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(The Atlantic)   The perfect job for the professional student   (theatlantic.com) divider line 29
    More: Dumbass, professional student, Harvard University  
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6558 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Dec 2013 at 7:31 AM (34 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



29 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-12-20 07:37:44 AM
Would be funny if someone did it, but the whole while was sticking his tongue out lasciviously at classmates, wearing skintight pink stretch pants with a tail, and asking teachers to go on "skating dates" while waggling his eyebrows in a really creepy way. Do it for three and a half years, learn everything, tank the guys final half semester by being arrested for streaking during class and causing destruction, outing him in the process, and write a bestselling novel about it to make the legit money.
 
2013-12-20 07:40:14 AM
If I were 23 again, I'd do it.
 
2013-12-20 07:42:17 AM
If true it's pretty stupid. One of the big benefits of attending a top school is the people you get to know, which this guy will miss out on.

This isn't another Adam Sandler movie plot, is it?
 
2013-12-20 07:45:01 AM
Only if I can do it in blackface.

www.annalsofamericus.com
 
2013-12-20 07:45:09 AM
Haha!  The jokes on him when I soil his name by pretending to be Lewis Skolnick.

laportecreative.com
 
2013-12-20 07:49:58 AM
"I'll do it, but you may end up being president and founder of the Harvard Furry/Otherkin Society."
 
2013-12-20 07:57:32 AM
I wonder what he plans to be off doing while supposedly attending school. Or how he can afford to pay $40k if he's still under (I'm assuming) his parent's rule enough to pretend to go.
 
2013-12-20 08:03:13 AM

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: "I'll do it, but you may end up being president and founder of the Harvard Furry/Otherkin Society."



Don't do it.  The body double dies when his car's brake lines mysteriously rupture.  Grieving Harvard educated family collects $2mil insurance.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-12-20 08:13:51 AM
Do they check government issued photo IDs when you get your school ID picture taken as a freshman?
 
2013-12-20 08:16:12 AM

rogue_L_chick: I wonder what he plans to be off doing while supposedly attending school. Or how he can afford to pay $40k if he's still under (I'm assuming) his parent's rule enough to pretend to go.


I went to school with kids who were paying $1,500 or more every semester for other students to take his finals. There are a lot of kids with cash out there.
 
2013-12-20 08:20:30 AM

ZAZ: Do they check government issued photo IDs when you get your school ID picture taken as a freshman?


Yes, and carelessly so. And if you don't appear 'american' then you're home free, because calling you on it would not be PC.
 
2013-12-20 08:23:50 AM

Mytch: ZAZ: Do they check government issued photo IDs when you get your school ID picture taken as a freshman?

Yes, and carelessly so. And if you don't appear 'american' then you're home free, because calling you on it would not be PC.


That, and I'm sure that someone with enough money for tuition, living expenses, and $40K/year would probably be able to track down a good fake.  Could probably even bribe a DMV-worker to make a government-issued fake.
 
2013-12-20 08:31:52 AM
If anyone at Harvard sees this, tho, they could call the guy, get his name, and revoke his acceptance.

Bet his rich parents would LOVE that.
 
2013-12-20 08:35:45 AM
I admit I'm tempted.

The only drawback is that I'd have to hang around Harvard people all day...
 
Ook
2013-12-20 08:48:49 AM
Sounds like fun, but I bet you'd have to major in something douchey for him
 
2013-12-20 09:09:48 AM
So some schmo will do all the work and have nothing to show for it while some idiot will automatically land the best jobs because he's a special Harvard graduate.

Sounds about how things are done.
 
2013-12-20 09:15:34 AM
This guy wants the appearance of an Ivy League education, without actually getting any education at all. Unless he's so rich that he really doesn't have to work, I think that any employer who hires him after "graduation" would figure out that what they've got is a high-school educated dumbass.

On the flip side, someone who takes him up on the offer will actually have an Ivy League education, but have no way to prove it. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, he'll be a smart high-school graduate who has been screwing around for the last four years. Once you're done with school and the paychecks stop coming, there's very little upside.
 
2013-12-20 09:16:51 AM
Oh man I would actually consider doing this.  That would be a heck of a 4 year run given that I could do literally ANYTHING i wanted as far as college-y shenanigans because it's not me.
 
2013-12-20 09:20:10 AM

Cybernetic: This guy wants the appearance of an Ivy League education, without actually getting any education at all. Unless he's so rich that he really doesn't have to work, I think that any employer who hires him after "graduation" would figure out that what they've got is a high-school educated dumbass.

On the flip side, someone who takes him up on the offer will actually have an Ivy League education, but have no way to prove it. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, he'll be a smart high-school graduate who has been screwing around for the last four years. Once you're done with school and the paychecks stop coming, there's very little upside.


It depends on his field of study. At my company, we often hire new business graduates who seem like they just graduated high school. Also, I would believe the person who takes his courses will probably be someone who has done it before and will already have a degree without a job. There's enough of them out there.
 
2013-12-20 10:19:56 AM
Is the guy's name George P. Burdell?
 
2013-12-20 10:35:57 AM

edmo: So some schmo will do all the work and have nothing to show for it while some idiot will automatically land the best jobs because he's a special Harvard graduate.


You don't understand. You do it as a part-time job because you already know the material and don't actually have to work very hard to get this kid his grades. Hell, I have a Ph.D. and write academic papers for fun. I'd do it just for the LOLs. I think it would be a blast to take all those silly undergrad courses again knowing what I know now. Hmmm. I do live in Boston. Tempting...
 
2013-12-20 10:46:24 AM

pkellmey: Cybernetic: This guy wants the appearance of an Ivy League education, without actually getting any education at all. Unless he's so rich that he really doesn't have to work, I think that any employer who hires him after "graduation" would figure out that what they've got is a high-school educated dumbass.

On the flip side, someone who takes him up on the offer will actually have an Ivy League education, but have no way to prove it. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, he'll be a smart high-school graduate who has been screwing around for the last four years. Once you're done with school and the paychecks stop coming, there's very little upside.

It depends on his field of study. At my company, we often hire new business graduates who seem like they just graduated high school. Also, I would believe the person who takes his courses will probably be someone who has done it before and will already have a degree without a job. There's enough of them out there.


You're probably right. I was assuming that the "employee" would be a recent HS grad, and that the subject matter studied would be something where the lack of an actual college education would be more apparent (such as STEM fields). Both of those assumptions may be false, and would probably have to be false in order for the plan to work.
 
2013-12-20 10:50:46 AM

edmo: So some schmo will do all the work and have nothing to show for it while some idiot will automatically land the best jobs because he's a special Harvard graduate.

Sounds about how things are done.


The schmo (obviously someone bright enough to complete a Harvard education) writes a book about his experiences so he gets paid, and uses his smarts, fame and "Harvard education" to have a great career.

And the idiot will be ruined.
 
2013-12-20 12:16:16 PM
If I was 20ish, I would do that in a heartbeat.  I would also change my name to whatever this deuce stains name is, so that I could keep using the Harvard degree after graduating.  Whaddya mean it isn't me?  I'm in all the dorm/ yearbook/ snooty party photos.
 
2013-12-20 12:29:16 PM
So some rich kid who doesn't need to work for a living wants a degree, why exactly?  And he's going to miss out on four years of all the easy, careless, non committal sex to boot?

Sounds like some kind of Nigerian phishing scam to me.
 
2013-12-20 02:05:34 PM
Too bad it's not Yale - you could join Skull and Bones and have your benefactor killed when it's all over and assume his identity.
 
2013-12-20 02:23:57 PM
How old can you be to apply for this gig?
 
2013-12-20 02:49:24 PM
I wonder if, at the end of the four years, the actual student could sue Harvard to get a degree?
 
2013-12-20 05:56:45 PM

Kwai Lo: If I was 20ish, I would do that in a heartbeat.  I would also change my name to whatever this deuce stains name is, so that I could keep using the Harvard degree after graduating.  Whaddya mean it isn't me?  I'm in all the dorm/ yearbook/ snooty party photos.


No, you're going about it wrong. You use his name and fake ids, and then change "your" name to what your original name is and pocket the degree.
 
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