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(Vice)   Review of worst 50 albums of the year or worst review of 50 albums of the year? c)   (vice.com) divider line 42
    More: Silly, vices, Franz Ferdinand, digital marketing, relapses, Steely Dan, Butterballs, Get Up Kids, Iggy Pop  
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2989 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 22 Dec 2013 at 7:30 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



42 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-12-22 04:43:19 PM  
Have you ever pissed on your belt? I do it at least two times a year and it doesn't exactly make me proud of myself. There are a lot of dumb things girls don't know about male sex parts, and I say that because my policy, whether you realize it or not, is to only write reviews for women. Another one is this thing that happens after you have sex. Sometimes dried jizz collects on your dickhole, and when you try to pee the next morning, your urine stream hits the cum barrier and splits in half, spraying wee-wee all over the wallpaper in your girlfriend's mom's bathroom. Then you realize you also pissed all over the fresh towels, and that's a major pain in the ass. Now that that's out of the way, time for some real talk: fark you for making this weird little shrew the must-hear breakout dark horse hit of the year.

I like the album, but damn that's an impressive review.
 
2013-12-22 05:33:40 PM  
Wow, I've almost heard of some those people.
 
2013-12-22 07:25:44 PM  

Bob Falfa: Wow, I've almost heard of some those people.


I think I recognized 5 or 6. Nice to see Kanye up there at #4 but Lorde at #1? "Oooh look at us we're so edgy we hate this album that everyone else likes!"
 
2013-12-22 07:49:13 PM  

fusillade762: Bob Falfa: Wow, I've almost heard of some those people.

I think I recognized 5 or 6. Nice to see Kanye up there at #4 but Lorde at #1? "Oooh look at us we're so edgy we hate this album that everyone else likes!"


If you hate the singles though, you're going to hate the record since it's pretty samey.
 
2013-12-22 07:50:31 PM  

fusillade762: Bob Falfa: Wow, I've almost heard of some those people.

I think I recognized 5 or 6. Nice to see Kanye up there at #4 but Lorde at #1? "Oooh look at us we're so edgy we hate this album that everyone else likes!"


Kanye also got #4 on their best list so yeah.
 
2013-12-22 07:52:15 PM  
Just call the article "I'm Failing At Life, So I'll Lash Out At An Easy Target".

A bore calling other artists sucky.
 
2013-12-22 07:52:16 PM  
Best: Like Clockwork by Queens of the Stone Age
 
2013-12-22 07:53:26 PM  

A Terrible Human: fusillade762: Bob Falfa: Wow, I've almost heard of some those people.

I think I recognized 5 or 6. Nice to see Kanye up there at #4 but Lorde at #1? "Oooh look at us we're so edgy we hate this album that everyone else likes!"

Kanye also got #4 on their best list so yeah.


Kanye badly needs an editor. Tighten that shiat up, lose the interludes and skits that have zero replay value and clock in at 45 minutes or under.
 
2013-12-22 08:07:31 PM  
#16 is a penis, so if your workplace frowns upon that sort of thing, yea.
 
2013-12-22 08:28:35 PM  

fusillade762: Bob Falfa: Wow, I've almost heard of some those people.

I think I recognized 5 or 6. Nice to see Kanye up there at #4 but Lorde at #1? "Oooh look at us we're so edgy we hate this album that everyone else likes!"


"Look at us hiding under edgy pen names! Aren't we smarty-cute?"

"C'mon, folks! Laugh/It's funny/Get a sense of humor! It's humorous & satirical just like [Kanye/Eminem/whoever I like!]!"

/concensus
 
2013-12-22 08:33:24 PM  
the Yamantaka//Sonic Titan one is rather good, though I can see it being off-putting in spots. Wooden Shjips is good too, even if it's only a slight variation on a very limited formula.

not sure if they intentionally credited The Stooges album to just Iggy Pop.
 
2013-12-22 08:42:29 PM  
Jimmy Eat World's album WAS disappointing
 
2013-12-22 08:44:38 PM  
This list sucks.
 
2013-12-22 08:47:47 PM  
my worst of 2013 list:

Flaming Lips - The Terror:First track is great, everything else is just one long slog without any memorable moments. Cut out the backstory and it's just a slab of tedium.

MGMT - MGMT:Psych-Pop that's neither memorable enough to be poppy nor weird enough to really be interesting. On one hand, it sounds way less forced than their last album, but it's still firmly in Tryhard territory.

Wolf People - Fain: Not bad, but sounds like a conscious attempt at sounding more complex, but it comes off as a heavier version of Renn Faire music.  Their last album (and singles collection) was much better.

Mazzy Star - Seasons of Your Day:Not bad, but probably one of the least interesting comeback albums. I like it better than Among My Swan, but none of it's particularly memorable and unlike the Medicine, My Bloody Valentine and even the fairly subpar Boards of Canada albums that came out this year, Mazzy Star don't really have a sound whose imitators have ever really failed at fully capturing.

Nine Inch Nails - Hesitation Marks:Half good, half boring.


there's probably a couple others I've forgotten.
 
2013-12-22 09:01:44 PM  

theapp: #16 is a penis, so if your workplace frowns upon that sort of thing, yea.


it should also be pointed out that the album was released last year, though I assume they're counting the LP release that came out this year. Either way, they did have an actual album released like a month ago that most people seem to have forgotten.
 
2013-12-22 09:06:23 PM  
Good to see Ed Anger getting more work since the demise of Weekly World News.
 
2013-12-22 09:08:56 PM  

johnnyboog: Best: Like Clockwork by Queens of the Stone Age


I love that album so much; it's probably my favorite from Queens of the Stone Age.
 
2013-12-22 09:12:44 PM  
That list was so hipster it was hipster before it was cool to be hipster. shiat, what pretentious assholes they are.

/stoplikingwhatIdon'tlike.jpg
 
2013-12-22 09:35:51 PM  

alexjoss: Jimmy Eat World's album WAS disappointing


I was disappointed they were still around. And how much Blink 182 was missed by anyone.
 
2013-12-22 09:37:30 PM  
TEGAN AND SARA
Heartthrob

Look. I'm a girl who likes to put her face on other girls' faces and crotches. Does it even matter what I think about this album or if I actually listened to it? Sorry, Quin twins-I can't hear you over my girlfriend's inner thighs pressed against my ears.

/I don't understand this review.  At all.
 
2013-12-22 09:39:33 PM  
This list doesn't seem to know whether it wants to make fun of bad music, pop the bubble on good/hyped music or want to put weird words in random sequences because funny. Could easily go on a list of bad lists.
 
2013-12-22 09:50:07 PM  
FTA:  E-40 was spawned from a time I like to call the Era of the Microsoft Zune (a.k.a. the late 90s/early 2000s) and has somehow managed to keep persuading people to give him money to make unmemorable music.

Early 00's?  This guy is an idiot.  E-40 is a vet in the music business.  Granted everything 'My Ghetto Report Card' and up is pretty much water trash, early E-40 is truly iconic hip-hop.
 
2013-12-22 09:57:39 PM  

buntz: TEGAN AND SARA
Heartthrob
Look. I'm a girl who likes to put her face on other girls' faces and crotches. Does it even matter what I think about this album or if I actually listened to it? Sorry, Quin twins-I can't hear you over my girlfriend's inner thighs pressed against my ears.

/I don't understand this review.  At all.


No but as a man who likes to press his faces in girls crotches, you have me mildly aroused.
 
2013-12-22 10:10:54 PM  
Not necessarily defending that Bad Religion album (it may be terrible), but the review kind of mischaracterized the hell out of the band. Bad Religion may be many things but it's not Anti-Flag.
 
2013-12-22 10:17:00 PM  
Also, I don't know what the intro was going on about. Pitchfork Media made a killing off of giving vitriolic, spiteful reviews by amateur critics with a very highly defined scope of what "good" music is. There isn't exactly a dearth of negativity in the reviewing world.
 
2013-12-22 10:20:11 PM  

ParadisePornoTheater: Just call the article "I'm Failing At Life, So I'll Lash Out At An Easy Target".


A bore calling other artists sucky.


Yep. I understand the need some have to attention whore to compensate for their self-perceived shortfalls, but when one does it by pissing on others, it's time to take a good look at ones self.
 
2013-12-22 10:39:39 PM  

Marmilman: johnnyboog: Best: Like Clockwork by Queens of the Stone Age

I love that album so much; it's probably my favorite from Queens of the Stone Age.



Seeing them live kicks it up a notch or two...really, really kick ass tour.
 
2013-12-22 11:17:57 PM  
I just sent a message to Mark Pirro, bassist of the Polyphonic Spree to congratulate him on being #2.  He replied that he was disappointed they didn't get the top spot.
 
2013-12-23 12:47:42 AM  
A number of those albums also appeared on their top 50 list, so this list is basically authors who disagreed taking time out of their day to bash them hard and maybe get hits from pissed off music fans.

I do like the fact that someone hated Porcelain Raft's album to put it on this list while fully aware of the fact that nobody has ever heard of them though.
 
2013-12-23 01:15:17 AM  

buntz: TEGAN AND SARA
Heartthrob
Look. I'm a girl who likes to put her face on other girls' faces and crotches. Does it even matter what I think about this album or if I actually listened to it? Sorry, Quin twins-I can't hear you over my girlfriend's inner thighs pressed against my ears.

/I don't understand this review.  At all.


I think the joke is Tegan and Sara are a lesbian band for lesbians that only lesbians listen to so the review is a lesbian joke.  That's my guess.

/lesbians
 
2013-12-23 03:02:58 AM  
I like Bad Religion's Christmas songs for the sheer humorous value of it all. And catchy punk Christmas songs aren't bad either
 
2013-12-23 06:30:03 AM  

ParadisePornoTheater: alexjoss: Jimmy Eat World's album WAS disappointing

I was disappointed they were still around. And how much Blink 182 was missed by anyone.


I'm amazed that Blink 182 still has a following that's heading into their 30s; ditto Linkin Park.  They weren't the worse among the awful Nu-Metal/Pop Punk era, but I still can't fathom anyone over 15 really connecting with either band.
 
2013-12-23 07:29:37 AM  
Ugh. Vice. I don't even know why I put up with them. They can do some very interesting stuff every now and then, but most of the time it's too wrapped up in smugness and irony.
Most of their stories boil down to "Get a load of this guy!"
Noisy is the most obnoxious music site on the internet. It makes Pitchfork look like The Top Countdown with Casey Kasem.
 
2013-12-23 08:59:26 AM  
A lot of the bands/people I heard of were a case of everyone else liked them so I'll put snark here on them, but I take umbrage at the Franz Ferdinand snipe. Admittedly I'm one of the people who thought Franz Ferdinand (along with The Killers, White Stripes, Yellowcard, etc.) were going to become huge only to see them fall flat on their face on their sophomore album (and third album), but the new album is pretty good. It isn't as good as their first album, yet it holds up until the last few songs. If Right Thoughts would have been their second album people might still be talking about them.
 
2013-12-23 09:42:51 AM  

tribute: A lot of the bands/people I heard of were a case of everyone else liked them so I'll put snark here on them


though I kind of agree, I thought they were pretty spot on with the Miley Cyrus inclusion. I certainly don't think that mainstream music is by definition terrible, but Indie's embrace of pop acts strikes me as faux-open mindedness that's used solely to say "See, I'm not some hipster, I listen to [pop act] as well!" as a retort against the lame accusation of only liking lesser-known bands.
 
2013-12-23 09:44:23 AM  
I can't think of many things that are more punk than not knowing who the Sex Pistols were,

This is one of the dumbest things I've ever read.

 and frankly, "punk rock" isn't even a real thing.

aaaannnnnd this is another one!
Actually, it's dumber than the first one, which I can kind of understand in a conceptual way.
 
2013-12-23 10:03:53 AM  

drewogatory: Kanye badly needs an editor. Tighten that shiat up, lose the interludes and skits that have zero replay value and clock in at 45 minutes or under.


Seriously?  They still do skits on rap albums?

Redman had some pretty funny skits on his albums, but even the best skits were useless filler after hearing them a couple times.
 
2013-12-23 10:58:42 AM  

FeedTheCollapse: tribute: A lot of the bands/people I heard of were a case of everyone else liked them so I'll put snark here on them

though I kind of agree, I thought they were pretty spot on with the Miley Cyrus inclusion. I certainly don't think that mainstream music is by definition terrible, but Indie's embrace of pop acts strikes me as faux-open mindedness that's used solely to say "See, I'm not some hipster, I listen to [pop act] as well!" as a retort against the lame accusation of only liking lesser-known bands.


Or maybe they actually listened to album? Nah, only hipsters judge albums after listening
 
2013-12-23 11:02:13 AM  

Otto's_Jacket: Marmilman: johnnyboog: Best: Like Clockwork by Queens of the Stone Age

I love that album so much; it's probably my favorite from Queens of the Stone Age.


Seeing them live kicks it up a notch or two...really, really kick ass tour.


...Like Clockwork caught me off guard. I've liked some QotSA in the past, but this new album is utter brilliance. It's the best new album by any band that I've heard in the last 5-10 years.
 
2013-12-23 12:07:42 PM  
...your music sounds like something Buffalo Bill would listen to if his sex dungeon were in a Bushwick railroad apartment in 2007...

I'm going to have to get that album.
 
2013-12-23 12:51:24 PM  

Cortez the Killer: Otto's_Jacket: Marmilman: johnnyboog: Best: Like Clockwork by Queens of the Stone Age

I love that album so much; it's probably my favorite from Queens of the Stone Age.


Seeing them live kicks it up a notch or two...really, really kick ass tour.

...Like Clockwork caught me off guard. I've liked some QotSA in the past, but this new album is utter brilliance. It's the best new album by any band that I've heard in the last 5-10 years.



That got me thinking about what my other favorite album from the last 5-10 years would be, and 'Them Crooked Vultures' came to mind first.  Apparently I'm a Josh Homme-r.
 
2013-12-23 02:22:06 PM  

Otto's_Jacket: Cortez the Killer: Otto's_Jacket: Marmilman: johnnyboog: Best: Like Clockwork by Queens of the Stone Age

I love that album so much; it's probably my favorite from Queens of the Stone Age.


Seeing them live kicks it up a notch or two...really, really kick ass tour.

...Like Clockwork caught me off guard. I've liked some QotSA in the past, but this new album is utter brilliance. It's the best new album by any band that I've heard in the last 5-10 years.


That got me thinking about what my other favorite album from the last 5-10 years would be, and 'Them Crooked Vultures' came to mind first.  Apparently I'm a Josh Homme-r.


I really like then as well. I enjoy Gunman and Spinning in daffodils from their last album.
 
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