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(WTOP) NewsFlash Federal judge rules that the NSA can spy on you all it wants, because shut up and watch Duck Dynasty, that's why   (wtop.com) divider line 74
    More: NewsFlash, NSA, federal judges, phone surveillance  
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14871 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Dec 2013 at 12:59 PM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»


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Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-12-27 01:02:42 PM  
16 votes:

mudpants: Saw that one coming.


So did the NSA. They saw you seeing it coming.
2013-12-27 02:52:36 PM  
8 votes:

Prophet of Loss: Cold_Sassy: mudpants: Saw that one coming.

It was already here the moment the "Patriot Act" was signed into law.  Why did nobody realize it then?

"So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause." ―Padmé Amidala


i257.photobucket.com
2013-12-27 01:03:32 PM  
6 votes:
I blame the mews...
blogs.westword.com
2013-12-27 01:02:08 PM  
5 votes:
Ceiling NSA is listening to you masturbate
2013-12-27 06:16:44 PM  
4 votes:
Oh, say can you see
By the drone's early flight
All the freedoms curtailed
By our agency's scheming

GPS in the cars
Trackers on every site
O'er their web-cams we watched
Via satellites beaming

And the laser's red glare
Points at them from mid-air
Secret judges indict
And our agents are there

Oh, say does that NSA PRISM yet waive
Fourth Amendment guarantees
From the cradle to grave?
2013-12-27 04:49:40 PM  
4 votes:
December 27, 2013

National Security Agency
9800 Savage Rd.
Fort Meade, MD 20755

Dear National Security Agency,

I recently learned about your spying program from arrogant people in the Guardian and the Washington Post. These articles stirred some strong emotions in me. Thank you for doing this to protect us from terrorists. Only through keeping a close eye on your own citizens are you able to stop terrorists. By my count, there has only been one successful terrorist attack on US soil since the Tragic Events of September 11th, 2000. That's a 10,000% reduction in terrorism. And, even that thing in Boston is allowable because it needed to remind us that terrorism is still a real threat.

Now, the paranoid people out there think you are taking away Fourth Amendment rights. To them, I say: "What does it matter if you have nothing to hide?" To prove I have nothing to hide and to aid the NSA in their spying program, I am giving you the passwords to my email and my social media accounts:

My AOL email password is Ronald88Reagan.
My MySpace password is Prodigy5ux.
My Friendster account is LAWLZbbq2.
And, you can access my LiveJournal with 4321Password.

In addition to these passwords, I have enclosed naked pictures of myself, including taint shots, to prove I have absolutely nothing to hide.

I feel it is important to explain some things you may have seen while "datamining" my information.

My use of the phrase "that is the bomb" is not a reference to an explosive device. It is popular vernacular for "I approve of the quality of that."
You may have also seen "I'd like to perform a terrorist attack on her!" This is not a reference to wanting to cause terror in anyone. It is just a particularly crude way of saying that a woman's appearance aroused powerful feelings of lust within me.
I may have also said, "Do you want to come over and smoke some marijuana?" This is not an invitation for cannabis use. Drugs are bad and illegal and wrong. I don't do them. Drugs could ruin one's ability to write meaningful letters. No, "smoke some marijuana" is code for "eat massive amounts of perfectly legal cheeseburgers." My wife doesn't like me eating a lot, so I have to use code when I want friends to come over to binge. I am very fat.
We use "having a safety meeting" to mean "smoke marijuana."
Now, you may have read an email about destroying an abortion clinic. That email was pretty straight forward, but we aborted that before the planning stages. We found out my buddy's daughter was teen pregnant and needed to visit the clinic. Woops. Either way, it would not be a terrorist attack because none of us are Muslim. We're Christians. The attack would be "God's Will."

I hope the above clears some things up and makes your job easier. If I can ever be of assistance, do not hesitate to contact me (you have my contact info). I'm currently unemployed, so if you need me to fill any jobs for you, please contact me about that as well. As you can see, I already have a strong understanding of how the NSA works. I look forward to hearing from you.

Openly Yours,
The First Four Black Sabbath Albums
2013-12-27 02:28:03 PM  
4 votes:

justtray: As usual I help factually destroy the derpers on this topic, they ignore it, refuse to change their incorrect opinions, and life goes on, ignorantly.

See you next thread, morons. Don't drink your tap water, you'll get poisoned by your government, or something.


i586.photobucket.com
2013-12-27 01:33:32 PM  
4 votes:

blacksharpiemarker: [www.infowars.com image 482x360]


i.imgur.com
2013-12-27 01:07:16 PM  
4 votes:
I miss the days when my first thought when seeing "NSA" was "No Strings Attached."
2013-12-27 01:16:56 PM  
3 votes:
Well, the terrorists hate us for our freedom, right? So if we give it all up, problem solved.
2013-12-27 01:08:48 PM  
3 votes:
good job with the newsflash, fark.

Now the NSA knows we're talking about them.
2013-12-27 01:05:29 PM  
3 votes:
Sure but if I start a blog called "What is U.S. District Judge William Pauley doing?" and follow him around and live tweet his day, I'll get arrested.
2013-12-27 01:04:22 PM  
3 votes:
Of course a judge will do that.  The NSA has pictures of the judge with that goat back in '86
2013-12-27 06:32:02 PM  
2 votes:
It is a ruse

NSA is using their tactics to spy on brown people from the middle east.

All is well.
2013-12-27 02:44:42 PM  
2 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-12-27 01:10:50 PM  
2 votes:
That's why I try to insert "Fark Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul" into every phone conversation and online post.

/just for the fun of it
//hi NSA
///Fark Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul
2013-12-27 01:10:11 PM  
2 votes:

snocone: master_dman: I'm shocked that one corrupt branch of our government sided with another corrupt branch of our government.

Who ya gonna call?


We could always call the third corrupt branch of our government.  Maybe they can help.
2013-12-27 01:09:59 PM  
2 votes:

ToastTheRabbit: So, the government can freely watch you...

wont even be spying anymore eventually they will do random warrantless contraband house searches on the American people...


As god intended.
2013-12-27 01:09:30 PM  
2 votes:
My mistake, I thought a judge would know there is a fourth amendment to the constitution.
2013-12-27 01:06:54 PM  
2 votes:

Cold_Sassy: mudpants: Saw that one coming.

It was already here the moment the "Patriot Act" was signed into law.  Why did nobody realize it then?


"So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause." ―Padmé Amidala
2013-12-27 01:06:14 PM  
2 votes:
I'm shocked that one corrupt branch of our government sided with another corrupt branch of our government.
2013-12-27 01:04:52 PM  
2 votes:

make me some tea: Take it to SCOTUS.


LAUGHTER OL hard to figure out how this one will do the occurrence!
2013-12-28 03:55:03 PM  
1 votes:
He said the program lets the government connect fragmented and fleeting communications and "represents the government's counter-punch" to the al-Qaida's terror network's use of technology to operate decentralized and plot international terrorist attacks remotely.

Im sure they meant to write that into the 4th amendment but ran out of ink.
2013-12-28 08:48:53 AM  
1 votes:
Judge against the NSA cites the constitution. Judge for them cites 9/11. Which is more important?
2013-12-28 02:21:40 AM  
1 votes:
Didn't this country use to run propaganda campains about other countries trying to do this exact same crap?

Sad, really sad, how does democracy die? With a burp, fart, and a "duh uh?" on the couch of the stupid fat-ass American public.
2013-12-27 09:01:08 PM  
1 votes:
If I was called for jury duty, and the case involved someone who murdered this judge (or anybody else involved, even remotely, with spying on Americans), my vote would be not guilty. That's right, NSA-guy-in-charge-of-monitoring-Fark, I'm talking about you; I hope somebody blows your brains out.
2013-12-27 08:34:19 PM  
1 votes:

whither_apophis: Sure but if I start a blog called "What is U.S. District Judge William Pauley doing?" and follow him around and live tweet his day, I'll get arrested.


Well, yeah.

Tweeting about a fat federal judge in an airport bathroom stall is porn.
2013-12-27 07:07:34 PM  
1 votes:
Hey, NSA.  I know you're listening.  Please stop.  Signed, America and the rest of the world.
2013-12-27 06:29:09 PM  
1 votes:
You can take away my privacy but you can never force me to watch Duck Dynasty.
2013-12-27 04:30:41 PM  
1 votes:

Biological Ali: Do the people "arguing" with whidbey not realize that they're being trolled?


img638.imageshack.us
2013-12-27 04:21:34 PM  
1 votes:
www.bbc.co.uk
hai guize watz goin on?
2013-12-27 03:59:09 PM  
1 votes:

ReapTheChaos: If the NSA is really interested in how many times a month I order pizza or check my bank account balance, I don't really give a shiat.



= tool.
2013-12-27 03:53:33 PM  
1 votes:
Prophet of Loss:


"So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause." ― Rand Paul
2013-12-27 03:47:36 PM  
1 votes:
Fan-farking-tastic job catching those bombers before they bombed the Boston Marathon, NSA!
2013-12-27 03:28:11 PM  
1 votes:

fullyfarked: JolobinSmokin: Republican controlled house does absolutely nothing about this thru legislation while bashing Obama.

One of many reasons I'm libertarian, not Republican.

Republican Priorities:
1) Self; 2) Party; 3) Bash the Democrats; 4) Reelection; 5) Legislate morality
Democrat Priorities:
1) Self; 2) Party; 3) Bash the Republicans; 4) Reelection; 5) Buy votes with government spending


Both sides are bad.

I've never heard that before.
2013-12-27 03:24:19 PM  
1 votes:
oh_please [TotalFark]


Didn't Obama promise to end all this crap?

Yes, yes he did.
upl.co
2013-12-27 02:56:37 PM  
1 votes:
If you have nothing to hide then why do you care?
2013-12-27 02:46:29 PM  
1 votes:
Government saying the government can do what it wants. That's why we have checks & balances.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

/in English, this means: "Does the ending of Watchmen need a giant squid?"
2013-12-27 02:40:56 PM  
1 votes:
whidbey derping to eleven
2013-12-27 02:39:21 PM  
1 votes:
You would think with everything the NSA was doing they could have stopped any of the mass shootings that have happened since 9/11.

/worthless government spying on citizens is worthless
2013-12-27 02:31:33 PM  
1 votes:

whidbey: RanDomino: whidbey
Or it's far more likely that he knows something we don't.

When evidence fails, there's always magical thinking to the rescue.

Actually the "evidence" suggests that Al Qaeda really are enemies now, thanks to Bush.

Keep ignoring that while you continue to post above and outside the ideology.


You are starting to sound a bit Truthy there.
2013-12-27 02:22:48 PM  
1 votes:
Ahh the ends justify the means.

So by this logic, the US govt can kidnap and torture anyone at anytime, violate any law because it *might* stop terrorism.
2013-12-27 02:22:44 PM  
1 votes:
whidbey
Or it's far more likely that he knows something we don't.

When evidence fails, there's always magical thinking to the rescue.
2013-12-27 02:03:57 PM  
1 votes:

whidbey: I_C_Weener: whidbey: I_C_Weener: But, I'll blame Bush if that is what it takes for you to admit that Obama don't care about domestic surveillance.

From what I can tell, he's not happy about it, but we are in a position where it's become necessary.

To me, that means that we now have real enemies because of the policies of the past 10 years.

I think it sucks that we're still doing the war machine, but Obama is not a dictator, and he's also not one to just stop the car on a dime. We're stuck with this shiat because of what the hardliners wanted.

So, that sounds like you endorse the government surveillance.  Regardless of if we needed it then, or now, for some measure of protection, it is wrong.

No, I think it's total bullshiat that we're stepping it up., it is wrong, but I also understand why it's happening.

Obama has done some very laudable things in his Presidency, but I really don't expect him to play some trump card that shuts down the operations, especially given the history of the past 10 years.

He's just driving the car.


You would have a point if he had the car on cruise control instead of flooring the gas pedal.
2013-12-27 01:52:16 PM  
1 votes:
The terrorists have won
2013-12-27 01:51:24 PM  
1 votes:

stabby13: fluffy2097: Sure will be fun when we can submit Freedom of Information Act to get the audio records of politicians phone calls.

/Until the NSA produces audio proof of a senator's sorted relationship with an underage boy, this will continue.
//One Senator made out to be the pedophile he is, and the NSA will be forced by congress to stop surveillance.

Or even worse, a sordid relationship.


Or worse yet, we may see more of Anthony Wiener's txt messages
2013-12-27 01:49:13 PM  
1 votes:

fluffy2097: Sure will be fun when we can submit Freedom of Information Act to get the audio records of politicians phone calls.

/Until the NSA produces audio proof of a senator's sorted relationship with an underage boy, this will continue.
//One Senator made out to be the pedophile he is, and the NSA will be forced by congress to stop surveillance.


Or even worse, a sordid relationship.
2013-12-27 01:33:16 PM  
1 votes:
I thought there are secret courts to decide these issues.
2013-12-27 01:31:22 PM  
1 votes:

oh_please: Didn't Obama promise to end all this crap? Guess not.


Look, if you want to get Obamacare passed and keep it, you can't let a few things like your other campaign promises get in the way.  Even if you had a complicit Congress for 2 years of your term, and since then have managed all manner of programs against the Republican grain.

He hasn't even condemned the NSA's use of these programs.

My liberal mother believes that it is because once you are president you learn that you don't have the control you thought you'd have.  In other words, presidents can't affect policy on some big things.  Unless they are Republican, then everything is their fault.
2013-12-27 01:29:29 PM  
1 votes:

Literally Addicted: snocone: Sim Tree: snocone: master_dman: I'm shocked that one corrupt branch of our government sided with another corrupt branch of our government.

Who ya gonna call?

Why, the Ghostbusters, of course.

And then the NSA can listen in.

I'm wanting the StaPuft guy for President.

If Christie wins, you'll get your wish.


Fat Chance
2013-12-27 01:29:03 PM  
1 votes:

snocone: Sim Tree: snocone: master_dman: I'm shocked that one corrupt branch of our government sided with another corrupt branch of our government.

Who ya gonna call?

Why, the Ghostbusters, of course.

And then the NSA can listen in.

I'm wanting the StaPuft guy for President.


If Christie wins, you'll get your wish.
2013-12-27 01:27:12 PM  
1 votes:

ariseatex: I miss the days when my first thought when seeing "NSA" was "No Strings Attached."


I know what you mean.

/Hoping for some NSA action this weekend
2013-12-27 01:23:40 PM  
1 votes:

neversubmit: Not only will you get over it, you will learn to love Big Brother.


I don't care if duck dynasty is done for I'm still not watching that show.
2013-12-27 01:20:14 PM  
1 votes:
No wonder Putin says he wishes he could control the state apparatus the way the US Government does.  No bully boy tactics required, half the (shiatscared) nation simply insists it's the right thing to do to defend freedom.  Change "Patriotism" to "Fascism" in no more than 5 moves without touching the Constitution once.
2013-12-27 01:20:06 PM  
1 votes:

snocone: master_dman: I'm shocked that one corrupt branch of our government sided with another corrupt branch of our government.

Who ya gonna call?


Why, the Ghostbusters, of course.

And then the NSA can listen in.
2013-12-27 01:19:48 PM  
1 votes:

browntimmy: Well, the terrorists hate us for our freedom, right? So if we give it all up, problem solved.


I don't recall the "terrorists" saying that.
I do recall our "elected officials" saying that, eh?
2013-12-27 01:19:05 PM  
1 votes:

AllYourFarkAreBelongToMe: JolobinSmokin: Republican controlled house does absolutely nothing about this thru legislation while bashing Obama.

So how come Obama hasn't just penned and signed an "executive order" to put a stop to it?  I mean, he circumvents the Constitution for everything else he doesn't like.  Why not this?


HURRDY HURRDY DERP DERP DERP DERP
2013-12-27 01:18:17 PM  
1 votes:
It's just a few harmless GL-G20's. No big deal.
www.digiturkburada.com
2013-12-27 01:16:45 PM  
1 votes:

ToastTheRabbit: indarwinsshadow: I was all prepped to make fun of America...and then thought "hey. That's not funny in the slightest. What happened to democracy, freedom of the press and association and the right to privacy". My apologies to American farkers for my sh*tty first attitude. I don't think what's happened is good in the slightest. My country is going through a similar situation were Adolf Harper thinks it's ok that everyone's business is the gov't and we have very very little input on how we want our country to run. Looks like it's a North American thing. How did we let ourselves get here, and is it possible to wrestle our rights back?

not really, with all other countries doing the same things to their people.... we'd be on our own.


And that would be because corporations laugh at your silly nationalism and leverage it for PROFIT.
2013-12-27 01:14:43 PM  
1 votes:

genner: Duck Dynasty is dead, now what?


Honey Boo Boo reruns?
2013-12-27 01:14:42 PM  
1 votes:

blacksharpiemarker: [www.infowars.com image 482x360]


You know how Franklin was the one who was the first to originate that quote?

/except he wasn't
//but keep repeating it often enough and it'll become fact
2013-12-27 01:14:03 PM  
1 votes:
I don't care what side of the political fence you sit on, we ALL need to make this an issue in 2014 because the ONLY way this will stop is if we elect Congresscritters that will reign in the NSA.
2013-12-27 01:13:45 PM  
1 votes:
Allah, bomb, jihad, Muhammad, pressure cooker backpack.  Hi NSA! Do you watch me touch myself when I'm on skype with a number of girls from the Niagara Falls area?
2013-12-27 01:13:41 PM  
1 votes:
Good to see at least on Judge understands what's going on.
2013-12-27 01:11:47 PM  
1 votes:

SDRR: blacksharpiemarker: [www.infowars.com image 482x360]

"That argument has no traction here. Because without all the data points, the government cannot be certain it connected the pertinent ones," he said.


Why does this judge hate America?


He gets paid to, most likely.
2013-12-27 01:11:16 PM  
1 votes:
Duck Dynasty is dead, now what?
2013-12-27 01:11:05 PM  
1 votes:

JolobinSmokin: Republican controlled house does absolutely nothing about this thru legislation while bashing Obama.


Yep.  And I remember when the president was responsible for stuff from time to time.
2013-12-27 01:09:41 PM  
1 votes:

blacksharpiemarker: [www.infowars.com image 482x360]


LAUGHTER OL that is not what was said by he.
2013-12-27 01:07:58 PM  
1 votes:

calbert: [static.fjcdn.com image 400x312]


People who have the appreciation for budgetary problems and also for the constitution of the United States of the Americas.

And the sexy lover of me Murder.
2013-12-27 01:06:27 PM  
1 votes:

calbert: [static.fjcdn.com image 400x312]


I care.
2013-12-27 01:06:19 PM  
1 votes:
TFA:   Pauley said the fact that the ACLU would never have learned about an order authorizing collection of telephony metadata related to its telephone numbers but for Snowden's disclosures added "another level of absurdity in this case."
"It cannot possibly be that lawbreaking conduct by a government contractor that reveals state secrets -- including the means and methods of intelligence gathering -- could frustrate Congress's intent. To hold otherwise would spawn mischief," he wrote
.

The government might have been doing something illegal, but because it was illegal for Snowden to reveal that fact, , no one can take action to investigate the possible illegality of the government's actions?  Bullshiat.
2013-12-27 01:04:52 PM  
1 votes:
Is someone still shiatting their pants over 9/11?
2013-12-27 01:03:43 PM  
1 votes:

JolobinSmokin: Republican controlled house does absolutely nothing about this thru legislation while bashing Obama.


Oops, almost forgot,

Thanks Obama!
2013-12-27 01:01:27 PM  
1 votes:
Conservative valuations. OM MAGOODNESS 9/11 MADE UP ORGANIZATION OF TERRORISTS MUST DO THE SAFETY KEEPING HOMELANDING SECURITY!
 
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