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(USA Today)   Traditional burials are dying in Florida as over half of residents would rather shoot their loved ones in the sky, turn them into a locket, or just dump them in the Gulf of Mexico   (usatoday.com) divider line 8
    More: Florida, Gulf of Mexico, Cape Coral, Southwest Florida  
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2143 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jan 2014 at 11:45 AM (29 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-05 01:05:25 PM
3 votes:
You may think this is crazy, but when I die, I want all my bodily fluids to be drained and replaced with toxic chemicals designed to keep my flesh from spoiling. I then want to have my body cosmetically enhanced with makeup, modelling clay, and industrial fillers to give my corpse the appearance of being a slightly-less-dead corpse, so that when people lie and say, "he looks like he's sleeping" or "he looks so peaceful" they won't feel so obvious about it. That, and if there are tomb robbers, they won't feel so uncomfortable at my decomposed appearance.

I then want my corpse dressed in the finest clothes in which one could rot (if one hadn't been filled with flesh-preserving chemicals), placed in a box made of the finest mahogany and silks which has been polished to a high sheen (make sure to wipe off the fingerprints before burial), vacuum-sealed, then lowered slowly and gently into a watertight concrete coffer, topfilled with earth, and landscaped in perpetuity.

Better still, there is a company that advertises locally, offering "funeral apartments"--I don't know what that is, but if it involves a simulated living space where my relatives could visit me, and they'd have my corpse propped up on a couch to greet them, I think that would be super-duper. Stick a motion-activated speaker in my gut, and preprogram my voice with greetings and responses for my visitors.
2014-01-05 11:12:55 AM
2 votes:
But the funeral director is SURE that Grandpa would have wanted the Executive Prestige III with the gold-leaf inlays and eternal dong rest -- unless we didn't *really* love him?
2014-01-05 01:14:18 PM
1 votes:
In Florida, if you fulfill some specific steps, you can bury someone under the garden out back.  I don't remember the exact process, but I think it requires contacting the sheriff and coroner, having them come out and agree that there is no suspicious circumstances, letting them know where the body will be buried, and you don't embalm the body.  It seemed like a bit of effort, but I remember thinking it was amazingly easy to drop someone in the rose bushes


.

Meatsim1: Its not even a mandated part of Christianity to be preserved and buried.


Some sects are really concerned that you get resurrected exactly as you are come Judgement Day.  They tend to go whole hog on the embalming, because evidently God can bring your happy ass back to life, but if you died in the woods from exposure, He is just going to leave you as a pile of sentient raccoon shiat for eternity.

My wife's grandparents were convinced that not only was God only letting you experience Heaven in the form your body is in come the End of Time, but that the rat bastard isn't going to give you a shovel!  They railed against burials, because they were certain that all those people in the ground were going to be stuck for eternity six feet under.  Instead, they are buried in a mausoleum space - which is sealed by a big metal plate welded to the wall.  Evidently, God does not provide shovels, but passes out the acetylene torches like party favors.
2014-01-05 12:23:29 PM
1 votes:
deedtheinky.com
2014-01-05 12:13:36 PM
1 votes:
There are a lot less large extended families that visit or care for grave sites these days. Many of the seniors have already moved away from their families to retire here since Florida has always been God's waiting room. With fewer burial holes left in many municipalities, the exuberant cost of a 'traditional' burial and with so many moving near coastal resort areas, it's natural that people end up in a Folger's can and tossed into the sea.

shobes.files.wordpress.com
Plus, Grandpas and grandmas love to surf a gnarly break. Haven't you heard that 'old guys rule' ?
2014-01-05 11:59:18 AM
1 votes:
i184.photobucket.com
2014-01-05 11:49:49 AM
1 votes:

SecretAgentWoman: StrikitRich: A major reason is cost. A basic cremation costs an average of about $2,250, according to the Cremation Association. That's compared with about $8,350 for the average burial.
Cremation is also a practical option for Florida's seasonal and transplant residents, as cremated remains are cheaper and easier to transport, Mullins said.

There's your answer right there: Cremation is cheaper and you can then send Grandpa or Grandma back up north to be interred via USPS Flat Rate Shipping.

I've discovered an even cheaper way.


Sending them postage due with the wrong address?
2014-01-05 08:40:50 AM
1 votes:
A major reason is cost. A basic cremation costs an average of about $2,250, according to the Cremation Association. That's compared with about $8,350 for the average burial.
Cremation is also a practical option for Florida's seasonal and transplant residents, as cremated remains are cheaper and easier to transport, Mullins said.


There's your answer right there: Cremation is cheaper and you can then send Grandpa or Grandma back up north to be interred via USPS Flat Rate Shipping.
 
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