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(News 13 Orlando)   You are more likely to die while using right-handed scissors if you're left-handed than to win Mega Millions tonight   (mynews13.com) divider line 184
    More: Interesting, Mega Millions, Florida Museum of Natural History, Tulane University, Pavlovian, hole in one  
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2830 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Dec 2013 at 2:58 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



184 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-12-17 02:25:10 PM  
These lists are always such nonsense. SOMEONE is going to win the lottery jackpot, however no human in recorded history has ever died from an asteroid impact, I would hesitate to believe that anyone has ever died from using a left handed item with their right hand (do they make left handed guns? Knives?) and I can only locate one instance of anyone ever getting two holes in one in a row in a game of golf. How do they calculate the odds for random events that can't be definitively quantified?
 
2013-12-17 02:38:13 PM  
My $5 makes my chances to win more than half a BILLION dollars* infinitely higher than yours, Mr. I Don't Pay the Stupid Tax.

*yes, yes..."Cash in Hand", taxes, blah, blah, blah
 
2013-12-17 02:48:46 PM  
Your odds of finding "why you'll never win the lottery" articles on the Internet whenever the jackpot grows to record levels are pretty darn good.
 
2013-12-17 02:59:19 PM  
Everybody around me is more likely to die when my left handed butt uses right handed scissors.  I NEED A CLEAR AREA OF OPERATION HERE.  SORRY FOR THE EXTRA HOLES.
 
2013-12-17 03:00:04 PM  
Those asteroid/comet odds seem off. Maybe Vegas knows something we don't know?
 
2013-12-17 03:00:51 PM  
So you're sayin' I've got a chance?????
 
2013-12-17 03:01:07 PM  
Lefty and still alive, so I guess I ought to go buy a ticket.
 
2013-12-17 03:02:48 PM  
Yeah, but somebody has to die, so you might as well give it a try!
 
2013-12-17 03:03:08 PM  
So?  I spend $5 on a pool with my coworkers whenever the jackpots get absurd.  For a couple of days we can joke about being rich, and I get to rib the guy who buys the tickets for always picking worse than average.  I realize the chances of winning are infinitesimal, but the expense is minimal and the amusement worth the $5.
 
2013-12-17 03:03:08 PM  
Odds of this article dissuading anyone from buying a ticket:  1 in 230,294,947,384
 
2013-12-17 03:03:10 PM  
img28.imageshack.us
 
2013-12-17 03:03:24 PM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: Those asteroid/comet odds seem off. Maybe Vegas knows something we don't know?


I think the theory is that even though they don't hit very often, when they do lots of people die.
 
2013-12-17 03:03:38 PM  
The people who aren't habitual lottery players don't play because they actually think they are going to win.  They play because the idea of winning is a nice distraction.  Daydreaming about what you can do with the money has entertainment value.   My $2 that I put in will provide me a couple hours of entertainment at work dreaming about what I would buy if I win.  That's pretty cost effective entertainment.
 
2013-12-17 03:03:57 PM  
I'm an uncoordinated lefty so I guess I should stop at the gas station on the way home.
 
2013-12-17 03:04:21 PM  
I've had a lot of really unlikely things happen in my life.  Why not one more?
 
2013-12-17 03:04:26 PM  
An asteroid, eh? Is that what is in the south sky in Phoenix?
 
2013-12-17 03:05:24 PM  

Glockenspiel Hero: So?  I spend $5 on a pool with my coworkers whenever the jackpots get absurd.  For a couple of days we can joke about being rich, and I get to rib the guy who buys the tickets for always picking worse than average.  I realize the chances of winning are infinitesimal, but the expense is minimal and the amusement worth the $5.


Every lottery thread I read has a ton of these "I'm just paying a few dollars to have fun" and yet people are constantly doing things like voting down bridge replacements that cost an extra 2 bucks per person in taxes.
 
2013-12-17 03:05:25 PM  
We have a pretty big draw coming up too, Lotto Max - $50 M, with 50 additional prizes of $1M as well.

TAX. FREE
 
2013-12-17 03:05:54 PM  
what if I'm ambidextrous?  Does that help?

/not really ambidextrous
//not really dexterous in any way
 
2013-12-17 03:05:57 PM  
"You're more likely to <something that has never happened ever> than to <do something that roughly 20 people did in the last year alone>"

Sure, keep beating that imaginary drum.
 
2013-12-17 03:06:16 PM  

sign_of_Zeta: The people who aren't habitual lottery players don't play because they actually think they are going to win.  They play because the idea of winning is a nice distraction.  Daydreaming about what you can do with the money has entertainment value.   My $2 that I put in will provide me a couple hours of entertainment at work dreaming about what I would buy if I win.  That's pretty cost effective entertainment.


I dream about hunting people I don't like.  Like Snooki.
 
2013-12-17 03:06:25 PM  
Expected value > ticket price? Play that shiat.
 
2013-12-17 03:07:07 PM  
Golly jee, long odds to win the lottery?  Darn I wish somebody would have told me that before I bought tickets.  Oh, I haven't bought them yet, but I will this evening.  It's a few bucks and I get some fun daydreaming out of it.

Gambling is an entertainment expense.
 
2013-12-17 03:07:49 PM  
Throwing a dollar or two in a few times a year just to daydream is farking worth it to me.  i spent my lunch hour checking out private jets.  That's neat and something I'd never do unless i had a Mega Millions ticket in my pocket.  I'm leaning toward the Cessna Citation CJ4 because it can land at the airport near me and has a decent cruising range.  I'm going to grab my friends and their wives and we're going to go to San Antonio for a weekend, Vegas for a weekend, ect.

/none of this is going to happen
//but thinking about it is worth the buck
 
2013-12-17 03:08:17 PM  
Thank goodness I'm right handed then.

No scissor death and half a blion dollars
 
2013-12-17 03:09:10 PM  
Are we talking strictly about timing?  Because that will really slow a lefty down.
 
2013-12-17 03:09:19 PM  

NateAsbestos: Expected value > ticket price? Play that shiat.


I'm too lazy to do the math, but my gut says that the jackpot would have to be astronomical for it to be +EV, considering the large pots have a much larger chance of being split.
 
2013-12-17 03:09:56 PM  

sign_of_Zeta: The people who aren't habitual lottery players don't play because they actually think they are going to win.  They play because the idea of winning is a nice distraction.  Daydreaming about what you can do with the money has entertainment value.   My $2 that I put in will provide me a couple hours of entertainment at work dreaming about what I would buy if I win.  That's pretty cost effective entertainment.


See, you don't need a living wage when you are entertained.
 
2013-12-17 03:10:18 PM  
I got pestered about this when I popped into a convenience store once.

Cashier: Would you like to buy a lottery ticket?
Me: No, I understand how probability works.

The guy standing next to me with an entire spread of sports betting forms laughed.

Later, someone else pointed out that a little bit of hope is worth a dollar.
"I'd rather keep my dollar" - C. Montgomery Burns
 
2013-12-17 03:10:41 PM  

Kygz: Throwing a dollar or two in a few times a year just to daydream is farking worth it to me.  i spent my lunch hour checking out private jets.  That's neat and something I'd never do unless i had a Mega Millions ticket in my pocket.  I'm leaning toward the Cessna Citation CJ4 because it can land at the airport near me and has a decent cruising range.  I'm going to grab my friends and their wives and we're going to go to San Antonio for a weekend, Vegas for a weekend, ect.

/none of this is going to happen
//but thinking about it is worth the buck


You have access to hundreds of millions of dollars and your first instinct is to go to San Antonio?

I'm not gonna knock it per se, but why San Antonio over the thousands of more exotic locales?
 
2013-12-17 03:10:53 PM  

Glockenspiel Hero: So?  I spend $5 on a pool with my coworkers whenever the jackpots get absurd.  For a couple of days we can joke about being rich, and I get to rib the guy who buys the tickets for always picking worse than average.  I realize the chances of winning are infinitesimal, but the expense is minimal and the amusement worth the $5.


Good times, good times.  Until the nasally guy chimes in.  Then everyone goes back to their desk, mourning the thought of another year in the essence-of-low-tide cube farm .

/gawd, didn't anyone tell that broad down the aisle about hygiene practices in America?
 
2013-12-17 03:11:32 PM  
And yet reading this headline prompted me to think, "Oh yeah, I gotta buy a ticket."

At least I don't pretend to be rational.
 
2013-12-17 03:12:25 PM  
i171.photobucket.com

Really?  Ferb, I know what we're going to do today.
 
2013-12-17 03:12:31 PM  

Hollie Maea: Glockenspiel Hero: So?  I spend $5 on a pool with my coworkers whenever the jackpots get absurd.  For a couple of days we can joke about being rich, and I get to rib the guy who buys the tickets for always picking worse than average.  I realize the chances of winning are infinitesimal, but the expense is minimal and the amusement worth the $5.

Every lottery thread I read has a ton of these "I'm just paying a few dollars to have fun" and yet people are constantly doing things like voting down bridge replacements that cost an extra 2 bucks per person in taxes.


Bridge replacements aren't fun.
 
2013-12-17 03:12:32 PM  

spman: These lists are always such nonsense. SOMEONE is going to win the lottery jackpot, however no human in recorded history has ever died from an asteroid impact, I would hesitate to believe that anyone has ever died from using a left handed item with their right hand (do they make left handed guns? Knives?) and I can only locate one instance of anyone ever getting two holes in one in a row in a game of golf. How do they calculate the odds for random events that can't be definitively quantified?


They do make left-handed (modified) guns:  http://www.fieldandstream.com/blogs/gun-nuts/2012/08/left-handed-guns

The difference between knives and scissors is that scissors aren't symmetrical.  If you hold right-handed scissors in your left hand, the cutting motion actually forces the blades slightly apart rather than together, which affects the quality of the cut.  In addition, the blade covers the cutting line so you can't tell where the cut will actually occur.  The common design that you can't fit all of your fingers into the thumb-hole of right-handed scissors is hopefully just meant as discouragement from using them that way.

As to how many people DIE from using scissors wrong-handedly, well, I believe [that's-the-joke.jpg].
 
2013-12-17 03:13:50 PM  

Kygz: i spent my lunch hour checking out private jets.  That's neat and something I'd never do unless i had a Mega Millions ticket in my pocket.


Even if I had the kind of cash to do that, I'd be more likely to either just fly first class everywhere or simply charter a private jet. As nice as one at my beck and call would be, if I could afford the upkeep on the jet it would probably just be cheaper to charter something.

I get what you're saying though. Sometimes it's just nice to imagine what one might do if the budget was not even close to being an issue.
 
2013-12-17 03:13:50 PM  

mike_d85: Kygz: Throwing a dollar or two in a few times a year just to daydream is farking worth it to me.  i spent my lunch hour checking out private jets.  That's neat and something I'd never do unless i had a Mega Millions ticket in my pocket.  I'm leaning toward the Cessna Citation CJ4 because it can land at the airport near me and has a decent cruising range.  I'm going to grab my friends and their wives and we're going to go to San Antonio for a weekend, Vegas for a weekend, ect.

/none of this is going to happen
//but thinking about it is worth the buck

You have access to hundreds of millions of dollars and your first instinct is to go to San Antonio?

I'm not gonna knock it per se, but why San Antonio over the thousands of more exotic locales?


I'll go to all of the exotic locales, but I'm not going to take my friends and their wives with me!
 
2013-12-17 03:14:25 PM  

Barry Lyndon's Annuity Cheque: NateAsbestos: Expected value > ticket price? Play that shiat.

I'm too lazy to do the math, but my gut says that the jackpot would have to be astronomical for it to be +EV, considering the large pots have a much larger chance of being split.


Since they mucked with the numbers in Megamillions, I don't think the chances of splitting are very high.  I'm with Barry.  If EV is higher than purchase price, I'm in.
 
2013-12-17 03:14:53 PM  
I don't have to buy a ticket because my grandmother did. She's only person I've ever met who wins enough at bingo to have to report it as taxable income.
 
2013-12-17 03:15:00 PM  
If you ain't in, you can't win.
 
2013-12-17 03:15:28 PM  
I don't think the odds of me giving birth to conjoined twins is 1 in 200,000. I think it's more like 1 in that's impossible because I'm a man.
 
2013-12-17 03:16:00 PM  

Kygz: Throwing a dollar or two in a few times a year just to daydream is farking worth it to me.  i spent my lunch hour checking out private jets.  That's neat and something I'd never do unless i had a Mega Millions ticket in my pocket.  I'm leaning toward the Cessna Citation CJ4 because it can land at the airport near me and has a decent cruising range.  I'm going to grab my friends and their wives and we're going to go to San Antonio for a weekend, Vegas for a weekend, ect.

/none of this is going to happen
//but thinking about it is worth the buck


Having just come back from a ski vacation, I spent the last 40 minutes deciding if I want my house in Beaver Creek to have a "caretaker's apartment" or not.

/I'm leaning yes.
//It's not like I'm going to be there to mow the lawn.
 
2013-12-17 03:16:15 PM  

Gecko Gingrich: My $5 makes my chances to win more than half a BILLION dollars* infinitely higher than yours, Mr. I Don't Pay the Stupid Tax.


Or stated mathematically,≈0 x   = -$5
 
2013-12-17 03:16:42 PM  

Gecko Gingrich: My $5 makes my chances to win more than half a BILLION dollars* infinitely higher than yours, Mr. I Don't Pay the Stupid Tax.


Yeah, someone was trying to tell me - with a perfectly straight face, I might add - that I have as much a chance of winning the lottery if I DON'T buy a ticket as if I do. Yes, this really happened just this morning.

I explained, no, since I bought two tickets, I have a 2/259,000,000 chance, as opposed to if I don't buy one, my chance would be 0/259,000,000. He then started into all of the statistics listed in the article. I told him I still had two chances to win, and if I didn't, well, I'm out two bucks.

And yes, I am perfectly aware that I could feed one of those starving children in wherever part of the world the starving children are these days for, what, 4-5 years with that two dollars, but you could also say that about the beer I have before dinner... actually, you'd be better off not saying anything.
 
2013-12-17 03:18:42 PM  

mike_d85: Kygz: Throwing a dollar or two in a few times a year just to daydream is farking worth it to me.  i spent my lunch hour checking out private jets.  That's neat and something I'd never do unless i had a Mega Millions ticket in my pocket.  I'm leaning toward the Cessna Citation CJ4 because it can land at the airport near me and has a decent cruising range.  I'm going to grab my friends and their wives and we're going to go to San Antonio for a weekend, Vegas for a weekend, ect.

/none of this is going to happen
//but thinking about it is worth the buck

You have access to hundreds of millions of dollars and your first instinct is to go to San Antonio?

I'm not gonna knock it per se, but why San Antonio over the thousands of more exotic locales?


He has access to hundreds of millions of dollars and he's going to bring the wives?
 
2013-12-17 03:19:19 PM  

akula: Kygz: i spent my lunch hour checking out private jets.  That's neat and something I'd never do unless i had a Mega Millions ticket in my pocket.

Even if I had the kind of cash to do that, I'd be more likely to either just fly first class everywhere or simply charter a private jet. As nice as one at my beck and call would be, if I could afford the upkeep on the jet it would probably just be cheaper to charter something.

I get what you're saying though. Sometimes it's just nice to imagine what one might do if the budget was not even close to being an issue.


I've thought about the private jet vs charter or fractional ownership too, chartering or a share would definitely be a better deal in the long run, since honestly I'm not going to be flying somewhere every day.

Though, I would -love- to learn to fly and eventually work up to multi-engine jets, and I doubt the charter company will let you hop up front and fly yourself there. Maybe I'd buy a retired Mad Dog from American, and have that pimped out. I guess they go for about 6 million, rather than 40 or better for a Gulfstream.

/Bought mine Sunday afternoon
 
2013-12-17 03:19:44 PM  
I'm equally likely to die from a bleeding vagina as I am to win the lottery tonight. I have neither a vagina nor a lottery ticket.
 
2013-12-17 03:20:24 PM  

InsaneJelloTroll: I don't think the odds of me giving birth to conjoined twins is 1 in 200,000. I think it's more like 1 in that's impossible because I'm a man.


To that end, I don't think for a minute that 1 out of every 200,000 live births is conjoined twins.  These comparisons are stupid.

/Odds are still astronomically long...
 
2013-12-17 03:21:03 PM  
Good thing I'm not left handed!
I will win the jackpot and get killed in a car accident on my way to the lottery office!
 
jrl
2013-12-17 03:21:49 PM  

NateAsbestos: Expected value > ticket price? Play that shiat.


Not yet, but it's getting close. If the bank goes over about 750m, then
it's good. They only pay out about a third. Still a negative EV bet today.
 
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