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(Daily Mail)   Problem: Thieves repeatedly steal baby Jesus figurines from nativity scenes. Solution: Give churches GPS trackers so they can nail down their locations   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 49
    More: Amusing, GPS, Baby Jesus, nativity scene, The Christian Post, GPS tracker, nativity, st mark  
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2255 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Dec 2013 at 7:32 AM (16 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-12-23 01:25:03 AM
...nail down His location
 
2013-12-23 01:31:32 AM

rkiller1: ...nail down His location



Holy figurine, Batman!
 
2013-12-23 01:54:59 AM
Quick fix:

1. Bring cat to theft

2. Attach matchbox sized anti-theft GPS tracking unit to cat's collar

3. Release cat

4. Continue Jesus theft
 
2013-12-23 02:34:42 AM
The nails come later.
 
2013-12-23 03:54:15 AM

Mztlplx: Quick fix:

1. Bring cat to theft

2. Attach matchbox sized anti-theft GPS tracking unit to cat's collar

3. Release cat

4. Continue Jesus theft


"Why is Jesus in a tree?"
 
2013-12-23 07:20:28 AM
As  Mztlpix points out, the GPS strategy can be easily defeated.  The better solution is to construct a metal baby Jesus that can be electrified from beneath the creche; a sort of third rail savior, if you will.  Then when these dirty thieves try to steal our lord and savior, he will smite thee, and the stench of their burning flesh will compete with the frankincense and myrrh while Joseph, Mary and the wise man look on approvingly.  Merry Christmas everybody.
 
2013-12-23 07:36:42 AM
Damn, I remember being part of the nativity scene as a kid. I had to carry the gold.... (just gold gift wrapper) and put it in front of baby Jesus. It's weird though, you have an all-human cast except for the ceramic baby Jesus.
 
2013-12-23 07:38:16 AM
Why use GPS? Can't they just follow a star to find him?
 
2013-12-23 07:39:21 AM
Just use real babies.
 
2013-12-23 07:39:57 AM
What's the BFD? He'll just come back as a zombie after 3 days anyway.
 
2013-12-23 07:42:15 AM

Mztlplx: Quick fix:

1. Bring cat to theft


1 edit: bring feral cat to nativity scene dressed in baby jesus clothes
2 cat scratches the hell out of the thief
/how you get the cat dressed i leave to you
 
2013-12-23 07:45:40 AM

GreenSun: Damn, I remember being part of the nativity scene as a kid. I had to carry the gold.... (just gold gift wrapper) and put it in front of baby Jesus. It's weird though, you have an all-human cast except for the ceramic baby Jesus.


Real babies cry too much. Saran wrap can fix this however.
 
2013-12-23 07:46:30 AM
I guess prayer didn't work?
 
2013-12-23 08:04:45 AM
It must be hard to be "The Onion" these days...
 
2013-12-23 08:08:12 AM
Protect your nativity scene, protect your Christmas.

JesusJack™.
 
2013-12-23 08:13:10 AM
I have always wanted to find a gps baby Jesus and attach it to a weather balloon. I'd love to see them when they try and track that.
 
2013-12-23 08:16:30 AM

starlost: Mztlplx: Quick fix:

1. Bring cat to theft

1 edit: bring feral cat to nativity scene dressed in baby jesus clothes
2 cat scratches the hell out of the thief
/how you get the cat dressed i leave to you


Catnip and tranquilizers works.
If the cat doesn't respond to catnip, move on to the next feral cat.
 
2013-12-23 08:19:45 AM
♫ I don't care who goes and steals it
I've got a GPS rigged Jesus
Lying in the manger at my church...♫
 
2013-12-23 08:23:17 AM
If you're stealing from the scene, you're doing it wrong. You should add new elements to the creche. Me, I like this papercraft Jesus on a dinosaur, but YMMV.

http://digitprop.com/2012/01/jesus-rides-a-dinosaur/

digitprop.com
 
2013-12-23 08:26:26 AM
25.media.tumblr.com

Exterminate! Exterminate!
 
2013-12-23 08:31:36 AM

NutWrench: Why use GPS? Can't they just follow a star to find him?


"OnStar, how can we help you, Joseph?"
 
2013-12-23 08:32:59 AM
Crucify them!
 
2013-12-23 08:33:58 AM
This thread = win
 
2013-12-23 08:39:39 AM
This thread is dangerously close to making me laugh audibly in the waiting room for traffic court.
 
2013-12-23 08:44:20 AM
If they had nailed baby Jesus to a stick instead of waiting 32 years it would have made for a much less complicated world.
 
2013-12-23 08:46:15 AM
cinema1544.files.wordpress.com

Come, you must have travelled far!
 
2013-12-23 08:46:18 AM

Il Douchey: As  Mztlpix points out, the GPS strategy can be easily defeated.  The better solution is to construct a metal baby Jesus that can be electrified from beneath the creche; a sort of third rail savior, if you will.  Then when these dirty thieves try to steal our lord and savior, he will smite thee, and the stench of their burning flesh will compete with the frankincense and myrrh while Joseph, Mary and the wise man look on approvingly.  Merry Christmas everybody.


This made me laugh.
If they weren't sinners they wouldn't be electrified, right?
 
2013-12-23 08:46:28 AM
i.i.cbsi.com
 
2013-12-23 08:51:21 AM
So someone has a bunch of baby jesus figurines...why are they hoarding jesus.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-12-23 08:56:50 AM

fusillade762: The nails come later.


Power-nailer bro. It IS 2013. Technology.
 
2013-12-23 08:57:09 AM

rkiller1: ...nail down His location


You sir, win the internet today.
 
das
2013-12-23 08:58:55 AM
I guess that's one way to find the Lord.
 
2013-12-23 09:04:39 AM

rkiller1: ...nail down His location


You can't nail down his location without Hammer Time...

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-12-23 09:05:04 AM
www.sundayeducation.com
Can you put me up for the night?
 
2013-12-23 09:07:33 AM
"Mommy, why is the baby Jesus wearing an ankle bracelet?"
 
2013-12-23 09:11:39 AM

Il Douchey: As  Mztlpix points out, the GPS strategy can be easily defeated.  The better solution is to construct a metal baby Jesus that can be electrified from beneath the creche; a sort of third rail savior, if you will.  Then when these dirty thieves try to steal our lord and savior, he will smite thee, and the stench of their burning flesh will compete with the frankincense and myrrh while Joseph, Mary and the wise man look on approvingly.  Merry Christmas everybody.


I like the cut of your jib, Sir!!!!
 
2013-12-23 09:22:02 AM

MFAWG: [i.i.cbsi.com image 370x405]


Joe Friday _was_ there first. Satisfied.
 
2013-12-23 09:29:34 AM

Il Douchey: As  Mztlpix points out, the GPS strategy can be easily defeated.  The better solution is to construct a metal baby Jesus that can be electrified from beneath the creche; a sort of third rail savior, if you will.  Then when these dirty thieves try to steal our lord and savior, he will smite thee, and the stench of their burning flesh will compete with the frankincense and myrrh while Joseph, Mary and the wise man look on approvingly.  Merry Christmas everybody.


Or landmines. Landmines would work. Pick up the statue, KAPLOW!

That'll teach 'em.
 
2013-12-23 09:34:18 AM
Has anybody claimed GPS Jesus as a band name yet?
 
2013-12-23 09:38:56 AM
Verily, Mary doth attacheth yon holy ankle monitor.
 
2013-12-23 09:54:53 AM

Il Douchey: As  Mztlpix points out, the GPS strategy can be easily defeated.  The better solution is to construct a metal baby Jesus that can be electrified from beneath the creche; a sort of third rail savior, if you will.  Then when these dirty thieves try to steal our lord and savior, he will smite thee, and the stench of their burning flesh will compete with the frankincense and myrrh while Joseph, Mary and the wise man look on approvingly.  Merry Christmas everybody.


penny arcade did it. if only i could post pictures...
 
2013-12-23 09:56:51 AM
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/12/24">http://www.penny-arcade .com/comic/2007/12/24
 
2013-12-23 10:13:11 AM
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha

"Why is Jesus in a tree?"

Foreshadowing.
 
2013-12-23 11:49:04 AM
was this done on the original?

god playing geo-caching ?
 
2013-12-23 11:50:59 AM
thats weird...fedex is here with a handbasket
i didn't order one....oooohhhhh...
 
2013-12-23 01:14:30 PM
"Of course, God knows where they are, ..."

It's good to know that God is keeping track of our baby Jesus figurines.
 
2013-12-23 01:18:55 PM
Some people just want to ruin Christmas traditions.
 
2013-12-23 03:21:18 PM

GreenSun: Damn, I remember being part of the nativity scene as a kid. I had to carry the gold.... (just gold gift wrapper) and put it in front of baby Jesus. It's weird though, you have an all-Herdman cast except for the ceramic baby Jesus.


"HEY, UNTO YOU A CHILD IS BORN!"

/thanks for reminding me to dig that out again.
 
2013-12-23 03:46:01 PM
Old and busted...trunk monkey,

New hotness...Manger Monkey
 
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