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(io9)   A map of the weirdest sex laws in the United States   (io9.com) divider line 90
    More: Strange, United States, state code, urban legends  
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14770 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Dec 2013 at 5:16 PM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



90 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-12-17 05:11:20 PM
Arizona: No more than two dildos in the same house.

Alrighty, how many Farkers are breaking that one right now?
 
2013-12-17 05:18:10 PM

timujin: Arizona: No more than two dildos in the same house.

Alrighty, how many Farkers are breaking that one right now?


I've got a clipboard and a #2 pencil. Proceed.

/#2 pencil... how old am I?
 
2013-12-17 05:20:00 PM
PA has outlawed parents and children living together.  I wish I had known this a few decades ago.  It sounds very sensible to me.
 
2013-12-17 05:20:39 PM

timujin: Arizona: No more than two dildos in the same house.

Alrighty, how many Farkers are breaking that one right now?


I am the only dildo in this house.

/the remainder are coonts
 
2013-12-17 05:21:48 PM

timujin: Arizona: No more than two dildos in the same house.

Alrighty, how many Farkers are breaking that one right now?


This thread is on schedule to be dildos.
 
2013-12-17 05:23:09 PM
i627.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-17 05:23:19 PM

timujin: Arizona: No more than two dildos in the same house.

Alrighty, how many Farkers are breaking that one right now?


*raises hand*

Although we'd be okay in Texas.
 
2013-12-17 05:23:35 PM
I am oddly disappointed by the lack of Florida weirdness on there.  The law cited was ambiguous but hardly weird.
 
2013-12-17 05:23:57 PM
Texas: Not allowed to sell "vibrators."

Hence why they are all called "personal massagers."
 
2013-12-17 05:24:26 PM

lockers: [i627.photobucket.com image 465x364]


Right on schedule.
 
2013-12-17 05:25:24 PM

abfalter: I am oddly disappointed by the lack of Florida weirdness on there.  The law cited was ambiguous but hardly weird.


Something tells me the list is hardly complete.
 
2013-12-17 05:26:29 PM

timujin: Arizona: No more than two dildos in the same house.

Alrighty, how many Farkers are breaking that one right now?


We are. I think we have 4 or 5 for different uses.
 
2013-12-17 05:26:33 PM

zamboni: timujin: Arizona: No more than two dildos in the same house.

Alrighty, how many Farkers are breaking that one right now?

I've got a clipboard and a #2 pencil. Proceed.

/#2 pencil... how old am I?


Gotta say, those are some pretty unconventional dildos you've got there,  'boni.
 
2013-12-17 05:26:42 PM

timujin: Arizona: No more than two dildos in the same house.

Alrighty, how many Farkers are breaking that one right now?


If there are three women, do they have to share? Does a double-headed count as two?
 
2013-12-17 05:26:42 PM
Some of those weren't weird at all. One about dogs not being allowed to molest property - I think the author doesn't even know what 'molest' means.
 
2013-12-17 05:26:48 PM
I want to defy
The logic of all sex laws
Let the handcuffs slip off your wrists
I'll let you be my chaperone
At the halfway home
I'm a full-grown man
But I'm not afraid to cry
 
2013-12-17 05:27:34 PM
Husband>vibrator>dildo

/sometimes I use my vibrator  because hubby makes me mad
//yay for angry masturbation
//what's the female version of fap??
 
2013-12-17 05:27:53 PM
Well, at least Minnesota doesn't have a law against having sex with a goat in a boat filled with mayonnaise while wearing a bow tie on the Sabba--oh, fark!!!

.
 
2013-12-17 05:28:57 PM
Haha a grew up one town over from Haddon Township, NJ and I definitely flirted there. Lock me up, ossifer!
 
2013-12-17 05:29:55 PM
I don't understand how you can make a map out of laws, let alone weird sex laws.
 
2013-12-17 05:30:02 PM
IIRC, the Texas law was in response to being able to regulate sex shops, e.g., to prevent people from selling out of their house.
 
2013-12-17 05:30:06 PM
Washington: Give a sex worker a ride to work, lose your car

Whose work?
 
2013-12-17 05:30:08 PM

Vixen_Pot: Husband>vibrator>dildo

/sometimes I use my vibrator  because hubby makes me mad
//yay for angry masturbation
//what's the female version of fap??


'shlick'?
 
2013-12-17 05:30:13 PM

Vixen_Pot: Husband>vibrator>dildo

/sometimes I use my vibrator  because hubby makes me mad
//yay for angry masturbation
//what's the female version of fap??


Shlick.
 
2013-12-17 05:30:48 PM

Peki: Texas: Not allowed to sell "vibrators."

Hence why they are all called "personal massagers."


They're so good for your... neck. And... your feet!

I want to go to a state that calls them Thrusting Oscillating Vagina Wreckers.
 
2013-12-17 05:31:21 PM
Arizona: No more than two dildos in the same house.

Maybe that means when Jan Brewer throws a dinner party, Arpaio is only allowed to hang out on the porch.
 
2013-12-17 05:32:07 PM
Michigan
Low-riding pants that expose underwear are a Class B offense. But if they expose butt cleavage, they're a Class A offense. (In Flint.)


Now that's a law I can really get behind.
 
2013-12-17 05:32:18 PM
//what's the female version of fap??

*"schlick"
 
2013-12-17 05:33:10 PM

Radak: Michigan
Low-riding pants that expose underwear are a Class B offense. But if they expose butt cleavage, they're a Class A offense. (In Flint.)

Now that's a law I can really get behind.


Does that mean no whale tails?  'Cause I loves me a whale tail.
 
2013-12-17 05:33:12 PM
What's "weird" about not allowing marriage if someone has an STD(Nebraska)? May be a little out of date, and should be amended that you can't get married unless your partner knows, but I can see why this would exist in the first place.
 
2013-12-17 05:35:25 PM
Between Florida arresting hookers and now this list, I'm thinking the only thing that's legal in the US are the sticks shoved up everyone's asses.
 
2013-12-17 05:37:13 PM
Isn't adultery illegal in most states?
 
2013-12-17 05:38:21 PM

abfalter: I am oddly disappointed by the lack of Florida weirdness on there.  The law cited was ambiguous but hardly weird.


Some of the ones in the complete list aren't worth including either...

North Dakota:
It's against the law to fail to confine a dog or cat in heat.

Even this one makes sense in its own weird way:

Utah:
An adult cannot show sex paraphernalia to a minor, unless they're your own child.
 
2013-12-17 05:39:00 PM

elev8meL8r: Arizona: No more than two dildos in the same house.

Maybe that means when Jan Brewer throws a dinner party, Arpaio is only allowed to hang out on the porch.


No dildo trains in Arizona... shame.
 
2013-12-17 05:42:19 PM
Thanks Zik-Zak, Phoenix87ta, & bass555!!  Throwing shlicks y'alls way

Mmmm okay maybe not but thanks :)
 
2013-12-17 05:42:29 PM

Mikey1969: What's "weird" about not allowing marriage if someone has an STD(Nebraska)? May be a little out of date, and should be amended that you can't get married unless your partner knows, but I can see why this would exist in the first place.


Given the quality of Nebraskan women, I can also see why this law exists.
 
2013-12-17 05:44:38 PM

cowgirl toffee: elev8meL8r: Arizona: No more than two dildos in the same house.

Maybe that means when Jan Brewer throws a dinner party, Arpaio is only allowed to hang out on the porch.

No dildo trains in Arizona... shame.


Here's a visual for that...

img21.imageshack.us
 
2013-12-17 05:45:23 PM
I believe Alabama has a law that forbids even having sex shops. So unless you bootleg dildos over state lines there are no dildos. Maybe a modified toilet paper roll holder.
 
2013-12-17 05:47:31 PM
cache.vevo.com


/hot like cavalry drums hijacking your equilibrium
 
2013-12-17 05:51:17 PM
Thankfully, the "sex-hating" old people are dying off, so there won't be any voters left for the politicians to pander to, and they'll have no choice but to strike all these 'morality-based' off the books or lose badly.
 
2013-12-17 05:53:21 PM

99.998er: Maybe a modified toilet paper roll holder.


i1126.photobucket.com

"That would probably be safer than my first idea..."
 
2013-12-17 05:56:46 PM

Peki: Texas: Not allowed to sell "vibrators."

Hence why they are all called "personal massagers."


Banned on the Run: IIRC, the Texas law was in response to being able to regulate sex shops, e.g., to prevent people from selling out of their house.


FYI, the sex toy ban was ruled unconstitutional by the 5th District Court:

http://www.alternet.org/story/78479/sex_toys_are_finally_legal_in_te xa s

Unfortunately some idiot judge in Corpus Christi didn't get the memo (or deliberately ignored it), but that won't last long:

http://daxlegal.com/dildos-sexually-obscene-toys-illegal-in-texas-fo r- now/
 
2013-12-17 05:58:28 PM

99.998er: I believe Alabama has a law that forbids even having sex shops. So unless you bootleg dildos over state lines there are no dildos. Maybe a modified toilet paper roll holder.


Wow.  Just wow.
 
2013-12-17 05:59:28 PM

99.998er: I believe Alabama has a law that forbids even having sex shops. So unless you bootleg dildos over state lines there are no dildos. Maybe a modified toilet paper roll holder.


They change it. The shops are still there but they only sell them fr"novatly" or "medicinal " use and you have to sign something saying that's what it's for. Needless to say I haven't bought one here since they changed the law.
 
2013-12-17 06:06:50 PM

Mikey1969: abfalter: I am oddly disappointed by the lack of Florida weirdness on there.  The law cited was ambiguous but hardly weird.

Some of the ones in the complete list aren't worth including either...

North Dakota:
It's against the law to fail to confine a dog or cat in heat.


I know there's an oil boom up there and all, but how bad does it have to get before you're locking up the housepets?
 
2013-12-17 06:08:45 PM
I have a great friend who told me, when she was moving to Germany to get married, took all her dildos, packed them in a box, and shipped them all on  the airlines to Germany. When I told her it wads against the law to have more than 12 dildos in Texas, she was aghast.
 
2013-12-17 06:12:37 PM
If you sell a reptile, you must give a written warning not to "nuzzle or kiss" them.

This is in response to salmonella, not sex.  Probably includes a warning to wash your hands after handling them.
 
2013-12-17 06:16:32 PM
To quote the late, great Molly Ivins: "To take another notorious Texas law, if you own six or more dildos in this state, you are a felon, presumed to have intent to distribute. Whereas if you have five or fewer, you are merely a hobbyist. "
 
2013-12-17 06:16:50 PM

99.998er: I believe Alabama has a law that forbids even having sex shops. So unless you bootleg dildos over state lines there are no dildos. Maybe a modified toilet paper roll holder.


Back in the share house days we had a female roomie move out and she asked for help with packing onto the ute. So, us two guys lift her bed and under it was our turned wooden toilet roll holder (which had gone missing a few months before) amongst other detritus and a thick coat of dust.

It was kinda awkward for a moment so I thought I'd break the ice: "That's okay, I have 2 dead hookers under my bed".

/CSB
 
2013-12-17 06:17:30 PM
Oh.

Oh f*ck.
 
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