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(Omaha World Herald)   Perhaps the most white-trash crime ever seen: a man wielding an axe with a trailer ball hitch attached to it robbed an electronic cigarette store. Ah, Council Bluffs, Iowa; there's a reason you're called Council Tuckey   (omaha.com) divider line 68
    More: Fail, Council Bluffs, Iowa, cigarette store, trailers, Council Bluffs police  
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4354 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jan 2014 at 12:00 AM (14 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-03 12:04:11 AM
:)

ah, the town of my birth where I left my heart in the razzle dazzle, my liver in the glassfront, and multiple brain cells scattered down broadway like so many leaves blowing in the wind

wait. those are old school food stamps blowing around.

whatever. same thing.
 
2014-01-03 12:04:44 AM
I'm truly curious as to what an axe with a trailer hitch ball looks like.
 
2014-01-03 12:05:48 AM
Subby: no one gives two shiats about the nickname that some weird corn people gave the next town over.

No one that lives anywhere that matters owns an axe.
 
2014-01-03 12:13:03 AM

eatin' fetus: Subby: no one gives two shiats about the nickname that some weird corn people gave the next town over.

No one that lives anywhere that matters owns an axe.


When I lived in NYC I had a axe, 7th floor, slit windows, fire escape went from second to sixth floor (my floor was origionally storage), in case of fire my escape plan involved a hole in the floor and the temp use of my downstair neighbors kitchen window
 
2014-01-03 12:14:10 AM
They call it Council Tuckey? As in Pennsyltuckey?
 
2014-01-03 12:17:56 AM

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: They call it Council Tuckey? As in Pennsyltuckey?


yes, counciltucky, where the squirrels are black and the trash is white. It is the common put down, primarily by people from Omaha, for what is perceived as their lower class neighbor across the river.

This is in spite of the fact that gays can get married on my side of the river but can be fired for being gay in supposedly superior Nebraska.

Elsewhere in the state it's mostly referred to as "Iowa's armpit"

It's a helluva town, wonderful people, and the sights you expect to see at wal-mart at 3am can be watched and witnessed any hour of the day, especially after the 'sweat pants mob' get out and about around 11 in the morning.
 
2014-01-03 12:20:40 AM

wildcardjack: I'm truly curious as to what an axe with a trailer hitch ball looks like.


It probably looks like oneathem diesel powered Juggalos.
 
2014-01-03 12:21:49 AM

Pribar: eatin' fetus: Subby: no one gives two shiats about the nickname that some weird corn people gave the next town over.

No one that lives anywhere that matters owns an axe.

When I lived in NYC I had a axe, 7th floor, slit windows, fire escape went from second to sixth floor (my floor was origionally storage), in case of fire my escape plan involved a hole in the floor and the temp use of my downstair neighbors kitchen window


That's pretty cool. Would have been a crazy experience to be chopping at the floor with a fire closing in. Damn
 
2014-01-03 12:26:59 AM
 
2014-01-03 12:31:49 AM

eatin' fetus: Subby: no one gives two shiats about the nickname that some weird corn people gave the next town over.

No one that lives anywhere that matters owns an axe.


imageshack.com
 
2014-01-03 12:35:03 AM
Its a trick, get an axe.
 
2014-01-03 12:40:11 AM
I don't know how the ax part worked, but something like this?

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-01-03 12:40:13 AM
Damn. That's near Florida-level. I don't know whether to applaud or not.
 
2014-01-03 12:41:23 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-01-03 12:47:52 AM
I grew up in CB. I had no idea that Fark even knew it existed.
 
2014-01-03 12:52:21 AM
The suspect fled eastbound on foot, according to emergency responders.
Police described the man as wearing a black sweatshirt with the word Nebraska on it


Do you think the suspect knows that Nebraska is actually west of Iowa, or was this just a cunning ruse to throw everyone off the trail?
 
2014-01-03 12:56:56 AM
Kentucky has more cities over 200,000 in population than Iowa does.

//just found this out on Wikipedia.
 
2014-01-03 12:59:01 AM

hammettman: The suspect fled eastbound on foot, according to emergency responders.
Police described the man as wearing a black sweatshirt with the word Nebraska on it

Do you think the suspect knows that Nebraska is actually west of Iowa, or was this just a cunning ruse to throw everyone off the trail?


Instinct most likely. Lowlifes from OmaHell love to come here to pull their stunts because if they did it on the other side of the river, they're likely to get their heads blown off by Officer McShooty and his droogs.
 
2014-01-03 12:59:49 AM

eatin' fetus: No one that lives anywhere that matters owns an axe.


What?! Axes have been showing up everywhere as a must have urban accessory.   http://idsgn.org/posts/the-twelve-days-of-design-our-holiday-gift-gui d e/  I'm not kidding.
 
2014-01-03 01:02:37 AM
No truck nuts? I'm not impressed.
 
2014-01-03 01:12:35 AM

Pribar: eatin' fetus: Subby: no one gives two shiats about the nickname that some weird corn people gave the next town over.

No one that lives anywhere that matters owns an axe.

When I lived in NYC I had a axe, 7th floor, slit windows, fire escape went from second to sixth floor (my floor was origionally storage), in case of fire my escape plan involved a hole in the floor and the temp use of my downstair neighbors kitchen window


Could you submit a diagram please? I'm a little confused, but genuinely curious.
 
2014-01-03 01:13:27 AM
On behalf of every white person who isn't rich and everybody in Kentucky I'm getting damn sick of this PC bigotry. If "the N-word" or even "ghetto" were used in place of "white trash" this headline wouldn't make it, but it's oh so hip to make fun of my people. Especially if you're the "right" kind of white person, so proud of being "anti-racist."

Despite what some misguided "Euro-Americans" people say it's not "the minorities" who are giving working class whites all the trouble, it's the "enlightened" whites who aren't allowed to hate anybody else and don't understand that it's not who you hate but that you hate that's the root of the problem.

As for me, the longer I have to put up with that shiat the more inclined I am toward Peckerwood Pride and flat-out class war. First we kill all the liberals.
 
2014-01-03 01:13:38 AM
Sounds like a trip to Jenny Edmundson is in order...
 
2014-01-03 01:17:06 AM

The One True TheDavid: On behalf of every white person who isn't rich and everybody in Kentucky I'm getting damn sick of this PC bigotry. If "the N-word" or even "ghetto" were used in place of "white trash" this headline wouldn't make it, but it's oh so hip to make fun of my people. Especially if you're the "right" kind of white person, so proud of being "anti-racist."

Despite what some misguided "Euro-Americans" people say it's not "the minorities" who are giving working class whites all the trouble, it's the "enlightened" whites who aren't allowed to hate anybody else and don't understand that it's not who you hate but that you hate that's the root of the problem.

As for me, the longer I have to put up with that shiat the more inclined I am toward Peckerwood Pride and flat-out class war. First we kill all the liberals.


I'd like to agree with you, but, dude. Rand Paul! Dafuq??
 
2014-01-03 01:17:43 AM

The One True TheDavid: On behalf of every white person who isn't rich and everybody in Kentucky I'm getting damn sick of this PC bigotry. If "the N-word" or even "ghetto" were used in place of "white trash" this headline wouldn't make it, but it's oh so hip to make fun of my people. Especially if you're the "right" kind of white person, so proud of being "anti-racist."

Despite what some misguided "Euro-Americans" people say it's not "the minorities" who are giving working class whites all the trouble, it's the "enlightened" whites who aren't allowed to hate anybody else and don't understand that it's not who you hate but that you hate that's the root of the problem.

As for me, the longer I have to put up with that shiat the more inclined I am toward Peckerwood Pride and flat-out class war. First we kill all the liberals.


Nice! very inflammatory.
 
2014-01-03 01:38:33 AM
 
2014-01-03 01:47:12 AM
This is only most white trash crime ever if the trailer hitch had a pair of truck nutz attached.
 
2014-01-03 01:48:53 AM

HotWingAgenda: No truck nuts? I'm not impressed.


Dang. Missed your comment. You are quicker on the draw than I.
 
2014-01-03 01:51:49 AM
You omaha people are still mad that the first capitol of nebraska was Council Bluffs
 
2014-01-03 02:00:47 AM

thanatos60: You omaha people are still mad that the first capitol of nebraska was Council Bluffs


where on earth did you hear that?
 
2014-01-03 02:02:48 AM

chookbillion: The One True TheDavid: On behalf of every white person who isn't rich and everybody in Kentucky I'm getting damn sick of this PC bigotry. If "the N-word" or even "ghetto" were used in place of "white trash" this headline wouldn't make it, but it's oh so hip to make fun of my people. Especially if you're the "right" kind of white person, so proud of being "anti-racist."

Despite what some misguided "Euro-Americans" people say it's not "the minorities" who are giving working class whites all the trouble, it's the "enlightened" whites who aren't allowed to hate anybody else and don't understand that it's not who you hate but that you hate that's the root of the problem.

As for me, the longer I have to put up with that shiat the more inclined I am toward Peckerwood Pride and flat-out class war. First we kill all the liberals.

Nice! very inflammatory.


It crescendoed nicely.
 
2014-01-03 02:10:40 AM
Police described the man as wearing a black sweatshirt with the word Nebraska on it

This was his clever disguise.  He is really from Iowa
 
2014-01-03 02:16:29 AM

thanatos60: You omaha people are still mad that the first capitol of nebraska was Council Bluffs


Is that what the teach the little Counciltuckians in school to help raise their self esteem? I swear to god you can actually feel the average IQ drop as you cross the Missouri River going east!
 
2014-01-03 02:19:46 AM

eatin' fetus: Subby: no one gives two shiats about the nickname that some weird corn people gave the next town over.

No one that lives anywhere that matters owns an axe.


Funny, I live in Vancouver, BC, and I own an axe.

We like to do this thing called "camping"....
 
2014-01-03 02:22:20 AM

Komodicus: thanatos60: You omaha people are still mad that the first capitol of nebraska was Council Bluffs

Is that what the teach the little Counciltuckians in school to help raise their self esteem? I swear to god you can actually feel the average IQ drop as you cross the Missouri River going east!


No, he's actually correct. i was just surprised anyone knew that.
 
2014-01-03 02:30:47 AM

thanatos60: You omaha people are still mad that the first capitol of nebraska was Council Bluffs


And that Carter lake still remained a part of Iowa even after the river shifted.
 
2014-01-03 02:35:50 AM
Vape 402? And that's not a typo?
 
2014-01-03 02:37:24 AM
To those who may be wondering Dafuq is going on, this is all just OmaHell's little ongoing hate-on for the better city across the river. Think of it as they're our Shelbyville to our Springfield.

In the origins of both towns in Wild West days, Council Bluffs (then known as Kanesville) was a major hub of the Mormon Trail while just across the river was Omaha, were all the lowlifes and losers dwelled. Pretty much all the crap that was booted out of Iowa. Several famous authors like Rudyard Kipling and Charles Dickens have made comments about what a craphole Omaha was and how they detested the place as their only real bad part of what was otherwise a wonderful trip across America.
 
2014-01-03 02:41:16 AM

Omahawg: Komodicus: thanatos60: You omaha people are still mad that the first capitol of nebraska was Council Bluffs

Is that what the teach the little Counciltuckians in school to help raise their self esteem? I swear to god you can actually feel the average IQ drop as you cross the Missouri River going east!

No, he's actually correct. i was just surprised anyone knew that.


You will need to show me a reference stating that Council Bluffs was the first capital of Nebraska. I have never heard that one before. I know that Council Bluffs was where everyone was waiting to get the hell out of Iowa when the US government finally signed a treaty with the Omaha Indians opening up the territory of Nebraska to settlement but I have never heard that CB was the capital.
 
2014-01-03 02:43:44 AM

Omahawg: :)

ah, the town of my birth where I left my heart in the razzle dazzle, my liver in the glassfront, and multiple brain cells scattered down broadway like so many leaves blowing in the wind

wait. those are old school food stamps blowing around.

whatever. same thing.


I was also born in Council Bluffs, but my family moved to Oregon when I was two weeks old. Haven't been back there since I was 12 years old (49 years ago. Yeah, I'm old) and that was for a family reunion.
 
2014-01-03 02:44:36 AM
Ha. I grew up very near there.

/Iowa, you make me smile.
 
2014-01-03 05:07:38 AM
Just moved to CB a year ago, I find it pretty nice. Across the river there is way more bad crap happening, Reminds me of when I lived in Lenox and Pittsfied was 5 miles north.We have the casinos too. NE hates that. There is a loooong pedestrian bridge,we send all the losers back that way
 
2014-01-03 07:11:53 AM

The One True TheDavid: On behalf of every white person who isn't rich and everybody in Kentucky I'm getting damn sick of this PC bigotry. If "the N-word" or even "ghetto" were used in place of "white trash" this headline wouldn't make it, but it's oh so hip to make fun of my people. Especially if you're the "right" kind of white person, so proud of being "anti-racist."

Despite what some misguided "Euro-Americans" people say it's not "the minorities" who are giving working class whites all the trouble, it's the "enlightened" whites who aren't allowed to hate anybody else and don't understand that it's not who you hate but that you hate that's the root of the problem.

As for me, the longer I have to put up with that shiat the more inclined I am toward Peckerwood Pride and flat-out class war. First we kill all the liberals.


Is "creepy cracker" still ok? I kind of like that one.
 
2014-01-03 07:14:48 AM

TV's Vinnie: In the origins of both towns in Wild West days, Council Bluffs (then known as Kanesville) was a major hub of the Mormon Trail while just across the river was Omaha, were all the lowlifes and losers dwelled. Pretty much all the crap that was booted out of Iowa. Several famous authors like Rudyard Kipling and Charles Dickens have made comments about what a craphole Omaha was and how they detested the place as their only real bad part of what was otherwise a wonderful trip across America.


My how times have changed.

White trash on one side of the river or suburban hell on the other
 
2014-01-03 07:53:39 AM

Witness99: The One True TheDavid: On behalf of every white person who isn't rich and everybody in Kentucky I'm getting damn sick of this PC bigotry. If "the N-word" or even "ghetto" were used in place of "white trash" this headline wouldn't make it, but it's oh so hip to make fun of my people. Especially if you're the "right" kind of white person, so proud of being "anti-racist."

Despite what some misguided "Euro-Americans" people say it's not "the minorities" who are giving working class whites all the trouble, it's the "enlightened" whites who aren't allowed to hate anybody else and don't understand that it's not who you hate but that you hate that's the root of the problem.

As for me, the longer I have to put up with that shiat the more inclined I am toward Peckerwood Pride and flat-out class war. First we kill all the liberals.

Is "creepy cracker" still ok? I kind of like that one.


Depends on the punctuation chosen to further your narrative.
If you go with "creepy-ass cracker" you're just disparaging whites in general which is acceptable when rallying disparate groups to a common cause.
If you go with "creepy ass-cracker" you're just disparaging white gays in general which is also acceptable when rallying disparate groups to a common cause.
It appears that in this instance, the answer is "Yes, it's still ok."
 
2014-01-03 08:14:26 AM

chookbillion: Pribar: eatin' fetus: Subby: no one gives two shiats about the nickname that some weird corn people gave the next town over.

No one that lives anywhere that matters owns an axe.

When I lived in NYC I had a axe, 7th floor, slit windows, fire escape went from second to sixth floor (my floor was origionally storage), in case of fire my escape plan involved a hole in the floor and the temp use of my downstair neighbors kitchen window

Could you submit a diagram please? I'm a little confused, but genuinely curious.


Sorry I was a bit plastered last night, in the early 80s I had a seventh floor apartment in the Bronx, it was a ancient concrete and brick monster from the turn of the century the first six floors were designed as a hostel and had large windows and fire escapes, the seventh was supposed to be storage and had narrow slit windows designed to allow air flow through the floor but to keep out burglars, sometime between when it was finished and when I rented someone had divided up the seventh floor into six apartments with a central shared bathroom, the "stair" connecting the seventh floor to the sixth was narrow and almost vertical and was the only way off the floor. When I moved in I had just seen the movie "The Towering Inferno" so I was paranoid about fire and had nightmares about being trapped by fire. I was too broke to get a better apartment but I realized that the floor was basically 1X6s under the cheap linoleum they had laid, the 1X6 were roughcut and laid over a wide beam girder with a lathe and slat false roof between my bedroom and the apartment belows kitchen, that kitchens window opened onto the fire escape, so even though I couldn't afford to move I could afford a axe, I figured a couple good chops and I would be in the downstairs kitchen and out the window in a few minutes. I thank God I never had to try my plan out though 8-)
 
2014-01-03 08:18:28 AM
omaha here. as soon as you cross the bridge into council bluffs, the first thing you see are pawn shops and check cashing places. not exactly the best welcome.

the funny thing is, eastern iowa is awesome. progressive. intellectual. tolerant. artsy. western iowa (steve king country)... not so much.
 
2014-01-03 09:03:32 AM

Omahawg: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: They call it Council Tuckey? As in Pennsyltuckey?

yes, counciltucky, where the squirrels are black and the trash is white. It is the common put down, primarily by people from Omaha, for what is perceived as their lower class neighbor across the river.

This is in spite of the fact that gays can get married on my side of the river but can be fired for being gay in supposedly superior Nebraska.

Elsewhere in the state it's mostly referred to as "Iowa's armpit"

It's a helluva town, wonderful people, and the sights you expect to see at wal-mart at 3am can be watched and witnessed any hour of the day, especially after the 'sweat pants mob' get out and about around 11 in the morning.


Uh, if Counciltuckians had their way, gays wouldn't be getting married in Iowa either. Don't go pretending that the CB is full of progressive-minded folks over there. If Omaha had its way, gay marriage and marijuana would be legal in Nebraska.
 
2014-01-03 09:06:32 AM

TV's Vinnie: To those who may be wondering Dafuq is going on, this is all just OmaHell's little ongoing hate-on for the better city across the river. Think of it as they're our Shelbyville to our Springfield.

In the origins of both towns in Wild West days, Council Bluffs (then known as Kanesville) was a major hub of the Mormon Trail while just across the river was Omaha, were all the lowlifes and losers dwelled. Pretty much all the crap that was booted out of Iowa. Several famous authors like Rudyard Kipling and Charles Dickens have made comments about what a craphole Omaha was and how they detested the place as their only real bad part of what was otherwise a wonderful trip across America.


I just wanted to note that even Jules Verne went out of his way to disparage Nebraska in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. So we've got that going for us, which is nice.
 
2014-01-03 09:14:38 AM
Maybe the hitch was added as a pommel for balance?  Seems like a fairly good understanding of weapon design to me.
 
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