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(Amazon)   The best masturbation joke you'll read all week   (amazon.com) divider line 107
    More: Amusing  
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26247 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Dec 2013 at 12:40 PM (16 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



107 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-12-20 12:41:12 PM
Masturbation is no joke, subtard. Go ask your mom. I've watched her.
 
ecl
2013-12-20 12:42:36 PM
I'm in survival mode. If I don't supply absorbent paper products,  I'm going to find my dish towels hidden in the basement, stiff as aluminum. The other day, I almost cut my hand on a sock.


That's pretty funny.
 
2013-12-20 12:43:50 PM
How long before Amazon edits that comment out? Buy a square.
 
2013-12-20 12:44:16 PM
That's one of the funniest things I've read in a while.
 
2013-12-20 12:44:44 PM
So the email address of the user appears to contain a possibly real (and uncommon) last name, and the mom mentioned all of the teenage boys by their first names.

I hope this is entirely fabricated, or at least that the names were changed.
 
2013-12-20 12:45:10 PM
At least I got a hobby. One that will probably kill me in the end. But I will leave this world with a wrinkled hand on my clank and a smile on my face. And a box of Kleenex on my nightstand.
 
2013-12-20 12:45:29 PM
That's not a joke. It's eloquent prose describing the human condition.
 
2013-12-20 12:45:32 PM
img.fark.net
 
2013-12-20 12:46:08 PM
I wish someone would have told me that jizz dries into a yellow stain.
 
2013-12-20 12:46:32 PM
What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish, it'll die.
 
2013-12-20 12:46:36 PM
Mom? are you gonna write a review for a 75 gallon hot water heat as well?
 
2013-12-20 12:46:43 PM
Actually, that's the dumbest most unfunny things I've read this year.
 
2013-12-20 12:47:45 PM
All of that guy's reviews are pretty good.
 
2013-12-20 12:48:27 PM

gfid: Actually, that's the dumbest most unfunny things I've read this year.


I chuckled. It's not the dumbest thing I've read, but it wasn't the funniest.
 
2013-12-20 12:48:44 PM

gfid: Actually, that's the dumbest most unfunny things I've read this year.


You sound uptight. Have you ever considered the advantages of owning a real nice half pair of soft cotton socks?
 
2013-12-20 12:48:44 PM

gfid: Actually, that's the dumbest most unfunny things I've read this year.


Whatever,  Liam
 
2013-12-20 12:49:32 PM

Englebert Slaptyback: So the email address of the user appears to contain a possibly real (and uncommon) last name, and the mom mentioned all of the teenage boys by their first names.

I hope this is entirely fabricated, or at least that the names were changed.


You mean some guy named "James Thach" who's one of Amazon's top rated reviewers?  Yup, he's certainly in hot water if all this is true for sure.  At minimum his husband is gonna be pretty pissed.
 
2013-12-20 12:50:29 PM

gfid: Actually, that's the dumbest most unfunny things I've read this year.


Someone needs a nap.
 
2013-12-20 12:50:59 PM
 
2013-12-20 12:51:31 PM
One in the hand is worth two in the bush
 
2013-12-20 12:53:27 PM
Next up from the same mom:  her personal review of the latest top-loading mega washing machine.  That kind that shakes and slams and vibrates and dances its way across the floor and right into your, uhh... heart.


/chooka chooka chooka
//or however the hell a washing machine sounds
 
2013-12-20 12:54:03 PM
slink around the house like unfixed cats

*snrk*
 
2013-12-20 12:54:10 PM

gfid: Actually, that's the dumbest most unfunny things I've read this year.


So which one are you, Liam, Samuel or Hank?
 
2013-12-20 12:54:55 PM

TheShavingofOccam123: gfid: Actually, that's the dumbest most unfunny things I've read this year.

You sound uptight. Have you ever considered the advantages of owning a real nice half pair of soft cotton socks?


Maybe I'm a bit uptight, but I've been around the block a few times and puerile humor just doesn't do it for me anymore.

I can still remember those times when I was 10 years old and would laugh if anyone said "fart", but these days I require a bit more to make me crack a smile.

I still have a sense of humor, it's just not geared towards laughing at stupid shiat like what was linked here.
 
2013-12-20 12:54:56 PM
Pop caught me rubbin' one out once.He said i was gonna go blind.
I told him 'I'm over here Pop'.
 
2013-12-20 12:55:28 PM
Too obvious.  It'd be funnier if the mother didn't understand why the kids were going through so much Kleenax.
 
2013-12-20 12:55:41 PM
 
2013-12-20 12:55:50 PM

BumpInTheNight


You mean some guy named "James Thach" who's one of Amazon's top rated reviewers? Yup, he's certainly in hot water if all this is true for sure. At minimum his husband is gonna be pretty pissed.


I don't spend time perusing Amazon reviews and don't know who this guy is. Sorry.

And if you manage to RTFA you will see the following:


I am sorry to speak so frankly, but with three teenage boys, a woman has got to be practical.
...
The other day my husband was watching me unload the groceries, and he asks me, all sweetness and light, "Honey, what're you doing with all that Kleenex?"

I about knocked him off his chair.
 
2013-12-20 12:56:12 PM
 Kleenex with lotion is the best of both world
 
ecl
2013-12-20 12:56:31 PM

Diocletian's Last Cabbage: Next up from the same mom:  her personal review of the latest top-loading mega washing machine.  That kind that shakes and slams and vibrates and dances its way across the floor and right into your, uhh... heart.


/chooka chooka chooka
//or however the hell a washing machine sounds


I think it sounds like a dying baby giraffe.
fc07.deviantart.net
 
2013-12-20 12:57:31 PM
 
2013-12-20 12:58:09 PM
Anyone else notice this on the right side of the page:

"2 used & new available from $31.44"

Really adds to the ambiance of that review.
 
2013-12-20 12:58:58 PM

TheShavingofOccam123: gfid: Actually, that's the dumbest most unfunny things I've read this year.

You sound uptight. Have you ever considered the advantages of owning a real nice half pair of soft cotton socks?


They won't remain soft, for long.
 
2013-12-20 12:59:35 PM

Rev. Skarekroe: Too obvious.  It'd be funnier if the mother didn't understand why the kids were going through so much Kleenax.


I enjoyed the weary, all knowing pragmatism that must come from being the mother of 3 teen boys.
 
2013-12-20 01:00:14 PM

gfid: TheShavingofOccam123: gfid: Actually, that's the dumbest most unfunny things I've read this year.

You sound uptight. Have you ever considered the advantages of owning a real nice half pair of soft cotton socks?

Maybe I'm a bit uptight, but I've been around the block a few times and puerile humor just doesn't do it for me anymore.

I can still remember those times when I was 10 years old and would laugh if anyone said "fart", but these days I require a bit more to make me crack a smile.

I still have a sense of humor, it's just not geared towards laughing at stupid shiat like what was linked here.


Don't stop...I'm almost there...

/that's it. I'm going. Sorry.
 
2013-12-20 01:01:31 PM
Oh look, another fake "funny" Amazon review.

These are starting to be like those Hitler videos.

In fact, someone should make a Hitler video about fake Amazon reviews.

Read the person's profile, they've written similar reviews for other things.
 
2013-12-20 01:02:24 PM
FTA: "A mother's struggle"

BumpInTheNight: You mean some guy named "James Thach" who's one of Amazon's top rated reviewers?


Kills the effect of the joke.
 
2013-12-20 01:03:20 PM

tarheel07: I wish someone would have told me that jizz dries into a yellow stain.


Sure. Sometimes I jizz my name into the snow instead of peeing.
 
2013-12-20 01:03:48 PM

gfid: I still have a sense of humor, it's just not geared towards laughing at stupid shiat like what was linked here.


Why exactly are you on FARK then?
 
2013-12-20 01:06:08 PM

johnperkins: Nimbus 2000?

http://www.amazon.com/Rubies-Costume-Co-Harry-Potter/dp/B001D4VNYE


Love it. Well, let me clarify. I laughed. I don't ride teh Harry Potter Broom in ecstasy.
 
2013-12-20 01:06:13 PM
www.shoutingatco.ws
 
2013-12-20 01:07:02 PM
I don't remember any enormous fapping evidence from my brothers. They ate enormous quantities of food and would go through a pair of shoes per month. Beginning of the month there were new tennis shoes. End of the month there were blackened, holes eaten into them, sole flapping off, stench-filled remnants left. Amazing.

Now that I think about it my one brother did spend a lot of time in the bathroom.
 
2013-12-20 01:08:13 PM

tarheel07: I wish someone would have told me that jizz dries into a yellow stain.


Did you pick the wrong shirt off the floor for work?
 
2013-12-20 01:08:15 PM
Accurate.
 
2013-12-20 01:09:36 PM
It's humorous, I'll give you that, but on the other hand this is exactly what's wrong with Amazon reviews and why I don't bother reading them anymore.
 
2013-12-20 01:10:42 PM
I fully intend to adopt at least one male child with my future possible husband. And if said hypothetical child should come up to me one day and say "Hey, dad, when I tug at my tinkle it makes me feel funny," I shall respond with the following:

"Just remember, kid--don't do that crap in public."
 
2013-12-20 01:13:50 PM

smellysocksnshoes: Mom? are you gonna write a review for a 75 gallon hot water heat as well?


Our new house has twin cascaded Bradford White commercial 50 gallon hot water heaters, so I'm getting a kick....

4 hour shower, anyone?
 
2013-12-20 01:15:33 PM
CAN'T......STOP......LAUGHING!!!
 
2013-12-20 01:17:45 PM
Three old lades are taking in a matinee at the local cinema. About halfway through the movie, the man sitting next to them whips out his member and begins to masturbate furiously. The first old lady sees it, and has a stroke. The second old lady sees it, and has a stroke. The third old lady refuses to touch it.
 
2013-12-20 01:18:37 PM
i44.tinypic.com
 
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