Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Alaska Dispatch News)   Guy hears Jesus talking to him. Alaska Supreme Court: "He's not crazy, just another good church-going fellow"   (adn.com) divider line 40
    More: Fail, Alaska Supreme Court, Alaska, Juneau Superior Court, Pentecostal, Lucifers, majority opinions, Mark Haines  
•       •       •

6783 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Dec 2013 at 2:57 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-12-26 01:33:52 PM  
11 votes:
i522.photobucket.com
2013-12-26 03:55:19 PM  
6 votes:

Lee451: I'll be praying for you.


Cool, I'll be doing a rain dance for you.  It'll be just as effective, but at least I'll have better quads.
2013-12-26 03:42:36 PM  
6 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-12-26 03:48:45 PM  
5 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-12-26 03:37:35 PM  
5 votes:
media.247sports.com
2013-12-26 03:29:21 PM  
5 votes:

Deucednuisance: ghettodwarf: because who uses a toaster anymore...I mean really.

OK, Mr. Smartypants, how do YOU make toast, then?  Holding a piece of bread over a hot burner with a fork?

[www.tenaflyguy.com image 480x360]


1.bp.blogspot.com

Coat hanger, duh!
2013-12-26 03:06:21 PM  
5 votes:
Have you heard the kind of crap Jesus talks lately?
hugelolcdn.com
2013-12-26 04:19:18 PM  
4 votes:

Canton: special20: Have you heard the kind of crap Jesus talks lately?
[hugelolcdn.com image 642x442]

Never trust Aryan Jesus.


You mean "The Nazi of Nazareth"?
i.imgur.com
2013-12-26 04:18:36 PM  
4 votes:
I heard the voice of Drew Curtis, saying "Buy TotalFark, just $5 a month."
2013-12-26 01:55:14 PM  
4 votes:
www.thegreatdeejays.com
"Go take a shiat on the salad bar at Wendys!"
2013-12-26 03:18:29 PM  
3 votes:
If a medication makes it impossible for your deity to talk to you then you have selected a pretty lame god.
2013-12-26 03:09:46 PM  
3 votes:

dstanley: If a man says he talks to God, we nod and shake our head. If a man says he talks to God through his toaster, we think he's crazy.

Why should the addition of an appliance make a difference?


because who uses a toaster anymore...I mean really.
2013-12-26 03:08:51 PM  
3 votes:
If a man says he talks to God, we nod and shake our head. If a man says he talks to God through his toaster, we think he's crazy.

Why should the addition of an appliance make a difference?
2013-12-26 05:48:11 PM  
2 votes:
Atheism is caused by mental defects, in particular Autism spectrum disabilities.

Just as ASD sufferers have problems connecting and relating to other people they also have problems connecting with God. They may be more logical but less human.

Technocratic aspies cannot understand what is missing from their mental outlook but are trying to refashion society into disconnected individuals which is the only way they can understand the world.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2039690/Atheism-autis m- Controversial-new-study-points-link-two.html
2013-12-26 05:01:45 PM  
2 votes:

HindiDiscoMonster: dstanley: If a man says he talks to God, we nod and shake our head. If a man says he talks to God through his toaster, we think he's crazy.

Why should the addition of an appliance make a difference?

[www.millionaireplayboy.com image 400x250]

/Why does God need a toaster?


He likes bagels. They're holey.
2013-12-26 04:48:30 PM  
2 votes:

whatshisname: I wonder how many historic religious visions are just episodes of schizophrenia


all of them
2013-12-26 04:30:59 PM  
2 votes:

special20: Canton: special20: Have you heard the kind of crap Jesus talks lately?
[hugelolcdn.com image 642x442]

Never trust Aryan Jesus.

You mean "The Nazi of Nazareth"?
[i.imgur.com image 700x437]


Hah! That... would explain so much.

/Except why he allied himself with Italy
//Damn Romans
2013-12-26 03:32:33 PM  
2 votes:

A Cave Geek: You talk to god, you're religious....God talks to you, you're insane.  Seems pretty simple to me.  What's this court's problem?


Did the voice sound like Alan Rickman?
2013-12-26 03:26:14 PM  
2 votes:

ghettodwarf: because who uses a toaster anymore...I mean really.


OK, Mr. Smartypants, how do YOU make toast, then?  Holding a piece of bread over a hot burner with a fork?

www.tenaflyguy.com
2013-12-27 05:12:28 PM  
1 votes:

Heliovdrake: Wow,


I wonder how long it will be before he goes out and hurts someone or himself based on the voice of jesus telling him to.


Abraham heard voices and went on to become the patriarch of Israel.  Granted, along the way he circumcised himself and nearly killed his son, but hey, what have YOU done for the world lately?
2013-12-27 02:16:13 PM  
1 votes:

snocone: Even syphilis is smiling.


What does this poor bastard have to do with it?

images1.wikia.nocookie.net

And I doubt very much that he smiles at much of anything.
2013-12-26 06:51:31 PM  
1 votes:
Alaska: Improving Florida's reputation since 2008!
v15
2013-12-26 05:20:33 PM  
1 votes:
The hate is coming from the anti-religious commenters.
2013-12-26 05:03:48 PM  
1 votes:

Kurmudgeon: "I wonder how long it will be before he goes out and hurts someone or himself based on the voice of jesus telling him to."

Seeing that is the exact opposite of the Golden Rule that Jesus taught it's most likely just an excuse.
However, there's a ton of confusion on Fark about this kind of thing, so not too surprising.


Depends which Jesus we're talking about.
i560.photobucket.com
2013-12-26 04:57:50 PM  
1 votes:
Talked to Jesus on Monday. Seems like a nice guy!
He brought me some more tortillas for my combination Fajitas. Refilled my glass as needed too.

I didn't see a collection plate so I just put my tip on the table. Much better than the other place where you just get wine and crackers and they talk about cannibalism and still want the same amount of money.

His skin was a little darker than the photos I have seen of him and he had a funny accent, I suppose that could be expected from someone born elsewhere. English classes in Bethlehem must be lacking?
2013-12-26 04:35:28 PM  
1 votes:

Canton: special20: Canton: special20: Have you heard the kind of crap Jesus talks lately?
[hugelolcdn.com image 642x442]

Never trust Aryan Jesus.

You mean "The Nazi of Nazareth"?
[i.imgur.com image 700x437]

Hah! That... would explain so much.

/Except why he allied himself with Italy
//Damn Romans


*ring-ring*
"Hello?"
"Ja, zis ist der Holy Roman Empire callink."
2013-12-26 04:33:54 PM  
1 votes:

Lee451: /I'll be praying for you.


Bullshiat and you know it.
2013-12-26 04:32:09 PM  
1 votes:

Prey4reign: He should move to Texas or Arizona.  He'd be hearing from a lot of Jesuses.


And probably get elected to congress...
2013-12-26 04:22:00 PM  
1 votes:

Lee451: It is really sad that so many atheists are hateful and bitter. This is a trend I have noticed in the real world as well as on fark.


/I'll be praying for you.


You know what? Don't bother. What you're interpreting as "hatefulness" and "bitterness" is actually the end of our patience and real-world recriminations for the products of your narcissistic, self-serving fairy tale. The universe, the solar system, and the Earth do not revolve around you, or anybody else. They have been here long before we were, and they'll be here long after we're gone. You are less than a dust speck in the eye of creation. How dare you set yourselves up on a pedestal, assuming it was all created for YOU!?! In your desperate denial of reality, you can't even be bothered to ask any hard questions of the charlatans who seek to use your naivete to advance their causes and enrich their selves. Worse even, you accept on blind faith, a book so rife with ludicrous contradictions and wishful thinking, it makes you look like total idiots. Your god supposedly condemned all of mankind for eating a fruit. This same fruit, your god allegedly put in paradise his self, and then knowingly left his two prized creations, whom he allegedly created the entire universe for, with an agent of evil, also knowing that he had left them totally disarmed against manipulation by nature of the fact that they had no knowledge of good and evil. And then your god condemned them, and all their descendants as well. Excuse me, but rational adults expect more of an omnipotent, all-knowing deity. In fact, we expect a higher level of responsibility than this in a 16-y/o babysitter.

Look, we understand your fear of the dark. No being wants to die. The gazelle runs from the cheetah in the effort to postpone the inevitable, but darkness will eventually take us all. But when we see charlatans use your fear of the great dark of death to their own ends- yes, it makes us bitter. It makes us bitter because we know that their influence will affect our own lives, simply through their influence on your vote. To this day, their has not been a single non-christian President. It's time for the collective madness of worshiping imaginary friends to end. More and more people are waking up to reality, and the GOP's political power is waning as a result. Interpret it as bitterness all you like. Your own relevance is at stake.
2013-12-26 04:18:33 PM  
1 votes:

Canton: special20: Have you heard the kind of crap Jesus talks lately?
[hugelolcdn.com image 642x442]

Never trust Aryan Jesus.


Drunk and Bitter Jesus is my personal savior.

/high-five!
/eew, stigmata juice
2013-12-26 04:13:33 PM  
1 votes:

Trocadero: Deucednuisance: ghettodwarf: because who uses a toaster anymore...I mean really.

OK, Mr. Smartypants, how do YOU make toast, then?  Holding a piece of bread over a hot burner with a fork?

[www.tenaflyguy.com image 480x360]

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 240x180]

Coat hanger, duh!


Hey you sleaze! That's my bed!
2013-12-26 03:58:54 PM  
1 votes:

BMFPitt: A Cave Geek: You talk to god, you're religious....God talks to you, you're insane.  Seems pretty simple to me.  What's this court's problem?

Did the voice sound like Alan Rickman?


He does have a magical voice.
2013-12-26 03:56:48 PM  
1 votes:

give me doughnuts: You skipped "WOOL."


...and here's why.
media.tumblr.com
2013-12-26 03:52:58 PM  
1 votes:

Lee451: It is really sad that so many atheists are hateful and bitter. This is a trend I have noticed in the real world as well as on fark.


/I'll be praying for you.



Ignorance is bliss.
2013-12-26 03:49:59 PM  
1 votes:
It is really sad that so many atheists are hateful and bitter. This is a trend I have noticed in the real world as well as on fark.


/I'll be praying for you.
2013-12-26 03:48:53 PM  
1 votes:
"I hear a voice in my head."
"You're nuts!"
"He says his name is 'Jesus'."
"Hallelujah!"


Would it really be all that different is the guy had said the voice's name was "Bob"?

i.canvasugc.com

Nucking futs is nucking futs, no matter what name it uses.
2013-12-26 03:43:55 PM  
1 votes:

ghettodwarf: because who uses a toaster anymore...I mean really.


Amateurs.
Use an iron.
Behold! I am backing that statement with a chart for my own self assurance and your edification.

torontovintagebikes.com
2013-12-26 03:35:49 PM  
1 votes:

uncoveror: I have a friend named Phil. He gives me advice when I need it. He tells me what to do when I bring my problems to him. There is not a more important person in my life than Phil.

No one else has ever seen Phil, he is invisible. No one else can hear Phil, but I hear him. I know he is there. I know he is real.

You probably think I am not right in the head, and need a coat that ties in the back and a padded room. Phil is not real, and I need to be drugged up and counseled until I realize that.

Why is it suddenly OK if instead of Phil, my imaginary friend's name is Jesus?


Well that's using logic. If religious people had any grasp of logic, they wouldn't be religious.
2013-12-26 03:18:37 PM  
1 votes:
Jesus spoke to me when I was a teenager, but all he said was to clean up my room and make sure I put my socks in the hamper.
2013-12-26 12:43:06 PM  
1 votes:
Lucky. Jesus only ever visits my grilled cheese for me.
 
Displayed 40 of 40 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report