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Uighurs pleased, Aaron Rodgers f*cks some Bears, and dolphins learn to puffer, puffer, pass: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 12/29 - 1/4
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-01-07 2:10:46 PM (11 comments) | Permalink

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1978 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jan 2014 at 2:12 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Headlines of the Week for last week. Enjoy!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-12-29 to Sat 2014-01-04:

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  Sunni members of Iraqi Parliament quit after the shiate hits the fan  

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  Super callous manduca sexta protects with halitosis  

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  Billionaire upset with the Pope's comments about capitalism says he may withhold donation, will instead spend the money on an attempt to get a camel through the eye of a needle  

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  Man refuses girlfriend's request to spoon, so she reaches for the knife. Now she's forked  

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  Where's the apartment building fire that's causing residents to perspire? SHAFT... You're damn right  

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  ~~~ \ [ -_-] / ~~~  

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  Woman reveals her addiction to drinking paint. Experts say it might be okay if she was thinner  

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  OJ Simpson has cancer, and wants to die at home, like his victims  

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  Monday: Man crashes U-Haul truck, sets house ablaze, robs another and steals frozen elk meat. Friday: He's found fully clad in hot tub with machete. Interrogators can't wait to hear about rest of week  

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  Seattle woman has three-hour orgasm that lands her in the hospital, her boyfriend in the hall of fame  

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  U.S. icebreaker on its way to assist Australian icebreaker sent to help Chinese icebreaker dispatched to free Russian icebreaker  


Sports:

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  Aaron Rodgers responds to gay rumors by f*cking some Bears  

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  Shanahanded his walking papers  

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  Regardless of which bowl you watched, OSU blew it to the Tigers with a turnover in the last two minutes  


Geek:

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  Puffer, puffer, pass  

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  Federal government buys Arizona land that may hold dinosaur fossils. Will now be the second U.S protected dinosaur sanctuary recognized in Arizona, after the home of John McCain  

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  Scientists learn to break down cancer cells defenses. Next step: how to get it to roll over on its buddies before it demands to see a lawyer  


Entertainment:

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  "Bronx Tale" actor Lillo Brancato paroled after doing eight years for burglary related to a cop-killing; his former fellow inmates remember him fondly as one of their three great ones  

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  NPR presents its top ten metal albums of 2013. To be followed by the Vatican's list of its top ten porn stars  

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  Yo holmes, smell you later  


Politics:

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  Good news: Republicans declare war on themselves. Bad news: Republican track record at winning wars  

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  Uighurs pleased  

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  "Pro-family" ME senate candidate says his conviction for domestic violence was a result of being "railroaded" by a court system that outrageously allows you to be convicted on nothing more than the sworn testimony of an eyewitness  


Business:

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  Ford ends 2013 as America's best selling car. Apparently, since the recession, foreign models are just too small for a family of four to live in comfortably  

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  Hewlett-Packard tells 5,000 more workers to cache in their chips  

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  Beanie Baby creator seeks to avoid jail time, is afraid of not coming out in untouched, pristine condition
· · ·

11 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2014-01-07 02:16:52 PM  
The Aaron Rodgers one was quality. XD
 
2014-01-07 02:18:58 PM  
Super callous manduca sexta protects with halitosis

HOTY

/calling it early
 
2014-01-07 02:22:32 PM  

Summoner101: Super callous manduca sexta protects with halitosis

HOTY

/calling it early


That one reminds me of one of the best sport headlines, after Inverness Caledonian Thistle beat the heavily favoured Celtic at an away match:

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2014-01-07 02:29:38 PM  
The OSU-Tigers headline was clever.
 
2014-01-07 03:06:43 PM  
"Yo holmes, smell ya later!" was my favorite, subby deserves a beer.

/Cant read that sentence and not hear Will Smith rapping
 
2014-01-07 03:12:07 PM  

D_Evans45: "Yo holmes, smell ya later!" was my favorite, subby deserves a beer.

/Cant read that sentence and not hear Will Smith rapping


Really? All I can hear when I read that line is Christopher Walken having an orgasm.

/Yes, really
//No, I don't know why
///Yes, I enjoy it
 
2014-01-07 03:19:17 PM  
As an avid NPR listener, the one about the Top Ten Metal Albums is hilarious...
 
2014-01-07 04:43:15 PM  
Why is it acceptable to use "f*ck" in a headline, but not the word itself? We all know what "f*ck" is, what difference does is make whether the second character is a "u" or an "*"? No filter, anywhere, is fooled by the switch. Anyone who's going to be offended still knows what the word is.

So serious question. Why bother with the illusion of censorship?
 
2014-01-07 05:11:22 PM  
Bear farker, do you need assistance?
 
2014-01-07 06:16:43 PM  
Graphic I made some four years ago:
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2014-01-07 11:06:18 PM  

Summoner101: Super callous manduca sexta protects with halitosis

HOTY

/calling it early


indeed.
 
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