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(USA Today)   Wanted: Security guard for luxury hotel in Bali. Desirable: ability to catch 15-foot pythons. Required: better ideas than the last guy had about what to do once you've caught them   (usatoday.com) divider line 50
    More: Scary, Bali, hotels  
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7409 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Dec 2013 at 9:56 AM (29 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-12-27 09:41:21 AM
People watching the incident were unable or unwilling to help


i43.tinypic.com
 
2013-12-27 09:59:52 AM
I'm in.

Just tell me when to be there.


/Bali..amazing place.
 
2013-12-27 10:01:40 AM
Unavailable for comment:

www.jumpingfrog.com
 
2013-12-27 10:01:56 AM
I have a Python in my pants that I handle regularly and it's been known to have choked a few ladies in the past.  If they decide to hire a cute female security guard, send her to me and she can practice all she wants.
 
2013-12-27 10:04:25 AM

Brick-House: I have a Python in my pants that I handle regularly and it's been known to have choked a few ladies in the past.  If they decide to hire a cute female security guard, send her to me and she can practice all she wants.


If your geometry teacher catches you screwing around on the internet during class she's going to confiscate your cell phone.
 
2013-12-27 10:06:17 AM
hmm, what part of "just kill the snake already" do they not understand?
 
2013-12-27 10:09:38 AM
Was Rikki-tikki-tavvi drunk on the job?
 
2013-12-27 10:10:42 AM

TinyFist: Brick-House: I have a Python in my pants that I handle regularly and it's been known to have choked a few ladies in the past.  If they decide to hire a cute female security guard, send her to me and she can practice all she wants.

If your geometry teacher catches you screwing around on the internet during class she's going to confiscate your cell phone.


LOL
 
2013-12-27 10:11:18 AM

Fano: Was Rikki-tikki-tavvi drunk on the job?


I think you want a cobra, not a python.
 
2013-12-27 10:11:52 AM
It's a 15 foot snake, but it's outdoors. Let it go, stop being an interventionist asshole.
 
2013-12-27 10:12:20 AM
To be fair, the snake didn't attack the guy - the guy attacked the snake and the snake defended itself.
 
2013-12-27 10:12:59 AM

danno_to_infinity: hmm, what part of "just kill the snake already" do they not understand?


This is another story of inexperienced morons attempting something they shouldn't have.  It's the human's fault for putting 15 feet of muscle around his only air passage in the first place.
 
2013-12-27 10:13:23 AM
www.tvweek.com

Knows exactly what to do, brother.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-12-27 10:14:49 AM
15 foot pythons?
www.comicbooksyndicate.com
 
2013-12-27 10:15:29 AM

TinyFist: Brick-House: I have a Python in my pants that I handle regularly and it's been known to have choked a few ladies in the past.  If they decide to hire a cute female security guard, send her to me and she can practice all she wants.

If your geometry teacher catches you screwing around on the internet during class she's going to confiscate your cell phone.


Hahahaha!
 
2013-12-27 10:16:54 AM

mongbiohazard: To be fair, the snake didn't attack the guy - the guy attacked the snake and the snake defended itself.


Stand your ground, bro.
 
2013-12-27 10:16:55 AM
1 15' snake + 1 person = dead dumb person. 2 people could easily overpower & control a 15 footer, but a wild snake will still try to bite anything you put near it's face. So call someone with a clue about snakes, then try to move it.
 
2013-12-27 10:17:15 AM

wildcardjack: It's a 15 foot snake, but it's outdoors. Let it go, stop being an interventionist asshole.


No shiat. And now the police want to find it, because it's a "dangerous animal." No, it's not. It's a farking python who did what wild pythons do when caught- it was defending itself. farking let it go, and leave it the hell alone next time you see it. It's not going to come after you- it's just as scared as you are.
 
2013-12-27 10:22:37 AM
We're Cold Slither and you'll be joining us soon.
 
2013-12-27 10:23:39 AM

Greek: wildcardjack: It's a 15 foot snake, but it's outdoors. Let it go, stop being an interventionist asshole.

No shiat. And now the police want to find it, because it's a "dangerous animal." No, it's not. It's a farking python who did what wild pythons do when caught- it was defending itself. farking let it go, and leave it the hell alone next time you see it. It's not going to come after you- it's just as scared as you are.


Actually, pythons adapt pretty quickly to the presence of humans, or anything that isn't directly causing them harm.  It's not going to come after you, sure, but it's not necessarily scared.  It could just be ambivalent, or maybe even annoyed.  Also, while putting a large weight on your shoulders might seem like a good idea, all that moving around from a precarious position means that it naturally tightens up it's grip until it feels comfortable about where it is.  A big enough snake, and you can get strangled by accident.  Easy rule, never let it make a complete loop.  That won't fix everything, but it will give you time to escape.
 
2013-12-27 10:25:31 AM

wildcardjack: It's a 15 foot snake, but it's outdoors. Let it go, stop being an interventionist asshole.


I'd say he has stopped.  I'm quite certain he will never do it again.
 
2013-12-27 10:29:55 AM
Come with me, I have a plan.

"Get her"!
 
2013-12-27 10:31:41 AM
Why don't people carry knives around?
 
2013-12-27 10:35:32 AM
Shhh. Don't say anything. Let's just watch.

i.imgur.com

I will never understand why people put constrictor snakes around their necks.
 
2013-12-27 10:38:08 AM

wild9: Why don't people carry knives around?


Serious question - if you have a knife and cut the snake's head off or sever its spinal cord somewhere near the head, wouldn't its ability to strangle a person be eliminated?  Or, would it cause some kind of reflex action that only exacerbated the problem?
 
2013-12-27 10:38:59 AM

danno_to_infinity: hmm, what part of "just kill the snake already" do they not understand?


The part where tourists sue the hotel for upsetting their precious snowflake sensibilities by murdering a beautiful wild animal who was only seeking prey in its natural habitat.

/can't kill it
//can't let it kill the tourists' pets or children
///can't wait for Bali's police to get there hours after the snake has killed and eaten whoever it wanted and slithered off
 
2013-12-27 10:39:45 AM
frontlinearmory.com
 
2013-12-27 10:39:51 AM
Man learned the hard way that you never try to Ctrl-c a wayward Python, bastard will just wrap you in an exceptional deathgrip until someone comes along and kills it to free you.
 
2013-12-27 10:39:58 AM

StatelyGreekAutomaton: mongbiohazard: To be fair, the snake didn't attack the guy - the guy attacked the snake and the snake defended itself.

Stand your ground, bro.


Voldemort is moving to Florida as we speak. Heck, their governor even looks like he's related!
 
2013-12-27 10:41:25 AM

KidneyStone: [frontlinearmory.com image 850x444]


Yes, because when you have a snake wrapped around your head you want to shoot at it with a full auto shotgun.  Brilliant idea old chap.
 
2013-12-27 10:41:48 AM
New Wes Anderson film?
 
2013-12-27 10:50:30 AM
I have never hunted snakes but my philosophy would be.  Kill it. The world will make more.
 
2013-12-27 10:52:42 AM

wild9: Why don't people carry knives around?


Because you keep getting hassled by The Man

static2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-12-27 10:54:44 AM
And just why did the guy not just tie a bell on to it?
 
2013-12-27 11:01:01 AM

Greek: wildcardjack: It's a 15 foot snake, but it's outdoors. Let it go, stop being an interventionist asshole.

No shiat. And now the police want to find it, because it's a "dangerous animal." No, it's not. It's a farking python who did what wild pythons do when caught- it was defending itself. farking let it go, and leave it the hell alone next time you see it. It's not going to come after you- it's just as scared as you are.


This is evidence that "Here, hold my beer and watch this" is a universal phrase.
 
2013-12-27 11:11:02 AM
FTFA: He had offered to help capture the snake, which had apparently been spotted several times before near the hotel, located in Bali's Sanur area, Bawa said.

I wonder if he actually offered to capture the snake or more of an unofficial "order" by someone not wanting to pay the money for a professional to come and remove the snake?
 
2013-12-27 11:17:05 AM

rtman26: This is another story of inexperienced morons attempting something they shouldn't have. It's the human's fault for putting 15 feet of muscle around his only air passage in the first place.


Yup.  15 feet of constrictor is too much for one human to safely handle.
 
2013-12-27 11:28:05 AM

wild9: KidneyStone: [frontlinearmory.com image 850x444]

Yes, because when you have a snake wrapped around your head you want to shoot at it with a full auto shotgun.  Brilliant idea old chap.


That's a Saiga semi auto, with a breaching brake on the end. Put it right up to the snake and pull the trigger. 1/2" hole right in the snake, as long as part of you is not on the other side it could be safely done right next to you. of course you may not hear well for a while.
 
2013-12-27 11:36:05 AM
Oh. It's not another "stuck in rectum" thing.
 
2013-12-27 12:10:16 PM
But they make great pets.
 
2013-12-27 12:53:41 PM
"The victim, Ambar Arianto Mulyo, was a 59-year-old security guard at a nearby restaurant."

If only he had known a place which had a knife.
... and a use for long filets.
 
2013-12-27 01:47:09 PM

Loren: rtman26: This is another story of inexperienced morons attempting something they shouldn't have. It's the human's fault for putting 15 feet of muscle around his only air passage in the first place.

Yup.  15 feet of constrictor is too much for one human to safely handle.


Only if you've got buns, hon.
 
2013-12-27 02:00:14 PM

justanotherfarkinfarker: wild9: KidneyStone: [frontlinearmory.com image 850x444]

Yes, because when you have a snake wrapped around your head you want to shoot at it with a full auto shotgun.  Brilliant idea old chap.

That's a Saiga semi auto, with a breaching brake on the end. Put it right up to the snake and pull the trigger. 1/2" hole right in the snake, as long as part of you is not on the other side it could be safely done right next to you. of course you may not hear well for a while.


It's a snake!
All you need is a good ho, um, hoe.
 
2013-12-27 02:20:08 PM
Send in the American redneck!
 
2013-12-27 02:48:14 PM
The last thing he saw:
 
2013-12-27 02:49:12 PM
 
2013-12-27 06:27:30 PM
Knives haven't been invented in Bali yet?
 
2013-12-27 06:30:55 PM
When I was in the military I took leave and tried to get to Bali on a $10 Space-Available military flight.  I got bumped in the Philippines, and had to spend a grueling 2 weeks surrounded by Filipina whores and cheap booze.  It was rough, I tells ya.
 
2013-12-27 07:52:48 PM
FTFA:
Deadly attacks on adult humans by pythons are rare, but have been documented before.

I think this sentence should read "but have been documented before, previously, as in the past".
 
2013-12-27 09:14:10 PM
Mulyo managed to secure the snake's head and tail and put it on his shoulders,

Well, there's your first mistake.
and your last.
 
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