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(Chicago Sun-Times)   Snow cripples Chicago as airlines cancel more than 1,200 flights due to SNOWMAGEDDON '14   (suntimes.com) divider line 11
    More: Followup, Chicago, Chicago area, River North, Department of Aviation, Illinois Tollway, National Weather Service, snow  
•       •       •

3674 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jan 2014 at 2:32 PM (28 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-05 03:18:10 PM
5 votes:
i.imgur.com
2014-01-05 02:41:41 PM
5 votes:

iheartscotch: Do people not have 4 wheel drive? I've never been in a situation that 4 lo and a wench couldn't get me out of.


Yeah, I love having a wench so she can push me out of the snow banks.
2014-01-05 05:14:05 PM
2 votes:
Not sure if serious.

According to the national news weather doesn't count unless it's on the left coast or until it passes east of the Alleghenies.

-------------
Oblig:
The coldest air of the season is now gripping the upper Midwest. The
following temperature table shows the effects of the impending arctic
blast.


(degrees Fahrenheit / Celsius)
  +50 / +10
    * New York tenants turn on the heat
    * Wisconsinites plant gardens
    * Airmass too stable for supercells

  +40 / +4
    * Californians shiver uncontrollably
    * Wisconsinites sunbathe

  +35 / +2
    * Italian cars don't start

  +32 / 0
    * Distilled water freezes

  +30 / -1
    * You can see your breath
    * You plan a vacation in Florida
    * Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
    * Wisconsinites eat ice cream

  +25 / -4
    * Boston water freezes
    * Californians weep pitiably
    * Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you

  +20 / -7
    * Cleveland water freezes
    * San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
    * Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts

  +15 / -10
    * You plan a vacation in Acapulco
    * Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
    * Wisconsinites go swimming

  +10 / -12
    * Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
    * Too cold to snow
    * You need jumper cables to get the car going

    0 / -18
    * New York landlords turn on the heat
    * Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio, yum!

   -5 / -21
    * You can hear your breath
    * You plan a vacation in Hawaii

  -10 / -23
    * American cars don't start
    * Too cold to skate

  -15 / -26
    * You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
    * Miamians cease to exist
    * Wisconsinites lick flagpoles

  -20 / -29
    * Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
    * Politicians acually do something about the homeless
    * People in Green Bay think about taking down screens
    * Every other storm chaser thinks air is too stable for supercells

  -25 / -32
    * Too cold to kiss
    * You need jumper cables to get the driver going
    * Japanese cars don't start
    * Milwaukee Brewers head for spring training

  -30 / -34
    * You plan a two-week hot bath
    * Pilsener freezes
    * Bock beer production begins
    * Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof

  -35 / -39
    * Mercury freezes
    * Too cold to think
    * Wisconsinites button top button

  -40 / -40
    * Californians disappear
    * Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
    * Wisconsinites put on sweaters

  -50 / -46
    * Congressional hot air freezes
    * Alaskans close the bathroom window
    * Green Bay Packers practice indoors

  -60 / -51
    * Walruses abandon Aleutians
    * Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season"
    * Wisconsinites put gloves away, take out mittens
    * Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

  -70 / -57
    * Glaciers in Central Park
    * Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
    * Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste. Marie

  -80 / -62
    * Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
    * Rhinelander Birkebeiner
    * Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby

  -90 / -68
    * Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
    * Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
    * Minnesotans migrate to Wisconsin thinking it MUST be warmer

 -100 / -73
    * Santa Claus abandons North Pole
    * Wisconsinites pull down earflaps

 -173 / -114
    * Ethyl alcohol freezes
    * Only Door County cherries usable in brandy Manhattans

 -297 / -183
    * Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere
    * Microbial life survives only on dairy products

 -445 / -265
    * Superconductivity

 -452 / -269
    * Helium becomes a liquid

 -454 / -270
    * Hell freezes over
    * Chicago Cubs win world series
    * Roger Edwards sees a wedge tornado

 -456 / -271
    * Texas drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-35

 -458 / -272
    * Incumbent politicians renounce campaign contributions

 -460 / -273 (Absolute Zero)
    * All atomic motion ceases
    * Wisconsinites admit it's getting a mite nippy
2014-01-05 02:40:47 PM
2 votes:

iheartscotch: texdent: This is what you people get for living up near Canada.

What do you mean "you people"?


The Chi-Nese, obviously.
2014-01-05 10:06:03 PM
1 votes:
.

Smeggy Smurf: I used to walk my dog in -50 windchill.  Man up pussies, this is typical weather on the Alaskan coast.


yeah, "used to." Until the dog froze to the ground from a rogue wave and you didn't even notice because you were drunk. I hope you gave that dog a nice funeral.
2014-01-05 04:52:32 PM
1 votes:

iheartscotch: Do people not have 4 wheel drive? I've never been in a situation that 4 lo and a wench couldn't get me out of.


No, but I'll totally go out and buy it this afternoon.  Thanks for the extremely useful advice.

/not sure if serious
2014-01-05 02:52:48 PM
1 votes:

jaytkay: iheartscotch: Do people not have 4 wheel drive? I've never been in a situation that 4 lo and a wench couldn't get me out of.

Yes, child, if your parents have four wheel drive and a winch, that means everyone does.


This is the Midwest! If you don't have 4 wheel drive and a winch; you're going to get stuck somewhere. It's in the brochure.
2014-01-05 02:38:51 PM
1 votes:

texdent: This is what you people get for living up near Canada.


What do you mean "you people"?
2014-01-05 02:37:54 PM
1 votes:
This is what you people get for living up near Canada.
2014-01-05 02:36:42 PM
1 votes:
Without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?
2014-01-05 02:35:12 PM
1 votes:
Do people not have 4 wheel drive? I've never been in a situation that 4 lo and a wench couldn't get me out of.
 
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