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(Motorward)   Advanced anti-theft system on the 2015 Chevy Tahoe includes steering column lock, interior motion sensors, Chrysler ornament on the hood   (motorward.com) divider line 36
    More: Followup, Lake Tahoe, Chrysler, OnStar Stolen Vehicle Assistance, control systems, sensors  
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3841 clicks; posted to Business » on 04 Jan 2014 at 10:30 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



36 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-04 09:44:31 PM  
snl.jt.org

Luxury Inside, crappy look outside. Your piece of mind. The Chameleon XLE.
 
2014-01-04 10:32:19 PM  
Oh you
 
2014-01-04 10:40:17 PM  
The current gen Tahoe/Yukon/Escalade are perennial favorites on the 'most stolen' lists, so anything they can do to cut down on that is a good thing.
 
2014-01-04 10:49:35 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: The current gen Tahoe/Yukon/Escalade are perennial favorites on the 'most stolen' lists, so anything they can do to cut down on that is a good thing.


Why is that?  What makes them so popular with car thieves?
 
2014-01-04 10:51:23 PM  
Well, that press release goes to remind thieves to load it straight into a metal container.

Carjacking didn't exist in common parlance until the security systems got good. Rep. Darrell Issa personally benefited from escalating car theft from something unconfrontational to a curbside mugging.
 
2014-01-04 10:51:26 PM  

Farty McPooPants: TuteTibiImperes: The current gen Tahoe/Yukon/Escalade are perennial favorites on the 'most stolen' lists, so anything they can do to cut down on that is a good thing.

Why is that?  What makes them so popular with car thieves?


Probably a bunch of parts that fail in that beast. So part that farker out.

Or ship them overseas.
 
2014-01-04 10:51:27 PM  

Farty McPooPants: TuteTibiImperes: The current gen Tahoe/Yukon/Escalade are perennial favorites on the 'most stolen' lists, so anything they can do to cut down on that is a good thing.

Why is that?  What makes them so popular with car thieves?


They're easy to steal and are popular in Mexico, Central America and South America.
 
2014-01-04 10:55:05 PM  

wildcardjack: Well, that press release goes to remind thieves to load it straight into a metal container.

Carjacking didn't exist in common parlance until the security systems got good. Rep. Darrell Issa personally benefited from escalating car theft from something unconfrontational to a curbside mugging.


You shut your whore mouth.

Good men like Daniel Issa are trying to insure this administration's crimes in Benghazi, with their wanton murder and coverup of three brave Americans and preventing US MARINE CORE man from enacting their rescue.
 
2014-01-04 11:03:53 PM  

Farty McPooPants: TuteTibiImperes: The current gen Tahoe/Yukon/Escalade are perennial favorites on the 'most stolen' lists, so anything they can do to cut down on that is a good thing.

Why is that?  What makes them so popular with car thieves?


They were just easy to steal, this breaks it down.  There were some improvements made to prevent theft in 2011, and now that the new generation is about to debut, it looks like they did a much better job building in anti-theft protection from the start.
 
2014-01-04 11:21:40 PM  
So, they're catching up to the German and Japanese car manufacturers?
 
2014-01-04 11:23:51 PM  
I know where I can find a bullet-proof glass Escalade that is always unlocked... Owned by Biglari himself
 
2014-01-04 11:41:50 PM  
All that for the low, low price of $60,000.

Or you could just buy a used Maserati.
 
2014-01-04 11:43:12 PM  
Ma Mopar frowns upon subby's shenanigans.

 /'76 Gran Fury  440HP Police Special

//'76 Aspen 318
///'68 Valiant 225 slant six
////'65 Sport Fury 383 Commando
//'65 Fury III 318-Poly
//'61 Fury sedan 318-Poly
// Eyeing a 2014 Dart GT
 
2014-01-04 11:56:03 PM  
I just bought a 2014 BMW X5 with almost full options. Doesn't have the torque of some of the American trucks, but holy crap this thing roars.
 
2014-01-05 12:19:19 AM  

StarshipAngel: Ma Mopar frowns upon subby's shenanigans.

 /'76 Gran Fury  440HP Police Special

//'76 Aspen 318
///'68 Valiant 225 slant six
////'65 Sport Fury 383 Commando
//'65 Fury III 318-Poly
//'61 Fury sedan 318-Poly
// Eyeing a 2014 Dart GT


So this is the tread where we unzip and compare?

/1974 Porsche 914 w/ a 2003 biturbo audi V8
//bring it biatch
 
2014-01-05 12:37:17 AM  
rohar:
So this is the tread where we unzip and compare?

/1974 Porsche 914 w/ a 2003 biturbo audi V8
//bring it biatch


2005 CrownVic with steel pit bumpers. I can go fast because no cops give me a 2nd glance. Plus if you want to be an asshole, I'll always do better in a game of bumper cars.

///BROUGHT
 
2014-01-05 12:52:28 AM  

Kyoki: rohar:
So this is the tread where we unzip and compare?

/1974 Porsche 914 w/ a 2003 biturbo audi V8
//bring it biatch

2005 CrownVic with steel pit bumpers. I can go fast because no cops give me a 2nd glance. Plus if you want to be an asshole, I'll always do better in a game of bumper cars.

///BROUGHT


Only idiots play on the street.  Ask Paul Walker.

Oh, and if you wanna go rough, I've got something for you:

img.fark.net

The Teutonic turd.  Best $5k I ever spent.  Runs all day and the brown covers dents pretty well.  Pulls 1:40s at SCR all day every day, Crown Vics pull a whopping 1:65 on a good day.

In keeping with the thread, it's got an amazing array of anti theft devices.  First, the steering wheel comes off and I take it with me.  Second, it doesn't have an interior, third it looks like a literal piece of shiat with Fuchs wheels.
 
2014-01-05 01:19:57 AM  
FTFA: "Last but not least, the car features OnStar Stolen Vehicle Assistance kit consisting of Stolen Vehicle Location, Stolen Vehicle Slowdown, NSA locator, and Remote Ignition Block all. "

FTFY
 
2014-01-05 01:25:53 AM  
 
2014-01-05 01:41:40 AM  

TuteTibiImperes: Farty McPooPants: TuteTibiImperes: The current gen Tahoe/Yukon/Escalade are perennial favorites on the 'most stolen' lists, so anything they can do to cut down on that is a good thing.

Why is that?  What makes them so popular with car thieves?

They were just easy to steal, this breaks it down.  There were some improvements made to prevent theft in 2011, and now that the new generation is about to debut, it looks like they did a much better job building in anti-theft protection from the start.


That nailed it.  Thanks.
 
2014-01-05 02:35:59 AM  
rohar:

So this is the tread where we unzip and compare?

/1974 Porsche 914 w/ a 2003 biturbo audi V8
//bring it biatch


Not to cast unwarranted doubt upon your car, but can I have some how-to pics or stories? I love 914's but you cant find a 6 for anywhere near reasonable, if I knew I could fit a junkyard v8 into one it would be a dream beginning to come true.
 
2014-01-05 03:17:45 AM  

rohar: StarshipAngel: Ma Mopar frowns upon subby's shenanigans.

 /'76 Gran Fury  440HP Police Special

//'76 Aspen 318
///'68 Valiant 225 slant six
////'65 Sport Fury 383 Commando
//'65 Fury III 318-Poly
//'61 Fury sedan 318-Poly
// Eyeing a 2014 Dart GT

So this is the tread where we unzip and compare?

/1974 Porsche 914 w/ a 2003 biturbo audi V8
//bring it biatch


1996 Ford Aerostar in glorious Gold/Brown.

It's a POS, but it's MY POS
 
2014-01-05 03:33:45 AM  
WTF? All the security listed is pretty much standard on all but the most basic UK spec cars.

Do Americans like getting their cars stolen and broken into?
 
2014-01-05 03:40:10 AM  

opiumpoopy: WTF? All the security listed is pretty much standard on all but the most basic UK spec cars.

Do Americans like getting their cars stolen and broken into?


Here in America, we really like overpaying for things ever other modern nation takes for granted, then pretending we're more advanced than everyone else.  Our filthy rich overlords aren't going to get even more filthy rich by giving us any value that isn't torn from their broken, bleeding, holy job creator claws, after all.
 
2014-01-05 07:39:59 AM  

Emposter: Here in America, we really like overpaying for things ever other modern nation takes for granted, then pretending we're more advanced than everyone else.  Our filthy rich overlords aren't going to get even more filthy rich by giving us any value that isn't torn from their broken, bleeding, holy job creator claws, after all.


It's all going to be okay - just take a deep breath
 
2014-01-05 07:43:38 AM  
Sounds like the life of a repo man is going to get more intense.
 
2014-01-05 07:43:41 AM  
Lol... I suck. 02 Blazer, 99 Tracker 4x4, and my current project is a 97 GMC K2500 with a motor that the previous owner managed to destroy by running it with less than 1 gallon of coolant in it. The 5.7l engine is currently sitting on the engine stand in my father-in-law's shop in pieces.

/ parts are on order
// he wants to do serious work to it, I just want it to run
/// I'd love a 928 to work on
//// glutton for punishment
 
2014-01-05 08:15:15 AM  

acanuck: FTFA: "Last but not least, the car features OnStar Stolen Vehicle Assistance kit consisting of Stolen Vehicle Location, Stolen Vehicle Slowdown, NSA locator, and Remote Ignition Block all. "

FTFY


Damn, beat me to the NSA joke ;-)
 
2014-01-05 08:57:29 AM  
Did they fix the usual stuff that breaks?
AC Blend doors
Plastic door handles that snap in cold weather
Taillight bulbs that last only 6 months.
Intermediate steering shaft failure

I could go on...
 
2014-01-05 09:09:00 AM  

LucklessWonder: rohar: StarshipAngel: Ma Mopar frowns upon subby's shenanigans.

 /'76 Gran Fury  440HP Police Special

//'76 Aspen 318
///'68 Valiant 225 slant six
////'65 Sport Fury 383 Commando
//'65 Fury III 318-Poly
//'61 Fury sedan 318-Poly
// Eyeing a 2014 Dart GT

So this is the tread where we unzip and compare?

/1974 Porsche 914 w/ a 2003 biturbo audi V8
//bring it biatch

1996 Ford Aerostar in glorious Gold/Brown.

It's a POS, but it's MY POS


1991 Suzuki Scrum microvan. 660cc of manly power under the hood, er, cargo area. Hey, it goes, stops and has a radio. :)

Btw I used to drive a '69 Dodge Dart with a 225 slant-6. That was a great engine! I still miss that car.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-01-05 10:51:56 AM  
Among the highlight of the 2015 Chevrolet Tahoe's anti-theft systems include a steering column lock that deters push-away and tow-away theft, as well as more robust door lock cylinders and shields to prevent access with slim jims and other tools.

A police officer once told me nonconsensual tows would just be billed at a higher rate if the car was hard to enter or move. The tow employees can work as hard as the car's resale value is high.
 
2014-01-05 01:32:23 PM  

wildcardjack: Well, that press release goes to remind thieves to load it straight into a metal container.

Carjacking didn't exist in common parlance until the security systems got good. Rep. Darrell Issa personally benefited from escalating car theft from something unconfrontational to a curbside mugging.


Hey, the South Africans are already on top of that problem.
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
 
2014-01-05 01:47:54 PM  

opiumpoopy: WTF? All the security listed is pretty much standard on all but the most basic UK spec cars.

Do Americans like getting their cars stolen and broken into?


No, but CEOs hate decreasing margins.
 
2014-01-05 02:04:10 PM  

serial_crusher: wildcardjack: Well, that press release goes to remind thieves to load it straight into a metal container.

Carjacking didn't exist in common parlance until the security systems got good. Rep. Darrell Issa personally benefited from escalating car theft from something unconfrontational to a curbside mugging.

Hey, the South Africans are already on top of that problem.
[encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com image 271x186]


Or how about the Denver Jockstrap?

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=denver%20jockstrap&source=web &c d=2&ved=0CDgQtwIwAQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3De7E aJYXpz7Q&ei=SqvJUv38KqizsQSRloHQDQ&usg=AFQjCNHsPr6-Hsf8ryRl-zNCr55AYcv a3Q&sig2=e750KBmpk9-8frG9yju-ww&bvm=bv.58187178,d.cWc
 
2014-01-05 02:28:32 PM  

StarshipAngel: Ma Mopar frowns upon subby's shenanigans.

 /'76 Gran Fury  440HP Police Special

//'76 Aspen 318
///'68 Valiant 225 slant six
////'65 Sport Fury 383 Commando
//'65 Fury III 318-Poly
//'61 Fury sedan 318-Poly
// Eyeing a 2014 Dart GT


As a former owner of a '66 Sport Fury convertible (and a '69 Dart), I'd like to call you my new best friend ..
 
2014-01-06 12:28:42 AM  
 
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