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(USA Today)   Traditional burials are dying in Florida as over half of residents would rather shoot their loved ones in the sky, turn them into a locket, or just dump them in the Gulf of Mexico   ( divider line
    More: Florida, Gulf of Mexico, Cape Coral, Southwest Florida  
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2189 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jan 2014 at 11:45 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2014-01-05 01:05:25 PM  
1 vote:
You may think this is crazy, but when I die, I want all my bodily fluids to be drained and replaced with toxic chemicals designed to keep my flesh from spoiling. I then want to have my body cosmetically enhanced with makeup, modelling clay, and industrial fillers to give my corpse the appearance of being a slightly-less-dead corpse, so that when people lie and say, "he looks like he's sleeping" or "he looks so peaceful" they won't feel so obvious about it. That, and if there are tomb robbers, they won't feel so uncomfortable at my decomposed appearance.

I then want my corpse dressed in the finest clothes in which one could rot (if one hadn't been filled with flesh-preserving chemicals), placed in a box made of the finest mahogany and silks which has been polished to a high sheen (make sure to wipe off the fingerprints before burial), vacuum-sealed, then lowered slowly and gently into a watertight concrete coffer, topfilled with earth, and landscaped in perpetuity.

Better still, there is a company that advertises locally, offering "funeral apartments"--I don't know what that is, but if it involves a simulated living space where my relatives could visit me, and they'd have my corpse propped up on a couch to greet them, I think that would be super-duper. Stick a motion-activated speaker in my gut, and preprogram my voice with greetings and responses for my visitors.
2014-01-05 12:14:54 PM  
1 vote:
Good. Traditional burials are stupid. We're giving Grandpa back to nature, but first we're going to make him toxic and lock him in a $10K waterproof box so he isn't even useful for pushing up daisies.
2014-01-05 11:12:55 AM  
1 vote:
But the funeral director is SURE that Grandpa would have wanted the Executive Prestige III with the gold-leaf inlays and eternal dong rest -- unless we didn't *really* love him?
2014-01-05 08:40:50 AM  
1 vote:
A major reason is cost. A basic cremation costs an average of about $2,250, according to the Cremation Association. That's compared with about $8,350 for the average burial.
Cremation is also a practical option for Florida's seasonal and transplant residents, as cremated remains are cheaper and easier to transport, Mullins said.

There's your answer right there: Cremation is cheaper and you can then send Grandpa or Grandma back up north to be interred via USPS Flat Rate Shipping.
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