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(Kotaku)   The world's must frustratingly difficult cafe has opened   (kotaku.com) divider line 74
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13095 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jan 2014 at 11:42 AM (46 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-07 11:44:27 AM  
Battletoads Cafe?
 
2014-01-07 11:44:52 AM  
Uh.
 
2014-01-07 11:45:23 AM  

To The Escape Zeppelin!: Battletoads Cafe?


TMNT water level cafe
 
2014-01-07 11:46:47 AM  
Done in one with a nod to three

/never beat either game
 
2014-01-07 11:48:16 AM  
I'd play Dark Souls 1000 times before I'd play some indie "roguelike" where you die three steps into the first room over and over and legions of hardcore neckbeards will call it "fun"

Spelunky, Rogue Legacy, all that nonsense.  No thanks.  Give me Dark Souls style of difficult any day over that permadeath nonsense.
 
2014-01-07 11:48:25 AM  
MUST we?????
 
2014-01-07 11:48:53 AM  
Spellbreaker's Compass Rose Cafe'


/Instead of a menu, you are handed a blank cube and a burin.
//Blorple cube.
 
2014-01-07 11:49:33 AM  
So don't order The Buffalo Wings Saving Throw +5?
 
2014-01-07 11:49:56 AM  
This is so much better than the Qbert themed brothel I visited last month.

*boing* *boing* *boing*
"Stay in one spot, for cryin' out loud!"
 
2014-01-07 11:50:45 AM  

To The Escape Zeppelin!: Battletoads Cafe?


My first thought too.
Tried and tried and TRIED to play Demon's Souls, ass kicking beyond anything I have ever experienced.
 
2014-01-07 11:54:34 AM  

Strik3r: MUST we?????


It got a green light.

YOU MUST.

Because someone the whole thing.
 
2014-01-07 11:54:59 AM  
I thought they might have opened a QWOP cafe
 
2014-01-07 11:55:35 AM  

farbekrieg: To The Escape Zeppelin!: Battletoads Cafe?

TMNT water level cafe


That board is easy, just show up with an otherwise useless Raphael at full health. Boom, done.


/only got to the technodrome once
 
2014-01-07 11:55:47 AM  

dascott: I'd play Dark Souls 1000 times before I'd play some indie "roguelike" where you die three steps into the first room over and over and legions of hardcore neckbeards will call it "fun"

Spelunky, Rogue Legacy, all that nonsense.  No thanks.  Give me Dark Souls style of difficult any day over that permadeath nonsense.


8/10
If you had mentioned Minecraft as a Roguelike you could have got the full 10
 
2014-01-07 11:56:10 AM  
Looks more like the Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade Cafe.

img.gawkerassets.com
 
2014-01-07 11:56:22 AM  
Ghosts n Goblins Bar n Grill
 
2014-01-07 12:06:59 PM  

farbekrieg: To The Escape Zeppelin!: Battletoads Cafe?

TMNT water level cafe


They, like the E.T. Cafe before them, failed miserably because, try as you might, you could never finish your meal.

Interested to see how this place does, though - bet in a few months, people will be sneaking into the kitchen to mod the menu.
 
2014-01-07 12:07:23 PM  

StaleCoffee: Ghosts n Goblins Bar n Grill


It's located in the Zelda Second Quest Mall, meaning that you'll never find it.
 
2014-01-07 12:08:24 PM  

farbekrieg: To The Escape Zeppelin!: Battletoads Cafe?

TMNT water level cafe


I never found the water level that bad...

Battletoads on NES I've never beaten.

I tried Dark Souls but didn't care for it. Clunky controls and cheap deaths, whoo amazing.
 
2014-01-07 12:16:55 PM  
Only a few more months until Dark Souls 2.

/finished the first one as a mage.
//Great game
///Slashies need to find a campfire before they lose all the souls to an invader
 
2014-01-07 12:18:15 PM  
Bra removal, as taught to me by wacky teen sex comedies?
 
2014-01-07 12:18:38 PM  

soporific: StaleCoffee: Ghosts n Goblins Bar n Grill

It's located in the Zelda Second Quest Mall, meaning that you'll never find it.


I didn't realize until years after the fact that the number of people who had beat Zelda were few and far between when it first came out. Then again, I'm an introverted loser who didn't realize "I don't want to die a virgin" is code for "Please come over and drill me" until years later as well.

I'm really good at Crusader Kings 2 now, though.
 
2014-01-07 12:19:45 PM  

AgentKGB: farbekrieg: To The Escape Zeppelin!: Battletoads Cafe?

TMNT water level cafe

I never found the water level that bad...

Battletoads on NES I've never beaten.

I tried Dark Souls but didn't care for it. Clunky controls and cheap deaths, whoo amazing.


It's ok to admit that you just suck at it.

/controls feel a little clunky at first, and a controller is basically mandatory
//cheap deaths? Only at the Bed of Bullshiat...
 
2014-01-07 12:21:49 PM  
No love for them, eh?

img.gawkerassets.com

/FARK I am disappoint...
 
2014-01-07 12:26:04 PM  
How do they plan to counter the inevitable graffiti urging other "players" not to attempt to enter the bathroom?

dascott: Rogue Legacy


LOL, good one. Yep a platformer with RPG elements = rogue-like. Try a real rogue-like like Rogue Squadron sometime.
 
2014-01-07 12:26:35 PM  
I didn't like the game. The controls seemed way too sluggish.
 
2014-01-07 12:31:20 PM  
Wait, was I playing Dark Souls or Demons Souls? I'm not sure, but I didn't get far because I want my character to react when I hit a button..
 
2014-01-07 12:35:38 PM  

Two16: No love for them, eh?

[img.gawkerassets.com image 640x480]

/FARK I am disappoint...


Oh I'll love them . . . long long time.
 
2014-01-07 12:37:05 PM  

Two16: No love for them, eh?

[img.gawkerassets.com image 640x480]

/FARK I am disappoint...


Do they play? Because they get no love for not playing the game unless they show ALOT more skin.
 
2014-01-07 12:37:43 PM  
Zillions?
 
2014-01-07 12:39:07 PM  

Grungehamster: How do they plan to counter the inevitable graffiti urging other "players" not to attempt to enter the bathroom?

dascott: Rogue Legacy

LOL, good one. Yep a platformer with RPG elements = rogue-like. Try a real rogue-like like Rogue Squadron sometime.


I don't make the rules.  The people who make the game even call it roguelike.  I believe the nerds countered with a new term, "roguelike-like"

The term is basically now just used to say "if you die you are put back at the beginning" and is the current rage among indie games.  (the other being metroidvania)
 
2014-01-07 12:44:22 PM  

Need a Dispenser Here: AgentKGB: farbekrieg: To The Escape Zeppelin!: Battletoads Cafe?

TMNT water level cafe

I never found the water level that bad...

Battletoads on NES I've never beaten.

I tried Dark Souls but didn't care for it. Clunky controls and cheap deaths, whoo amazing.

It's ok to admit that you just suck at it.

/controls feel a little clunky at first, and a controller is basically mandatory
//cheap deaths? Only at the Bed of Bullshiat...


The controls remind me of Deadly Towers on NES.
 
2014-01-07 12:50:23 PM  
Thought it was going to be a cafe where everything is wrapped in that plastic clamshell packaging and you're not allowed any scissors or knives to open them.
 
2014-01-07 12:52:04 PM  
Dark Souls was an awesome game to experience after years of bland, trivial combat in RPGs like Elder Scrolls.  Maybe going forward all of these awful first/third person RPGs will actually have engaging combat.  Even a simple mechanic like adding a resource bar (stamina) for blocking is a huge improvement over the tired "hold up shield, spam left click"

I'd still rather have Baldur's Gate 3 though.
 
2014-01-07 12:52:58 PM  
I remember Roy Blount Jr's brief run as a correspondent from the San Fransisco area. He reviewed a Robert Frost-themed restaurant called "Home." (If you went there they had to let you in.) And an Albanian restaurant. (If you went there they had to throw you out.)

/Got nothin
 
2014-01-07 12:55:48 PM  

AgentKGB: farbekrieg: To The Escape Zeppelin!: Battletoads Cafe?

TMNT water level cafe

I never found the water level that bad...

Battletoads on NES I've never beaten.

I tried Dark Souls but didn't care for it. Clunky controls and cheap deaths, whoo amazing.


-I always found the water level to be easy as pie.  The level after that, however, I never beat.  Those crazy jumps stopped me every time.
 
2014-01-07 12:57:57 PM  

Jim from Saint Paul: Two16: No love for them, eh?

[img.gawkerassets.com image 640x480]

/FARK I am disappoint...

Do they play? Because they get no love for not playing the game unless they show ALOT more skin.


That depends upon how you play the game.
 
2014-01-07 01:03:17 PM  

dascott: Grungehamster: How do they plan to counter the inevitable graffiti urging other "players" not to attempt to enter the bathroom?

dascott: Rogue Legacy

LOL, good one. Yep a platformer with RPG elements = rogue-like. Try a real rogue-like like Rogue Squadron sometime.

I don't make the rules.  The people who make the game even call it roguelike.  I believe the nerds countered with a new term, "roguelike-like"

The term is basically now just used to say "if you die you are put back at the beginning" and is the current rage among indie games.  (the other being metroidvania)


'Roguelike' basically means that the level is procedurally generated. Rogue Legacy is a rogue-like, even if it is a platformer, not a top-down rpg like the original Rogue.
 
2014-01-07 01:03:56 PM  

dascott: The term is basically now just used to say "if you die you are put back at the beginning" and is the current rage among indie games

.

Part one in the 347 reasons no one should take any "indie" developers seriously ever.
 
2014-01-07 01:07:36 PM  

Mike_LowELL: dascott: The term is basically now just used to say "if you die you are put back at the beginning" and is the current rage among indie games.

Part one in the 347 reasons no one should take any "indie" developers seriously ever.


I know, what dumbass thought up the concept of losing progress upon game over?
 
2014-01-07 01:12:38 PM  

Two16: No love for them, eh?

[img.gawkerassets.com image 640x480]

/FARK I am disappoint...


I'd engage in some jolly cooperation with them
 
2014-01-07 01:13:47 PM  

StaleCoffee: soporific: StaleCoffee: Ghosts n Goblins Bar n Grill

It's located in the Zelda Second Quest Mall, meaning that you'll never find it.

I didn't realize until years after the fact that the number of people who had beat Zelda were few and far between when it first came out. Then again, I'm an introverted loser who didn't realize "I don't want to die a virgin" is code for "Please come over and drill me" until years later as well.


We talking Zelda I or Zelda II?  Because Zelda II was a biatch unless you knew the cheap way to fight some of the bosses.

/oh Nintendo Power, what would I have done without you?
 
2014-01-07 01:14:01 PM  
I usually avoid theme restaurants, but...

img.gawkerassets.com

I think you found the chink in my armor.
 
2014-01-07 01:20:31 PM  

Mentalpatient87: know, what dumbass thought up the concept of losing progress upon game over?


Congratulations for completely missing my point, which was highlighting the means by which indie developers took something which had a well-defined, set meaning and tore it apart to the detriment of their games.
 
2014-01-07 01:23:43 PM  

StrangeQ: StaleCoffee: soporific: StaleCoffee: Ghosts n Goblins Bar n Grill

It's located in the Zelda Second Quest Mall, meaning that you'll never find it.

I didn't realize until years after the fact that the number of people who had beat Zelda were few and far between when it first came out. Then again, I'm an introverted loser who didn't realize "I don't want to die a virgin" is code for "Please come over and drill me" until years later as well.

We talking Zelda I or Zelda II?  Because Zelda II was a biatch unless you knew the cheap way to fight some of the bosses.

/oh Nintendo Power, what would I have done without you?


I think you mispelled "Blaster Master" there.
 
2014-01-07 01:24:33 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: I usually avoid theme restaurants, but...

[img.gawkerassets.com image 640x480]

I think you found the chink in my armor.


I see what you did there.
 
2014-01-07 01:28:20 PM  

Mike_LowELL: Mentalpatient87: know, what dumbass thought up the concept of losing progress upon game over?

Congratulations for completely missing my point, which was highlighting the means by which indie developers took something which had a well-defined, set meaning and tore it apart to the detriment of their games.


The term "roguelike?" Is that what you're calling well defined?
 
2014-01-07 01:33:28 PM  

Mentalpatient87: The term "roguelike?" Is that what you're calling well defined?


Roguelikes are games based on the tenets defined in Rogue and games which follow directly in the lineage of Rogue.  The end.  There is nothing ambiguous about this.  Rogue Legacy is not a roguelike because it has randomly-generated environments.  Spelunky is not a roguelike because it has permanent death.
 
2014-01-07 01:33:56 PM  
Oops, yeah, procedural generation + permadeath are the two cornerstones.  And I'd take Dark Souls style of difficulty any time.  (no permadeath, very little RNG, just obstacles to adapt and overcome)
 
2014-01-07 01:34:36 PM  
If YOU say so...
 
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