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(Futurity)   Research finds the original white dude lived 10,000 years ago, and the whole thing was just an accident   (futurity.org) divider line 50
    More: Obvious, East Asians, mutations, white people, Joshua Cheng, accidents, blood  
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5331 clicks; posted to Geek » on 04 Jan 2014 at 1:54 PM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-04 12:18:27 PM  
It must have sucked having to play golf all by himself.
 
2014-01-04 12:33:49 PM  
This mutated segment of DNA was itself created from a combination of two other mutated segments commonly found in Eastern Asians-traditionally defined as Chinese, Japanese, and Korean.

So, wait, are East Asians the original white people?
 
2014-01-04 01:35:12 PM  
Release the cracker!
 
2014-01-04 01:58:24 PM  
whites = aliens
asians = hybrids
rest = original earthlings
 
2014-01-04 01:58:56 PM  
So white people really are a minority?
 
2014-01-04 02:05:19 PM  

Sybarite: It must have sucked having to play golf all by himself.


Link
 
2014-01-04 02:06:00 PM  
But I was taught that there's no such thing as a beneficial mutation -- all genetic variation was Created in the first human, and mutations can only damage your fitness. And light skin can't be a harmful mutation, because Jesus, the one perfect man, had light skin! So these "scientists" must actually be mouthpieces of Satan.

Or something like that.
 
2014-01-04 02:20:11 PM  
i.imgur.com

Found him!
 
2014-01-04 02:23:59 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com

 Undercover Brother: Are you telling me there really is a Man'?

Conspiracy Brother: What do you think? Things don't just happen by accident! Sometimes people - mostly *white* people - make things happen!
Undercover Brother: So the conspiracies we've believed for all these years are true? The NBA really did institute the three point shot to give white boys a chance?
Smart Brother: Absolutely!
Undercover Brother: Then the entertainment industry really *is* out to get Spike Lee?
Conspiracy Brother: Come on man! Even Cher's won an Oscar! Cher!
Undercover Brother: Then O.J. really didn't do it?
[Everyone looks away and mumbles]
The Chief: We... we ain't got time for this!
 
2014-01-04 03:08:37 PM  

Weatherkiss: [i.imgur.com image 850x675]

Found him!


Apocalypse a) had grey skin, b) was born circa 3000 BCE, and c) was an Egyptian, so not actually white.

/sorry
//comic book nerd
 
2014-01-04 03:13:20 PM  

jfarkinB: But I was taught that there's no such thing as a beneficial mutation -- all genetic variation was Created in the first human, and mutations can only damage your fitness. And light skin can't be a harmful mutation, because Jesus, the one perfect man, had light skin! So these "scientists" must actually be mouthpieces of Satan.

Or something like that.


Thanks for saying the same joke that's been said on every fark thread related to evolution and mutation for a decade.
 
2014-01-04 03:17:18 PM  
I bet he hated the blacks.
 
2014-01-04 03:35:20 PM  
He liked living in Northern latitudes before it was cool.
 
2014-01-04 03:39:41 PM  
He was also the only one in the tribe who couldn't dance.
 
2014-01-04 03:51:17 PM  

AngryDragon: So white people really are a minority?


Of the world population, yes.
 
2014-01-04 03:52:33 PM  

grumpfuff: Weatherkiss: [i.imgur.com image 850x675]

Found him!

Apocalypse a) had grey skin, b) was born circa 3000 BCE, and c) was an Egyptian, so not actually white.

/sorry
//comic book nerd


Not according to the US Census:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_(U.S._Census)#21st_century
 
2014-01-04 03:56:30 PM  

SN1987a goes boom: grumpfuff: Weatherkiss: [i.imgur.com image 850x675]

Found him!

Apocalypse a) had grey skin, b) was born circa 3000 BCE, and c) was an Egyptian, so not actually white.

/sorry
//comic book nerd

Not according to the US Census:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_(U.S._Census)#21st_century


Yep. I thought Arabs were white people.
 
2014-01-04 03:59:19 PM  

SN1987a goes boom: grumpfuff: Weatherkiss: [i.imgur.com image 850x675]

Found him!

Apocalypse a) had grey skin, b) was born circa 3000 BCE, and c) was an Egyptian, so not actually white.

/sorry
//comic book nerd

Not according to the US Census:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_(U.S._Census)#21st_century


What does a US census from the current day have to do with Egyptians living 5000 years ago?
 
2014-01-04 04:13:48 PM  

itcamefromschenectady: AngryDragon: So white people really are a minority?

Of the world population, yes.


Sweet!  Now I can get some of that sweet affirmative action!
 
2014-01-04 04:38:11 PM  
So, was he the exotic dude all the biatches got moist over? Sort of the male equivalent of the first chick with blond hair, blue eyes and big boobage?

Lucky sod...
 
2014-01-04 04:58:33 PM  
Release the cracker!

Please, we prefer the rem "Saltine-Americans"
 
2014-01-04 05:06:36 PM  
"past research using zebrafish by Penn State's Keith Cheng identified a key gene that contributes to lighter skin color in Europeans and differs from West Africans."

Who were the Europeans used in this experiment, and where did the scientists stick the zebrafish?
 
2014-01-04 05:10:07 PM  

Sybarite: It must have sucked having to play golf all by himself.


No, he just hit the nearest back kid with a club and voilà, instant caddy!
 
2014-01-04 05:26:48 PM  
Actually, the white skin genetic variation was introduced 150 000 years ago when the survivors of the 12 Colonies and the Cylon civil war interbred with the indigenous population.
 
2014-01-04 05:30:36 PM  

AngryDragon: So white people really are a minority?


A very important minority:  they're we're the minority that really is entitled to government entitlements and every form of favoritism going. (White people are divided into two warring klans: the phoney entitled people and the real entitled people. The phoney entitled people are allied with everybody else, which is unfortunate because those aren't the people with the money and power usually. Arab petrocrats, African kleptocrats, and non-white billionnaires excepted, of course.)

Gap-toothed hillbillies for example, are entitled to a lifetime of welfare and unemployment.

The middle-classes are entitled to get back more from social security than they put in.

And the rich are entitled to anything they want such as massive corporate welfare, collecting taxes and keeping all of the money minus expenses, and subsidies for everything they do, even if it is already highly profitable and not really much work ... for them, so they would do it anyway without a penny from the Gubbermint.

Sometimes white people really get up my nose, you know.

And Canadians.

And bureaucrats.

I doesn't help that I'm a white Anglo-French Canadian bureaucrat myself who lives in Fat Cat City in a Government department for people who want to feel good about themselves without having to carry a hand gun.

(Help, I'm surrounded by nice white people. It's a Major White People Problem.)

Or as George W. Bush Jr., could say, "Get me out of here, I'm a cheerleader".

Or as the French say, "Whiter than me, you die!"
 
2014-01-04 05:39:41 PM  

Smoking GNU: Actually, the white skin genetic variation was introduced 150 000 years ago when the survivors of the 12 Colonies and the Cylon civil war interbred with the indigenous population.


I also tend to side with this theory of the unification. So say we all!
 
2014-01-04 05:42:01 PM  

some_beer_drinker: Smoking GNU: Actually, the white skin genetic variation was introduced 150 000 years ago when the survivors of the 12 Colonies and the Cylon civil war interbred with the indigenous population.

I also tend to side with this theory of the unification. So say we all!


All of this has happened before and all of this will happen again. So say we all.
 
2014-01-04 06:18:35 PM  

AngryDragon: So white people really are a minority?


There was a  total human population bottleneck about 70k years ago according to current theory and a branch of the theory suggests a number of "long" bottlenecks in human genetics and lack of variation resulting as much from coalescence in geographically isolated populations as anything else.

Or... short version, it's possible that this "appearance" of the gene represents the restriction of a longer-existing, larger population almost going extinct and not a new mutation.

Remember that this particular branch of study, while I wouldn't say it's intentionally being deceptive and it's not worthless or anything, is highly speculative and the media always adds a layer of bullshiat.  Which is unfortunate, since I bet the methodology on this one is pretty interesting.

//Even that 70k years ago number is based on a convenient, large volcano going off and other environmental factors and not so much genetics.
 
2014-01-04 06:48:13 PM  
 
2014-01-04 08:53:54 PM  
So what you're saying is that white people are the most evolved humans?

Because that's what you're actually saying if you think about it. Congrats, you gave Hitler the argument he needed.
 
2014-01-04 09:20:42 PM  
Soooooo you're telling me in only 10k years white man was created and dominated the planet?

I find that hard to believe.
 
2014-01-04 09:28:25 PM  

grumpfuff: SN1987a goes boom: grumpfuff: Weatherkiss: [i.imgur.com image 850x675]

Found him!

Apocalypse a) had grey skin, b) was born circa 3000 BCE, and c) was an Egyptian, so not actually white.

/sorry
//comic book nerd

Not according to the US Census:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_(U.S._Census)#21st_century

What does a US census from the current day have to do with Egyptians living 5000 years ago?


Same as you thinking Egyptians 5k years ago were black like other Africans when everyone else near the Mediterranean were an olive color.

Most share certain characteristics by DNA and those around the Mediterranean including north africa weren't classified a Caucasoid.
 
2014-01-04 09:31:45 PM  
Thousands of years ago all of the races lived in Australia. Then a huge tidal wave washed over the island, carrying everyone with it. Blacks, being heavier, settled in Africa. Whites, like cream rose to the top and landed in Europe.


/This explains why whites are natural surfers.
//not to mention still on top
 
2014-01-04 10:02:27 PM  
Sources say his best friends in cave school first grew suspicious after finding an IRA account statement and cave tie on his rock..
 
2014-01-04 10:15:37 PM  

Frank N Stein: Thanks for saying the same joke that's been said on every fark thread related to evolution and mutation for a decade.


Hey, at least it wasn't the "6000 years" comment.
 
2014-01-04 10:30:25 PM  
if humans are still around millions of years from now, they will be translucent and hairless.

basement dwellers for sure.
 
2014-01-04 11:02:01 PM  

steamingpile: Soooooo you're telling me in only 10k years white man was created and dominated the planet?

I find that hard to believe.


Actually we only needed ~500 years to dominate the planet. Before the 15th century, white people were a curious, backward race of sheep-shaggers living in the snow, and the asians ran things.

We're probably going to find that history is cyclical.
 
2014-01-04 11:20:31 PM  
The guy couldn't jump either...
 
2014-01-04 11:48:41 PM  
...but he was the first guy who could swim.
 
2014-01-05 12:33:04 AM  

Frank N Stein: Thanks for saying the same joke that's been said on every fark thread related to evolution and mutation for a decade.


Thanks for keeping track of every joke and comment in every mutation thread over the last decade to provide that bit of trivia.
 
2014-01-05 12:37:03 AM  

jfarkinB: Frank N Stein: Thanks for saying the same joke that's been said on every fark thread related to evolution and mutation for a decade.

Hey, at least it wasn't the "6000 years" comment.


Haha. I'll give you that.
 
2014-01-05 03:25:37 AM  

Sybarite: It must have sucked having to play golf all by himself.


Probably quite lonely in the Elks Lodge, too.
 
2014-01-05 06:01:10 AM  

rocky_howard: So what you're saying is that white people are the most evolved humans?

Because that's what you're actually saying if you think about it. Congrats, you gave Hitler the argument he needed.


"Most" evolved? What does "most evolved" mean? I was unaware that "evolved" was a quantitative term.
In fact, i'm fairly sure it isn't.
 
2014-01-05 06:02:55 AM  

Cthulhu_is_my_homeboy: steamingpile: Soooooo you're telling me in only 10k years white man was created and dominated the planet?

I find that hard to believe.

Actually we only needed ~500 years to dominate the planet. Before the 15th century, white people were a curious, backward race of sheep-shaggers living in the snow, and the asians ran things.

We're probably going to find that history is cyclical.


Reason and facts are wasted on people who have a need to believe something intrinsic to their self-esteem.
 
2014-01-05 09:09:58 AM  

rocky_howard: So what you're saying is that white people are the most evolved humans?

Because that's what you're actually saying if you think about it. Congrats, you gave Hitler the argument he needed.


Chickens are more evolved than the T-rex. Are chickens better?
 
2014-01-05 10:29:50 AM  

picturescrazy: rocky_howard: So what you're saying is that white people are the most evolved humans?

Because that's what you're actually saying if you think about it. Congrats, you gave Hitler the argument he needed.

Chickens are more evolved than the T-rex. Are chickens better?


I've yet to taste a t-rex.
 
2014-01-05 11:34:00 AM  

steamingpile: grumpfuff: SN1987a goes boom: grumpfuff: Weatherkiss: [i.imgur.com image 850x675]

Found him!

Apocalypse a) had grey skin, b) was born circa 3000 BCE, and c) was an Egyptian, so not actually white.

/sorry
//comic book nerd

Not according to the US Census:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_(U.S._Census)#21st_century

What does a US census from the current day have to do with Egyptians living 5000 years ago?

Same as you thinking Egyptians 5k years ago were black like other Africans when everyone else near the Mediterranean were an olive color.

Most share certain characteristics by DNA and those around the Mediterranean including north africa weren't classified a Caucasoid.


A) and b) still hold, without c) soo..this seems like kind of a silly argument to be having.
 
2014-01-05 01:51:38 PM  

jso2897: rocky_howard: So what you're saying is that white people are the most evolved humans?

Because that's what you're actually saying if you think about it. Congrats, you gave Hitler the argument he needed.

"Most" evolved? What does "most evolved" mean? I was unaware that "evolved" was a quantitative term.
In fact, i'm fairly sure it isn't.


picturescrazy: rocky_howard: So what you're saying is that white people are the most evolved humans?

Because that's what you're actually saying if you think about it. Congrats, you gave Hitler the argument he needed.

Chickens are more evolved than the T-rex. Are chickens better?


Make up your mind, guys. It's being "more/most evolved" a quantitative term or it isn't?

And don't be silly jso2897. More/most evolved means a creature with a longer evolutive path.
 
2014-01-05 01:52:55 PM  

picturescrazy: rocky_howard: So what you're saying is that white people are the most evolved humans?

Because that's what you're actually saying if you think about it. Congrats, you gave Hitler the argument he needed.

Chickens are more evolved than the T-rex. Are chickens better?


Chickens are still alive, aren't they? I haven't seen any T-Rex save for movies and cartoons.

Evolution is not about who do you think it's better, but who is still standing. If you're not, then you lost the game.
 
2014-01-05 04:18:12 PM  
Now we know where white people originated, but we still haven't determined where the white women at.
 
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