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(Grub Street)   How to properly drink with your family this Christmas   (grubstreet.com) divider line 46
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4485 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Dec 2013 at 3:46 PM (36 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



46 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-12-22 01:34:23 PM
I stopped reading at "avoid serious cocktails".  Blasphemy.
 
2013-12-22 01:52:27 PM
That's actually really good advice on dealing with family. The only thing I'd add would be "get a big cooler, fill it with ice and cheap light beer."

This isn't the time for anything challenging. You just want something people can drink in quantity.
 
2013-12-22 02:09:50 PM
I definitely don't have this problem with my family.  The only question is who will end up being the runaway train, hammered and snoring in dad's chair first.  It really could be anyone, pick your horse.  My money is on gramma, but my eldest daughter just started drinking and is a bit of a lightweight, so I can probably talk her into an ill-advised Jager or two.
 
2013-12-22 02:13:12 PM

unyon: I definitely don't have this problem with my family.  The only question is who will end up being the runaway train, hammered and snoring in dad's chair first.  It really could be anyone, pick your horse.  My money is on gramma, but my eldest daughter just started drinking and is a bit of a lightweight, so I can probably talk her into an ill-advised Jager or two.


I was at the liquor store picking up some bourbon the other day and noticed they now have 'Holiday Spice' Jager.  I haven't had Jager since college, so I admit I'm curious.
 
2013-12-22 02:49:48 PM
I don't drink with my family.  I drink  because of my family.
 
2013-12-22 02:50:29 PM
Like this?
i232.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-22 03:50:33 PM
My son recently turned 21. The first grink he bought in my preasence was a gin and tonic. I was releived that he was not influenced by my own drinking habits.
 
2013-12-22 03:51:06 PM

FloydA: I don't drink with my family.  I drink  because of my family.

 
2013-12-22 03:51:54 PM
Alternate method: get everybody drunk except for yourself, then slip out the door and go see a movie while your aunt hugs everyone a little too closely and your mom launches into yet another slurred monologue about how America used to be free before Obama.
 
2013-12-22 03:53:30 PM
Drink early, drink often, and hot toddies for screaming kids.

/I learned a lot in Ireland
 
2013-12-22 03:53:47 PM
Heavily?
 
2013-12-22 03:56:23 PM
That reads like Christmas or Thanksgiving at my uncles house, down to the "what to avoid" paragraph, but because they're all sure to happen.

Said uncle will likely be the one to initiate it all except the tattoo showing - thats his wife's job.
 
2013-12-22 03:56:28 PM
My sister is snowed in. Now I don't have to worry about the family drunk starting another fight this year. The streak will end at three. Thank God.
 
2013-12-22 03:59:20 PM
I got a giant box of bartlett pears(the white people xmas gift) and pureed several yesterday and made a batch of peach margaritas.   So good, I am going to to do it again tonight.
 
2013-12-22 03:59:47 PM

Huskadoodle: My son recently turned 21. The first grink he bought in my preasence was a gin and tonic. I was releived that he was not influenced by my own drinking habits.


Be careful. That grink could steal Christmas. And all your Christmas preasence.
 
2013-12-22 04:01:19 PM
That was a completely useless article.
If anyone could employ moderation and logic to holiday drinking, there wouldn't BE holiday parties with the family.  And there would probably be a lot fewer PEOPLE, period.
 
2013-12-22 04:04:29 PM
I learned to pace myself a long time ago, so I look forward to watching everyone else getting hammered. And since they are all beer/wine drinkers, it just gets funny and not ugly.

I will be bringing a few bottles of home made Cyser that's been ageing for 10-11 months. It's got quite the kick for something that tastes the way it does. It should be interesting.
 
2013-12-22 04:12:55 PM
cdn1.sbnation.com

The women in my family, of course, drink from a daintier keg.
 
2013-12-22 04:13:27 PM
Too bad I'm having a Batman Christmas.

/ Just me and Jack
 
2013-12-22 04:20:24 PM

Krymson Tyde: Like this?
[i232.photobucket.com image 300x184]


No...more like this:
melissadesa.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-12-22 04:25:54 PM

Danger Avoid Death: Huskadoodle: My son recently turned 21. The first grink he bought in my preasence was a gin and tonic. I was releived that he was not influenced by my own drinking habits.

Be careful. That grink could steal Christmas. And all your Christmas preasence.


Now that's funny right there....fist bump
 
2013-12-22 04:36:53 PM

Danger Avoid Death: Huskadoodle: My son recently turned 21. The first grink he bought in my preasence was a gin and tonic. I was releived that he was not influenced by my own drinking habits.

Be careful. That grink could steal Christmas. And all your Christmas preasence.


I hope his son isn't influenced but his spelling habits.
 
2013-12-22 04:37:55 PM

Glenford: Danger Avoid Death: Huskadoodle: My son recently turned 21. The first grink he bought in my preasence was a gin and tonic. I was releived that he was not influenced by my own drinking habits.

Be careful. That grink could steal Christmas. And all your Christmas preasence.

I hope his son isn't influenced but his spelling habits.


Yeah, I got it
 
2013-12-22 04:38:13 PM

Glenford: Danger Avoid Death: Huskadoodle: My son recently turned 21. The first grink he bought in my preasence was a gin and tonic. I was releived that he was not influenced by my own drinking habits.

Be careful. That grink could steal Christmas. And all your Christmas preasence.

I hope his son isn't influenced but his spelling habits.


*by

Stupid autocorrect
 
2013-12-22 05:13:52 PM
My family is largely made up of craft beer fans, so it's pretty easy.  Grab my stepmother and younger sister another glass of wine, and ask my father stepsisters, and their boyfriend/husband "I'm gonna grab another beer, you guys want one?"
 
2013-12-22 05:21:08 PM

Gonz: That's actually really good advice on dealing with family. The only thing I'd add would be "get a big cooler, fill it with ice and cheap light beer."

This isn't the time for anything challenging. You just want something people can drink in quantity.


I was surprised at how good the advice was all around. Would click again.
 
2013-12-22 05:24:22 PM
Let's see ...

"How to Get Drunk With Your Family"

1. Get a head start.
2. Lower the bar, but not all the way.
3. Make lots (aka, lower the bar, but not all the way).
4. If your family won't cooperate, don't drink with your family.
5. If even #4 doesn't work, cry "wolf" as obnoxiously as you can.

Wow, this guy is a Super Genius! I'll be sure to buy his book when it's published this spring.

/ no.
 
2013-12-22 05:32:03 PM

Nuclear Monk: Krymson Tyde: Like this?
[i232.photobucket.com image 300x184]

No...more like this:
[melissadesa.files.wordpress.com image 418x369]


I am repulsed, amused, confused, and fascinated by that image every time I see it.
 
2013-12-22 05:40:03 PM

Agent Smiths Laugh: Nuclear Monk: Krymson Tyde: Like this?
[i232.photobucket.com image 300x184]

No...more like this:
[melissadesa.files.wordpress.com image 418x369]

I am repulsed, amused, confused, and fascinated by that image every time I see it.


The kid with the guitar should be shooped into other amusing situations.
 
2013-12-22 05:50:23 PM
The best way to drink with my family on Christmas is to not. I'll probably get pissed off, drive home, and down a fifth of vodak alone.
 
2013-12-22 05:53:39 PM
I like dark liquor and prefer darkish beers but most of my drinking relatives like american pisswater light beer.
 
2013-12-22 05:53:48 PM

Igor Jakovsky: Agent Smiths Laugh: Nuclear Monk: Krymson Tyde: Like this?
[i232.photobucket.com image 300x184]

No...more like this:
[melissadesa.files.wordpress.com image 418x369]

I am repulsed, amused, confused, and fascinated by that image every time I see it.

The kid with the guitar should be shooped into other amusing situations.


thechive.files.wordpress.com
Merry Christmas!

/Sadly, not mine.
//I think he should play for the weird dancing girl.
 
2013-12-22 06:08:43 PM

theflatline: I got a giant box of bartlett pears(the white people xmas gift) and pureed several yesterday and made a batch of peach margaritas.   So good, I am going to to do it again tonight.


How did you make 'peach' margaritas with 'Bartlett pears'?
 
2013-12-22 06:14:30 PM

bratface: theflatline: I got a giant box of bartlett pears(the white people xmas gift) and pureed several yesterday and made a batch of peach margaritas.   So good, I am going to to do it again tonight.

How did you make 'peach' margaritas with 'Bartlett pears'?



Hint: Lots of alcohol.
 
2013-12-22 06:22:00 PM
This article makes me sad.

I am missing my crazy family right now.

\sniff
 
2013-12-22 06:41:23 PM
Quit drinking months ago.  It's agony, but members of my family are prone to substance abuse so it seems like a good idea.  No one warns you that in cases like mine there's no withdrawal/physical dependency.  You just don't sleep anymore, and everything is so farkING boring.
 
2013-12-22 07:11:35 PM

theflatline: I got a giant box of bartlett pears(the white people xmas gift) and pureed several yesterday and made a batch of peach margaritas.   So good, I am going to to do it again tonight.



just curious--how do you make peach margaritas with pears?
 
2013-12-22 07:15:57 PM

johndalek: theflatline: I got a giant box of bartlett pears(the white people xmas gift) and pureed several yesterday and made a batch of peach margaritas.   So good, I am going to to do it again tonight.


just curious--how do you make peach margaritas with pears?


Damn GMO's.
 
2013-12-22 07:56:02 PM
If you notice, for instance, your sister seething in the kitchen because your sister-in-law just won't shut up about how much better her family traditions are, and how sad she is to be here instead of there, lend your sister a sympathetic ear ... and a Bellini.

Forget my family, I wanna drink with that family.

legrenierdumacumbanight.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-12-22 07:58:32 PM
1) Breathe in
2) Drink
3) Breathe out
4) Repete steps 1-3 as needed.
 
2013-12-22 10:17:17 PM
Do people really need to take steps to make sure their family gets wasted for Christmas? If you were to try and stop mine I can't guarantee you'd survive the attempt.
 
2013-12-22 10:26:40 PM

johndalek: theflatline: I got a giant box of bartlett pears(the white people xmas gift) and pureed several yesterday and made a batch of peach margaritas.   So good, I am going to to do it again tonight.


just curious--how do you make peach margaritas with pears?


Autocorrect fail?
 
2013-12-22 11:24:31 PM
My Christmas will be spent with my exceedingly uptight family. There will be NO ALCOHOL. There will be store bought tea as libation. Merry farking Christmas.
 
2013-12-23 05:47:39 AM
Our family Christmas:

1) Buy a case of champagne (Taittinger this year as it was on offer).
2) Drink champagne.
3) fark, what's that smell? It smells like burning. Oh shiat, oh shiat, oh shiat.
4) Eat burnt turkey/trimmings.
 
2013-12-23 08:59:26 AM

Peter Wimsey: My Christmas will be spent with my exceedingly uptight family. There will be NO ALCOHOL. There will be store bought tea as libation. Merry farking Christmas.


That is cruel and unusual.

If I were you, I would seriously evaluate who you want to spend your time with this holiday season. If the winner ends up being Candi and Crystal down at the strip club, you'll find no judgement on this side of the keyboard.
 
2013-12-23 03:20:15 PM
Can I drink with some of your families instead?  Y'know, the fun ones?

\would actually prefer to drink with the in-laws than my own family
\\snowballs FTW - gin, cream, top up with 7-up
 
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