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(Gawker)   Proclaim you don't believe in Jesus, get 126K   (gawker.com) divider line 243
    More: Ironic, XPlease  
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14286 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Dec 2013 at 6:46 PM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-12-30 04:22:38 PM  
Charlie Brooker is awesome, that is all.

/Meh on Stanhope
 
2013-12-30 04:41:25 PM  
Sign my ass up, man.  Stanhope should hang out here on Fark and see me get in trouble with the religitards on a weekly basis.
 
2013-12-30 04:53:35 PM  
That's how you troll
 
2013-12-30 04:58:27 PM  
awesome.
 
2013-12-30 05:37:52 PM  
Man, is this some sort of program?  Like Obamacare?  'Cause I'd be willing to SWEAR I don't believe in Baby J for 126 large.
 
2013-12-30 05:49:03 PM  
He's exactly right. What kind of sicko thanks "God" for killing his neighbors? Shouldn't the proper answer be "God is an asshole for killing all these people and destroying all these lives. Why would I thank him?".
 
2013-12-30 05:56:58 PM  
You know, I do understand how a deeply upset and traumatized person can react by "thanking God" for saving them, but it's always annoyed me when athletes talk about how "God" helped them score a touchdown/goal/homerun.

Millions of people in slavery, poverty and despair, but God's gonna focus on your batting average?
 
2013-12-30 06:16:04 PM  
simpsonswiki.com

/oblig
 
2013-12-30 06:23:12 PM  

what_now: You know, I do understand how a deeply upset and traumatized person can react by "thanking God" for saving them, but it's always annoyed me when athletes talk about how "God" helped them score a touchdown/goal/homerun.

Millions of people in slavery, poverty and despair, but God's gonna focus on your batting average?


And they never do it in reverse.  "That sure touchdown you dropped has got to have you kicking yourself!"  "Yeah, farking Jesus screwed me up."
/not my joke, some comedian I thibj
 
2013-12-30 06:40:09 PM  

mediablitz: He's exactly right. What kind of sicko thanks "God" for killing his neighbors? Shouldn't the proper answer be "God is an asshole for killing all these people and destroying all these lives. Why would I thank him?".


The same sort that thanks Jesus when it's their neighbors who actually help them.

I had a friend many years ago in Alaska who was on a busy road in a snowstorm when a woman ahead of him lost control and went off the road onto a frozen lake. The surface shattered behind her car and she was sinking.

Everyone stopped, but nobody was doing anything. As the car was going under, Harold, close to 70 at the time, took off his coat and shoes and dived into the icy water, got her out of the car, and pulled her to the bank in freezing temperatures.

The woman excitedly looked each person in the face saying "Thank Jesus! Thank Jesus!" over and over again while they waited for emergency services to show up. She never thanked Harold.
 
2013-12-30 06:47:43 PM  

Lenny_da_Hog: The woman excitedly looked each person in the face saying "Thank Jesus! Thank Jesus!" over and over again while they waited for emergency services to show up. She never thanked Harold.


Had a religious friend get a flat tire in the pooring rain, at 2 in the morning, in Washington state. Stuck on the side of the road with no cell reception for 3 hours. Her take? "Thank Jesus he waited until I was across the bridge before giving me that flat tire. I would have really been in danger if I got a flat while still on the bridge".

There is no reasoning with that...

what_now: You know, I do understand how a deeply upset and traumatized person can react by "thanking God" for saving them, but it's always annoyed me when athletes talk about how "God" helped them score a touchdown/goal/homerun.

Millions of people in slavery, poverty and despair, but God's gonna focus on your batting average?


In the championship fight in the UFC this weekend, one guy broke his leg, full fracture, and lost. The guy who won thanked God. I thought "thank you God for breaking that man's leg in two?!?!? REALLY?"
 
2013-12-30 06:50:51 PM  

nekom: And they never do it in reverse.  "That sure touchdown you dropped has got to have you kicking yourself!"  "Yeah, farking Jesus screwed me up."
/not my joke, some comedian I thibj


Well, except for that time Stevie Johnson did it:
i.imgur.com
 
2013-12-30 06:53:29 PM  
hey Stanhope,say "hi" to your mother for me, ok?
 
2013-12-30 06:54:20 PM  
mediablitz: He's exactly right. What kind of sicko thanks "God" for killing his neighbors? Shouldn't the proper answer be "God is an asshole for killing all these people and destroying all these lives. Why would I thank him?".

the same person who thanked the lord for their winning touchdown
 
2013-12-30 06:54:44 PM  

WI241TH: nekom: And they never do it in reverse.  "That sure touchdown you dropped has got to have you kicking yourself!"  "Yeah, farking Jesus screwed me up."
/not my joke, some comedian I thibj

Well, except for that time Stevie Johnson did it:
[i.imgur.com image 320x184]


Well that explains why Stevie Johnson has sucked the last two years. God is punishing him for calling him out.
 
2013-12-30 06:55:22 PM  

WI241TH: nekom: And they never do it in reverse.  "That sure touchdown you dropped has got to have you kicking yourself!"  "Yeah, farking Jesus screwed me up."
/not my joke, some comedian I thibj

Well, except for that time Stevie Johnson did it:
[i.imgur.com image 320x184]


Stevie Johnson: logically consistent religious person
 
2013-12-30 06:55:54 PM  

stonelotus: hey Stanhope,say "hi" to your mother for me, ok?


Say 'hi' yourself, she's on stage in 5 minutes.
 
2013-12-30 06:55:54 PM  
The only proper time to thank Jesus is after your UFC opponent destroys his leg and career breaking his shin on a simple kick, because how else could that shiat have happened? It's a Christmas MIRACLE!
 
2013-12-30 06:56:46 PM  
By definition I guess I'm atheist but fark do I hate these smug assholes.. They are the worst..   Call me crazy but I just sort of keep my beliefs to myself and don't have this weird goal in life to convince everyone my way is the right way..
 
2013-12-30 06:57:34 PM  
I didn't do it because I felt sympathy because she got all her shiat destroyed by a tornado, I did it simply to be a prick to her Okie-Christian neighbors.

And what better time than christmas!
 
2013-12-30 06:59:35 PM  
So what if, a long time ago, satan devised a trap for god and it is in the shape of a church and powered by prayer?

It really would all make a lot more sense...
 
2013-12-30 06:59:40 PM  
I love Doug Stanhope.

i1309.photobucket.com

That said, even as an admittedly over-vocal agnostic, I LOVE the story of Jesus's life and teachings. I hate the church but I love the guy they're supposed to model their lives around.

*shrugs shoulders*
 
2013-12-30 07:00:23 PM  
Sooooooooo.... 125k? That's, what, about 2; maybe 3 demolished houses? Or 1/10th of a house in California? That's a pretty big number; maybe 3 houses repaired. Maybe they'd have some left over for food and water.
 
2013-12-30 07:02:37 PM  

iheartscotch: Sooooooooo.... 125k? That's, what, about 2; maybe 3 demolished houses? Or 1/10th of a house in California? That's a pretty big number; maybe 3 houses repaired. Maybe they'd have some left over for food and water.


A fish and a loaf of generic white bread could feed the whole town.
 
2013-12-30 07:07:30 PM  
I'm an Atheist, and i think this guy is a douchebag.  My feelings about him are best summed up by:

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-12-30 07:07:38 PM  
fta.

"I didn't do it because I felt sympathy because she got all her shiat destroyed by a tornado," he said. "I did it simply to be a prick to her Okie-Christian neighbors, hoping that they were still eating off of FEMA trucks when someone drove up and presented Rebecca with a giant cardboard check."  

This quote completely encapsulates what it means to be an atheist.

No matter how much rage and sarcasm they muster, this is all they will ever have, all they will ever be.

Rant away, basement dwellers...
 
2013-12-30 07:08:02 PM  
"Comedian Raised $126k for Atheist Tornado Victim to Piss Off Christians"

I'd doubt any of her christian neighbors will get pissed off about it, so basically all this guy proved is how big a jerk he is.
 
2013-12-30 07:08:16 PM  

mediablitz: He's exactly right. What kind of sicko thanks "God" for killing his neighbors? Shouldn't the proper answer be "God is an asshole for killing all these people and destroying all these lives. Why would I thank him?".


Maybe they all had herpes and it was preventing him from penile scabbage in two years when he bangs his neighbor down the street at the NewYears 2015 block party.
 
2013-12-30 07:08:40 PM  
And the funniest thing would be that given how Okies are the down to earth, help out a neighbor in need type of people, I can see the atheist taking the money and helping out her religion believing neighbors with it. Like Stanhope is giving her money to piss off Christians and she's like, "Eff that. My neighbors are my friends. They need food and shelter too."
 
2013-12-30 07:09:16 PM  

styckx: By definition I guess I'm atheist but fark do I hate these smug assholes.. They are the worst..   Call me crazy but I just sort of keep my beliefs to myself and don't have this weird goal in life to convince everyone my way is the right way..


I'm Atheist too. And I would have said what she said on TV, but probably not with as much grace. On the other hand, it seems like the comedian did it for all the wrong reasons. Doing something just to be a prick isn't often the best way to get respect.
 
2013-12-30 07:11:51 PM  

Lenny_da_Hog: mediablitz: He's exactly right. What kind of sicko thanks "God" for killing his neighbors? Shouldn't the proper answer be "God is an asshole for killing all these people and destroying all these lives. Why would I thank him?".

The same sort that thanks Jesus when it's their neighbors who actually help them.

I had a friend many years ago in Alaska who was on a busy road in a snowstorm when a woman ahead of him lost control and went off the road onto a frozen lake. The surface shattered behind her car and she was sinking.

Everyone stopped, but nobody was doing anything. As the car was going under, Harold, close to 70 at the time, took off his coat and shoes and dived into the icy water, got her out of the car, and pulled her to the bank in freezing temperatures.

The woman excitedly looked each person in the face saying "Thank Jesus! Thank Jesus!" over and over again while they waited for emergency services to show up. She never thanked Harold.


This is my promise. The next time come out a rough situation without getting my entire ass handed to me, I'm going to thank Harold.

Of course, God will then kill Harold and hurt everyone he loves, as per protocol.
 
2013-12-30 07:12:23 PM  

part of the problem: This quote completely encapsulates what it means to be an atheist.

No matter how much rage and sarcasm they muster, this is all they will ever have, all they will ever be.

Rant away, basement dwellers...


Why don't you go back to jerking off to Duck Dynasty, godboy?
 
2013-12-30 07:13:27 PM  
To each his own, I suppose.  I'm not super fond of hateful shiat stirrers and trouble makers, even if they're doing it in response to perceived hate and intolerance.  So while it's awesome that you're helping people out, people who've presumably lost their homes, possessions and possibly even friends and family, I still think it's despicable that you'd do it simply to spite other folks.  But then again, at least he's being honest about it.  However, the honesty part is likely just part of drumming up publicity for himself.  So really, this guy is kinda like Frogurt.

I would like to give a big, ole "You go girl" to Rebecca, though.  It's puzzling to me how upset it makes people when they find out that some folks are atheists.  And, because of the reactions, which can come with some pretty harsh consequences, it does take a Hell of a lot of courage to discuss your atheism in the national spot light.
 
2013-12-30 07:13:32 PM  

Dragonflew: part of the problem: This quote completely encapsulates what it means to be an atheist.

No matter how much rage and sarcasm they muster, this is all they will ever have, all they will ever be.

Rant away, basement dwellers...

Why don't you go back to jerking off to Duck Dynasty, godboy?



good... let the rage flow through you......
 
2013-12-30 07:14:08 PM  
Devil pays better than I thought he did. Of course, I don't see any of that money. I'm an atheist pro bono.
 
2013-12-30 07:16:54 PM  

what_now: You know, I do understand how a deeply upset and traumatized person can react by "thanking God" for saving them, but it's always annoyed me when athletes talk about how "God" helped them score a touchdown/goal/homerun.

Millions of people in slavery, poverty and despair, but God's gonna focus on your batting average?


Maybe He's multi tasking
 
2013-12-30 07:17:34 PM  
What's happened to all the usual pratts who jump in with their whining  "I'm an atheist but I don't like the ones who make a big noise about it" cliches?
 
2013-12-30 07:18:01 PM  

mekki: And the funniest thing would be that given how Okies are the down to earth, help out a neighbor in need type of people, I can see the atheist taking the money and helping out her religion believing neighbors with it. Like Stanhope is giving her money to piss off Christians and she's like, "Eff that. My neighbors are my friends. They need food and shelter too."


There was an account of some volunteers from a church who left the site they were helping at because they discovered that some of the other volunteers were from an OK freethought group. I'll see if I can find it.

Anyway, I vaguely know the woman this is about. They took the opportunity to move to Washington/get the hell out of OK.
 
2013-12-30 07:18:02 PM  

TinyFist: I love Doug Stanhope.

[i1309.photobucket.com image 336x488]

That said, even as an admittedly over-vocal agnostic, I LOVE the story of Jesus's life and teachings. I hate the church but I love the guy they're supposed to model their lives around.

*shrugs shoulders*


I've lately taken to saying "reject the religion, but appreciate the mythology."

For 20,000 years, humans passed on history, wisdom and understanding via mythology and story-telling. Why should we think the Bible and Jesus are anything other than the latest iteration of that wisdom-passing mythology?
 
2013-12-30 07:19:45 PM  
The guy's a narcissistic dick/attention whore. If a church group refused to help atheists after a natural disaster everyone would condemn them, but this guy is some kind of hero to (some of) the left?

I really hope Rebecca Vitsmun said "fark you" to him and shared the check with her "Okie-Neighbors".

He's a dick. He admits he was doing it to be a dick. He admits he felt no compassion, rather he felt the need to user OTHER PEOPLES money to try to make people who just lost everything feel worse.

I am sure this d-bag is exactly the kind of person he claims to hate.
 
2013-12-30 07:20:03 PM  
What happens if I don't believe in $126k?
 
2013-12-30 07:20:03 PM  

MrHappyRotter: To each his own, I suppose.  I'm not super fond of hateful shiat stirrers and trouble makers, even if they're doing it in response to perceived hate and intolerance.  So while it's awesome that you're helping people out, people who've presumably lost their homes, possessions and possibly even friends and family, I still think it's despicable that you'd do it simply to spite other folks.  But then again, at least he's being honest about it.  However, the honesty part is likely just part of drumming up publicity for himself.  So really, this guy is kinda like Frogurt.

I would like to give a big, ole "You go girl" to Rebecca, though.  It's puzzling to me how upset it makes people when they find out that some folks are atheists.  And, because of the reactions, which can come with some pretty harsh consequences, it does take a Hell of a lot of courage to discuss your atheism in the national spot light.


You said what I said, but with much more eloquence. So I give you a big ol' THIS!
 
2013-12-30 07:23:44 PM  

MrHappyRotter: To each his own, I suppose.  I'm not super fond of hateful shiat stirrers and trouble makers, even if they're doing it in response to perceived hate and intolerance.  So while it's awesome that you're helping people out, people who've presumably lost their homes, possessions and possibly even friends and family, I still think it's despicable that you'd do it simply to spite other folks.  But then again, at least he's being honest about it.  However, the honesty part is likely just part of drumming up publicity for himself.  So really, this guy is kinda like Frogurt.

I would like to give a big, ole "You go girl" to Rebecca, though.  It's puzzling to me how upset it makes people when they find out that some folks are atheists.  And, because of the reactions, which can come with some pretty harsh consequences, it does take a Hell of a lot of courage to discuss your atheism in the national spot light.


QFT
 
2013-12-30 07:24:52 PM  

part of the problem: fta.

"I didn't do it because I felt sympathy because she got all her shiat destroyed by a tornado," he said. "I did it simply to be a prick to her Okie-Christian neighbors, hoping that they were still eating off of FEMA trucks when someone drove up and presented Rebecca with a giant cardboard check."  

This quote completely encapsulates what it means to be an atheist.

No matter how much rage and sarcasm they muster, this is all they will ever have, all they will ever be.

Rant away, basement dwellers...


Yeah, it even says to be a prick in the 1st Book of Dawkins in the Atheist Bible. You know, the book that all us atheists gather to study and discuss every Sunday down at the No News Church of Atheism.

I'm guessing your point was not to paint all Christians with the same stripe of paint. Maybe.
 
2013-12-30 07:25:14 PM  
Way to raise the bar.
 
2013-12-30 07:25:15 PM  

Lenny_da_Hog: The woman excitedly looked each person in the face saying "Thank Jesus! Thank Jesus!" over and over again while they waited for emergency services to show up. She never thanked Harold.


Harold is the name of her god.  She prays like this: "Our Father which art in heaven, Harold be thy name."
 
2013-12-30 07:28:01 PM  
This is like andrew dice clay gave biden the bird and sally struthers ate it like obamacare's gonna eat it because all the relief aid trucks are being robbed by warlords and poppy fields
 
2013-12-30 07:28:32 PM  

wxboy: I'm an Atheist, and i think this guy is a douchebag.  My feelings about him are best summed up by:

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 480x360]


Except that he DID help. What he did matters more than what he said. What he said was just funny.

Religious people often say a lot of nice things, but DO harmful and/or useless things.

I'll take this over that
 
2013-12-30 07:28:50 PM  

In the Brooker clip, Stanhope explains that he didn't do it for the sake of helping out the victim of a natural disaster - he did it for the sake of not helping out her Lord-thanking neighbors.



Dude sounds like a first class dick. Help out the victim because she needs help. Doing it to spite others makes you no better then them. Perhaps even worse.
 
2013-12-30 07:32:49 PM  

bugmn99: Of course, God will then kill Harold and hurt everyone he loves, as per protocol.


God got around to smiting evil, heathen Harold at 84.
 
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