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(The Consumerist)   The worst ads of 2013, as brought to you by The Consumerist   (consumerist.com) divider line 79
    More: Silly, Samsung Galaxy, Dodge Ram, Yoplait, copywriters  
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5461 clicks; posted to Business » on 01 Jan 2014 at 3:53 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



79 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-01 01:07:08 PM  
I don't want to be "that Farker," but I don't have cable and one of the biggest bonuses to that fact is that I never, ever, ever have to watch another mind-numbingly idiotic commercial ever again. It's one thing to be shown a youtube link to something funny or cute, but a whole article devoted to the worst ads? The ones that you hate and make you want to give up television? Those are the ones you're trying to get me to read a whole article about and watch?

I don't think you thought this cunning plan all the way though.
 
2014-01-01 01:17:31 PM  
All. All ads are worst ads.
 
2014-01-01 01:30:05 PM  
The article writer sounds cranky. The Kmart and Geico commercials are far from the 'worst'. They're memorable and amusing.

Hump daaaaaaay!
 
2014-01-01 01:31:32 PM  
 
2014-01-01 01:35:20 PM  
There should be a special section for Worst Choice of Popular Song in an Ad, possibly with categories for "original version" and "reworked lyrics".

Some of my favorites are "Teenage Wasteland" to sell cars and "Lust for Life" to sell cruises.
 
2014-01-01 01:35:30 PM  
Worst article about ads of 2013, excreted for you by The Consumerist.
 
2014-01-01 01:39:33 PM  
I've never seen a party city or webuyyourcars.com commercial. I never saw that McDonalds commercial but I would like to know how a steak mcmuffin would taste.
 
2014-01-01 01:40:33 PM  

czetie: There should be a special section for Worst Choice of Popular Song in an Ad, possibly with categories for "original version" and "reworked lyrics".

Some of my favorites are "Teenage Wasteland" to sell cars and "Lust for Life" to sell cruises.


Ramones' Blitzkreig Bop was used for some cell phone company a while back.
 
2014-01-01 01:41:21 PM  

bluorangefyre: Probably not the best, but one of the best of 2013.


I hadn't seen that one before, it is amusing.

I also liked the K-Mart and Geico ones.  Most of those in the article weren't awful, though were.

Since I DVR everything before I watch it I don't end up seeing many ads, but if something catches my eye while I'm skipping through I'll go back to watch it.  That may be why advertisers are upping their game - they realize that most people don't watch most of their TV live anymore, so they have to throw something eye-catching up on screen to get people to pay attention.  A spokesperson making a pitch doesn't do it, but a giant camel, a talking pig, or guys in boxers thrusting their hips all warrant a quick check to see what it's about.

Target had some good ones this year, though the songs overall weren't as catch as they've been in years past.  I also didn't notice any of the GAP ads with a bunch of people dancing, or maybe I just wasn't watching the right shows to see them this year.
 
2014-01-01 01:43:36 PM  
The Wendy's commercial is creepy, to be sure, but it never fails to make me laugh.  But I have a blind spot
where Morgan Smith Goodwin is concerned.

Also I have a nomination in the "Worst Holiday Ad" category that they missed.
 
2014-01-01 02:02:05 PM  
Can that Dragon speech recognition software commercial possibly be any longer?
Seems like I can step out to the porch for a smoke when it starts, and the goddamned thing will still be on when I get back.
 
2014-01-01 02:12:46 PM  

Bob Falfa: czetie: There should be a special section for Worst Choice of Popular Song in an Ad, possibly with categories for "original version" and "reworked lyrics".

Some of my favorites are "Teenage Wasteland" to sell cars and "Lust for Life" to sell cruises.

Ramones' Blitzkreig Bop was used for some cell phone company a while back.


It could have been worse.  The rest of the members of the Dead Kennedys sued Jello Biafra because he refused to let "Holiday in Cambodia" be used for a Levi's ad.

I would have allowed it, but  specified that the only part of the song they could use was the "Pol Pot, Pol Pot" chant in the middle.
 
2014-01-01 02:13:48 PM  

bearded clamorer: Can that Dragon speech recognition software commercial possibly be any longer?
Seems like I can step out to the porch for a smoke when it starts, and the goddamned thing will still be on when I get back.


Amen. Especially good ole' boy Weldon with his "technical jargon". Cyanoacrylate ester? You mean super glue?
 
2014-01-01 02:31:24 PM  

antidisestablishmentarianism: I've never seen a party city or webuyyourcars.com commercial. I never saw that McDonalds commercial but I would like to know how a steak mcmuffin would taste.


I hadn't seen either of those either. The WeBuyAnyCar commercial is pretty awful, but it will be a cold day in hell before any jingle takes the record away from (and I sincerely apologize in advance) 1-877-Kars-4-Kids.
 
2014-01-01 02:31:51 PM  

Anne.Uumellmahaye: I don't want to be "that Farker," but I don't have cable and one of the biggest bonuses to that fact is that I never, ever, ever have to watch another mind-numbingly idiotic commercial ever again. It's one thing to be shown a youtube link to something funny or cute, but a whole article devoted to the worst ads? The ones that you hate and make you want to give up television? Those are the ones you're trying to get me to read a whole article about and watch?

I don't think you thought this cunning plan all the way though.


If you have a TV you and this list couldn't have both missed the absolute worst one.:

image.cdn.ispot.tv
 
2014-01-01 02:37:49 PM  

jake_lex: Bob Falfa: czetie: There should be a special section for Worst Choice of Popular Song in an Ad, possibly with categories for "original version" and "reworked lyrics".

Some of my favorites are "Teenage Wasteland" to sell cars and "Lust for Life" to sell cruises.

Ramones' Blitzkreig Bop was used for some cell phone company a while back.

It could have been worse.  The rest of the members of the Dead Kennedys sued Jello Biafra because he refused to let "Holiday in Cambodia" be used for a Levi's ad.

I would have allowed it, but  specified that the only part of the song they could use was the "Pol Pot, Pol Pot" chant in the middle.


This marks the first time in history that I can thank a Farker for an ear worm.

List fails without Viagra commercials.
 
2014-01-01 02:42:11 PM  
The K-Mart commercials ("I shipped my pants" still kills me), the AT&T commercials with the kids, and the Sprint commercials with James Earl Jones and Malcolm McDowell were laugh-out-loud entertaining.

I have a visceral, very real hate for Flo and Progressive at this point. I hope she gets snuffed out like the Oxy-Clean guy.
 
2014-01-01 02:44:02 PM  

crotchgrabber: List fails without Viagra commercials during every other yellow flag/break FOX/TNT/ESPN can find in NASCAR programming


Race fans know all about boner pills and Axiron testosterone deodorant. It's the shiat that gets the fire started, the print machines rolling, and the car all up and running again.
 
2014-01-01 03:01:11 PM  
I'm glad I'm not the only one creeped out by that Kay Jewelers commercial.
 
2014-01-01 03:23:16 PM  

i.imgur.com


"Hi, question for Kmart. In your Joe Boxer ad, where those guys jingle their penises like Christmas bells, the black guy strikes the same note twice yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what, are we to believe that this is some sort of a, a magic black penis or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder."

 
2014-01-01 03:54:11 PM  
HAHAHA "BADVERTISEMENT!"


i915.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-01 04:06:09 PM  
Wasn't "scroogle" a search proxy for google that got hammered at some point? (startpage.com; like that)
 
2014-01-01 04:10:53 PM  
"Flo" from progressive should be burned at the stake.
 
2014-01-01 04:16:20 PM  

Gig103: The article writer sounds cranky. The Kmart and Geico commercials are far from the 'worst'. They're memorable and amusing.

Hump daaaaaaay!


Are you 11 years old?
 
2014-01-01 04:19:09 PM  
I was half expecting the Microsoft Surface ad to make that list.   The entire point of the ad appears to be calling women superficial, status obsessed whores.
 
2014-01-01 04:32:28 PM  
I dislike most of the Geico ads as much as anyone, but I am amused every time by the hump-day camel. It's just well-scripted and well-executed all around.
 
2014-01-01 04:42:13 PM  

dameron: I was half expecting the Microsoft Surface ad to make that list.   The entire point of the ad appears to be calling women superficial, status obsessed whores.


I get the impression that the Marketing Director for Microsoft is a manic depressive who spends his days sealed in a cardboard box.
 
2014-01-01 04:45:41 PM  
I enjoy the "Santa" truck commercials and hope they keep that theme running for a few years.

"How far north?"

"Akron."
 
2014-01-01 04:49:40 PM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: The K-Mart commercials ("I shipped my pants" still kills me), the AT&T commercials with the kids, and the Sprint commercials with James Earl Jones and Malcolm McDowell were laugh-out-loud entertaining.

I have a visceral, very real hate for Flo and Progressive at this point. I hope she gets snuffed out like the Oxy-Clean guy.


THIS, I used to be annoyed by the constant GEICO ads, but the Progressive one trick biatch ad campaign needs killin'.
GEICO became wholly owned by Berkshire Hathaway (Warren Buffet) in 1996, and this was the start of the barrage of  '15 minute call' ads every hour of every day since.

My fave of 2013  funny, understated, true (Mrs. Tact and I have 7 and 9 yo), and the Dude abides as narrator.
 
2014-01-01 05:11:34 PM  
The K-Mart gif ads wouldn't be so obnoxious if they would just tone down the noise.  I can be nowhere near a TV in my house and know when that ad comes on just from the sound.  I hope the people who made those ads end up in Purgatory for a few millennia.

Whenever I see the Party City ads, I mentally note how much of the cheap Chinese crap they're selling will probably end up filling a garbage dump a few days after purchase.  Also, the full body socks are farking creepy.

Not shown in the list are the ads for Candy Crush and the five or so other successors to the game.  We have a MyTV affiliate in town that is currently showing 2-5 on those ads during each and every commercial block.  I won't watch that channel without the DVR anymore.


Oreamnos: I dislike most of the Geico ads as much as anyone, but I am amused every time by the hump-day camel. It's just well-scripted and well-executed all around.


In my area, that ad wasn't overplayed and it was mildly amusing for the schadenfreude value.
 
2014-01-01 05:11:38 PM  

Gig103: The article writer sounds cranky. The Kmart and Geico commercials are far from the 'worst'. They're memorable and amusing.

Hump daaaaaaay!


Yeah, that's a dumb way to establish "cred" for deciding on the worst commercials.

I will say that any jewelry commercials belong on the list. After this past month's worth of watching football, I am really sick of "every kiss begins with Kay" and all that "Jared's" nonsense. If you can't get affection from your significant other without a bribe of expensive decorative baubles, you probably should put that money toward a good divorce lawyer.
 
2014-01-01 05:23:19 PM  
Eat 24 app commercials during sports games I don't mind. Hell, I kinda like them.

Short & amusingly stupid. And flying burgers, bear penises, moonwalking astronauts strutting to '80s jam, and sushi raining to rasta music.

And then there's this weird Trolli gummy worms commercial ... what decade did they assume it is?
 
2014-01-01 05:24:10 PM  

czetie: There should be a special section for Worst Choice of Popular Song in an Ad, possibly with categories for "original version" and "reworked lyrics".

Some of my favorites are "Teenage Wasteland" to sell cars and "Lust for Life" to sell cruises.


The Party City Mango #5 is awful.

And the Capital One ads with Samuel L. Jackson are awful. If I have ever seen a commercial written by committee, it is that.
 
2014-01-01 05:27:37 PM  

edmo: Anne.Uumellmahaye: I don't want to be "that Farker," but I don't have cable and one of the biggest bonuses to that fact is that I never, ever, ever have to watch another mind-numbingly idiotic commercial ever again. It's one thing to be shown a youtube link to something funny or cute, but a whole article devoted to the worst ads? The ones that you hate and make you want to give up television? Those are the ones you're trying to get me to read a whole article about and watch?

I don't think you thought this cunning plan all the way though.

If you have a TV you and this list couldn't have both missed the absolute worst one.:

[image.cdn.ispot.tv image 850x477]


No-talent ass-clown.

Nemo's Brother: And the Capital One ads with Samuel L. Jackson are awful. If I have ever seen a commercial written by committee, it is that.


He cursed in his very first ad.  Now tell me... was that scripted?
 
2014-01-01 05:34:43 PM  

bluorangefyre: edmo: Anne.Uumellmahaye: I don't want to be "that Farker," but I don't have cable and one of the biggest bonuses to that fact is that I never, ever, ever have to watch another mind-numbingly idiotic commercial ever again. It's one thing to be shown a youtube link to something funny or cute, but a whole article devoted to the worst ads? The ones that you hate and make you want to give up television? Those are the ones you're trying to get me to read a whole article about and watch?

I don't think you thought this cunning plan all the way though.

If you have a TV you and this list couldn't have both missed the absolute worst one.:

[image.cdn.ispot.tv image 850x477]

No-talent ass-clown.

Nemo's Brother: And the Capital One ads with Samuel L. Jackson are awful. If I have ever seen a commercial written by committee, it is that.

He cursed in his very first ad.  Now tell me... was that scripted?


Of course it was. That wasn't a live broadcast. They were trying to use 'Jackson's edge'.  Of course, they still have homophobic hate monger Alec Baldwin as a spokesperson too.
 
2014-01-01 05:47:33 PM  

LesserEvil: I will say that any jewelry commercials belong on the list. After this past month's worth of watching football, I am really sick of "every kiss begins with Kay" and all that "Jared's" nonsense. If you can't get affection from your significant other without a bribe of expensive decorative baubles, you probably should put that money toward a good divorce lawyer.


Wise words.  Reminds me of the fourth paragraph of the response in this article.  If all she wants is your money, she'll leave you when you run dry.
 
2014-01-01 05:55:00 PM  

RminusQ: antidisestablishmentarianism: I've never seen a party city or webuyyourcars.com commercial. I never saw that McDonalds commercial but I would like to know how a steak mcmuffin would taste.

I hadn't seen either of those either. The WeBuyAnyCar commercial is pretty awful, but it will be a cold day in hell before any jingle takes the record away from (and I sincerely apologize in advance) 1-877-Kars-4-Kids.


THIS.
 
2014-01-01 05:59:15 PM  
The worst one to me is that Luminosity.com ad they spam bomb on Hulu. I see that hipster biatch and just want to drop-kick her in the face.
 
2014-01-01 06:15:01 PM  
 
2014-01-01 06:20:38 PM  
I like the jingle balls ad! I also agree that "Wendy" gets off on making her friends fat.

Also Flo is the best spokesman ever, ever.
 
2014-01-01 06:27:35 PM  
"Ship my pants" was probably one of the best ads of the year. It was funny and memorable, and one of the few commercials I actually heard people talking about in day-to-day conversation. Seems like a pretty big win for an ad campaign.
 
2014-01-01 07:04:44 PM  
My least favorite ad ran during a football game. It had a guy showing his friends what he bought his girlfriend/wife/fiancée/whatever for Christmas. He holds up a gemstone-studded football jersey. His friends say, "Are you crazy?" and direct him to the jewelry store. Because women like jewelry, not sports! Duh!

I'm not expecting many ads during football to be aimed at women, but several advertisers have learned not to alienate the female fan base. Beer commercials show both genders watching the game at the bar, even if it focuses on a man. The NFL Gear commercials show fans of both genders. But even an ad where women are absent is better than one that says that it'd be crazy to think that a woman could prefer sports to jewelry.
 
2014-01-01 07:20:12 PM  
hardee's great buns is ok
 
2014-01-01 07:21:34 PM  

edmo: Anne.Uumellmahaye: I don't want to be "that Farker," but I don't have cable and one of the biggest bonuses to that fact is that I never, ever, ever have to watch another mind-numbingly idiotic commercial ever again. It's one thing to be shown a youtube link to something funny or cute, but a whole article devoted to the worst ads? The ones that you hate and make you want to give up television? Those are the ones you're trying to get me to read a whole article about and watch?

I don't think you thought this cunning plan all the way though.

If you have a TV you and this list couldn't have both missed the absolute worst one.:

[image.cdn.ispot.tv image 850x477]


blow blow blow
 
2014-01-01 07:40:34 PM  
the radio shack ad where kids are playing jingle bells with a bell app on smartphones.

how much are bells? and what about smartphones?

who feels real bells should be prohibited in schools?

what the hell...
 
2014-01-01 07:43:10 PM  

Hyjamon: I enjoy the "Santa" truck commercials and hope they keep that theme running for a few years.

"How far north?"

"Akron."


My wife gets pissed every time that AD comes on because the guy says Akron is nice and she vehemently disagrees.
 
2014-01-01 07:53:08 PM  

Outlaw2097: the radio shack ad where kids are playing jingle bells with a bell app on smartphones.

how much are bells? and what about smartphones?

who feels real bells should be prohibited in schools?

what the hell...


real bells are heavy and can do damage to kids who are too young to have the proper wrist strength to play bells.
 
2014-01-01 07:53:46 PM  

Dinjiin: LesserEvil: I will say that any jewelry commercials belong on the list. After this past month's worth of watching football, I am really sick of "every kiss begins with Kay" and all that "Jared's" nonsense. If you can't get affection from your significant other without a bribe of expensive decorative baubles, you probably should put that money toward a good divorce lawyer.

Wise words.  Reminds me of the fourth paragraph of the response in this article.  If all she wants is your money, she'll leave you when you run dry.


Not original to me, but: if every kiss begins with Kay, your woman is a whore.
 
2014-01-01 08:57:04 PM  

LesserEvil: I will say that any jewelry commercials belong on the list. After this past month's worth of watching football, I am really sick of "every kiss begins with Kay" and all that "Jared's" nonsense. If you can't get affection from your significant other without a bribe of expensive decorative baubles, you probably should put that money toward a good divorce lawyer.


fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net
 
2014-01-01 09:54:03 PM  

Forty-Two: My least favorite ad ran during a football game. It had a guy showing his friends what he bought his girlfriend/wife/fiancée/whatever for Christmas. He holds up a gemstone-studded football jersey. His friends say, "Are you crazy?" and direct him to the jewelry store. Because women like jewelry, not sports! Duh!

I'm not expecting many ads during football to be aimed at women, but several advertisers have learned not to alienate the female fan base. Beer commercials show both genders watching the game at the bar, even if it focuses on a man. The NFL Gear commercials show fans of both genders. But even an ad where women are absent is better than one that says that it'd be crazy to think that a woman could prefer sports to jewelry.


I would prefer to think that his friends steered him away from the jersey because it was hideous, but you're probably right. However I would dump a guy if he bought me some pink, sparkly abomination like that.
 
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