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(The Smoking Gun)   Come for the pictures or come for the charges, there's no denying it's the first 2014 Mugshot Roundup   (thesmokinggun.com) divider line 54
    More: Fail, San Antonio, Texas, shrines  
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8759 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Jan 2014 at 5:26 AM (34 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



54 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-05 09:33:37 PM
i.cdn.turner.com
Arrested for masturbation for hire.

/Yoko OHOH
 
2014-01-05 10:04:44 PM
"Masturbation for hire"? I'm RICH!
 
2014-01-05 10:54:04 PM

DrBenway: "Masturbation for hire"? I'm RICH!


No shiat! Where's my check? From High School alone I must be a brazillionaire.
 
2014-01-05 11:46:43 PM
i.cdn.turner.com
Billy Idol has really let himself go
 
2014-01-05 11:59:51 PM
"What can I say? Aflacked up."
i.cdn.turner.com
 
2014-01-06 12:07:13 AM
MaudlinMutantMollusk: Arrested for masturbation for hire.

Holy shiat, you can get paid for that? This whole time I've been doing it pro boner.
 
2014-01-06 12:12:10 AM

ultraholland: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Arrested for masturbation for hire.

Holy shiat, you can get paid for that? This whole time I've been doing it pro boner.


I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody...
 
2014-01-06 12:35:49 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: ultraholland: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Arrested for masturbation for hire.

Holy shiat, you can get paid for that? This whole time I've been doing it pro boner.

I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody...


I think the story will probably have a happy ending.
 
2014-01-06 12:37:15 AM
i.cdn.turner.com

Why even bother? Seriously.
 
2014-01-06 01:05:28 AM
i.cdn.turner.com
 
2014-01-06 01:07:02 AM
Ack!  That was supposed to have this next to it
nymag.com
 
2014-01-06 04:27:08 AM
i1048.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-06 04:34:45 AM
i1048.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-06 05:19:18 AM
Georgia woman, 37, on page #3 was nabbed on a masturbation for hire charge. Which likely explains the bathrobe ...

i.cdn.turner.com

See, I don't get this. I was talking to a co-worker one night about the pure, simple pleasure that a good jerk-off brings. Thousands of care-free knuckle orphans cast off into the world like a wet poodle shaking moisture along the length of its back to the tip of its poofy tail . Now I'm not talking about a rubbing out a quick one while looking at lesbian tickle porn, I'm talking about a good chicken chokin'... like when your wife is visiting her sister and and you can get out that high-dollar greasy nut butter lube that smells like an Asian school girls puckerhole and stings the skin like that first and only time when you thought it might be a good idea to splash a few drops of the old man's Old Spice aftershave on your pecker before you took Betty Lou to the school dance.

Do you know what I am saying? I'm talking about pulling your pud with the gusto of a young boy whose mother has just left the house to go shopping and will be gone for hours. One of those pole polishings where you strip completely buck-ass naked, get the Penthouse magazines out of the closet and slowly hone the bone till you come to that crumpled up sticky page with the blue-eyed redhead (you know,  the soft-focused one with the pouty lips and the giant tits who is sucking on the finger of her left hand as she slides two glistening fingers of her right hand between her perfectly shaven honeypot). You're thinking about her cooing to you as you hold your sausage hostage as you attempt to avoid climaxing too soon. Your breathing REALLY hard and you're thinking to yourself, "Damn, this one is gonna rub off some skin and will sting like a motherfarker over the next couple of days of gherkin jerkin."

Oh sure, none of you never buttered corn with a fuzzy sock or flogged the bishop with a powder puff you kept hidden under the bed or in the back of your underwear drawer. These are all universal memories to every crank yanker that has ever experienced the unbridled joy of a white-water wristing adventure.
I ask you in all seriuosness, who in their right frame of mind would jail Miss Me-Love-You-Long-Time for the the "crime" of pleasuring your penis with her smooth, slim and experienced delicate Asian fingers while granting you the "Happy Ending" you paid for in the first place for chrissakes !!!???!!!

Now I know what some of you smarmy assholes and religious douche-bags are thinking.... "Dahkster, you sick, degenerate puppy. I don't HAVE TO masturbate!"

Well, you know what? NEITHER DO I. It's not like somebody holds a gun to my head and MAKES me do it. I do it, because I LIKE IT !
And my spilled seed join in an unending chorus singing my praises as they fly gleefully into the night like so many fallen stars...singing that old negroe spiritual, "Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last."
 
2014-01-06 05:27:21 AM
BTW, I would like to say, "Thank you." to TechieGirl for the free month of TotalFark.
Oh, you act on me just like a tonic, Miss Scarlett.
 
2014-01-06 05:38:57 AM
i.cdn.turner.com

Wait what's wrong with this one?
 
2014-01-06 05:57:56 AM

sjcousins: Wait what's wrong with this one?


She wants her piece disturbed, any takers?
Number six gets locked up with a 300lb Mexican lifer named Jesus
 
2014-01-06 05:58:47 AM
i.cdn.turner.com

Arrested for impersonating Bob Barker?
 
2014-01-06 05:59:10 AM

sjcousins: [i.cdn.turner.com image 550x688]

Wait what's wrong with this one?


I tell you what, I'll give it a test drive, thorough going over, with especial attention regarding how it handles, and I'll get back to you in a week or so.
 
2014-01-06 06:13:03 AM

sjcousins: Wait what's wrong with this one?


Where's the chart with the hot/crazy equilibrium? Because arrested for disturbing the peace and battering an officer probably means she is a little above the crazy threshold.
 
2014-01-06 06:59:54 AM

mike_d85: sjcousins: Wait what's wrong with this one?

Where's the chart with the hot/crazy equilibrium? Because arrested for disturbing the peace and battering an officer probably means she is a little above the crazy threshold.


Uniform bukkake?  I hope she and Ms. Masturbation-for-hire formed a recycling cooperative.

i3.kym-cdn.com
 
2014-01-06 07:06:46 AM

sjcousins: [i.cdn.turner.com image 550x688]

Wait what's wrong with this one?



Philtrum is to wide.
 
2014-01-06 07:23:55 AM
i.cdn.turner.com
Arrested for public sexual indecent contact.

You don't say?!?
 
2014-01-06 07:39:10 AM

sjcousins: [i.cdn.turner.com image 550x688]

Wait what's wrong with this one?


Dead eyes. (Think Tony Hopkins' character in "Psycho," rather than the subject of Quint's monologue in "Jaws" ... because it's worse when it's human.)
 
2014-01-06 07:57:36 AM
Dahnkster: Georgia woman, 37, on page #3 was nabbed on a masturbation for hire charge. Which likely explains the bathrobe ...

See, I don't get this. I was talking to a co-worker one night about the pure, simple pleasure that a good jerk-off brings. Thousands of care-free knuckle orphans cast off into the world like a wet poodle shaking moisture along the length of its back to the tip of its poofy tail . Now I'm not talking about a rubbing out a quick one while looking at lesbian tickle porn, I'm talking about a good chicken chokin'... like when your wife is visiting her sister and and you can get out that high-dollar greasy nut butter lube that smells like an Asian school girls puckerhole and stings the skin like that first and only time when you thought it might be a good idea to splash a few drops of the old man's Old Spice aftershave on your pecker before you took Betty Lou to the school dance.

Do you know what I am saying? I'm talking about pulling your pud with the gusto of a young boy whose mother has just left the house to go shopping and will be gone for hours. One of those pole polishings where you strip completely buck-ass naked, get the Penthouse magazines out of the closet and slowly hone the bone till you come to that crumpled up sticky page with the blue-eyed redhead (you know,  the soft-focused one with the pouty lips and the giant tits who is sucking on the finger of her left hand as she slides two glistening fingers of her right hand between her perfectly shaven honeypot). You're thinking about her cooing to you as you hold your sausage hostage as you attempt to avoid climaxing too soon. Your breathing REALLY hard and you're thinking to yourself, "Damn, this one is gonna rub off some skin and will sting like a motherfarker over the next couple of days of gherkin jerkin."

Oh sure, none of you never buttered corn with a fuzzy sock or flogged the bishop with a powder puff you kept hidden under the bed or in the back of your un ...


Waxing poetic today I see  .  .  .
 
2014-01-06 08:11:28 AM

Marcintosh: Dahnkster: Georgia woman, 37, on page #3 was nabbed on a masturbation for hire charge. Which likely explains the bathrobe ...

See, I don't get this. I was talking to a co-worker one night about the pure, simple pleasure that a good jerk-off brings. Thousands of care-free knuckle orphans cast off into the world like a wet poodle shaking moisture along the length of its back to the tip of its poofy tail . Now I'm not talking about a rubbing out a quick one while looking at lesbian tickle porn, I'm talking about a good chicken chokin'... like when your wife is visiting her sister and and you can get out that high-dollar greasy nut butter lube that smells like an Asian school girls puckerhole and stings the skin like that first and only time when you thought it might be a good idea to splash a few drops of the old man's Old Spice aftershave on your pecker before you took Betty Lou to the school dance.

Do you know what I am saying? I'm talking about pulling your pud with the gusto of a young boy whose mother has just left the house to go shopping and will be gone for hours. One of those pole polishings where you strip completely buck-ass naked, get the Penthouse magazines out of the closet and slowly hone the bone till you come to that crumpled up sticky page with the blue-eyed redhead (you know,  the soft-focused one with the pouty lips and the giant tits who is sucking on the finger of her left hand as she slides two glistening fingers of her right hand between her perfectly shaven honeypot). You're thinking about her cooing to you as you hold your sausage hostage as you attempt to avoid climaxing too soon. Your breathing REALLY hard and you're thinking to yourself, "Damn, this one is gonna rub off some skin and will sting like a motherfarker over the next couple of days of gherkin jerkin."

Oh sure, none of you never buttered corn with a fuzzy sock or flogged the bishop with a powder puff you kept hidden under the bed or in the back of your un ...

Waxing poetic today I see  .  .  .


That ain't all he's waxing ....
 
2014-01-06 08:14:56 AM

abhorrent1: Arrested for impersonating Bob Barker?


Cliff Robertson.
 
2014-01-06 08:19:39 AM
img.fark.net

Not-so-happy ending.
 
2014-01-06 08:21:32 AM
img.fark.net
Boy, you gotta panty on your head.
 
2014-01-06 08:24:10 AM

sjcousins:

img.fark.net
Wait what's wrong with this one?


Failure to appear bathed in my room.
 
2014-01-06 08:38:55 AM

OtherLittleGuy: sjcousins:

[img.fark.net image 550x688]
Wait what's wrong with this one?

Failure to appear bathed in my room.


Send her and the maturbator up together.
 
2014-01-06 08:39:49 AM

fusillade762: [i.cdn.turner.com image 600x600]

Why even bother? Seriously.


it looks like a real life version of that "Corrected" Jesus painting.
 
2014-01-06 08:46:45 AM
I can't be the only one who see's this resemblence:

i.cdn.turner.com


rlv.zcache.co.uk
 
2014-01-06 08:59:51 AM

i.cdn.turner.com


While it sounds like a lot of fun, the myth of the Masturbation For Hire gig


isn't true. That story is totally busted.

 
2014-01-06 09:07:52 AM

ultraholland: MaudlinMutantMollusk: Arrested for masturbation for hire.

Holy shiat, you can get paid for that? This whole time I've been doing it pro boner.


If she had to be identified from a line up, did the snitch get charged for fingering the suspect?
 
2014-01-06 09:12:59 AM
This one:

img.fark.net

Looks a bit like Faye Reagan:

25.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-01-06 09:23:06 AM

CivicMindedFive: I can't be the only one who see's this resemblence:

[i.cdn.turner.com image 600x600]


[rlv.zcache.co.uk image 512x512]


*shakes tiny fist*
 
2014-01-06 11:03:03 AM

Dahnkster: Georgia woman, 37, on page #3 was nabbed on a masturbation for hire charge. Which likely explains the bathrobe ...

[i.cdn.turner.com image 550x688]


i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2014-01-06 11:52:09 AM
The Final Boss of the Internet is getting really old.
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-06 12:23:25 PM
Knows where the p3nis goes....

i.cdn.turner.com
 
2014-01-06 12:28:42 PM
Wow.  He's not taking the end of Breaking Bad very well.

ts3.mm.bing.net

i.cdn.turner.com
 
2014-01-06 01:11:11 PM

DjangoStonereaver: This one:

img.fark.net

Looks a bit like Faye Reagan:

I was thinking Patty Hearst


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-01-06 01:21:50 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: [i.cdn.turner.com image 550x688]
Arrested for masturbation for hire.

/Yoko OHOH


Just what the hell is Masturbation for Hire?
 
2014-01-06 01:33:35 PM
i.cdn.turner.com

"This jail cell looks really cool, but, I'll be honest, I don't know much about these. But I've got a buddy who is an expert who can come by and take a look..."
 
2014-01-06 03:14:13 PM
I guess Adam finally squeezed the Charmin.

img.fark.net
 
2014-01-06 03:39:31 PM

Dahnkster: Do you know what I am saying? I'm talking about pulling your pud with the gusto of a young boy whose mother has just left the house to go shopping and will be gone for hours


Derek and Clive - having a wank.
 
2014-01-06 03:55:41 PM

stuffy: MaudlinMutantMollusk: [i.cdn.turner.com image 550x688]
Arrested for masturbation for hire.

/Yoko OHOH

Just what the hell is Masturbation for Hire?


Which word is giving you trouble?
 
2014-01-06 05:10:43 PM
i.cdn.turner.com

Failure to appear?  Is the judge blind or something?  How could you miss him?

or

Is Dennis Rodman trying to hide from Dear Leader?
 
2014-01-06 05:51:07 PM

DjangoStonereaver: This one:

[img.fark.net image 550x688]

Looks a bit like Faye Reagan:

[25.media.tumblr.com image 500x732]


is that a photoshop?
how can her face be so freckled, but the rest of her be porcelain white ?
 
2014-01-06 06:40:32 PM
i.cdn.turner.comholidays.home.mindspring.com
 
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