Congratulations to the winners of Fark's 2013 Headline of the Year contests
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-12-30 10:56:15 AM (132 comments) | Permalink
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Below are the winners and runners-up for Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2013. This year, like every year, there are simply too many good headlines, and all of us probably have a favorite or two (or twenty) that were brilliant, but sadly didn't quite get enough votes to win their respective contests. It's a shame. To those submitters: damn good work and feel free to take a bow in this thread for one you feel proud of.
For the winners, this is your thread. Congratulations to you. Below are the results of the Headline of the Year contest based on your votes.
HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Actual headline: "FBI joins search for missing Brown student". There's a first time for everything, I suppose
(submitter: SophT )
Runner-up: Adultsineurope killed by euthanasia
(submitter: CoffeeMug )
SPORTS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: "Redskins come up short against Cowboys". Boy, that's a really flippant way to describe North American history
(submitter: Trivia Jockey )
Runner-up: NFL to have its first full-time female referee in 2014. Instant replay on penalties not necessary since women never forget anything a man does wrong
(submitter: Principal Clarinet )
GEEK HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: The lost Doctor Who episodes were found in a storage room in Nigeria. Apparently the owner kept trying to email people about them, asking for a small fee to cover shipping costs, but no one would reply
(submitter: jayhawk88 )
Runner-up: Lab scientists get regenerated human heart tissue to beat on its own, try to bury it under the floorboards to make the damn thing stop
(submitter: SmackLT )
ENTERTAINMENT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Yoko Ono goes on tour of Pennsylvania fracking sites. Because if there's one thing Yoko Ono knows about, it's using pressure to break up rock groups
(submitter: shroom )
Runner-up: Dakota Fanning to appear nude in upcoming film. No word if we'll be seeing South Dakota or just North Dakota
(submitter: Peaceboy )
POLITICS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Susan Sarandon: "You can't just vote with your vagina." Maybe you could back in the day when voting machines had levers, but they're all crappy touch screens now
(submitter: utsagrad123 )
Runner-up: House Ethics Committee continues investigation of Michele Bachmann. House Intelligence Committee reports they found nothing
(submitter: jj325 )
BUSINESS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: U.S. automakers struggle with reliability, but so far have still managed to fend it off
(submitter: Jodeo )
Runner-up: Importer announces 'the first wine created in support of equality for gay Americans'. It doesn't come in a box
(submitter: phlegmmo )
WORDPLAY/PUN HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Massive Lego spill shuts down West Virginia highway. Whoa, that's just a few blocks down the road
(submitter: ThePuceGuardian )
Runner-up: Prosthetic hands stolen from car, victim unable to come to grips with loss
(submitter: phlegmmo )
CONTEXT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Cardinals hire new manager
(submitter: jehovahs witness protection )
Runner-up: Kim Kardashian let Kanye finish
(submitter: EasyWind )
CONTEXT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR (symbols only): _/\__/\_ _/\__/\__/\_ _/\__/\__/\_ *shake*shake*shake* ____ ________ _____ ________
(submitter: Azlefty )
(submitter: CaptainWes )
Congratulations and kudos to the winners!
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