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(Wired)   Had things gone a little differently in Congress in 1910, we might all be eating tasty hippo bacon right now   (wired.com) divider line 48
    More: Strange, U.S. Congress, industrial agriculture, Michael Pollan, food systems  
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5935 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Dec 2013 at 2:12 PM (43 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



48 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-12-20 02:17:48 PM  
Hippos imported from Africa and raised in the bayous of Louisiana, proponents argued, would provide a delicious new source of protein for a meat-hungry nation.

To be fair, "Hippo Dynasty" does seem like a more interesting show.
 
2013-12-20 02:19:54 PM  
I'm getting one for Christmas. You know you love that song.
 
2013-12-20 02:23:10 PM  
A friend of mine tells a great story about how he once punched a hippo in the face.
 
2013-12-20 02:25:30 PM  
Could you IMAGINE eating a piece of bacon as long as your arm?!?!? (or longer)

i.imgur.com
 
2013-12-20 02:26:25 PM  
Ignoring for a moment the fact that they are apparently dangerous as fark, let's get to the most important question.   Are they tasty?

/this is fark... someone must know
 
2013-12-20 02:26:48 PM  

ChipNASA: Could you IMAGINE eating a piece of bacon as long as your arm?!?!? (or longer)

[i.imgur.com image 850x471]


You're going to need a bigger board
 
2013-12-20 02:28:01 PM  
Think of all the marbles you would have to import for them to eat.
 
2013-12-20 02:28:09 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-12-20 02:29:50 PM  

elev8meL8r: Hippos imported from Africa


Hippos come from Hungary.

Hungary Hungary Hippos
 
2013-12-20 02:30:35 PM  

Tax Boy:


Cute as it is, I would eat that all night long.

/leaving it vague
 
2013-12-20 02:31:45 PM  
So, million dollar question.  Has anyone here eaten hippo?
 
2013-12-20 02:31:52 PM  

Tax Boy: elev8meL8r: Hippos imported from Africa

Hippos come from Hungary.

Hungary Hungary Hippos


It pains me that you're going to win "funniest" in this thread. You got my vote anyway.
 
2013-12-20 02:32:32 PM  

extroverted_suicide: So, million dollar question.  Has anyone here eaten hippo?


Four legs or two?

/just asking
 
2013-12-20 02:34:32 PM  

Tax Boy: elev8meL8r: Hippos imported from Africa

Hippos come from Hungary.

Hungary Hungary Hippos


UNACCEPTABLE! UNNNAAAAACCCCEEEPPPPTTTTAAAABBBLLLLEEEE.
 
2013-12-20 02:34:33 PM  

extroverted_suicide: So, million dollar question.  Has anyone here eaten hippo?


Does North American House Hippo count? Then no.
 
2013-12-20 02:44:00 PM  

Lyonid: Ignoring for a moment the fact that they are apparently dangerous as fark, let's get to the most important question.   Are they tasty?

/this is fark... someone must know


Yeah, I was thinking about that.  They'd probably have given up after the first 5 or 6 ranchers were eaten.  Hippos are not nice animals.
 
2013-12-20 02:47:21 PM  
Last time I tried to eat out a hippo, it tasted funny....

americanmoxie.us
 
2013-12-20 02:51:00 PM  

Lyonid: Ignoring for a moment the fact that they are apparently dangerous as fark, let's get to the most important question.   Are they tasty?

/this is fark... someone must know


On taste, they are apparently very popular hunting targets in Africa so it's at least tolerable.

On danger, wild boars and wild buffalo are also extremely dangerous but we've managed to create some very docile breeds to eat.

The main question would probably be cost. Hippos are big but how much would it cost to get them that big? The animals we use generally grow quickly on less food than similar animals.
 
2013-12-20 02:52:13 PM  

Lyonid: Ignoring for a moment the fact that they are apparently dangerous as fark, let's get to the most important question.   Are they tasty?

/this is fark... someone must know


I dunno, but the rodeos would be interesting.
 
2013-12-20 02:55:09 PM  
Shoulda voted Bull Moose.
 
2013-12-20 02:56:11 PM  
Hippos are ill tempered motherfarkers. Lives were saved.
 
2013-12-20 02:56:26 PM  
img.fark.net
thedroidyourelookingfor.files.wordpress.com

/unavailable for comment
 
2013-12-20 03:09:05 PM  
Thank God, this cunning stunt fell through.  I'm sure the thinkers behind the scheme thought, "big hairless mammal = a lot of meat" and they would have been right as far as it went; they are big and they do pack a lot of meat on their carcasses.  The problem would arise when it became obvious that, in addition to big, hippos are very aggressive and are capable of doing significant property and personal damage if they get their dander up.  The hippo is responsible for more human deaths than any other large mammal in Africa.  Fully grown hippos also weigh in the neighborhood of two to two and a half pounds.  They consume about 100 pounds of vegetation per day.  Given their weight and temperament it would be quite the chore to round them up and get them to the rail heads and load them aboard rail road cars to transport them to slaughter houses.  Because there has never been any experience in slaughtering something that large and mean, it boggles the imagination once the hippos toward the end of the line in the slaughter house what awaited them.
 
2013-12-20 03:13:56 PM  
Seems like I once read that hippos kill more people on the African continent every year than all other animal attacks combined. Not sure about the veracity of that statement, but the sentiment seems to mean something.
 
2013-12-20 03:15:55 PM  
Fursecution:

img.fark.net
thedroidyourelookingfor.files.wordpress.com

/unavailable for comment


You certainly have *my* nomination for the "Obscure Reference du Jour" award.
 
2013-12-20 03:20:57 PM  

Prey4reign: ...Fully grown hippos also weigh in the neighborhood of two to two and a half pounds.


So if one gets uppity, just punt the little prick into the swamp.
 
2013-12-20 03:33:26 PM  
Frederick Russell Burnham was a fictional character based on the life of Bill Brasky.
 
2013-12-20 03:41:45 PM  

Cordwainer Duck: Prey4reign: ...Fully grown hippos also weigh in the neighborhood of two to two and a half pounds.

So if one gets uppity, just punt the little prick into the swamp.


Well sure, but you're likely to lose a foot in the process.
 
2013-12-20 03:45:50 PM  

Prey4reign: Thank God, this cunning stunt fell through.  I'm sure the thinkers behind the scheme thought, "big hairless mammal = a lot of meat" and they would have been right as far as it went; they are big and they do pack a lot of meat on their carcasses.  The problem would arise when it became obvious that, in addition to big, hippos are very aggressive and are capable of doing significant property and personal damage if they get their dander up.  The hippo is responsible for more human deaths than any other large mammal in Africa.  Fully grown hippos also weigh in the neighborhood of two to two and a half pounds.  They consume about 100 pounds of vegetation per day.  Given their weight and temperament it would be quite the chore to round them up and get them to the rail heads and load them aboard rail road cars to transport them to slaughter houses.  Because there has never been any experience in slaughtering something that large and mean, it boggles the imagination once the hippos toward the end of the line in the slaughter house what awaited them.


Err, that's tons, not pounds, and that would make a difference.
 
2013-12-20 03:53:23 PM  
odinsposse:

Lyonid: Ignoring for a moment the fact that they are apparently dangerous as fark, let's get to the most important question. Are they tasty?

/this is fark... someone must know

On taste, they are apparently very popular hunting targets in Africa so it's at least tolerable.

On danger, wild boars and wild buffalo are also extremely dangerous but we've managed to create some very docile breeds to eat.

The main question would probably be cost. Hippos are big but how much would it cost to get them that big? The animals we use generally grow quickly on less food than similar animals.


I'd substitute aurochs for buffalo on your list of fearsome animals we managed to get domesticated. They're gone now after 10,000 years of breeding more docile breeds. I'm not sure bison are actually domesticated, they just tolerate widely-enough-spaced fences with enough encouragement. We haven't been trying to domesticate them long enough and probably won't put in the effort.

As has been pointed out, the main question with hippos wouldn't be getting them big. They would do that on their own like feral hogs in the US south. The main problem would be "how do you stop them?" As if the south didn't have enough problems with kudzu and hawgs.

/ boar is very tasty, both asian and US. It's the gamier version of pork. Can't speak for hippo.
 
2013-12-20 03:55:08 PM  

ChipNASA: Could you IMAGINE eating a piece of bacon as long as your arm?!?!? (or longer)

[i.imgur.com image 850x471]


Yes, yes I can.
 
2013-12-20 04:16:53 PM  
Having seen how white-tail deer, I mean freakin' *Bambi* can devastate a forest or field, I can only imagine what it would be like when a herd of two-ton eating machines that could only be killed with large-caliber cannon fire find themselves hungry.

No, I can't see any way this could have turned out well.
 
2013-12-20 04:19:33 PM  

maxheck: As has been pointed out, the main question with hippos wouldn't be getting them big. They would do that on their own like feral hogs in the US south. The main problem would be "how do you stop them?" As if the south didn't have enough problems with kudzu and hawgs.


Colombia has a bit of a feral hippo problem already thanks to Pablo Escobar.  He had a private zoo on his estate and when he was killed all of the animals were taken in by zoo's and shelters, except for 4 hippos.  The hippos were left in place on the abandoned estate and now it's a herd of 40 animals.  Atlas Obscura has a nice little article on them.
 
2013-12-20 04:42:20 PM  
Hey guys, what's happening in here??

Agent Smiths Laugh: ChipNASA: Could you IMAGINE eating a piece of bacon as long as your arm?!?!? (or longer)

[i.imgur.com image 850x471]

Yes, yes I can.


backs out slowly.
 
2013-12-20 04:45:21 PM  

maxheck: odinsposse:

Lyonid: Ignoring for a moment the fact that they are apparently dangerous as fark, let's get to the most important question. Are they tasty?

/this is fark... someone must know

On taste, they are apparently very popular hunting targets in Africa so it's at least tolerable.

On danger, wild boars and wild buffalo are also extremely dangerous but we've managed to create some very docile breeds to eat.

The main question would probably be cost. Hippos are big but how much would it cost to get them that big? The animals we use generally grow quickly on less food than similar animals.

I'd substitute aurochs for buffalo on your list of fearsome animals we managed to get domesticated. They're gone now after 10,000 years of breeding more docile breeds. I'm not sure bison are actually domesticated, they just tolerate widely-enough-spaced fences with enough encouragement. We haven't been trying to domesticate them long enough and probably won't put in the effort.

As has been pointed out, the main question with hippos wouldn't be getting them big. They would do that on their own like feral hogs in the US south. The main problem would be "how do you stop them?" As if the south didn't have enough problems with kudzu and hawgs.

/ boar is very tasty, both asian and US. It's the gamier version of pork. Can't speak for hippo.


Assuming it is a sow, yes. If it is a proper boar and wasn't gelded when young, hell no.
 
2013-12-20 04:56:05 PM  
MechTard:

maxheck: odinsposse:

Lyonid: Ignoring for a moment the fact that they are apparently dangerous as fark, let's get to the most important question. Are they tasty?

/this is fark... someone must know

On taste, they are apparently very popular hunting targets in Africa so it's at least tolerable.

On danger, wild boars and wild buffalo are also extremely dangerous but we've managed to create some very docile breeds to eat.

The main question would probably be cost. Hippos are big but how much would it cost to get them that big? The animals we use generally grow quickly on less food than similar animals.

I'd substitute aurochs for buffalo on your list of fearsome animals we managed to get domesticated. They're gone now after 10,000 years of breeding more docile breeds. I'm not sure bison are actually domesticated, they just tolerate widely-enough-spaced fences with enough encouragement. We haven't been trying to domesticate them long enough and probably won't put in the effort.

As has been pointed out, the main question with hippos wouldn't be getting them big. They would do that on their own like feral hogs in the US south. The main problem would be "how do you stop them?" As if the south didn't have enough problems with kudzu and hawgs.

/ boar is very tasty, both asian and US. It's the gamier version of pork. Can't speak for hippo.

Assuming it is a sow, yes. If it is a proper boar and wasn't gelded when young, hell no.


It was advertised as boar in Nepal. I didn't process or cook the cuts so... sure, I can't in all honesty argue. All I can say that what ended up on a plate was wonderfully fatty and savory and tasted like the richest pork roast ever..:)

/ knows the difference between lamb and mutton, so not entirely unacquainted with tasty meats.

Might have been long pig for all I know! :)
 
2013-12-20 05:14:34 PM  
Yuuuuuuummmmm. I would love to try some giant bacon, thank you.
 
2013-12-20 05:27:37 PM  
When the Pure Food Act first kicked in, the federal government only recognized two varieties of coffee as legal coffee. One was Arabica and the other was Liberica. Robusta was not accepted as coffee.

It took decades for importers, farmers and roasters to ignore enough regulations so that Robusta was legal coffee in the eyes of the federal government.

You can buy Liberica beans. I believe they're only grown in the Philippines. The coffee tastes sort of bleu cheesyish.
 
2013-12-20 06:27:23 PM  

maxheck: Fursecution:

img.fark.net
thedroidyourelookingfor.files.wordpress.com

/unavailable for comment

You certainly have *my* nomination for the "Obscure Reference du Jour" award.


Eh, not sure it's obscure in Fark terms.  But I'll second it.  Oh, and also,

SODOMY!
 
2013-12-20 07:50:39 PM  

Prey4reign: Thank God, this cunning stunt fell through.  I'm sure the thinkers behind the scheme thought, "big hairless mammal = a lot of meat" and they would have been right as far as it went; they are big and they do pack a lot of meat on their carcasses.  The problem would arise when it became obvious that, in addition to big, hippos are very aggressive and are capable of doing significant property and personal damage if they get their dander up.  The hippo is responsible for more human deaths than any other large mammal in Africa.  Fully grown hippos also weigh in the neighborhood of two to two and a half pounds.  They consume about 100 pounds of vegetation per day.  Given their weight and temperament it would be quite the chore to round them up and get them to the rail heads and load them aboard rail road cars to transport them to slaughter houses.  Because there has never been any experience in slaughtering something that large and mean, it boggles the imagination once the hippos toward the end of the line in the slaughter house what awaited them.


---
now you owe me a new keyboard for that 'weigh in the neighborhood of 2 to 2 1/2 pounds' - ooo scary !
 
2013-12-20 08:49:15 PM  

That's magic meat.


1.bp.blogspot.com

 
2013-12-20 09:22:35 PM  
They come out of the rivers to graze at night, and they're extremely territorial.
 
2013-12-20 10:25:14 PM  
I LOVE YOU HIPPOPOTAMUSESES


homiegfunk.com
 
2013-12-21 01:30:09 AM  

maxheck: MechTard:

maxheck: odinsposse:

Lyonid: Ignoring for a moment the fact that they are apparently dangerous as fark, let's get to the most important question. Are they tasty?

/this is fark... someone must know

On taste, they are apparently very popular hunting targets in Africa so it's at least tolerable.

On danger, wild boars and wild buffalo are also extremely dangerous but we've managed to create some very docile breeds to eat.

The main question would probably be cost. Hippos are big but how much would it cost to get them that big? The animals we use generally grow quickly on less food than similar animals.

I'd substitute aurochs for buffalo on your list of fearsome animals we managed to get domesticated. They're gone now after 10,000 years of breeding more docile breeds. I'm not sure bison are actually domesticated, they just tolerate widely-enough-spaced fences with enough encouragement. We haven't been trying to domesticate them long enough and probably won't put in the effort.

As has been pointed out, the main question with hippos wouldn't be getting them big. They would do that on their own like feral hogs in the US south. The main problem would be "how do you stop them?" As if the south didn't have enough problems with kudzu and hawgs.

/ boar is very tasty, both asian and US. It's the gamier version of pork. Can't speak for hippo.

Assuming it is a sow, yes. If it is a proper boar and wasn't gelded when young, hell no.

It was advertised as boar in Nepal. I didn't process or cook the cuts so... sure, I can't in all honesty argue. All I can say that what ended up on a plate was wonderfully fatty and savory and tasted like the richest pork roast ever..:)

/ knows the difference between lamb and mutton, so not entirely unacquainted with tasty meats.

Might have been long pig for all I know! :)


I've had wild boar too. I got it from the Exotic Meat store, which used to be located here in Seattle, but moved to Bellevue and mostly online now. It was damned tasty.
 
2013-12-21 02:14:37 AM  

Prey4reign: Prey4reign: Thank God, this cunning stunt fell through.  I'm sure the thinkers behind the scheme thought, "big hairless mammal = a lot of meat" and they would have been right as far as it went; they are big and they do pack a lot of meat on their carcasses.  The problem would arise when it became obvious that, in addition to big, hippos are very aggressive and are capable of doing significant property and personal damage if they get their dander up.  The hippo is responsible for more human deaths than any other large mammal in Africa.  Fully grown hippos also weigh in the neighborhood of two to two and a half pounds.  They consume about 100 pounds of vegetation per day.  Given their weight and temperament it would be quite the chore to round them up and get them to the rail heads and load them aboard rail road cars to transport them to slaughter houses.  Because there has never been any experience in slaughtering something that large and mean, it boggles the imagination once the hippos toward the end of the line in the slaughter house what awaited them.

Err, that's tons, not pounds, and that would make a difference.


Darn. I wanted a cute little two pound hippo. :(
 
2013-12-21 08:37:23 AM  

Jument: Prey4reign: Prey4reign: Thank God, this cunning stunt fell through.  I'm sure the thinkers behind the scheme thought, "big hairless mammal = a lot of meat" and they would have been right as far as it went; they are big and they do pack a lot of meat on their carcasses.  The problem would arise when it became obvious that, in addition to big, hippos are very aggressive and are capable of doing significant property and personal damage if they get their dander up.  The hippo is responsible for more human deaths than any other large mammal in Africa.  Fully grown hippos also weigh in the neighborhood of two to two and a half pounds.  They consume about 100 pounds of vegetation per day.  Given their weight and temperament it would be quite the chore to round them up and get them to the rail heads and load them aboard rail road cars to transport them to slaughter houses.  Because there has never been any experience in slaughtering something that large and mean, it boggles the imagination once the hippos toward the end of the line in the slaughter house what awaited them.

Err, that's tons, not pounds, and that would make a difference.

Darn. I wanted a cute little two pound hippo. :(


I think those are called "guinea pigs," and they are good eating.
 
2013-12-21 10:37:27 AM  

Jument: Darn. I wanted a cute little two pound hippo. :(


Behold the hippopotamus!
We laugh at how he looks to us,
And yet in moments dank and grim,
I wonder how we look to him.

Peace, peace, thou hippopotamus!
We really look all right to us,
As you no doubt delight the eye
Of other hippopotami.

-Ogden Nash
 
2013-12-21 06:22:54 PM  

Jument: Prey4reign: Prey4reign: Thank God, this cunning stunt fell through.  I'm sure the thinkers behind the scheme thought, "big hairless mammal = a lot of meat" and they would have been right as far as it went; they are big and they do pack a lot of meat on their carcasses.  The problem would arise when it became obvious that, in addition to big, hippos are very aggressive and are capable of doing significant property and personal damage if they get their dander up.  The hippo is responsible for more human deaths than any other large mammal in Africa.  Fully grown hippos also weigh in the neighborhood of two to two and a half pounds.  They consume about 100 pounds of vegetation per day.  Given their weight and temperament it would be quite the chore to round them up and get them to the rail heads and load them aboard rail road cars to transport them to slaughter houses.  Because there has never been any experience in slaughtering something that large and mean, it boggles the imagination once the hippos toward the end of the line in the slaughter house what awaited them.

Err, that's tons, not pounds, and that would make a difference.

Darn. I wanted a cute little two pound hippo. :(


You can get them at the same place the Dos Equis guy got his giraffe.
 
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