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(E! Online)   Kate Upton breaks up with boyfriend, reportedly scouring Fark.com for "hot middle-aged men"   (eonline.com) divider line 66
    More: Cool, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Kate Upton, boyfriends, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue  
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4274 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 20 Dec 2013 at 7:40 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



66 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2013-12-20 07:33:28 PM  
what's the upper limit on "middle?"
 
2013-12-20 07:38:53 PM  
What's the lower limit on "hot?"
 
2013-12-20 07:42:15 PM  
dibs
 
2013-12-20 07:45:49 PM  
Certainly not a bookmark.
 
2013-12-20 07:46:58 PM  
Because why the hell not NSFWhttp://i.imgur.com/0xz8oMx.jpg
 
2013-12-20 07:47:29 PM  
The heat is too high, so I'm all hot and sweaty. Call me, Kate!
 
2013-12-20 07:48:28 PM  
Kate, eip.

/the chances she's scouring fark are 1 in a million.
//I'm saying there is a chance.
 
2013-12-20 07:48:31 PM  
It's not a beer gut, it's a...

Okay, it's a beer gut.
 
2013-12-20 07:49:11 PM  
Joke's on her, they're all in space.
 
2013-12-20 07:51:27 PM  
Kate Upton and Maksim Chmerkovskiy Split Up, "No Hard Feelings" Between Them

Kate gives me hard feelings...
 
2013-12-20 07:54:37 PM  
derpicdn.net
 
2013-12-20 07:57:25 PM  
I read that as 'hot, aged middle-man' and thought that I, an assistant dept. supervisor of an insurance office, had a shot.

:(
 
2013-12-20 08:00:05 PM  
I've told you many times, Kate. I'm happily married.
 
2013-12-20 08:13:17 PM  
I will watch The Three Stooges movie and your new movie with Cameron Diaz as many times as you want.
 
2013-12-20 08:14:05 PM  
imageshack.us  She doesn't look enough like a 12-year old boy.
 
2013-12-20 08:17:14 PM  
I thought she was still with Verlander
 
2013-12-20 08:19:47 PM  
By "hot middle-aged" you mean "slightly overweight married thirty-somethings that wouldn't count as cheating" right?
 
2013-12-20 08:19:53 PM  
I'm here to console you, baby

eip
 
2013-12-20 08:30:46 PM  

Dr J Zoidberg: Because why the hell not NSFWhttp://i.imgur.com/0xz8oMx.jpg


Also NSFW
 
2013-12-20 08:40:13 PM  
53/2+7= 33
She's 33 right?
 
2013-12-20 08:42:10 PM  
She's got a peculiar torso. But that's OK. Just an observation, not a judgement.

/Anything's better than that tiny headed hog Chrisitina Hendricks you guys all swoon over.
//Bring it.
 
2013-12-20 08:43:06 PM  
over in 2
 
2013-12-20 08:44:12 PM  

the_celt: 53/2+7= 33
She's 33 right?


Dude, you're gonna have to get jiggy with the numbers. Maybe try dividing by seven then adding two:
(53/7) + 2 = about 10.

In the clear!
 
2013-12-20 08:45:08 PM  

Dr J Zoidberg: Because why the hell not NSFWhttp://i.imgur.com/0xz8oMx.jpg


Is that actually her?
 
2013-12-20 08:49:55 PM  
If it helps, I'll move back into my mom's basement
 
2013-12-20 08:54:45 PM  

Trocadero: Dr J Zoidberg: Because why the hell not NSFWhttp://i.imgur.com/0xz8oMx.jpg

Also NSFW


I hope those aren't from the same photo shoot.
 
2013-12-20 09:03:07 PM  

Crudbucket: Trocadero: Dr J Zoidberg: Because why the hell not NSFWhttp://i.imgur.com/0xz8oMx.jpg

Also NSFW

I hope those aren't from the same photo shoot.


shush

das gut ja ja
 
2013-12-20 09:20:44 PM  
shanereiser.com

/one closer to my number

//4,267,553
 
2013-12-20 09:23:17 PM  
Well, since I only go after women who go after me...I'll wait for her to call.
Leave a message.
 
2013-12-20 09:43:10 PM  
images.wikia.com

Here's my picture Kate, call me
 
2013-12-20 09:44:16 PM  

Trocadero: Dr J Zoidberg: Because why the hell not NSFWhttp://i.imgur.com/0xz8oMx.jpg

Also NSFW


Ew, not into golden showers
 
2013-12-20 09:54:48 PM  

red5ish: [imageshack.us image 150x190]  She doesn't look enough like a 12-year old boy.


No. She looks like a contestant from "Toddlers & Tiaras" with sloppy boob implants.
 
2013-12-20 10:02:39 PM  

rogue49: Well, since I only go after women who go after me...I'll wait for her to call.
Leave a message.


Admit it, you phone only rings when your mother calls.
 
2013-12-20 10:20:29 PM  

Darth_Lukecash: What's the lower limit on "hot?"


flucto: what's the upper limit on "middle?"



Damn, this thread was over  fast
 
2013-12-20 10:23:42 PM  

Dr J Zoidberg: Because why the hell not NSFWhttp://i.imgur.com/0xz8oMx.jpg


Jesus Christ.
 
2013-12-20 10:49:24 PM  

flucto: what's the upper limit on "middle?"


Darth_Lukecash: What's the lower limit on "hot?"


It's probably a very narrow window and if you have to ask, you likely don't qualify.
 
2013-12-20 10:50:59 PM  

HotWingAgenda: Dr J Zoidberg: Because why the hell not NSFWhttp://i.imgur.com/0xz8oMx.jpg

Jesus Christ.


He would be busy jerking off to that rack right now, if you wait till sunday he might be able to rise again.
 
2013-12-20 10:54:37 PM  
NSFW

NSFW

First image comes from this video (NSFW)
 
2013-12-20 10:58:30 PM  
How much money is the guy expected to make to meet her standards?
 
2013-12-20 11:00:19 PM  

Darth_Lukecash: What's the lower limit on "hot?"


I'll race you to the bottom!


Nabb1: I've told you many times, Kate. I'm happily married.


I'm not. Not that that'd stop me: I was married at 19, my wife was 24 and my mistress was 17. 1927 was a very good year.


rogue49: Well, since I only go after women who go after me...I'll wait for her to call.


She's kind of young & inexperienced for me still. Just don't wear her out before she's 30 like Billy Bob did Angelina.
 
2013-12-20 11:04:45 PM  

HotWingAgenda: Dr J Zoidberg:

Because why the hell not NSFWhttp://i.imgur.com/0xz8oMx.jpg

Jesus Christ.


No, Lady Godiva. But it's an honest mistake.


texdent: How much money is the guy expected to make to meet her standards?


Are you insinuating that she's some kind gold digger, or a prostitute maybe?

If so I'll need a good panhandling sign.
 
2013-12-20 11:10:04 PM  

The One True TheDavid: Darth_Lukecash: What's the lower limit on "hot?"

I'll race you to the bottom!


Nabb1: I've told you many times, Kate. I'm happily married.

I'm not. Not that that'd stop me: I was married at 19, my wife was 24 and my mistress was 17. 1927 was a very good year.


rogue49: Well, since I only go after women who go after me...I'll wait for her to call.

She's kind of young & inexperienced for me still. Just don't wear her out before she's 30 like Billy Bob did Angelina.


Johnny Lee Miller wore her out before Billy Bob even got his dick in that crazy.
 
2013-12-20 11:18:02 PM  
She's carrying a Michigan backpack in that picture.  No way I would touch her now that I know she's a Michigan fan.

Like I had a chance anyway.

Yeah, I still would.
 
2013-12-20 11:31:22 PM  
Bookmark
 
2013-12-20 11:33:47 PM  
Sooooo Kate. Look me up sometime.
 
2013-12-20 11:56:58 PM  
I was going to shoot for 'incomprehensible or unprounouncible name guy' because antidisestablishmentarianism: clearly has me beat on 'number of letters in last name guy'.
 
2013-12-20 11:59:56 PM  
I'm here for ya Kate.  I've got a remote, a bag of microwave popcorn, and a microwave.  We're gonna have a good time.
 
2013-12-21 12:36:18 AM  
I'm kind of old, but, everyone says I very immature, so I got that going for me.  "Kate, baby, think of all the fun things we can do, like run out and pick up my Cialis."
 
2013-12-21 12:36:20 AM  

Dr J Zoidberg: Because why the hell not NSFWhttp://i.imgur.com/0xz8oMx.jpg


My... um... my pants are fitting disturbingly tight right now... O_O
 
2013-12-21 01:10:09 AM  
Geeze, fine, I will fall on this grenade for you guys. You're welcome.
 
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