If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(USA Today)   Traditional burials are dying in Florida as over half of residents would rather shoot their loved ones in the sky, turn them into a locket, or just dump them in the Gulf of Mexico   (usatoday.com) divider line 63
    More: Florida, Gulf of Mexico, Cape Coral, Southwest Florida  
•       •       •

2149 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jan 2014 at 11:45 AM (38 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



63 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-01-05 08:40:50 AM
A major reason is cost. A basic cremation costs an average of about $2,250, according to the Cremation Association. That's compared with about $8,350 for the average burial.
Cremation is also a practical option for Florida's seasonal and transplant residents, as cremated remains are cheaper and easier to transport, Mullins said.


There's your answer right there: Cremation is cheaper and you can then send Grandpa or Grandma back up north to be interred via USPS Flat Rate Shipping.
 
2014-01-05 08:50:33 AM
The brothers and Mom and I took Dad's ashes out on the boat and dumped him off. We didn't bother with any ceremonies or services or anything. Mom was pretty emotional so she kept sticking her hands in Dad's jar and then she'd hug me and I'd be like Mom, you're getting Dad all over me! and we all had a good laugh.

Funerals seem really weird to me. I've only ever been to one and it was just like church.
 
2014-01-05 09:30:26 AM

StrikitRich: A major reason is cost. A basic cremation costs an average of about $2,250, according to the Cremation Association. That's compared with about $8,350 for the average burial.
Cremation is also a practical option for Florida's seasonal and transplant residents, as cremated remains are cheaper and easier to transport, Mullins said.

There's your answer right there: Cremation is cheaper and you can then send Grandpa or Grandma back up north to be interred via USPS Flat Rate Shipping.


I've discovered an even cheaper way.
 
2014-01-05 10:39:38 AM

StrikitRich: A major reason is cost. A basic cremation costs an average of about $2,250, according to the Cremation Association. That's compared with about $8,350 for the average burial.
Cremation is also a practical option for Florida's seasonal and transplant residents, as cremated remains are cheaper and easier to transport, Mullins said.

There's your answer right there: Cremation is cheaper and you can then send Grandpa or Grandma back up north to be interred via USPS Flat Rate Shipping.


My dad cost $800. Depends on the urn, mostly. We got a dissolvable paper one for eco-disposal.
 
2014-01-05 11:12:55 AM
But the funeral director is SURE that Grandpa would have wanted the Executive Prestige III with the gold-leaf inlays and eternal dong rest -- unless we didn't *really* love him?
 
2014-01-05 11:49:49 AM

SecretAgentWoman: StrikitRich: A major reason is cost. A basic cremation costs an average of about $2,250, according to the Cremation Association. That's compared with about $8,350 for the average burial.
Cremation is also a practical option for Florida's seasonal and transplant residents, as cremated remains are cheaper and easier to transport, Mullins said.

There's your answer right there: Cremation is cheaper and you can then send Grandpa or Grandma back up north to be interred via USPS Flat Rate Shipping.

I've discovered an even cheaper way.


Sending them postage due with the wrong address?
 
2014-01-05 11:51:45 AM
My father's cremation is going to run around $1,000, he wants me to go fishing one day and spread his "ass" all over the Bahamas. I think the average funeral expense that I seen would run around $12,000, funny I explained the funeral guy that there is no way in hell I am racking up a $10,000 debt on top of what debt I already have. He seemed shocked I would say this, reality is people are going to die, I am not shelling out more debt just to give a fancy funeral.

Yeah I love my daddy, when the time comes his ass is getting put in the oven.
 
2014-01-05 11:51:51 AM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: But the funeral director is SURE that Grandpa would have wanted the Executive Prestige III with the gold-leaf inlays and eternal dong rest -- unless we didn't *really* love him?


Nope! Part him out like an old Camero!
 
2014-01-05 11:53:42 AM
I want to be freeze dried. Dig a hole, dump me in, plant a tree on top. Ta-da.
 
2014-01-05 11:56:18 AM
I want my ashes to be made into a dildo and then given to Sasha Grey.
 
2014-01-05 11:56:57 AM
I've asked my family to strip me naked and drop me in the ocean.  Sort of like a Viking funeral without the fire.   Let the sharks and fishes have me.

/really prefer not to be incinerated first.   Fire Bad!!
 
2014-01-05 11:59:18 AM
i184.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-05 11:59:58 AM
There's another problem.  I live in Florida, and about a month ago, they ran an article in the local paper, announcing that there are no grave sites still available in the cities cemeteries.  Someone is either already buried in the hole, or they have already reserved it.  That means if you don't cremate, you have to bury your loved one way out in the sticks.  Now this isn't really a bad thing, because most people don't visit the graveyard all that often, but if you are grieving over recent the loss of a family member, you are probably convinced you are going to visit the grave every day.
 
2014-01-05 12:03:51 PM
I'm okay with this. Funerals are creepy. While I love my relatives, I see no point in visiting a hole in the ground. Cremate me and do as you please.
 
2014-01-05 12:06:21 PM
I want to get bronzed and dumped in the Challenger Deep.
 
2014-01-05 12:12:24 PM
@Four Horseman ... spent a while looking into doing a business like that - the 'ancient viking burn the boat.'  Sadly local municipalities don't like that and states tend not to like the random disposal of bodies in various bodies of water.  Would be pretty darn cool though.

Also looked into doing dispersed ashes; i.e. a bit of ash in a sports stadium, a bit of ash in various countries the person visited, etc.  Again, a lot more federal and international rules regarding handling remains than you would expect.
 
2014-01-05 12:13:36 PM
There are a lot less large extended families that visit or care for grave sites these days. Many of the seniors have already moved away from their families to retire here since Florida has always been God's waiting room. With fewer burial holes left in many municipalities, the exuberant cost of a 'traditional' burial and with so many moving near coastal resort areas, it's natural that people end up in a Folger's can and tossed into the sea.

shobes.files.wordpress.com
Plus, Grandpas and grandmas love to surf a gnarly break. Haven't you heard that 'old guys rule' ?
 
2014-01-05 12:14:54 PM
Good. Traditional burials are stupid. We're giving Grandpa back to nature, but first we're going to make him toxic and lock him in a $10K waterproof box so he isn't even useful for pushing up daisies.
 
2014-01-05 12:15:58 PM
I'm donating my body to a canibal tribe in Bongo Bongo.

/ not gonna waste this much white meat
 
2014-01-05 12:18:31 PM

BATMANATEE: Good. Traditional burials are stupid. We're giving Grandpa back to nature, but first we're going to make him toxic and lock him in a $10K waterproof box so he isn't even useful for pushing up daisies.


I can understand ancient Egyptians going through so much effort to preserve the bodies of their dead, after all these were men who worshiped the sun because it blinded them when they looked upon it.  But haven't we evolved somewhat sense then?  Its not even a mandated part of Christianity to be preserved and buried.
 
2014-01-05 12:21:42 PM
I'll get the oven on...

i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-01-05 12:23:29 PM
deedtheinky.com
 
2014-01-05 12:28:10 PM

Meatsim1: BATMANATEE: Good. Traditional burials are stupid. We're giving Grandpa back to nature, but first we're going to make him toxic and lock him in a $10K waterproof box so he isn't even useful for pushing up daisies.

I can understand ancient Egyptians going through so much effort to preserve the bodies of their dead, after all these were men who worshiped the sun because it blinded them when they looked upon it.  But haven't we evolved somewhat sense then?  Its not even a mandated part of Christianity to be preserved and buried.


I imagine it's an Old Testament hold over. Judaism has very specific rules for burial, and Christians are basically unorthodox Jews after all.
 
2014-01-05 12:28:43 PM

StrikitRich: A major reason is cost. A basic cremation costs an average of about $2,250, according to the Cremation Association. That's compared with about $8,350 for the average burial.
Cremation is also a practical option for Florida's seasonal and transplant residents, as cremated remains are cheaper and easier to transport, Mullins said.

There's your answer right there: Cremation is cheaper and you can then send Grandpa or Grandma back up north to be interred via USPS Flat Rate Shipping.


If you time it right, a Flint funeral home runs a $300 cremation special.
 
2014-01-05 12:29:52 PM
I would like my corpse to go on some wild hijinks ala Weekend at Bernies.
 
2014-01-05 12:32:33 PM
FTFA:   Some are sending the ashes up in a rocket that deploys a parachute to float the remains into the Gulf of Mexico.

There are lots of times you need a parachute. This would not be one of them.
 
2014-01-05 12:33:48 PM

Dahnkster: There are a lot less large extended families that visit or care for grave sites these days. Many of the seniors have already moved away from their families to retire here since Florida has always been God's waiting room. With fewer burial holes left in many municipalities, the exuberant cost of a 'traditional' burial and with so many moving near coastal resort areas, it's natural that people end up in a Folger's can and tossed into the sea.

[shobes.files.wordpress.com image 848x480]


I live near the N. Florida Gulf Coast, and want my mortal remains cremated then placed in a paper bag from Winn-Dixie, along with some rocks.  Then dumped into the Gulf off a shrimp boat.  No coffee can, man.

Would not be the 1st time I've had my ashes hauled. Hyuck, yuck
 
2014-01-05 12:35:37 PM

forcebender: @Four Horseman ... spent a while looking into doing a business like that - the 'ancient viking burn the boat.'  Sadly local municipalities don't like that and states tend not to like the random disposal of bodies in various bodies of water.  Would be pretty darn cool though.

Also looked into doing dispersed ashes; i.e. a bit of ash in a sports stadium, a bit of ash in various countries the person visited, etc.  Again, a lot more federal and international rules regarding handling remains than you would expect.


noefs.org

Yea, I've heard that.  The eternal reef thing may be the only legal way to go.  You have to be ashes first.
 
2014-01-05 12:37:25 PM
I read something about a company that presses ashes into a playable (and I think you can make your loved one into pretty much any album you want....number nine...number nine...number nine...)
 
2014-01-05 12:39:14 PM
*playable RECORDS, that is.
 
2014-01-05 12:40:50 PM

megarian: I read something about a company that presses ashes into a playable (and I think you can make your loved one into pretty much any album you want....number nine...number nine...number nine...)


A Rolling Stone song comes to mind for some of my relatives.
 
2014-01-05 12:43:08 PM

forcebender: Also looked into doing dispersed ashes; i.e. a bit of ash in a sports stadium, a bit of ash in various countries the person visited, etc.  Again, a lot more federal and international rules regarding handling remains than you would expect.


If you carry some in a little plastic bag or something, no one is going to stop you. Unless you want everyone to pray or something.
 
2014-01-05 12:43:20 PM
Clicked on the link and the first thing I see is an ad for the "10 best cruise ship water slides"
 
2014-01-05 12:54:06 PM
I don't like the idea of graveyards, I would rather my loved ones remember how I lived - not where my body is placed.

They do have an option to be cremated into a slab and dropped into the ocean to create an artificial reef. This makes more sense than anything else I've seen.
 
2014-01-05 01:00:27 PM
I am with the donate to science crowd. If all goes well, I don't think anyone will want my word out organs donated (my first wish), and i never understood the morbid wish for a funeral, or to be buried with a grave marker. Donate me to science and then take the money saved from the funeral and throw a huge party.  When the remains come back, dump them out back by my tree stand. TADA!
 
2014-01-05 01:05:25 PM
You may think this is crazy, but when I die, I want all my bodily fluids to be drained and replaced with toxic chemicals designed to keep my flesh from spoiling. I then want to have my body cosmetically enhanced with makeup, modelling clay, and industrial fillers to give my corpse the appearance of being a slightly-less-dead corpse, so that when people lie and say, "he looks like he's sleeping" or "he looks so peaceful" they won't feel so obvious about it. That, and if there are tomb robbers, they won't feel so uncomfortable at my decomposed appearance.

I then want my corpse dressed in the finest clothes in which one could rot (if one hadn't been filled with flesh-preserving chemicals), placed in a box made of the finest mahogany and silks which has been polished to a high sheen (make sure to wipe off the fingerprints before burial), vacuum-sealed, then lowered slowly and gently into a watertight concrete coffer, topfilled with earth, and landscaped in perpetuity.

Better still, there is a company that advertises locally, offering "funeral apartments"--I don't know what that is, but if it involves a simulated living space where my relatives could visit me, and they'd have my corpse propped up on a couch to greet them, I think that would be super-duper. Stick a motion-activated speaker in my gut, and preprogram my voice with greetings and responses for my visitors.
 
2014-01-05 01:09:20 PM

Mock26: I want my ashes to be made into a dildo and then given to Sasha Grey.



One of your smart-ass relatives might give you to Kim Kavorkidashian, you be lost without touching the sides.
 
2014-01-05 01:14:18 PM
In Florida, if you fulfill some specific steps, you can bury someone under the garden out back.  I don't remember the exact process, but I think it requires contacting the sheriff and coroner, having them come out and agree that there is no suspicious circumstances, letting them know where the body will be buried, and you don't embalm the body.  It seemed like a bit of effort, but I remember thinking it was amazingly easy to drop someone in the rose bushes


.

Meatsim1: Its not even a mandated part of Christianity to be preserved and buried.


Some sects are really concerned that you get resurrected exactly as you are come Judgement Day.  They tend to go whole hog on the embalming, because evidently God can bring your happy ass back to life, but if you died in the woods from exposure, He is just going to leave you as a pile of sentient raccoon shiat for eternity.

My wife's grandparents were convinced that not only was God only letting you experience Heaven in the form your body is in come the End of Time, but that the rat bastard isn't going to give you a shovel!  They railed against burials, because they were certain that all those people in the ground were going to be stuck for eternity six feet under.  Instead, they are buried in a mausoleum space - which is sealed by a big metal plate welded to the wall.  Evidently, God does not provide shovels, but passes out the acetylene torches like party favors.
 
2014-01-05 01:25:21 PM

Some Coke Drinking Guy: There's another problem.  I live in Florida, and about a month ago, they ran an article in the local paper, announcing that there are no grave sites still available in the cities cemeteries.  Someone is either already buried in the hole, or they have already reserved it.  That means if you don't cremate, you have to bury your loved one way out in the sticks.  Now this isn't really a bad thing, because most people don't visit the graveyard all that often, but if you are grieving over recent the loss of a family member, you are probably convinced you are going to visit the grave every day.


The southern Italians dealt with that centuries ago.  When you die, you don't buy a cemetery plot, you just rent it for about five years.  They bury you, you decompose, and your family can come visit once a week (as they're socially required to).  Then they dig you back up and stack your bones in a ossuary, just in case you'll need them later, and the plot is rented to someone else.

BATMANATEE: I imagine it's an Old Testament hold over. Judaism has very specific rules for burial, and Christians are basically unorthodox Jews after all.


There was a conflict in Christianity about what happened after Resurrection: some believed that you needed your body to be resurrected (following Jewish tradition) others believed that you got a "Resurrection body" and had no use for your original one.

The Pope didn't clarify until 20th century when he announced it was the latter and that cremation was okay.
 
2014-01-05 01:30:28 PM
Is Keith Richards snorting anyone's ashes besides his fathers?
 
2014-01-05 01:59:18 PM
I don't think there's anyway to accomplish this in the states legally, but I want a Tibetan style sky burial.
 
2014-01-05 02:00:02 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-05 02:02:31 PM

Molavian: [i184.photobucket.com image 850x634]


Discreetly Dumping the Dead
 
2014-01-05 02:25:51 PM

Mock26: I want my ashes to be made into a dildo and then given to Sasha Grey.


Newsletter?
 
2014-01-05 02:33:59 PM
I would put up an image or video of the trebuchet funeral from "Northern Exposure", but the net is failing me right now and all you get is a quote:

"Ten centuries back, a fallen Viking warrior was let go, released to his second death, adrift a burning boat, solo, his helmet and his shield across his strapping barrel chest. Tooley wasn't Scandinavian exactly, but he did embody the spirit and physique of the mighty Norseman. True, we don't have a boat to set aflame, but we have The Fling, which Webster's describes as a brief time of wild pleasures. In just a handful of seconds, Tooley's going to experience things we can only imagine. He's going to soar like an albatross, plunge like a grayling into the crystal waters and start on a fling of his own to places that we can only ponder in the daylight and experience in our dreams."
 
2014-01-05 02:41:37 PM

nekom: I don't think there's anyway to accomplish this in the states legally, but I want a Tibetan style sky burial.


It was common among some Native American tribes as well.  But yeah, if you wanted to do that, you'd have to rig it up yourself a long way from civilization.

While most states have "abuse of corpse" laws, what most people don't realize is that there's actually a lot of leeway in the law.  You don't have to be embalmed, you don't have to be buried in a cemetery, and there's nothing that says your family can't take care of your body themselves.  Laws vary from state to state, but when I was in school, a professor had us read an excellent piece on a family that cremated their loved one themselves on their ranch.
 
2014-01-05 02:49:26 PM
Dwight_Yeast:
It was common among some Native American tribes as well.  But yeah, if you wanted to do that, you'd have to rig it up yourself a long way from civilization.

While most states have "abuse of corpse" laws, what most people don't realize is that there's actually a lot of leeway in the law.  You don't have to be embalmed, you don't have to be buried in a cemetery, and there's nothing that says your family can't take care of your body themselves.  Laws vary from state to state, but when I was in school, a professor had us read an excellent piece on a family that cremated their loved one themselves on their ranch.


I'm sure many cultures throughout history practiced it.  As it stands now, my wish is to be buried in  small church cemetery where a lot of relatives of mine were buried.  Even more ideal would be to be buried in the old family cemetery, which hasn't been used since maybe 1900 or so.  But if I could make it happen without giving my loved ones legal trouble, I'd really prefer they just chuck me in the woods and let the animals have at me.  Bit morbid, sure, but my body might as well be used for something.  Feeding hungry vultures seems fitting, I've eaten meat all my life, might as well give what's left of me back into the food chain.

/plus I can posthumously tell fellow meat eaters HA HA you ate me in a roundabout way.  I'm sure my ghost will get a kick out of that.
 
2014-01-05 04:14:03 PM
My wife and I want to use something like LifeGem to be made into diamonds, then fitted into a sword hilt.
 
2014-01-05 04:15:03 PM

fang06554: My wife and I want to use something like LifeGem to be made into diamonds, then fitted into a sword hilt.


Hello. My name is fang06554sson. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
 
2014-01-05 05:09:46 PM
1.bp.blogspot.com

/nothing is obscure on fark
//nothing
 
Displayed 50 of 63 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report