If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Wired)   How much energy would it take to melt all the gold in the new Hobbit film? Approximately 3.8 decacarriers. Caution: here there be science   (wired.com) divider line 72
    More: Interesting, The Hobbit, Dumbledore, coal plant, Smaug  
•       •       •

5301 clicks; posted to Geek » on 24 Dec 2013 at 9:10 PM (51 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-12-24 07:42:14 PM  
I always assumed the forges of the Dwarves were geothermal*, particularly since the Lonely Mountain is an extinct volcano.  Failing that:  Because Magic.

*The Elves of Hollin and Sauron certainly tapped Earthfire to forge their artifacts.
 
2013-12-24 07:46:02 PM  
Enough to cause a lot of Smaug

/apparently
 
2013-12-24 08:03:44 PM  
After sitting in that damn theater for near three hours, that movie pissed me off with the ending.
 
2013-12-24 08:06:58 PM  

twistedmetal: After sitting in that damn theater for near three hours, that movie pissed me off with the ending.


I felt cheated with how Bilbo dealt with the ring and Smaug.

I got the ending. The rest? Not so much.
 
2013-12-24 08:10:11 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Enough to cause a lot of Smaug


www.whoateallthepies.tv
 
2013-12-24 09:05:01 PM  
One last thing. Could you float in liquid gold if you had a wheel barrel? Yes. I'm pretty sure a wheel barrel would even float in water. However, the wheel barrel would get pretty darn how fairly quickly. I don't think you could ride in a river of molten gold for very long without bad things happening.

I won a gold plated wheelbarrow for taking 2nd place in a Satanic fiddle playin' contest a few years ago, so I'm really getting a kick...
 
2013-12-24 09:06:39 PM  
I never thought this day would come.

I never thought the Lord of the Rings-verse could ever get more basement dweller nerdy than an AD&D first edition rulebook-using group on friday night.

I never, ever thought that the neckbeards could get thicker.

YOU ALL SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELVES. IVE LOST ALL FAITH IN HUMANITY BECAUSE OF YOU!
 
2013-12-24 09:18:45 PM  

bearded clamorer: One last thing. Could you float in liquid gold if you had a wheel barrel? Yes. I'm pretty sure a wheel barrel would even float in water. However, the wheel barrel would get pretty darn how fairly quickly. I don't think you could ride in a river of molten gold for very long without bad things happening.

I won a gold plated wheelbarrow for taking 2nd place in a Satanic fiddle playin' contest a few years ago, so I'm really getting a kick...


I won Star Fox by constantly doing barrel rolls, so I'm replying to your kicks
 
2013-12-24 09:37:23 PM  
This movie taught me that dwarves are heat-resistant.

Also, it was nice that the furnaces were pre-stocked with fuel when they arrived.
 
2013-12-24 09:39:49 PM  

twistedmetal: After sitting in that damn theater for near three hours, that movie pissed me off with the ending.


What ending?
 
2013-12-24 09:41:29 PM  
Spoiler Alert:
The answer is 38 Nimitz class aircraft carriers.
 
2013-12-24 09:44:51 PM  
Can someone convert that to rhode islands?
 
2013-12-24 09:49:06 PM  
So, one fire wizard
 
2013-12-24 09:55:58 PM  
Even if you make your Saving Throw?
What if I call on Orcus and roll two zeros on two 20 sided dice?
 
2013-12-24 09:56:58 PM  
Up next: Scrooge mcduck's fortune.
 
2013-12-24 10:00:05 PM  
Is that anything like a megacarrier?
 
2013-12-24 10:00:52 PM  
This is the Daniel Craig reboot of "Goldfinger", right?
 
2013-12-24 10:02:52 PM  

Ryker's Peninsula: Even if you make your Saving Throw?
What if I call on Orcus and roll two zeros on two 20 sided dice?


I am too weak to let this go. I am ashamed of myself that I had to reply. Tip of my hat to you sir.

You can't roll a 0 on a d20.
 
2013-12-24 10:03:36 PM  

hardinparamedic: I never thought this day would come.

I never thought the Lord of the Rings-verse could ever get more basement dweller nerdy than an AD&D first edition rulebook-using group on friday night.

I never, ever thought that the neckbeards could get thicker.

YOU ALL SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELVES. IVE LOST ALL FAITH IN HUMANITY BECAUSE OF YOU!


I don't want to meet the basement-dwelling members of an Accidental Death & Dismemberment club.
 
2013-12-24 10:17:41 PM  

HindiDiscoMonster: Empty H: Ryker's Peninsula: Even if you make your Saving Throw?
What if I call on Orcus and roll two zeros on two 20 sided dice?

I am too weak to let this go. I am ashamed of myself that I had to reply. Tip of my hat to you sir.

You can't roll a 0 on a d20.

i rolled a double 0 on two 10 siders when trying to make my save against the power of the Talisman of Ultimate Evil.... lost a good cleric that day... friggin 38th level too


Alright, fellas, that's enough. It's bad enough we've got this movie to deal with that bears only a passing resemblance to Tolkien. Now we've gotta deal with you bringing that Tolkien ripoff crap into this thread? We're trying to run a classy operation here!
 
2013-12-24 10:24:55 PM  

hardinparamedic: I never thought this day would come.
I never thought the Lord of the Rings-verse could ever get more basement dweller nerdy than an AD&D first edition rulebook-using group on friday night.
I never, ever thought that the neckbeards could get thicker.
YOU ALL SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELVES. IVE LOST ALL FAITH IN HUMANITY BECAUSE OF YOU!


Just wait until someone tells you the existence of furries.
 
2013-12-24 10:29:40 PM  

B.L.Z. Bub: HindiDiscoMonster: Empty H: Ryker's Peninsula: Even if you make your Saving Throw?
What if I call on Orcus and roll two zeros on two 20 sided dice?

I am too weak to let this go. I am ashamed of myself that I had to reply. Tip of my hat to you sir.

You can't roll a 0 on a d20.

i rolled a double 0 on two 10 siders when trying to make my save against the power of the Talisman of Ultimate Evil.... lost a good cleric that day... friggin 38th level too

Alright, fellas, that's enough. It's bad enough we've got this movie to deal with that bears only a passing resemblance to Tolkien. Now we've gotta deal with you bringing that Tolkien ripoff crap into this thread? We're trying to run a classy operation here!


What the hell's a "Tolkien"?
Was that a side quest on Expedition to the Barrier Peaks?
 
2013-12-24 10:34:29 PM  

Mega Steve: bearded clamorer: One last thing. Could you float in liquid gold if you had a wheel barrel? Yes. I'm pretty sure a wheel barrel would even float in water. However, the wheel barrel would get pretty darn how fairly quickly. I don't think you could ride in a river of molten gold for very long without bad things happening.

I won a gold plated wheelbarrow for taking 2nd place in a Satanic fiddle playin' contest a few years ago, so I'm really getting a kick...

I won Star Fox by constantly doing barrel rolls, so I'm replying to your kicks


Never give up! Never surrender!
 
2013-12-24 10:37:58 PM  

B.L.Z. Bub: hardinparamedic: I never thought this day would come.

I never thought the Lord of the Rings-verse could ever get more basement dweller nerdy than an AD&D first edition rulebook-using group on friday night.

I never, ever thought that the neckbeards could get thicker.

YOU ALL SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELVES. IVE LOST ALL FAITH IN HUMANITY BECAUSE OF YOU!

I don't want to meet the basement-dwelling members of an Accidental Death & Dismemberment club.


I initially read that as attention deficit & disorder.
 
2013-12-24 10:44:10 PM  

B.L.Z. Bub: HindiDiscoMonster: Empty H: Ryker's Peninsula: Even if you make your Saving Throw?
What if I call on Orcus and roll two zeros on two 20 sided dice?

I am too weak to let this go. I am ashamed of myself that I had to reply. Tip of my hat to you sir.

You can't roll a 0 on a d20.

i rolled a double 0 on two 10 siders when trying to make my save against the power of the Talisman of Ultimate Evil.... lost a good cleric that day... friggin 38th level too

Alright, fellas, that's enough. It's bad enough we've got this movie to deal with that bears only a passing resemblance to Tolkien. Now we've gotta deal with you bringing that Tolkien ripoff crap into this thread? We're trying to run a classy operation here!


Saving throw for "Classy Operation" is 14 or better. Roll.
 
2013-12-24 10:49:02 PM  
Now that Peter Jackson is done using all that gold for his movie, just watch the farking price crash as he sells it back into the market.

/damn right I bought May 2014 $1100 puts.
 
2013-12-24 11:03:11 PM  
He was wrong to take into account the 40 percent efficiency of the coal plant. The low efficiency is due to using a heat engine to produce work. Using it to heat up gold would only incur heat transfer losses, which he already took into account with the .5 efficiency (which was also way too low).
 
2013-12-24 11:25:25 PM  

Ishkur: Just wait until someone tells you the existence of furries.


Yiff yiff?
 
2013-12-24 11:39:07 PM  

B.L.Z. Bub: HindiDiscoMonster: Empty H: Ryker's Peninsula: Even if you make your Saving Throw?
What if I call on Orcus and roll two zeros on two 20 sided dice?

I am too weak to let this go. I am ashamed of myself that I had to reply. Tip of my hat to you sir.

You can't roll a 0 on a d20.

i rolled a double 0 on two 10 siders when trying to make my save against the power of the Talisman of Ultimate Evil.... lost a good cleric that day... friggin 38th level too

Alright, fellas, that's enough. It's bad enough we've got this movie to deal with that bears only a passing resemblance to Tolkien. Now we've gotta deal with you bringing that Tolkien ripoff crap into this thread? We're trying to run a classy operation here!


I'm a rabid Tolkien purist, but the changes from the book don't piss me off too much.  For a few of them I can see why they were made.

Heat-resistant dwarves did bother me, as did the apparent serendipity of the giant gold statue pour being abandoned while underway the day Smaug attacked.

/Tauriel is too much unadulterated badass for me to complain about
 
2013-12-24 11:48:04 PM  
Galius_Persnickety:Also, it was nice that the furnaces were pre-stocked with fuel when they arrived.

It kind of makes sense. I mean the dragon did show up without warning in the middle of the day so presumable there would have been work going on in the forges. And since they were getting ready to create a giant gold statue of his father it makes sense that Thorin would have been involved in the work so he'd have known that the forges were fueled last time he was there.
 
2013-12-24 11:48:11 PM  

bearded clamorer: One last thing. Could you float in liquid gold if you had a wheel barrel? Yes. I'm pretty sure a wheel barrel would even float in water. However, the wheel barrel would get pretty darn how fairly quickly. I don't think you could ride in a river of molten gold for very long without bad things happening.

I won a gold plated wheelbarrow for taking 2nd place in a Satanic fiddle playin' contest a few years ago, so I'm really getting a kick...

Gold Plated Wheelbarrow

is the name of my Jackson Browne tribute band.
 
2013-12-24 11:55:13 PM  

Galius_Persnickety: This movie taught me that dwarves are heat-resistant.

Also, it was nice that the furnaces were pre-stocked with fuel when they arrived.


Yeah, that really ruined the suspension of disbelief.
 
2013-12-25 12:09:29 AM  
Forget D&D. Go play Bare Bones Fantasy. You'll thank me later.

Or not. I don't really know.
 
2013-12-25 12:52:14 AM  
The dwarves seemed to think ahead a bit more in the movie than in the book.  In the latter, they seemed to think that if they made it to the Mountain, and made it inside, with their burglar, it would all work out somehow.

In the movie, they made a try at Smaug himself, including putting his fire out temporarily with water from the old forge quenching systems.  And the idea was floated that just getting the Arkenstone for Thorin would mean more dwarf armies would show up to help him.
 
2013-12-25 12:55:21 AM  

hardinparamedic: I never thought this day would come.

I never thought the Lord of the Rings-verse could ever get more basement dweller nerdy than an AD&D first edition rulebook-using group on friday night.

I never, ever thought that the neckbeards could get thicker.

YOU ALL SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELVES. IVE LOST ALL FAITH IN HUMANITY BECAUSE OF YOU!


You mean that you are shocked that a primary source for the inspiration for AD&D has been subjected to the geekiest of treatments? I means c'mon, someone is going to try that in a game sometime and this way the dungeonmaster will have all the math worked our for him. So this is a service to the community.

/on mobile, don't click on links on mobile. Did they give parameters for stacking Heat Metal spells for this?
 
2013-12-25 12:59:05 AM  

BolloxReader: /on mobile, don't click on links on mobile. Did they give parameters for stacking Heat Metal spells for this?


Nah, they took the estimated room temperature of the gold, the melting point, a rough estimate of how much gold there is, the energy density of coal, and such.  74 metric tons of coal would do it, but not in 5 minutes.
 
2013-12-25 01:11:20 AM  
What I learned from that scene is that CGI artists still can't make melted gold look at all realistic. Maybe it's because they don't realize how hot it is (and therefore how much light it emits)? Or maybe liquid light sources are just too hard to deal with somehow?
 
2013-12-25 01:14:41 AM  
Aircraft carriers don't produce energy, they use it.
 
2013-12-25 01:55:41 AM  

stuhayes2010: Up next: Scrooge mcduck's fortune.


HOW DOES HE SWIM THROUGH IT?!?
 
2013-12-25 02:42:48 AM  

Skyrmion: What I learned from that scene is that CGI artists still can't make melted gold look at all realistic. Maybe it's because they don't realize how hot it is (and therefore how much light it emits)? Or maybe liquid light sources are just too hard to deal with somehow?


Or maybe they did and Peter Jackson said "Whoa! I wanted a gold statue not a gold light bulb! Turn it down?"
 
2013-12-25 05:26:01 AM  
all that science...
What the fark is a "wheel barrel"?
I know what a wheelbarrow is...scitard.
 
2013-12-25 05:38:27 AM  

BigSnatch: Galius_Persnickety: This movie taught me that dwarves are heat-resistant.

Also, it was nice that the furnaces were pre-stocked with fuel when they arrived.

Yeah, that really ruined the suspension of disbelief.


Mine was broken by the barrels with f'ed up bouancy.

After that I just sat back and enjoyed the elven badassery and gorgeous dragon.
 
2013-12-25 05:59:07 AM  
Wait...is that 7.44 Gigawatts?
 
2013-12-25 07:04:37 AM  

ultradeeg: all that science...
What the fark is a "wheel barrel"?
I know what a wheelbarrow is...scitard.


Science fans get a boner from math, forget to lurn tue reid.
 
2013-12-25 07:18:56 AM  
Decacarriers are units of power, not energy, smitty.
 
2013-12-25 07:24:08 AM  

1stgenwhtrash: Wait...is that 7.44 Gigawatts?


I think it's more like 12 parsecs
 
2013-12-25 08:05:20 AM  

doglover: ultradeeg: all that science...
What the fark is a "wheel barrel"?
I know what a wheelbarrow is...scitard.

Science fans get a boner from math, forget to lurn tue reid.


"Science will never know the truth."
i1.ytimg.com

/Brought to you by Smithy's Barrows
//Maker of Barrows for over 200 harvests
///Now with wheels
 
2013-12-25 08:21:39 AM  
Why does Peter Jackson hate us so?
 
2013-12-25 08:22:57 AM  

img2u.info

"We only have one decacarrier"

 
2013-12-25 08:24:17 AM  
Math and physics about imaginary events and beings? Perfectly fine! Math and physics against space colonization? Luddite!

Merry Space Christmas and Happy New Mars Year to all the species!

doglover: Aircraft carriers don't produce energy, they use it.


Are you going to change your spiel for 2014 or are you going to continue making such statements for the foreseeable future?
 
2013-12-25 09:16:07 AM  
Caution: there be some epically bad writing.
 
2013-12-25 10:35:42 AM  

Bondith: I'm a rabid Tolkien purist, but the changes from the book don't piss me off too much. For a few of them I can see why they were made.

Heat-resistant dwarves did bother me, as did the apparent serendipity of the giant gold statue pour being abandoned while underway the day Smaug attacked.


Postulates:
Jackson shot two movies, then expanded that footage into three.
The original script was written with beats for two movies, not three.

Hypotheses:
The final climactic scene of this movie, this battle that we are all talking about, did not exist in the original script.
It was written when the footage was expanded to three movies.
It was created to put a climactic battle at the end of movie two.
It was written in such a way to involve no additional live actor work beyond a little bit of green screen.
It was made almost entirely in CGI.
That's why it sucks.

Addendum:
The barrel chase scene was written to be the climax of the first of a two-movie series, thus its length and over the topness.
 
2013-12-25 11:49:59 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: Empty H: Ryker's Peninsula: Even if you make your Saving Throw?
What if I call on Orcus and roll two zeros on two 20 sided dice?

I am too weak to let this go. I am ashamed of myself that I had to reply. Tip of my hat to you sir.

You can't roll a 0 on a d20.

i rolled a double 0 on two 10 siders when trying to make my save against the power of the Talisman of Ultimate Evil.... lost a good cleric that day... friggin 38th level too


Your DM was a dick then, double 0 on two 10 siders is 100, not 0. You made your save.
 
2013-12-25 01:54:54 PM  

tgambitg: HindiDiscoMonster: Empty H: Ryker's Peninsula: Even if you make your Saving Throw?
What if I call on Orcus and roll two zeros on two 20 sided dice?

I am too weak to let this go. I am ashamed of myself that I had to reply. Tip of my hat to you sir.

You can't roll a 0 on a d20.

i rolled a double 0 on two 10 siders when trying to make my save against the power of the Talisman of Ultimate Evil.... lost a good cleric that day... friggin 38th level too

Your DM was a dick then, double 0 on two 10 siders is 100, not 0. You made your save.


Why wouldn't it be 20 instead of 100?
 
2013-12-25 02:01:02 PM  

Quantum Apostrophe: Math and physics about imaginary events and beings? Perfectly fine! Math and physics against space colonization? Luddite!

Merry Space Christmas and Happy New Mars Year to all the species!

doglover: Aircraft carriers don't produce energy, they use it.

Are you going to change your spiel for 2014 or are you going to continue making such statements for the foreseeable future?


Pot, Kettle, Black - and all in one post. Well done. Well done.
 
2013-12-25 02:35:29 PM  

derpy: Bondith: I'm a rabid Tolkien purist, but the changes from the book don't piss me off too much. For a few of them I can see why they were made.

Heat-resistant dwarves did bother me, as did the apparent serendipity of the giant gold statue pour being abandoned while underway the day Smaug attacked.

Postulates:
Jackson shot two movies, then expanded that footage into three.
The original script was written with beats for two movies, not three.

Hypotheses:
The final climactic scene of this movie, this battle that we are all talking about, did not exist in the original script.
It was written when the footage was expanded to three movies.
It was created to put a climactic battle at the end of movie two.
It was written in such a way to involve no additional live actor work beyond a little bit of green screen.
It was made almost entirely in CGI.
That's why it sucks.


Yeah, I'll buy that.  From a storytelling perspective, it also gives Thorin a bit more motivation and a bit more to do.  In the book, the dwarves never confronted the cause of the downfall of their kingdom, but instead some human took care of him.  There's a whole unfulfilled Dwarf Revenge Thing there.

They still don't get it in the movie, but at least they get to take a swing at Smaug and pretend they drove him off.

Addendum:
The barrel chase scene was written to be the climax of the first of a two-movie series, thus its length and over the topness.


I kept thinking "That looks a bit like Disneyland...except for the orcs."
 
2013-12-25 02:40:08 PM  

derpy: Postulates:
Jackson shot two movies, then expanded that footage into three.
The original script was written with beats for two movies, not three.

Hypotheses:
The final climactic scene of this movie, this battle that we are all talking about, did not exist in the original script.
It was written when the footage was expanded to three movies.
It was created to put a climactic battle at the end of movie two.
It was written in such a way to involve no additional live actor work beyond a little bit of green screen.
It was made almost entirely in CGI.
That's why it sucks.

Addendum:
The barrel chase scene was written to be the climax of the first of a two-movie series, thus its length and over the topness.


I like this theory. Is it yours, or did you see it somewhere?  Whichever, it's smart.
 
2013-12-25 03:16:57 PM  

gilatrout: tgambitg: HindiDiscoMonster: Empty H: Ryker's Peninsula: Even if you make your Saving Throw?
What if I call on Orcus and roll two zeros on two 20 sided dice?

I am too weak to let this go. I am ashamed of myself that I had to reply. Tip of my hat to you sir.

You can't roll a 0 on a d20.

i rolled a double 0 on two 10 siders when trying to make my save against the power of the Talisman of Ultimate Evil.... lost a good cleric that day... friggin 38th level too

Your DM was a dick then, double 0 on two 10 siders is 100, not 0. You made your save.

Why wouldn't it be 20 instead of 100?


No one should be using 2d10 to represent a 1d20 roll, you'll never end up with with a 1 and get a high median of 7-13 totals.  But if you're using 2d10 to simulate a 1d100 roll the first one acts as your '10's and double 0s is 100, there is no 0% (except in nerd appeal stats amirite?).  0 & 1 is 1, 0 & 9 is 9, 9 & 9 is 99, etc etc.

Now if you'll excuse me I hear the calling of a thirsty toilet.

/hope its not a mimic
 
2013-12-25 03:31:59 PM  

Ishkur: hardinparamedic: I never thought this day would come.
I never thought the Lord of the Rings-verse could ever get more basement dweller nerdy than an AD&D first edition rulebook-using group on friday night.
I never, ever thought that the neckbeards could get thicker.
YOU ALL SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELVES. IVE LOST ALL FAITH IN HUMANITY BECAUSE OF YOU!

Just wait until someone tells you the existence of furries.


The existence of furries in and of itself isn't enough to kill faith in humanity.  Show the average person furries, and they'll probably go "meh".  Show them the sexualized ones, and they'll go "wtf?!?"  But you can't truly kill their faith in humanity until you show them the weird subgenres involving things like diapers and inflation.  To see these things is to be simultaneously made aware of and have your faith killed in things about humanity you previously never even knew to exist.
 
2013-12-25 08:11:14 PM  
a Mission: Impossible (TOS) episode once featured melting a vault full of a Bad Guy's gold with an electric heater powered by an idling Jeep.  so 5 minutes to melt enough gold to drown a dragon?  sure, why not?
 
2013-12-25 09:40:00 PM  

Bondith: B.L.Z. Bub: HindiDiscoMonster: Empty H: Ryker's Peninsula: Even if you make your Saving Throw?
What if I call on Orcus and roll two zeros on two 20 sided dice?

I am too weak to let this go. I am ashamed of myself that I had to reply. Tip of my hat to you sir.

You can't roll a 0 on a d20.

i rolled a double 0 on two 10 siders when trying to make my save against the power of the Talisman of Ultimate Evil.... lost a good cleric that day... friggin 38th level too

Alright, fellas, that's enough. It's bad enough we've got this movie to deal with that bears only a passing resemblance to Tolkien. Now we've gotta deal with you bringing that Tolkien ripoff crap into this thread? We're trying to run a classy operation here!

I'm a rabid Tolkien purist, but the changes from the book don't piss me off too much.  For a few of them I can see why they were made.

Heat-resistant dwarves did bother me, as did the apparent serendipity of the giant gold statue pour being abandoned while underway the day Smaug attacked.

/Tauriel is too much unadulterated badass for me to complain about


First of all, the only die I can ever recall being used for saving throws in D&D is a d20, and I've been playing since 1st edition AD&D, when character levels came with cool names.

Second: Heat resistant dwarves are not all that implausible.  They were creations of Aulë, and were designed to be highly durable.  Furthermore, in the  Nírnaeth Arnoediad , the Dwarves of Belegost were the only forces able to withstand the fire of Morgoth's dragons, even that of Glaurung.

Third:

img.fark.net
 
2013-12-25 10:04:43 PM  
Speaking of vast and unlikely gold melting schemes, why hasn't anyone adapted any Neal Stephenson novels yet?
 
2013-12-25 10:06:36 PM  
oh, and ^ spoiler alert
 
2013-12-25 10:56:16 PM  

1stgenwhtrash: Speaking of vast and unlikely gold melting schemes, why hasn't anyone adapted any Neal Stephenson novels yet?


Hell, Jackson should be able to wring four or five movies out of that one. I'm expecting a badly done version of Snow Crash first though. Zodiac would probably be the most likely candidate to be actually done well as a stand alone movie.
 
2013-12-25 11:21:53 PM  

derpy: Bondith: I'm a rabid Tolkien purist, but the changes from the book don't piss me off too much. For a few of them I can see why they were made.

Heat-resistant dwarves did bother me, as did the apparent serendipity of the giant gold statue pour being abandoned while underway the day Smaug attacked.

Postulates:
Jackson shot two movies, then expanded that footage into three.
The original script was written with beats for two movies, not three.

Hypotheses:
The final climactic scene of this movie, this battle that we are all talking about, did not exist in the original script.
It was written when the footage was expanded to three movies.
It was created to put a climactic battle at the end of movie two.
It was written in such a way to involve no additional live actor work beyond a little bit of green screen.
It was made almost entirely in CGI.
That's why it sucks.

Addendum:
The barrel chase scene was written to be the climax of the first of a two-movie series, thus its length and over the topness.


Am I the only one who felt that the furnaces, the barrel scene, and the chase with the goblins at the end of the first film all smacked heavily of being inserted/expanded purely for later video game purposes?

I mean, I'm not a heavy gamer or anything, but those scenes all felt like every hackneyed "boss battle" I've ever played.
 
2013-12-26 12:07:36 AM  
Believe me, Mr. Scientist, no one who saw the Hobbit had it confused with a  chemistry lesson, so just calm the fark down there, buddy. there was a god damn dragon the size of a mcMansion flying around. It's not math class. It's fun.
 
2013-12-26 12:11:24 AM  

Parthenogenetic: Second: Heat resistant dwarves are not all that implausible. They were creations of Aulë, and were designed to be highly durable. Furthermore, in the Nírnaeth Arnoediad , the Dwarves of Belegost were the only forces able to withstand the fire of Morgoth's dragons, even that of Glaurung.


Hmmm...good point, well argued.  Doesn't explain Bilbo or all the wooden objects, but the dwarves suddenly bother me a lot less.
 
2013-12-26 12:46:46 AM  
Maybe if the dwarves had induction furnaces but no way in hell convection could work that fast.

In other news fark you Hollywood. You had one goddamned job and it was to make a movie out of a book that sold millions of copies for decades. Even still, you scum sucking low life's just had to rewrite it. Fark you to hell.

It's not worth going to the theatre to see this crap. It's just another contrived plot to have a bunch of exploding shiat and fireballs for no good goddamned reason.

This is coming from a guy who does 3d visual fx and particle animations for a living.
 
2013-12-26 01:16:31 AM  

EbolaNYC: Maybe if the dwarves had induction furnaces but no way in hell convection could work that fast.

In other news fark you Hollywood. You had one goddamned job and it was to make a movie out of a book that sold millions of copies for decades. Even still, you scum sucking low life's just had to rewrite it. Fark you to hell.

It's not worth going to the theatre to see this crap. It's just another contrived plot to have a bunch of exploding shiat and fireballs for no good goddamned reason.

This is coming from a guy who does 3d visual fx and particle animations for a living.


Having a bad holiday?
 
2013-12-26 01:55:07 AM  

JammerJim: derpy: Postulates:
Jackson shot two movies, then expanded that footage into three.
The original script was written with beats for two movies, not three.

Hypotheses:
The final climactic scene of this movie, this battle that we are all talking about, did not exist in the original script.
It was written when the footage was expanded to three movies.
It was created to put a climactic battle at the end of movie two.
It was written in such a way to involve no additional live actor work beyond a little bit of green screen.
It was made almost entirely in CGI.
That's why it sucks.

Addendum:
The barrel chase scene was written to be the climax of the first of a two-movie series, thus its length and over the topness.

I like this theory. Is it yours, or did you see it somewhere?  Whichever, it's smart.


mine. I over-analyze fiction as a hobby.
 
2013-12-26 04:51:39 AM  

CourtroomWolf: Ishkur: hardinparamedic: I never thought this day would come.
I never thought the Lord of the Rings-verse could ever get more basement dweller nerdy than an AD&D first edition rulebook-using group on friday night.
I never, ever thought that the neckbeards could get thicker.
YOU ALL SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELVES. IVE LOST ALL FAITH IN HUMANITY BECAUSE OF YOU!

Just wait until someone tells you the existence of furries.

The existence of furries in and of itself isn't enough to kill faith in humanity.  Show the average person furries, and they'll probably go "meh".  Show them the sexualized ones, and they'll go "wtf?!?"  But you can't truly kill their faith in humanity until you show them the weird subgenres involving things like diapers and inflation.  To see these things is to be simultaneously made aware of and have your faith killed in things about humanity you previously never even knew to exist.


Behold: The End Bringer.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-12-26 07:46:15 AM  

deschinc: 1stgenwhtrash: Speaking of vast and unlikely gold melting schemes, why hasn't anyone adapted any Neal Stephenson novels yet?

Hell, Jackson should be able to wring four or five movies out of that one. I'm expecting a badly done version of Snow Crash first though. Zodiac would probably be the most likely candidate to be actually done well as a stand alone movie.


I wouldn't mind seeing Reamde either. It shouldn't be hard to put together a good version of that. Apologies for the threadjack.
 
Displayed 72 of 72 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report