvenienced you. I thank you for your compliance and professional demeanour during this robbery.

Love,

Martha

Ta! Ta!
 
2014-01-07 07:39:52 PM
Whoops! I should read before I post! writing, not righting. How do we do that? We all know better!
 
2014-01-07 07:43:15 PM
And I always get discreetly wrong.
 
2014-01-07 07:44:15 PM

mcmnky: Guuberre: Jaymel... Jimmel... Jammal... ?

[images3.wikia.nocookie.net image 500x313]


Just thinking about that skit still cracks me up!
 
2014-01-07 07:44:58 PM

brantgoose: Dear Bank Teller,  Ms. Farthingale

I am standing here righting this note because I believe in the importance of the personal touch in business transactions. I hope you will not take it amiss if I presume to a familiarity which is not sanctioned by long acquaintance and call you Jane.

This is, sweet Jane, as they say in the vulgar but concise terminology of the vernacular argot, a stick-up. No, do not look alarmed! I have a gun, a really sweet but deadly Lady's Special with a Mother of Pearl Intaglio Handle and enamel appointments on the barrel, and I am not afraid to use it although I hope I shall not have to use it on you today because you really strike me as a smart girl in both senses of the word.

If you cooperate discretely with me, I will make this easy for you and be on my merry way before you know it!

Please take all the money in your tray (I almost committed the social but not grammatical solecism of writing "drawers"!) and place it in this charming hand-quilted crewel pattern bag). Quietly, now, please! And don't shift your foot to tap that button I know is just to the left of your foot.

There was that difficult? Perhaps if your heart is racing and you are frightening, but remember, this is purely a financial transaction and I have no personal animosity towards you at all.

Now, I will walk away with my bag. Do not scream. Do not fret. Do not call out to the security guards. Let the next customer wait a moment while you pretend to write something down. Remember, you have no money to disburse to her!

And please, my apologies if I have inconvenienced you. I thank you for your compliance and professional demeanour during this robbery.

Love,

Martha

Ta! Ta!


THAT, my friend is why you have your own color. Bravo!
 
2014-01-07 07:50:06 PM
Came for Gub. Not leaving disappoint.
 
2014-01-07 07:55:00 PM

brantgoose: And I always get discreetly wrong.


And this?

There was that difficult? Perhaps if your heart is racing and you are frightening, but remember, this is purely a financial transaction and I have no personal animosity towards you at all.

Don't you mean 'frightened'?
 
2014-01-07 08:12:18 PM

walktoanarcade: Fonaibung: Or when you are too uneducated to avoid splitting infinitives, subby.

To be fair, if someone were to take a person's wallet, most people would say: "Give me my wallet back."  , not the correct "Give me back my wallet." so shouldn't we as a society let subby slide?

*shrug*


I'm sorry, I cannot return your wallet unto you, because you in your fright and anger misplaced the modifier. Alas, I will be keeping your wallet, sirrah.
 
2014-01-07 08:38:05 PM
Good thing i don't try to rob any banks after my stroke on 11/11. My wife says my handwriting is atrocius, and I've seen it, so believe her.
/Basal ganglia stroke anyone?
//Like the creamy center of the brain.
 
2014-01-07 08:44:49 PM
Done in one
 
2014-01-07 08:48:24 PM
This is what happens when schools stop teaching cursive.
 
2014-01-07 08:56:42 PM
"People called Romans, they go home"?
 
2014-01-07 10:05:56 PM
Yet a banker wearing an Armani can steal the wealth of thousands, live in the lap of luxury, get a bonus and farking retire.
 
2014-01-07 10:58:20 PM

socoloco: Yet a banker wearing an Armani can steal the wealth of thousands, live in the lap of luxury, get a bonus and farking retire.


He usually can spell properly English.
 
2014-01-07 11:03:45 PM

socoloco: Yet a banker wearing an Armani can steal the wealth of thousands, live in the lap of luxury, get a bonus and farking retire.



A good education is especially important for criminals. Parents really need to stress this to their children with flexible morals.
 
2014-01-07 11:13:00 PM
Awwww come on, Jamal was just goan aks fo direkshunz
 
2014-01-07 11:13:33 PM
What said attempted robbery may have looked like:

i787.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-08 12:41:23 AM
Wow, that's some cartoon.

To make it even more racist, you should have added fried chicken, a basketball and some watermelon to the drawing.
 
2014-01-08 06:29:41 AM
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-08 06:50:09 AM
It doesn't say, but it's just as likely the note was properly written in cursive.
In that case, I can easily see the children at the bank not being able to read it.
So it's possibly an epic fail all the way around.
 
2014-01-08 10:54:22 AM

kortex: Awwww come on, Jamal was just goan aks fo direkshunz


to da likka sto
 
2014-01-08 12:42:03 PM
Artie Lange?
 
2014-01-08 12:59:59 PM

AbortionsForAll: What said attempted robbery may have looked like:

[i787.photobucket.com image 359x265]


i1136.photobucket.com
 
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