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(TV By the Numbers)   Animal Planet reports its strategy of fewer animals, more treehouse-living douchebags, more monsters, the Puppy Bowl, and one landmark mermaid "documentary" has paid off in ratings and viewership   (tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com) divider line 29
    More: Obvious, Puppy Bowl, Animal Planet, viewership, douche bags, great years, mermaids, River Monsters, monsters  
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636 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 01 Jan 2014 at 1:50 AM (34 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



29 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-01 12:24:23 AM
Puppy Bowl - doesn't it count as animals?
 
2014-01-01 01:07:14 AM
Let's face it. Stupid people are the bread and butter of the television industry.

And no, "I watch it ironically" does not mean you are any less stupid, it just means you're stupid and a douche.
 
2014-01-01 01:08:34 AM
Just make every station a reality show station. How about a CSPAN reality show? Or instead of ESPN playing sports all the time, have reality shows about people in the business.
 
2014-01-01 01:31:40 AM

Ghastly: Let's face it. Stupid people are the bread and butter of the television industry.


TV is getting dumber because intelligent people no longer watch TV.
 
2014-01-01 01:52:18 AM

Ishkur: Ghastly: Let's face it. Stupid people are the bread and butter of the television industry.

TV is getting dumber because intelligent people no longer watch TV.


TV is a nickname, nicknames are for friends, and television is no friend of mine. Off to watch netflix
 
2014-01-01 02:01:27 AM
They should do better with Duck Dynasty coming back.  It's my favorite show since Meerkat Manor.
 
2014-01-01 02:11:12 AM
Is River Monsters still on their schedule? Then I don't really give a rat's ass since it's the only thing on the network I watch.

/and technically hippies are animals, so...
 
2014-01-01 02:16:54 AM
That mermaids POS 'documentary' was so friggin' retarded I had to take a few points off my American's TV Viewership IQ Chart.

I took off a few more points this last week when I finally saw an episode of Finding Bigfoot - the one in Nepal where they were looking for the Yeti.

For anyone curious, my American TV Viewership IQ chart is currently at -238 points. Without Breaking Bad it would have been in the -400s.
 
2014-01-01 02:37:12 AM
The only thing I really like is My Cat From Hell, although Too Cute is occasionally a good pick me up if I'm in a grumpy mood.
 
2014-01-01 03:11:31 AM
Yep...scratch another channel off my dwindling list of channels I can actually bear to watch.

Thank god for al-Jazeera and CNBC...and even CNBC is slowly shifting over into "reality" programming. *sigh*
 
2014-01-01 03:57:34 AM
They should do some ancient aliens stuff with the guy who has Londo hair...
 
2014-01-01 04:17:08 AM
Sometimes when I'm bored I'll channel-surf between Discovery, TLC, Animal Planet, History, the Military and Science channels and pretend I'm in an alternate timeline where that the South won the Civil War.

They're all owned by the same company.
 
2014-01-01 05:09:25 AM
Wake me when they find the mermaid in a treehouse shacking up with Bigfoot.
 
2014-01-01 05:25:53 AM

Gyrfalcon: Yep...scratch another channel off my dwindling list of channels I can actually bear to watch.

Thank god for al-Jazeera and CNBC...and even CNBC is slowly shifting over into "reality" programming. *sigh*


Pretty close. Make that al-Jazeera and Bloomberg and we're twins.
 
2014-01-01 06:23:10 AM
I used to think I was as cynical as I could be, especially about TV. A&E: "Challenge accepted."

A few more years and the programming will be "Aliens, Obama amd the UN: Ancient Conspiracy Tuh Take Ur Guns?" and "Egypt's Schoolchildren Janitors."
 
2014-01-01 06:37:52 AM

Ghastly: Let's face it. Stupid people are the bread and butter of the television industry.

And no, "I watch it ironically" does not mean you are any less stupid, it just means you're stupid and a douche.


Agreed on all counts.
 
2014-01-01 07:11:54 AM

SpdrJay: They should do some ancient aliens stuff with the guy who has Londo hair...


img.fark.net
 
2014-01-01 07:52:53 AM
This is how SyFy, and the History Channel, and Food Network, and the Cooking Channel, and the Discovery Channel, died.

Because, as long as they're turning a better profit, they couldn't give a rat's rancid rectum as to the quality or usefulness of their programming. As a result, we received everything from Sharknado to Guy Fieri, and enough dumb, jaded bastards watched that shiat to bump up both their viewership and ad revenue.

This is in part what's killing cable television, as well. Why in the hell would I pay $200+ a month to see hundreds of channels of shiat like this, when I could pay the top three streaming services $24 a month and get nearly all of it, on tap, almost entirely without advertising?

Short-term gain, long-term harm. That's vision for you.
 
2014-01-01 08:43:44 AM
I like that one show about those simple, good-hearted folks and their everyday problems. It's really funny, but it's touching, too.
 
2014-01-01 08:51:03 AM

SomeoneDumb: Gyrfalcon: Yep...scratch another channel off my dwindling list of channels I can actually bear to watch.

Thank god for al-Jazeera and CNBC...and even CNBC is slowly shifting over into "reality" programming. *sigh*

Pretty close. Make that al-Jazeera and Bloomberg and we're twins.


You realize you don't need cable to get any of those channels, right?

Just saying - fark Comcast (and Dish - the people who fired a quadriplegic medical marijuana user who did telephone customer support).
 
2014-01-01 08:56:02 AM
This year Animal Planet will be introducing a new feature, Movies for Animals.  The initial slate of pet-friendly and pet-themed films include Ghostbusters, Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club, and Star Trek III, The Search for Spock.
 
2014-01-01 09:55:39 AM
Don't knock the mermaid documentary. If it helps get a Submariner movie greenlit ,then I am all in.upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-01-01 10:27:28 AM
River Monsters is a good show because it's actually about animals. The rest of it can deaf
 
2014-01-01 10:57:41 AM

Duck_of_Doom: Puppy Bowl - doesn't it count as animals?


I'm waiting to hear that they use puppies and kittens from kill shelters.
 
2014-01-01 11:40:41 AM

ModernPrimitive01: River Monsters is a good show because it's actually about animals. The rest of it can deaf


River Monsters is a brilliant show - mostly because of Jeremy Wade. He turns learning something new into having a good time. I miss that show.  :-(
 
2014-01-01 01:52:57 PM
Too much reality crap is why I dropped cable TV a few years ago. Find more than enough to watch on the 19 channels I get over-the-air... and saving $120/month!
 
2014-01-01 02:20:15 PM

Iczer: Is River Monsters still on their schedule? Then I don't really give a rat's ass since it's the only thing on the network I watch.

/and technically hippies are animals, so...


This. I haven't actually watched (or had access to) TV in quite some time, but I'll buy and watch River Monsters whenever I can. I had the opportunity to watch some Animal Planet over the weekend in a hotel...The programming at the time (early in the morning) was passable, as it was just reruns of Big Cat Diaries and Meerkat Manor, but the only ads for other shows I saw were the goddamn treehouse bullshiat and a bunch of crap about Alaskan rednecks.
 
2014-01-01 03:28:29 PM

gfid: SomeoneDumb: Gyrfalcon: Yep...scratch another channel off my dwindling list of channels I can actually bear to watch.

Thank god for al-Jazeera and CNBC...and even CNBC is slowly shifting over into "reality" programming. *sigh*

Pretty close. Make that al-Jazeera and Bloomberg and we're twins.

You realize you don't need cable to get any of those channels, right?

Just saying - fark Comcast (and Dish - the people who fired a quadriplegic medical marijuana user who did telephone customer support).


Yeah, but you do need broadband, which isn't available in my area. I'd cut the cable in a heartbeat, but my only link to the real world is through a satellite.
 
2014-01-01 10:53:43 PM
Dear Cable Networks and Providers,

Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm a  cord cutter. This means I only pay for high speed Internet, and then I get all my programming from a variety of online and local media services, such as Netflix, Amazon, Vudu, various channels on Plex, and many others.

"But why would you choose to watch shows on a delay and rely on rentals for your entertainment?" you may ask. Let me tell you why: It's because History Channel doesn't have f♣ck-all to do with history anymore. It's because Arts & Entertainment is playing nothing but insultingly lowbrow reality shows. It's because the cable providers keep jacking up prices. It's because SyFy's board of directors hate science fiction. It's because the cable networks force providers to bundle channels, so that I'd have to slog through miles and miles of shiat (reality shows, mainly) to find the few things I care to watch on the few channels I bother using. It's because shows are becoming overpowered by the advertising, and tuning in to a show like  The Walking Dead  when it airs live is like having teeth pulled because of the insane number of advertisements played during a single episode.

These reasons, and so many more, caused me to stop paying for cable television a few years ago. I'll stay away as long as cable isn't served ala carte. I'll stay away as long as pay television includes ridiculous numbers of advertisements. I'll stay away as long as reality shows dominate the once-interesting genre channels.

You lost me as a customer. You won't be getting me back. If you force us to have cable TV to get high speed Internet, I'll get by on DSL. If you mess with that, I'll find another way. You won't make me pay $100 for 99% shiat and 1% decent, watchable television.

So, seriously-- F♠ck you, cable networks. F♠ck you Animal Planet. F♠ck you Cartoon Network (mostly for "Dude What Would Happen"). F♠ck you SyFy. F♠ck you A&E, History, TLC, and Discovery. F♠ck you AMC. F♠ck you ALL. I'll find other ways to watch the few shows I care about, and the rest of the time, I'll turn off the TV and have sex with my wife.

/Or, you know, go out to museums and to see live theatre.
 
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