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(Oregon Live)   Go away. 'Batin'   (oregonlive.com) divider line 52
    More: Dumbass, Taser  
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9068 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Dec 2013 at 7:50 PM (16 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-12-24 04:51:36 PM
FTFA: The brouhaha began around 1 p.m. when sheriff's deputies started receiving reports of man acting bizarrely in the 9000 block of Brooklake Road Northeast, officials said.

On first reading, that appeared to me as Bukkake Road.  Fitting.
 
2013-12-24 04:57:31 PM
It took a Taser and more than a dozen officers on Sunday to finally subdue Andrew Frey...

Funny, that usually gets me going.
 
2013-12-24 04:58:51 PM
After allegedly stiffing the locksmith...

Well, we know what got him going.
 
2013-12-24 05:00:57 PM
Fifteen police officers to take down one guy armed with a penis. I'm glad the Barney Fife School of Law Enforcement is doing its job.
 
2013-12-24 05:16:52 PM

ecmoRandomNumbers: Fifteen police officers to take down one guy armed with a penis. I'm glad the Barney Fife School of Law Enforcement is doing its job.



"Zip it."

www.mrpopculture.com

 
2013-12-24 05:33:35 PM
A Beaverton guy masturbating in Salem? That's like an hour's drive. Doesn't he have someplace closer to home to whack it?
 
2013-12-24 05:51:26 PM
"If you strike me down, I shall be coming more powerfully than you can imagine"  the suspect stated before switching hands.
 
2013-12-24 07:52:32 PM

unyon: FTFA: The brouhaha began around 1 p.m. when sheriff's deputies started receiving reports of man acting bizarrely in the 9000 block of Brooklake Road Northeast, officials said.

On first reading, that appeared to me as Bukkake Road.  Fitting.


Glad I'm not the only one.
 
2013-12-24 07:52:42 PM
Been to Iggy's before..........not the kind of place I'm goin' to again.  And "brouhaha" ?????  Who uses that in real journalism???
 
2013-12-24 07:53:03 PM

fusillade762: A Beaverton guy masturbating in Salem? That's like an hour's drive. Doesn't he have someplace closer to home to whack it?


I'm a Portland guy 'batin in Portland.

/chafin'
 
2013-12-24 07:55:00 PM
Well, did he cum, or what?
 
2013-12-24 07:56:21 PM
If one masturbating man on drugs can withstand 15 officers, all it would take would be a couple hundred farkers masturbating on drugs to take over America.
 
2013-12-24 07:57:15 PM

fusillade762: A Beaverton guy masturbating in Salem? That's like an hour's drive. Doesn't he have someplace closer to home to whack it?


He was there to fix the cable.
 
2013-12-24 07:57:27 PM

oldwolf49: Been to Iggy's before..........not the kind of place I'm goin' to again.  And "brouhaha" ?????  Who uses that in real journalism???

Kerfuffle didn't do the incident justice.

 
2013-12-24 07:58:26 PM

fusillade762: A Beaverton guy masturbating in Salem? That's like an hour's drive. Doesn't he have someplace closer to home to whack it?


If only there were some town he could go to for a little Beaver.
 
2013-12-24 08:04:17 PM
s10.postimg.org
 
2013-12-24 08:08:56 PM

Pattuq: If one masturbating man on drugs can withstand 15 officers, all it would take would be a couple hundred farkers masturbating on drugs to take over America.



If you say so...


Challenge accepted
 
2013-12-24 08:19:31 PM
Bet he was a Beavers fan.
 
2013-12-24 08:22:33 PM
Did they let him finish?
 
2013-12-24 08:24:49 PM
Boy, Christian Grey has really let himself go.
 
2013-12-24 08:26:56 PM

Gordon Bennett: Well, did he cum, or what?


Jesus CHRIST, man! There are just some things you don't talk about in public!
 
2013-12-24 08:27:11 PM
You Jackin' It?
 
2013-12-24 08:27:32 PM

fusillade762: A Beaverton guy masturbating in Salem? That's like an hour's drive. Doesn't he have someplace closer to home to whack it?


You guys ever try to restrain a crazy person without hurting them?

In one day's cop thread they take someone down and he gets hurt - pure evil brutality.

The next day's they take time and patience to do something more safely for the suspect - cops are incompetent.

They aren't batman. Get used to that or pay for the training to make them all mma fighters.

Honestly the latter might be worth it imo. A tougher cop might be a great deal less jumpy, less quick to tase, etc.

/shrug
 
2013-12-24 08:33:55 PM

ecmoRandomNumbers: Fifteen police officers to take down one guy armed with a penis. I'm glad the Barney Fife School of Law Enforcement is doing its job.


Look, if I tazed a guy more than once and he shook it off, I'd be a little hesitant to fight him.

Add in the masturbating?
 
2013-12-24 08:35:45 PM

ecmoRandomNumbers: Fifteen police officers to take down one guy armed with a penis. I'm glad the Barney Fife School of Law Enforcement is doing its job.


NIP IT. NIP IT IN THE BUD
 
2013-12-24 08:35:54 PM

Smackledorfer: fusillade762: A Beaverton guy masturbating in Salem? That's like an hour's drive. Doesn't he have someplace closer to home to whack it?

You guys ever try to restrain a crazy person without hurting them?

In one day's cop thread they take someone down and he gets hurt - pure evil brutality.

The next day's they take time and patience to do something more safely for the suspect - cops are incompetent.

They aren't batman. Get used to that or pay for the training to make them all mma fighters.

Honestly the latter might be worth it imo. A tougher cop might be a great deal less jumpy, less quick to tase, etc.

/shrug



My conundrum is not that it takes 15 cops to take the guy down, as you said they are trying to do it safety or at least not get their own guys hurt, but what are cops 10 through 15 doing?  Offering commentary?

 I've had bar fights erupt behind me: by the time I turn around four guys have pulled them apart.  Two on each guy.  Any more just gets in each others way.
 
2013-12-24 08:51:16 PM

Torqueknot: Smackledorfer: fusillade762: A Beaverton guy masturbating in Salem? That's like an hour's drive. Doesn't he have someplace closer to home to whack it?

You guys ever try to restrain a crazy person without hurting them?

In one day's cop thread they take someone down and he gets hurt - pure evil brutality.

The next day's they take time and patience to do something more safely for the suspect - cops are incompetent.

They aren't batman. Get used to that or pay for the training to make them all mma fighters.

Honestly the latter might be worth it imo. A tougher cop might be a great deal less jumpy, less quick to tase, etc.

/shrug


My conundrum is not that it takes 15 cops to take the guy down, as you said they are trying to do it safety or at least not get their own guys hurt, but what are cops 10 through 15 doing?  Offering commentary?

 I've had bar fights erupt behind me: by the time I turn around four guys have pulled them apart.  Two on each guy.  Any more just gets in each others way.


I wasn't there. I will not pretend to know whether this guy was more or less controllable than a barfight you were present for.

But yes, there is only so much space and fifteen does seem an awful lot. I don't really put enough stock in reporters to accurately give us the info either.
 
2013-12-24 09:03:12 PM

LograyX: ecmoRandomNumbers: Fifteen police officers to take down one guy armed with a penis. I'm glad the Barney Fife School of Law Enforcement is doing its job.

Look, if I tazed a guy more than once and he shook it off, I'd be a little hesitant to fight him.

Add in the masturbating?


Apparently they couldn't get him to come quietly.

He was charged with resisting, after multiple discharges failed to render him powerless.
 
2013-12-24 09:16:35 PM
If I had a nickel for every time this happened... I'd have 8 nickels!
 
2013-12-24 09:16:40 PM
Do meth and fapping always confer super powers?  Or only in Oregon?
 
2013-12-24 09:24:23 PM

bojon: oldwolf49: Been to Iggy's before..........not the kind of place I'm goin' to again.  And "brouhaha" ?????  Who uses that in real journalism???

Kerfuffle didn't do the incident justice.


Could you describe the ruckus, sir?
 
2013-12-24 09:41:00 PM

Danger Avoid Death: fusillade762: A Beaverton guy masturbating in Salem? That's like an hour's drive. Doesn't he have someplace closer to home to whack it?

If only there were some town he could go to for a little Beaver.


www.wwe.com
 
2013-12-24 10:15:15 PM
Are you suggesting we're unstoppable while masturbating?.
 
2013-12-24 10:40:12 PM
Over/under on him being a TFer?
 
2013-12-24 10:48:45 PM

cyberspacedout: LograyX: ecmoRandomNumbers: Fifteen police officers to take down one guy armed with a penis. I'm glad the Barney Fife School of Law Enforcement is doing its job.

Look, if I tazed a guy more than once and he shook it off, I'd be a little hesitant to fight him.

Add in the masturbating?

Apparently they couldn't get him to come quietly.

He was charged with resisting, after multiple discharges failed to render him powerless.


clearly the cops were dealing with a hardened criminal.
 
2013-12-24 11:56:55 PM

ecmoRandomNumbers: Fifteen police officers to take down one guy armed with a penis. I'm glad the Barney Fife School of Law Enforcement is doing its job.


Very funny, thanks.
 
2013-12-24 11:58:39 PM

Captain Steroid: Gordon Bennett: Well, did he cum, or what?

Jesus CHRIST, man! There are just some things you don't talk about in public!


Easy now, someone's b-day celebration is in progress.
 
2013-12-25 12:02:04 AM

elvisaintdead: cyberspacedout: LograyX: ecmoRandomNumbers: Fifteen police officers to take down one guy armed with a penis. I'm glad the Barney Fife School of Law Enforcement is doing its job.

Look, if I tazed a guy more than once and he shook it off, I'd be a little hesitant to fight him.

Add in the masturbating?

Apparently they couldn't get him to come quietly.

He was charged with resisting, after multiple discharges failed to render him powerless.

clearly the cops were dealing with a hardened criminal.


It was a stroke of luck that the police arrived before he could shoot; I'm no fan of excessive force but in their defense the guy pulled a dick move.
 
2013-12-25 12:41:42 AM

Smackledorfer: fusillade762: A Beaverton guy masturbating in Salem? That's like an hour's drive. Doesn't he have someplace closer to home to whack it?

You guys ever try to restrain a crazy person without hurting them?

In one day's cop thread they take someone down and he gets hurt - pure evil brutality.

The next day's they take time and patience to do something more safely for the suspect - cops are incompetent.

They aren't batman. Get used to that or pay for the training to make them all mma fighters.

Honestly the latter might be worth it imo. A tougher cop might be a great deal less jumpy, less quick to tase, etc.

/shrug


I wondered where all the cops from south Salem were going - didn't think I'd hear about it on Fark. As a matter of fact, I do pay them. What I don't pay for is for every cop in town to go to a single call like this. Not safe to take him? Don't. Station a couple supervisors at the bar; they can watch sports on the big screen while the perp stays busy and every Salem, Keizer, and Marion County cop can continue to do what I pay them for. A wiser cop knows when to sit back and get free coffee at the bar.
 
2013-12-25 12:48:19 AM
Oh yeah, we have two state pens, a big jail, and the state mental hospital in town - we don't have cops here that can't go one-on-one.
 
2013-12-25 01:03:23 AM

Ficoce: Oh yeah, we have two state pens, a big jail, and the state mental hospital in town - we don't have cops here that can't go one-on-one.


For some reason that phrase in this instance makes me imagine one cop walking up to the guy, taking one sneering look and going, "You call that whacking it?  Amateur."  *ziiiip*
 
2013-12-25 01:17:30 AM

bojon: oldwolf49: Been to Iggy's before..........not the kind of place I'm goin' to again.  And "brouhaha" ?????  Who uses that in real journalism???

Kerfuffle didn't do the incident justice.


And we're a step or two beyond shenanigans even, sooo.....ya.
 
2013-12-25 01:19:32 AM
Don't they know, electric shocks can make your orgasms better?
 
2013-12-25 01:33:36 AM

Pattuq: If one masturbating man on drugs can withstand 15 officers, all it would take would be a couple hundred farkers masturbating on drugs to take over America.


'Fraid I cain't help. Stimulants can be great fun but make me impotent. Hell, even Sudafed does, even the "fake" non-prescription stuff.

What's worse it took me several embarrassing incidents over the course of several years to make the connection. What's worse still is every now and then the numbness would be markedly incomplete and I'd still come, after very little stimulation, from a limp weenie, then get a blinding headache soon after. So after I figured it out I tried a couple times to counter that side-effect with Viagra: it made me stiff alright but started giving me a migraine before actually attempting sex, then it became a race to see if I could come before my head exploded.

I gave up it up. It just wasn't worth the trouble. Sex or Sudafed, not both. Whether from cold or allergy, if I can't breathe through my nose I just can't fark.

On the other hand the Sudafed does help me breathe well enough to perform cunnilingus till my face gets tired, which takes about an hour. Come to think of it I don't have to be treating nasal congestion with a decongestant to perform cunnilingus: it's being able to breathe through my nose that makes the difference.

EIP!


/"Hey Rocky, watch me pull a Farkette outta my hat!"
 
2013-12-25 01:34:24 AM
Why do I keep confusing the Oregon Live tag with The Onion?

//drunk
 
2013-12-25 01:35:06 AM

GreenSun: Don't they know, electric shocks can make your orgasms better?


It's even better when you use the cattle prod kind. With a mirror and a bright light your prostate should be easy to find.
 
2013-12-25 02:21:44 AM

unyon: FTFA: The brouhaha began around 1 p.m. when sheriff's deputies started receiving reports of man acting bizarrely in the 9000 block of Brooklake Road Northeast, officials said.

On first reading, that appeared to me as Bukkake Road.  Fitting.


It intersects Golden Shower Avenue.  It's the most confusing intersection ever. You won't know whether you're coming or going.
 
2013-12-25 02:26:59 AM

Twitch Boy: unyon: FTFA: The brouhaha began around 1 p.m. when sheriff's deputies started receiving reports of man acting bizarrely in the 9000 block of Brooklake Road Northeast, officials said.


On first reading, that appeared to me as Bukkake Road.  Fitting.

It intersects Golden Shower Avenue.  It's the most confusing intersection ever. You won't know whether you're coming or going.



"Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuuk."

img2.tfd.com

 
2013-12-25 02:34:12 AM

Torqueknot: Smackledorfer: fusillade762: A Beaverton guy masturbating in Salem? That's like an hour's drive. Doesn't he have someplace closer to home to whack it?

You guys ever try to restrain a crazy person without hurting them?

In one day's cop thread they take someone down and he gets hurt - pure evil brutality.

The next day's they take time and patience to do something more safely for the suspect - cops are incompetent.

They aren't batman. Get used to that or pay for the training to make them all mma fighters.

Honestly the latter might be worth it imo. A tougher cop might be a great deal less jumpy, less quick to tase, etc.

/shrug


My conundrum is not that it takes 15 cops to take the guy down, as you said they are trying to do it safety or at least not get their own guys hurt, but what are cops 10 through 15 doing?  Offering commentary?

 I've had bar fights erupt behind me: by the time I turn around four guys have pulled them apart.  Two on each guy.  Any more just gets in each others way.


You know why, though?
Usually in a bar fight, the person doesn't really want to fight, I mean really fight, just the booze talking.
More importantly, recall those fights you've seen, how many times did the person being dragged away from the fight turn around and start attacking the people holding him back?
It's usually a last kick in the air then the steam runs out. Maybe one or two try to circumvent the blockers. But you don't see people attacking the restrainers.
That's why two can be enough.

Now compare that to restraining a person that actually might attack you. Add drugs or a mental condition. Got the person in a perfect bear hug? Might still bite you.
Restrained both arms? Might still get kicked or stomped.
So tackling a person like that is not that easy, especially if you don't want them hurt.

Growing up, in school the person the kids fought like regular kids. You know who they avoided? The softie who would scratch and bite and hit you with anything he could lay his hands on, which once happened to be a 2x4.
 
2013-12-25 02:53:00 AM

The One True TheDavid: On the other hand the Sudafed does help me breathe well enough to perform cunnilingus till my face gets tired, which takes about an hour. Come to think of it I don't have to be treating nasal congestion with a decongestant to perform cunnilingus: it's being able to breathe through my nose that makes the difference.


Try popping a Vicks vapour lozenge before heading downtown. Trust me on this one.
 
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