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(Huffington Post)   Want to ruin your child's Christmas? Get them an elf on the shelf   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 46
    More: Obvious, shelfs, gremlins  
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2013-12-16 02:58:01 PM
I don't know, I think children SHOULD be early taught how everything they love eventually will leave them.  Pet's die, marriages fall apart, friends grow distant and sooner or later you too, will cease to be.  Merry Christmas, Virginia!
 
2013-12-16 03:01:58 PM
We did this thread last week.
 
2013-12-16 03:03:01 PM
The Internet is full of hilarious images of elves doing mischievous things to the delight of the children.

No, it's not.

We thoroughly annoyed our Facebook friends last year by constantly broadcasting the foibles our children's elf, Missy (short for Mistletoe), got herself into.

You're an awful person.
 
2013-12-16 03:03:33 PM
My kids have them, and we have fun moving them around.  We all get a kick out of it.
They had them last year and looked forward to seeing them this year.
 
2013-12-16 03:03:52 PM

Ennuipoet: I don't know, I think children SHOULD be early taught how everything they love eventually will leave them.  Pet's die, marriages fall apart, friends grow distant and sooner or later you too, will cease to be.  Merry Christmas, Virginia!


Nah, none of that happens to anyone but you.  Sorry if you've seen a lot of fiction implying it happens to other people, but we wrote that for your benefit.
 
2013-12-16 03:04:10 PM
Want to ruin your child's Christmas? Get them an elf on the shelf

It's better than giving your kids a troll in their hole...
 
2013-12-16 03:04:24 PM
F*ck that! I'm buying my nephew U.S. Savings Bonds!

Have fun with that, Timmy.
 
2013-12-16 03:04:42 PM
Can somebody find that guy's address?  I want to mail him a few boxes of tissue and maybe a pack of clean undies.
 
2013-12-16 03:05:04 PM
So one idiot writer's idiot kid is a crying, whiny pantywaist, so the entire elf on the shelf phenomenon needs to be disbanded?
 
2013-12-16 03:05:43 PM
So...some blogger and his wife were completely flummoxed by the "Elf on Shelf" so now it's bad?

Seems about right.
 
2013-12-16 03:06:10 PM
Old and busted: Elf on a shelf

New hotness: Whore in a drawer
 
2013-12-16 03:08:17 PM

Wrath of Heaven: Old and busted: Elf on a shelf

New hotness: Whore in a drawer


came on for whore in a drawer   leaving happy
 
2013-12-16 03:08:37 PM
Doesn't the elf work for the NSA?
 
2013-12-16 03:09:05 PM
I have a 10 year old in my house that thinks this stupid elf is real.  Granted she also thinks pokemon are real too.  So yeah.
 
2013-12-16 03:10:36 PM
There's a parody out:

cms.supadu.com

I'm still not doing it. Call me a humbug, but it feels like a terrible sellout.

/I still don't know where this "tradition" came from.
 
2013-12-16 03:11:13 PM
I've always felt that elf on a shelf was a way to guarentee that your children behaved themselves during Xmas. It's one thing to hear that Santa is watching you; but, now he has an informant in the house too. I felt that the elf on the shelf was for parents of free range children; that is, parents who don't attempt to enforce a standard of behavior.

/ you don't do children any favors by giving in to their every whim.
 
2013-12-16 03:12:13 PM

Why Would I Read the Article: So one idiot writer's idiot kid is a crying, whiny pantywaist, so the entire elf on the shelf phenomenon needs to be disbanded?



Seriously...

"We're very sorry your Elf on the Shelf had to leave...

2.bp.blogspot.com
We can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you."
 
2013-12-16 03:12:38 PM

Apok451: I have a 10 year old in my house that thinks this stupid elf is real.  Granted she also thinks pokemon are real too.  So yeah.


Does it put the lotion on it's skin?
 
2013-12-16 03:13:49 PM
Your kid has problems, buddy. Get them some help.
 
2013-12-16 03:14:01 PM

iheartscotch: I've always felt that elf on a shelf was a way to guarentee that your children behaved themselves during Xmas. It's one thing to hear that Santa is watching you; but, now he has an informant in the house too. I felt that the elf on the shelf was for parents of free range children; that is, parents who don't attempt to enforce a standard of behavior.

/ you don't do children any favors by giving in to their every whim.



Organic too?
 
2013-12-16 03:14:06 PM
My kids wanted one, but I wasn't going to pay for it.  I said if they wanted an elf-on-the-shelf they'd have to make them.

So they did, and now I have two elves made of fabric sewn around pipe-cleaners and yarn heads that I have to move every fargin night.  They've even taken to "feeding" the elves left-over Halloween candy.  Goddamnit Montessori.
 
2013-12-16 03:14:30 PM
I wonder if his wife brought home the mall Santa to enjoy year round too.
 
2013-12-16 03:15:19 PM
I prefer MILF on a shelf.
 
2013-12-16 03:15:26 PM

Bermuda59: Doesn't the elf work for the NSA?


GIS never fails.

media.cagle.com
3.bp.blogspot.com

/I've amused myself.
 
2013-12-16 03:17:10 PM

Wrath of Heaven: Old and busted: Elf on a shelf

New hotness: Whore in a drawer


Gimme two!

i1214.photobucket.com
 
2013-12-16 03:18:49 PM
We've got the Elf on the Shelf. Kids are still going bonkers. I'm upgrading to Krampus in the Kloset next year.
 
2013-12-16 03:20:25 PM
Krampus on The Shelf.
 
2013-12-16 03:20:27 PM

Uzzah: Want to ruin your child's Christmas? Get them an elf on the shelf

It's better than giving your kids a troll in their hole...




You gotta pay the Troll Toll If You Wanna Get Into That Boy's Soul
 
2013-12-16 03:20:29 PM
The writer's child has some emotional problems it seems. I would guess that crying over the elf on the shelf is only one in a string of disproportionate mood swings this child has had and will continue to have growing up.
 
2013-12-16 03:21:06 PM
He should have just beheaded the elf on Christmas Eve and left the body among the smashed cookies with a note reading "YOU WERE BAD"
 
2013-12-16 03:21:37 PM

Why Would I Read the Article: So one idiot writer's idiot kid is a crying, whiny pantywaist, so the entire elf on the shelf phenomenon needs to be disbanded?


Welcome to America.
 
2013-12-16 03:22:14 PM
Kegel the Elf is better...
 
2013-12-16 03:23:30 PM
OK so that's what elf on the shelf actually means?  An informant for Santa?  That makes the lyrics for 'Santa Clause is Coming to Town' seem downright pleasant by comparison.  Also the author's kid sounds like a real handful.
 
2013-12-16 03:30:48 PM

Pants full of macaroni!!: We did this thread last week.


It moved when we weren't looking.
 
2013-12-16 03:31:21 PM

Egoy3k: OK so that's what elf on the shelf actually means?  An informant for Santa?  That makes the lyrics for 'Santa Clause is Coming to Town' seem downright pleasant by comparison.  Also the author's kid sounds like a real handful.


When I was a kid, I had all my little cousins thinking I was an informer for Santa. I even coded up a HyperCard stack as an "online interface" to the system.

I was a strange kid.
 
2013-12-16 03:31:25 PM

Stronglikeox: iheartscotch: I've always felt that elf on a shelf was a way to guarentee that your children behaved themselves during Xmas. It's one thing to hear that Santa is watching you; but, now he has an informant in the house too. I felt that the elf on the shelf was for parents of free range children; that is, parents who don't attempt to enforce a standard of behavior.

/ you don't do children any favors by giving in to their every whim.


Organic too?


Probably, you are what you eat.

/ which probably explains my affinity with deer
 
2013-12-16 03:31:35 PM
The kid is six.  By next Xmas, she will be seven.  Isn't it about time for her to realize that everything about Xmas is bogus except for the money corporations earn by selling shiat at Xmas?  I'm trying to recollect how early I realized that Santa was fake and reindeer don't fly.  I don't believe I was in elementary school when the scales fell from my eyes. So I couldn't have been more than five or six.  i think it was an older cousin who told me the truth.  Was I upset?  Not really as long as I kept getting presents at Xmas, what did it matter if it was Santa or my parents who brought them?
 
2013-12-16 03:31:51 PM

OtherLittleGuy: Pants full of macaroni!!: We did this thread last week.

It moved when we weren't looking.


Ha!
 
2013-12-16 03:32:20 PM
The BF & I did "Sick Saint Nick" over the weekend.  Santa Claus and Rudolph (from *the* Rudolph...they're little plushie-like dolls) in various sexual positions, or doing other depraved things...getting drunk and barfing in the toilet, for example...

Anyway...WE thought it was amusing.... :P
 
2013-12-16 03:32:25 PM
Elf on the Shelf? Meh.

If I had kids, I'd have a Weeping Angel on Top of the Tree.
 
2013-12-16 03:32:47 PM
Where I live, they sell Gnome with Chrome Upside yo' Dome.

laughingsquid.com
 
2013-12-16 03:34:34 PM
Elf on a shelf was designed to make the public get used to NSA spying.


///Elf on a Shelf 2.0 - Now with tinfoil hat..
 
2013-12-16 03:35:09 PM
img.fark.net
 
2013-12-16 03:35:26 PM
slurmed.com
 
2013-12-16 04:14:47 PM

technicolor-misfit: Why Would I Read the Article: So one idiot writer's idiot kid is a crying, whiny pantywaist, so the entire elf on the shelf phenomenon needs to be disbanded?


Seriously...

"We're very sorry your Elf on the Shelf had to leave...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 320x211]
We can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you."


well, aren't you just a ball of Christmas cheer.
 
2013-12-16 04:50:25 PM

ManateeGag: technicolor-misfit: Why Would I Read the Article: So one idiot writer's idiot kid is a crying, whiny pantywaist, so the entire elf on the shelf phenomenon needs to be disbanded?


Seriously...

"We're very sorry your Elf on the Shelf had to leave...

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 320x211]
We can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you."

well, aren't you just a ball of Christmas cheer.



[WelcomeToFark.jpg]

In all seriousness, I'm a guy who's pretty sensitive to kids in distress... and I don't endorse being callous or flippant or delegitimizing their feelings... and I hate all the douchebags who are constantly whining about participation trophies, and precious snowflakes, and helicopter parents...

But, this guy is being awfully melodramatic about the trauma his 5 year old had to endure as a result of being forced to confront the devastating reality that a chintzy plastic and fabric toy wasn't -actually- a living elf sent by Santa Claus to monitor the family's pre-Xmas behavior.
 
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